Statement of Sasha James
Sasha sat across from Martin in the kitchen of his and Jon’s place, and she stared at the tea in front of her.
Martin placed the tape recorder on the table next to him. It was already on. “Whenever you're ready.”
“Right. Statement of Sasha James, regarding my death and subsequent becoming. Given directly from subject August 8th, 2016.
“It all started in June. Jon warned us all about the Stranger sealed in the table, and when it arrived in June, along with the lighter, just on schedule, we all knew it needed to be gone. Nikki was happy to take it off our hands and that was supposed to be the end of it. It was her friend, or maybe companion? Well. It was like her, so Jon didn’t seem to have a problem with Nikki taking it off our hands. He hung onto the lighter saying he’d been waiting for it. Something about it being a gift from the web? Personally, after seeing how he used it, I think he rather enjoyed it as something to fidget with but doesn’t want to admit to that. It might have something to do with you not letting him pick up smoking again. Either way, that's not important with the events that followed.
Things had been calm at work considering it’s a house of power for the Eye and all. Tim and I would occasionally try to figure out if anything came from our contracts, but nothing other than Illusions didn’t work on Tim. Like at all. Was how we would know when the occasional avatars would stop by to talk with Jon or you, though wasn’t all that often since you both took to having meetings at your house rather than the Archives. Tim would be able to see their true forms, no human disguise could hold up next to him. I can’t help but wonder if you took to having meetings outside for his sake. Though I’m pretty sure it’s not limited to just in the Archives either. But that’s his statement to tell. Not mine.
So back to the point, when he told me there was something wrong with the statement giver that was waiting for Jon and you to return, I knew we needed to interact nicely with them. Nikki had told me how dreadful those of the Slaughter were, but actually meeting one, they were incredibly unsettling.
You took their statement and the rest of the day went rather uneventfully. They made their statement and went on their way. For the next few days, I felt off. Like even the smallest things would set off this rage that normally wasn’t there. I’m not a very angry person, so it was a little unsettling since I didn’t know where it was coming from.
That weekend it cleared up a bit. I’d had plans with Nikki that I almost canceled but saw no real point in canceling cause I was in a bad mood. And Nikki wouldn’t really care. She likes observing human emotions. So we hung out, I ended up falling asleep on her halfway through the movie. Don’t you smirk Mr.Blackwood. It's not like that.”
“I didn’t say anything.” Martin did have a pretty content smile on his face.
“I know what you are hoping for. And no. We are not a couple. Just close. Neither of us do romance.”
“I know. I’m not hoping for you two to change what you got going. Just happy you are able to be close like that. Nikki is very fond of you.”
“Mmhmm...Well anyway. Back to what I was saying.”
"After I woke up, the random bursts of rage vanished entirely. As if it was just a dream, and things went on like normal. Until Michael showed up.
I barely interacted with him, but he looked at me and laughed, saying something along the lines of “good luck keeping the Eye on me” I had no idea what he’d meant. Not until Daisy found me a few days later. You remember the mess that was.
“Yupp, Jon was not happy with Michael. We’d thought he did something to you that caused the Spiral to mess with you. And that spending some time in her forest had helped you shake whatever it was.”
“I mean it did help me shake the Spiral, but-”
“But not in the way we thought. Not like Michael was any help. He just laughed and avoided us so Jon couldn’t be mad at him.”
“That was how I got the first inkling of what was happening. Because after that, I started to notice I felt lighter. Like not particularly grounded? And it didn’t stop till I spent time with Nikki a few days later. I brought it up with her, and that's when we started realizing it was probably because of the crap Elias pulled.
Nikki made the point that if being with her felt like a reset, it was probably because she was a Stranger. Her entire thing was mimicking humans, so if I was mimicking other Avatars, then it would make sense I would feel mostly human around an Avatar whose whole thing was mimicking humans.
It scared me. I mean, that is the whole point of Becoming. Never not scary to lose humanity, especially considering how I felt most human when dealing with the Stranger. Not entirely comforting considering what was supposed to kill me.
So I talked to Jon about it, and we both agreed that sounds like whatever Ambassador meant, being able to blend in with the ‘locals’ would probably be an extension of it. Didn’t seem like I had any luck pulling aspects from Jon after we did some testing. Like there wasn’t a default state to what was happening.
