One Chance
James’ first training session with his new team goes swimmingly. All his teammates are rather fun, the ambiance in the locker room reminds James of the sense of camaraderie there used to be back in school, nothing like the laddish, distant and cold demeanour there was in Manchester. No, with his new team, James feels like he belongs. Not only like he’s the new addition that changes the whole team dynamics, but like he’s a valuable addition to an already great team.
He goes back on Thursday for training, and by four, he is waiting in the 16th arrondissement, the posh part of the city, basically, for Regulus to show up. He’s in front of a tall building that looks like it was build in the 18th century, and really, James thinks it was. He got himself a can of coke on the way, and debated with himself for the better part of ten minutes on whether he should get Regulus something. In the end, he settled for a bottle of water, because it was all he could recall Regulus ordering in restaurants the year before.
It's fitting, he thinks, that someone like Regulus would drink only water, someone so healthy and smart, who takes care of himself and of his consummation, and really, Regulus is smart enough to know that there isn’t any better beverage than water. He’s really the upside citizen he thinks he is, drinking water, and being all smart and gorgeous and the water must really be what gives him this clear as day skin, this skin that looks like it’s never popped a pimple in its life. Such a Regulus move, drinking water and being perfect, with a body that is so healthy it’s never known anything beyond water and balanced meals, with that chiselled jaw and pale skin that looks just like milk-
“Oh hey, Regulus!” James grins at him as Regulus appears into view, promptly interrupting James’ train of thought.
“Fucking Macdonald.” James hears Regulus mumble, “I should have known.”
“Er. Good afternoon to you too..?” James tries, raising a tentative eyebrow at Regulus.
“Did you know it’d be me?” Regulus asks, then rolls his eyes, “I bet you were in on it.” He sighs.
James frowns, “Didn’t Mary tell you it was me?” he asks, and really, it would make sense. Regulus would have found a way out if he’d known. How stupid of James to assume he would have come on his own accord when he spent the whole Experience Trip ignoring him.
“No, she just asked if I would find a flat for one of her friends.” Regulus sighs, “I imagined it would be some French fashion man.”
“Ah.” James stands there awkwardly, staring at Regulus, and thinks that really, this is his chance to make things right between them. If James is going to live in a foreign city, he’ll take as many friends as he can get. And also maybe he really wants Regulus to like him because he’s in love with him. But that’s just a secondary reason anyway.
“Would you still come with me to visit the flat, please?” James asks – or pleads, really – looking at Regulus in the eye, “I know I’m not exactly your favourite person, but I really need help and I know you have impeccable taste in real estate.” He says, and watches as Regulus keeps staring at him with indifference and distaste, like James is some inconvenience on his way.
“And just why would I help you?” he asks with a poker face that James imagines comes from the years he spent in that weird Black cult. James still doesn’t understand what happened there, but it doesn’t seem like Regulus is one to speak up about his past trauma anyway.
James turns the water bottle in his hands and offers it to the younger boy, “Because I got you some water, because you owe Mary something, or so she said, and also,” he pauses as Regulus takes the bottle in his hands, “because it would make Sirius happy to know we’re not at each other’s throats.” He says, then rectifies, “Or rather, you’re not at my throat, which is already something.”
“Correct, I don’t have the time nor the energy to be at your throat.” Regulus drawls tiredly, “But I did walk all the way over here, so we might as well get this done.” He declares and walks to the door of the building. James starts to grin and follow him, when Regulus raises a hand, “Don’t act like some puppy, please. And don’t talk to me.”
Of course, Regulus’ orders only make James want to talk more. He grins as Regulus opens the door and holds it open for him, something that is already a huge step, James thinks. Last September, he would have slammed the door in James’ face. It’s not much, but it’s progress.
“Sure, I won’t talk to you, Reggie.” James nods with a grin as he follows him onto the elevator. The building already looks very fancy, with a red and golden interior that feels like royalty, and an elevator to match. The buttons are golden and the door closes like an accordion, something James always thought was cool.
“It’s so fancy, don’t you think?” James starts, pushing the third floor’s button, “I feel like I’m in Versailles, or like, Buckingham. Do you think nobles live here?” he asks, and waits a second for Regulus to answer. He obviously doesn’t, and James can see in the elevator’s mirror that his disinterested expression has not wavered. Obviously, it sets a new goal for James: breaking Regulus’ poker face.
“I think a Lady or some French Lord might live here.” James continues to ramble on, “It really looks like there could be…” he trails off, “Oh, do French people even have Ladies and Lords? Or is that a British thing?” he asks, and smiles at Regulus in the mirror, “See, this is why I need you here, you’re the French expert. You can answer all my stupid questions.” James grins, and Regulus merely glances at him.
“I won’t.” he summarises and looks down at the floor. James waits a little bit for any further argument, until he sighs.
