Alex had come to accept the gnawing in her chest as her normal; it had been there for so long that it now felt part of her. Since her and Maggie had parted, she had come to accept that this ache was always going to be there. She was used to it but she struggled to ignore it. It had felt like Maggie was the one person she could truly be herself with for the first time in her life. Over time, she had started to believe that she could still be herself, a full person, without Maggie but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to fully accept this new reality and this new her.
Of course dating was so much better now that she’d stopped trying to date men and - now that she’d got over the initial shock - she looked back with fondness at her night with Sara at that wedding. These moments had helped solidify her sense of self and had helped her to see that her queerness was not defined by her relationship with Maggie. But that didn’t help her when with every date or one night stand, she was still comparing them to Maggie.
But now things were changing. The ache was easing and not just because she was getting used to it; it was actually disappearing. The world nearly ended which provided everyone, not just her, with a welcome distraction from whatever heartache they were experiencing. It was in the midst of all this that James getting shot brought his sister to National City. It wasn’t the best situation to meet someone especially with their opposing views on how to help James but then again, life never works out as you expect. Kelly Olsen was smart: everything she said was measured and well-articulated but beneath her calm exterior, she bubbled with a quiet passion. At first Alex just thought she’d found a friend, someone who was distant enough from aliens and the DEO but who still new enough to understand. Kelly was there when she had to drop everything for the adoption and travel to a random hotel to meet the baby who never became hers. She helped to ease her panic and then soothed her disappointment and devastation when it all fell through. She’d begun to see Kelly as someone who played a role in her life as more than a just a friend but she refused to allow herself to entertain the possibility that these feelings could be reciprocated until Kelly had mentioned her ex-fiancee. And then they’d kissed at Games Night and Alex rediscovered what it was to be with someone you truly care about, who you truly have a connection with.
That Games Night was excruciating: the spark Alex had felt, the one that she’d dismissed as friendship had caught and that was it, Kelly was all she could think about. Their eyes would meet across the game board and all Alex could think about was after the game when they could kiss again. She knew Kara could see that she was distracted but she was hoping she wouldn’t figure out why.
When the night was finally over, she spent time clearing glasses and finding her jacket as Kelly talked to James so she could not-so-subtly leave with her. Kelly offered to walk her home before she had a chance to ask and thankfully Kara wanted to check on Lena so it was just the two of them. Their steps were slow and lingering and their hands knocked suggestively against each other until Alex took the plunge and they were holding hands. They grinned at each other like shy teenagers, talking casually about Kara’s over-eager competitiveness and Brainy’s ‘cheating’. All too soon, they were at Alex’s apartment.
“So,” Alex said, dropping Kelly’s hand to push her fringe back behind her ear, “this is me.”
“Nice building,” Kelly said, looking up at the street-lit block.
“Yeah, I mean, it’s just a studio but, well, you know that…” Alex found she was suddenly nervous.
“I do.”
“Because you’ve been here before…. So, so what about you?” Alex stammered, “is your apartment far?”
“Not far, I mean, I’m still staying with James,” Kelly explained.
“Oh, of course,” Alex said, suddenly afraid to make eye contact, “He’s, he’s got a nice apartment.”
“He has.”
“Are you going to be alright getting there? Do you, do you want me to call you a cab?” Alex was floundering under Kelly’s patient gaze. “Or, or, uhm, do you want to come upstairs? For a drink or, or something?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Kelly whispered and kissed her encouragingly.
Their ride in the elevator was excruciatingly slow and the presence of Mrs Nelson, Alex’s grumpy neighbour, meant that all they could do was stand there, staring straight ahead, not talking. They ignored the pointed remarks of their elevator-buddy who complained about being disturbed by people coming home late, oblivious to the irony that she was arriving home at the same time as them. Alex suspected the disapproval came more from who she was accompanied by than the time but she was too excited to let bigotry spoil anything.
When they got to her front door, Alex felt as if she’d lost all of her fine motor skills as she fumbled with her door key. Kelly stood, smiling serenely with her arm gently placed around her waist which did not help ease the sense of urgency. Once they’d finally made it inside, nerves propelled Alex to extricate herself from Kelly’s arm and head for the fridge. She grabbed two bottles, “Beer ok?” she asked as she rummaged for the bottle opener. As she did, she became aware of Kelly stood behind her.
“You know. I’m not really thirsty,” Kelly said and wrapped her arms around Alex.
Alex set the beers on the counter, “So what did you have in mind?” Her heart was pounding as she wrapped her arms across Kelly’s.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Kelly murmured and gently turned Alex to face her. She pushed Alex’s fringe back, exposing her face, and left her hands cupping her face, “This?” and she kissed her. The intensity of the kiss knocked Alex back into the fridge. “Sorry!” Kelly exclaimed as Alex’s head made contact with the freezer compartment. She pulled her into a hug and stroked the back of her head, feeling for a bump.