Things started to make more sense and I was able to better control what was affecting me. Like since I knew about it, I was able to Know what aspects I was borrowing, and what was under my own influence? I got used to it, much as I hated it. That and couldn’t spend more than a week being influenced by one in particular.
And well, things went back to normal? As normal as things ever were.
Then, well, you were there. So you know how Jon was getting antsy as July was coming to an end. He was keeping and Eye on Prentiss since she was still alive in the Lonely, but appeared to get weaker as the time went on, and he was constantly checking in with Nikki about the table. Making sure Nikki didn’t have it in on of the apartments I visited. Which it wasn’t.
I gotta admit. It was a little sweet how much Jon hovered when the 29th finally rolled around. He was so worried about how everything little thing would find a way to deliver me to the End. Won't lie, his talk about choices really unsettled me, since if I died or not, he confirmed that I was on the fast track to being less than human. And how it was happening faster than both you and Tim. Maybe it was out of necessity, or maybe just cause I was hanging out with Nikki on a weekly basis and working here. If my becoming was based around not interacting with humans, Georgie, Melanie, and Basira are just about my only full human contacts at the moment.
I’m glad that I’m able to do this in statement form. I- I don’t think I would be able to say this next part easily without the Compulsion’s push...It’s silly. It was just a single misstep, a fall, and then just dreams. Dreams of a Stranger taking my place. Fear that no one noticed no matter how much I screamed, no matter how much I tried to tell you all it wasn’t me.
Then Jon showed up. No, I don’t think I could call that Jon. The Archive showed up in my dream. And he Saw me. I could feel him pulling me to a path away from the nightmare, and suddenly what Jon had been telling me about choices made sense. There isn’t words for what I saw, but I sat down, watched, and thought about it. The Archive sat with me. Answered questions when I had them. Otherwise there was silence.
He never pushed me to make my choice.
When I asked him if it hurt. He told me: Yes, and that the pain never stopped. No more details than that no matter what I asked.
So I sat with that. God it felt like an eternity, but only moments. Turns out it was 8 days.
I made my choice and woke up. He was right. It does hurt. I wasn’t meant to be this. I was never meant to be prepared to steal aspects from others. But I did choose it, and I don’t regret my choice.One nice thing about all this is least we don’t have to worry about Feeding the Beholding. I Know how it works now. Whatever weird stuff that is going on with the archives and contracts, it looks like as long as Jon is taking statements, we won't have to worry about normal problems that come along with feeding on fear. I Know I’ll have access to all the statements that Jon collects, and any that I do collect will go directly to him.
It feels like I have to do some learning about what I am now, but it’s far softer than I expected.
Statement ends.”
“Wow. it’s that last part. That will require a talk...”
“Yeah. I want to tell you and Tim about it in more detail, but it’s hard. There is this bit of me that wants to see what I can do, if this power only affects other Avatars or if it extends to humans. Like if I could, I dunno, pick up playing an instrument or something?”
“Heh, imagine being able to mimic someone's mad harmonica playing.”
“Are you implying she steal my musical skills for some dubious reason?” Jon walked into the kitchen since he Knew the statement was over.
“Never. But did summon you in. Welcome to the waking world. Sleep well?” Martin got up to give Jon a kiss on the cheek.
“Unfortunately. 8 days with constant flow to fear is quite the reset. I’m terribly sorry Sasha. Do you need some time?” Jon leaned into Martin, looking a bit groggy from oversleeping.
“Probably down the line. But right now, I think I just want to get my mind off it by trying to get back into the normal swing of things. Thanks for staying with me.”
“I wasn’t going to leave you to do it alone.” Jon’s grin remained sleepy, but sympathetic. He was alone after his coma, he wasn’t going to do that to Sasha, or anyone else if he had a say in it. “It is almost 7, so how about we stop at a cafe for breakfast. We could grab something for Tim as well on our way to work. Maybe you will have the added bonus of being able to Know the differences between statements.”
Sasha shrugs. “Can’t say I got any Knowing side effects to my condition.”
“Hmmm, shame, only time will tell I suppose.” Jon grabbed his coat.
“Can’t you just Know?”
“Can’t see the future.” Jon sighed.
“Jon, were you going to leave in your sleepwear?”
“hm...Oh, ah, I should probably...yeah. One sec.” Jon turned around and headed upstairs while Martin grinned.