i hate you but

“Oh?” Mr. Langdon didn’t expect Bucky’s response, but based on the look in his face, Bucky’s reaction gave him something to work with. Something he could use against the pair.

“Heck yeah. She’s an amazing woman and I would never hesitate if I was given a chance to marry her,” Bucky smiled, seeing the way y/n held in a smile.

After that, the brunch was uneventful. They ate in silence, Bucky unable to read the expression on y/n’s face. He didn’t know how she reacted, nor did he understand how she was going to act once the brunch ended.

Luckily for him, the Langdons ate quickly, leaving with their lawyer as y/n and Bucky were left there at the table, the Langdons already having paid for dinner. y/n sat in silence, eating away slowly at her food.

“Now that the Langdons are gone, there are a few things I want to discuss with both of you,” Mike started, earning a nod from y/n in response.

“Alright, let’s go,” y/n requested, dabbing leftover food off her face with a cloth napkin.

“First off, were you both planning on getting married?” Mike questioned, pulling out a notebook.

“Well, I was actually hoping it would happen sooner rather than later, but what the hell could go wrong?” y/n chuckled nervously, sending a glare in Bucky’s direction.

“Okay, well, if the Langdons decide to take this custody case to court, it could be a factor to question your character if you aren’t well on the way to achieving the claims you made for the things you said you would do,” Mike stated, is words being followed by an awkward silence. y/n, as much as she cared about the kids, began questioning herself if it was all worth it. Yes, she had a very slight dislike for Bucky, but did she want him to do all those things for her?

She didn’t want him to follow through with his impulsive decision making to help her. It wasn’t right. He didn’t deserve to be the one taking the fall for her.

“So, by the time they take us to court, we should be married and Bucky should be living with the kids and I?” y/n questioned, a nervous expression on her face.

“Pretty much,” Mike nodded, flinching at the expression on y/n’s face. She let out a ragged breath before smiling.

“Thank you, Mike. Well, brunch has definitely served its purpose; I think Bucky and I should get going now,” y/n chuckled, getting up from her seat and heading straight to the car.

“y/n, wait up!” Bucky exclaimed, chasing after y/n, the suit restricting most of his movement.

y/n shrugged heavily, slamming her car door shut as she got in the passenger seat; a sign that although the circumstances had her pissed, she still wanted him there. For what reason? Neither of them quite knew yet.

Bucky settled uncomfortably into the driver’s seat, avoiding eye contact with y/n, afraid of what he might see. He nearly started the car, only to be stopped by y/n putting her hand on his. He turned to face her and she spoke.

“Don’t start the car yet. I want to talk to you,” she looked up at him with her e/c eyes, her voice quiet and timid. Bucky nodded, getting his hands off the steering wheel as though to acknowledge what she’d just requested.

“Look, y/n, I’m sorry for making those impulsive decisions. I swear you don’t have to follow through with any of the things I said. I’ll help you every ste—” Bucky rambled only to be interrupted by y/n.

“Why?” came y/n’s response as she stared blankly at him.

“What?” Bucky questioned, looking at her with a confused look on his face.

“Why do you keep coming up with ways to help me?” y/n paused before speaking again, “Better yet, why are you so willing to help me?” y/n sighed, a million thoughts running through her head.

“Well, I—” Bucky couldn’t find the right words. Not when he, himself didn’t know why he was putting himself through all that just to help y/n.

“Damn it, Bucky. Is this some sort of way for you to mess with me? Are you trying to earn favors? What the hell do you want from me? You’ve been nice to me and it’s fucking weird. Why?” y/n huffed, sinking into the plush of her seat.

“It’s because I’m jealous of what you have, y/n!” Bucky admitted, realizing it all himself. y/n, her mind unable to properly process the information, stared at him as though he had three heads before blinking furiously as though to snap herself out of her trance.

“Jealous of what? The penthouse? The car?” y/n questioned, her brows furrowing.

“I’m jealous of the fact that you have a family, y/n. It’s just—I’ve always dreamed of having a family. Back then, when the war first started, I told myself I’d find one hell of a gal and we’d start a family together; a white picket fence and all that,” Bucky chuckled at how naïve he used to be before continuing, “But the war; it never ended. Not for me. Every single fucking day was a battlefield and I just grew further from that stupid dream,” he sighed, tears brimming his eyes. y/n was caught aback by his confession.