“It’s all good,” Alex smiled, “I’ve got a thick skull.”
“I can’t feel a bump or anything so--.”
“So…” and Alex leaned back in to kiss her. As they kissed, she began to lead her around the counter towards the coach. Alex shrugged off her jacket and just let it fall to the floor and Kelly’s joined it not long after. Alex found herself being steered away from the coach as their kisses deepened. She pulled Kelly in tight so that every inch of their bodies were touching. They were stood by the steps up to her bed, on the precipice of something more. Kelly started to kiss her way down Alex’s neck and almost involuntarily Alex let out a quiet moan and slid her hand up the back of Kelly’s shirt. Kelly stepped back and pulled her shirt off before reaching for Alex’s. Alex got there first and ripped it off and pulled Kelly back in as Kelly drew her up the steps towards the bed.
“Is this ok?” Kelly whispered.
“Of course,” Alex smiled and pulled Kelly on top of her as they fell onto the bed.
***
It had been a while since Alex had woken up next to someone but when she rolled over and saw Kelly, she felt as if she was always meant to be there. “Good morning,” she murmured, kissing Kelly’s bare shoulder and wrapping her arm around her.
“Good morning,” Kelly replied and nestled into Alex’s arms.
“I’m glad you stayed over,” Alex said, smiling into the spot where Kelly’s neck met her shoulder.
“Ditto,” Kelly laughed and turned over to kiss Alex.
Alex pulled away, remembering her hostess duties,“Can I interest you in some coffee?”
Kelly smiled, “You can. But in a minute,” and she kissed Alex again.
As Kelly rolled on top of Alex and it became apparent that the coffee would have to wait way longer than a minute, the door of the apartment opened, “Alex?” a familiar voice called, “You really need to remember to lock your door.” Kara marched into the apartment, “it’s really not like you…” She was holding two coffees which she nearly dropped when the bed came into view. Kelly had lain flat down on the bed instinctively when she’d heard the door open. “Are you still in bed?” Kara asked hesitantly, spotting the two pairs of feet and the absence of Alex’s pyjamas. “Wait…”
“I didn’t know you’d be coming over, “ Alex said sheepishly and pulled the covers up to her chin.
“Well. I didn’t know you wouldn’t be alone,” Kara said accusingly, “otherwise I’d have brought more coffee… Or not come at all.”
“The second option probably would have been best,” Alex said and slid further down under the covers.
“You know, Kelly’s going to be pretty bummed about this latest development,” Kara said, sitting down on the edge of the dining table.
Alex swallowed, “What do you mean?”
“Well, she’s clearly into you,” Kara said, taking a sip of her coffee, “That was pretty obvious last night. Where did you even find the time to hook up? It was a pretty late one yesterday.”
Kelly pulled the covers from her face and sat up carefully, “Good morning Kara.”
“See, I told you she was into you!” Kara said triumphantly.
“Well clearly,” Alex said, “Ok Kara, I love you but do you think… do you think maybe you could give us some privacy?”
“Fine,” Kara pouted and swept out of the apartment.
“Do you think you could…” Alex called, “she’s taken the coffee…” and she flopped back onto the bed.
“Looks like you’re going to have to make me one after all,” Kelly teased.
Alex reached for her robe and picked her way through the apartment avoiding the shoes and clothes that were strewn everywhere and flicked the coffee machine on.
“That was one way of letting Kara know about us,” Kelly said, appearing behind Alex wrapped in a bed sheet.
“Have you ever thought about espionage? As you are scarily good at sneaking up on a person,” Alex said, as she set cups on the table and looked in the fridge for anything that could be made into breakfast.
“I guess it’s that military training,” Kelly smiled, “But Kara… do you think she’s ok?”
“Are you kidding?” Alex scoffed, “she’ll be thrilled. She’s been desperate for me to take dating seriously and who better than her friend’s sister?”
“You’re taking us seriously?” Kelly asked as Alex handed her her coffee.
“There’s an us?” Alex replied.
“It’s probably too soon… but what I said last night. I meant it and what happened last night--”
“I know,” Alex smiled, her eyes alight with excitement, “I want to be an us. And there’s no going back now, Kara cannot keep a secret.”
“Speaking of which,” Kelly said as her phone buzzed, “text from James. News travels fast.”
“I really need to talk to Kara about discretion,” Alex laughed.
“And maybe you need to remember to lock your apartment.”
“I’m usually very good at that. But last night I got, uh, a little distracted,” Kelly said, wrapping her arms around Alex and letting the sheet fall.
“Did you? Do you think you maybe want to get distracted again?”
“I think I could manage that,” Alex said, “but maybe let me check the door first.”