She didn’t see Bucky as the settling down type and she had a feeling he didn’t see himself as that either. Not anymore.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea, but you know you still have a chance, right? I know you’re an old man, but there’s gotta be something left in there,” y/n quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood. And it worked. Bucky found himself chuckling at her remark.

“That’s the thing, l/n, I just ca—” Bucky shook his head, only to be interrupted by y/n.

“Yes, you can! Look at Clint, he has a whole family even though he does these Avenger things. You can have the exact same thing, you just gotta put yourself out there, old man,” y/n chuckled, giving Bucky an awkward pat on the back. He turned to face her, his blue eyes staring deeply into her e/c ones, a frown on his face.

“But what if I can’t?” his voice went quiet, his blue eyes dull and glossed over with tears.

“You will. After all, you clean up nice,” y/n smiled reassuringly. Bucky gave her a sad smile before taking her hands in his.

“I can’t, y/n. Not without you,” Bucky shook his head, watching the confusion play upon y/n’s features.

“Not without me? What, you need a wingman or something?” y/n questioned, chuckling awkwardly.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that every time I try imagining the life I dreamed of before the soldier and all this; when I try to see what I used to wish for, I see you there! I see you and Allie and Ethan and Jackson and Olivia! I don’t want what Clint has. I want to share what you have!” Bucky exclaimed, sighing and unable to see the way y/n reacted. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. Would she laugh at him for saying something stupid? Would she awkwardly put off his words? God, why was this so difficult for him to do?

“Bucky I—” y/n started, only getting interrupted by Bucky.

“It’s just—I can’t imagine settling down, y/n. Not if it’s not with you. I know I sound crazy and everything, but I just need to get this off my chest. You welcomed me to your family, in a way, and since then, I tried everything in my power to get closer and closer; to feel like I belonged with you guys. With everything that’s happened—with the way the kids somewhat trust me—I’ve held on to that feeling; I craved it. But with you? It’s just complicated, doll. I want to be there for you but I never know if you actually want me to be there for you,” Bucky smiled sadly, bringing his eyes to meet y/n’s.

“Bucky—”

“And if you don’t want me here, I’ll help you out with the case and that’s it. I’ll be out of your life; I’ll be out of the kids’ lives too. You wouldn’t have to see me unless it’s for a mi—” Bucky rambled, only to be cut off by the feeling of warm lips being pressed against his.

y/n, when she finally got Bucky to shut up, pulled away from him, a bashful smile on her face as she saw the way bewilderment played onto his features.

“Don’t interrupt me, please,” y/n chuckled before speaking, “Bucky, I want you to be there for me. These past two weeks have been hell and you were there for me; you made it all feel better and more bearable. I want you to be here for me the same way I want to be here for you.”

“Really?” Bucky breathed out, unable to focus his eyes on anything but her painted lips and how he wanted them against his again.

“Fuck yeah. These past two weeks, you’ve been my rock and the one person I can rely on. Yeah, you’ve been a bitch—and I mean you’ve been a serious pain in the ass—but I don’t think I can do all this without you. Yeah, whatever this is is new, but I can’t think of what it would be like to not have you in my corner and that thought, it fucking terrifies me, Barnes,” y/n nodded, being pulled into a warm embrace.

“So, what do we do now?” Bucky questioned, raising a brow at y/n.

“I know there’s a lot on the line for what we’re planning or what we need to plan, but I kind of just want to kiss you again,” y/n chuckled bashfully, biting on the corner of her lip.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, would I?” Bucky grinned, pulling y/n close and crashing his lips against hers, not even minding the fact that there was literally a shit ton of things between them and their seats.

They stayed like that for a moment, pulling away, breathless and their hearts beating out of their chests as they started into each other’s eyes, smiles on their faces.

“So, how do you feel about moving in?” y/n questioned, reminding Bucky of their little issue.

“I should probably start packing up and letting the team know,” Bucky chuckled before asking another question, “How do you feel about getting married?”

“For the kids? I hate to break it to you, but if this is your way of proposing, I’m going to have to say no because if you wanna put a ring on it, you’re gonna need to have a ring,” y/n chuckled, earning a scowl from Bucky.

“Alright. Then, I’ll get you a ring, let’s go,” Bucky chuckled, driving off to the nearest jewelry place.