“Please, Reggie? I’m sure you would have played guide for whoever Mary’s friend would have been. Please, I want to hear you be all smart and interesting, don’t act like you don’t want to show off.” He sighs, “I’m even sure you know which famous people used to live here, and like, what inventions were made here, or what books were written here, all that stuff.” He says, and really he knows that he is rambling, but he also knows that Regulus has social anxiety, and that James couldn’t stand standing in some awkward silence with him for ages.
The awkward silence doesn’t seem to bother Regulus, who doesn’t even begin to answer when James looks at him expectantly. No, instead, he stares blankly at the mirror and steps out of the elevator when the doors open onto another red and golden hallway.
“The flat we are visiting takes over the whole floor.” Is all Regulus says as he walks over to the single door in the corridor and opens it with a key, something that James finds very weird. How come Regulus has a key to some random flat in the city?
“…Do you just have a key to every random flat in Paris?” James asks, “Like, there’s no real estate agent to show us in?” he says, and it prompts Regulus to turn to him.
“Why would you need me if there was?” he raises an eyebrow in confusion, “No, this flat belongs to my conductor at the opera, Mr Flitwick. He has asked me to find someone interested in it.” Regulus explains and enters a gigantic space. “Really, I’m helping you out because if I manage to sell my teacher’s flat, he might promote me.” He explains, as if he absolutely needs James to know how much he isn’t just being nice, but rather being a selfish dude. Little does he know that James fucking loves Mean Reggie.
James follows him and sees a very big empty space, without any furniture and random pillars holding up the ceiling here and there. The floor is made out of the red carpet there was in the hallway, and the walls are white adorned with golden fixtures, and really, it makes James feel like he is in some sort of boudoir, like some painted ladies are about to enter the room and have a strip tease. It’s an unsettling feeling, to say the least.
“Er.” James clears his throat, “How long has your teacher been looking for someone?”
“Long enough for him to ask a seventeen year old kid to find someone interested, I suppose.” Regulus explains, “I hadn’t seen the place beforehand. Now, I understand why no one wants it.”
It makes James chuckle, “You think? It looks like some French royal’s sex room.” He comments.
“It looks like Elisabeth II’s bedroom.” Regulus nods, “I imagine you do not want to live here, right?” he asks, eyeing James warily, and when James doesn’t answer right away, he continues, “Very well. Goodbye, then.”
His words make an alarm go off in James’ brain. If Regulus leaves now, James won’t have any other excuse to see him. And he cannot let this moment, in a luxurious red room adorned with gold and so tarnished it looks suspicious be the last moment he and Regulus talk on one on one.
The last time he was alone with Regulus was on a roof in Istanbul, the messiest day of James’ life. He’d woken up in a relationship with Lily and actively trying to get over his crush on Regulus, and went to sleep having kissed Regulus and now single.
James had kissed a few other people since then, nameless strangers in bars when he’d felt lonely enough to be on the pull, but none had compared to Regulus. None had the same intensity, the same fierce want and hatred that pulsed through Regulus’ lips, the passion that made this kiss so memorable.
Then, of course, James had to fuck it all up by running out of there to break up with his girlfriend. Really, he cannot think of another moment he handled things as badly as this time. The time he didn’t only hurt himself, but Lily and Regulus at the same time when it could have all been avoided if he had just broken up with Lily when he didn’t feel as much as he used to for her.
But no, he had to be James and fuck things up, like usual. And he won’t fuck this up again, not after he gave up Lily for him. Not after the year he spent, still in love with Regulus even after no contact.
There was no doubt of this; just looking at Regulus was enough for James to know that he still loved him, despite all of his hatred and disinterest for James. Regulus was just Regulus. The one who had made an indent on his heart and left James like this, in love and powerless.
So, James looks at Regulus and smiled, “I don’t want to live here, no. But I still don’t have a place to live, and I’m sure I’ll find one much more easily with your help, if you’re willing?” he asks, and watches as Regulus shakes his head.
“No. I did this as a favour to Mary, and now I did it.” He states tiredly, “Find yourself a real estate agent and stop bothering me.” He demands and starts to turn around when James takes his wrist to stop him.
Immediately, Regulus flinches and detaches his wrist from James’ hold and stares at him with hard eyes, breaking his poker face. It ought to have made James smugger, to see that he managed to make him react, but this wasn’t how he wanted it to go. He wanted Regulus to crack a smile, or to soften his stare, not to harden it and stare at James like he is the epitome of everything Regulus has ever hated. And from Regulus’ experience, James is certain that he must have come across worse people than him.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to, uh, trigger you, or anything.” He winces at himself as he says it, and the low shake of Regulus’ head is enough for him to know that he should not have said that.
“Listen to me now, Potter.” Regulus spits out his name like it’s poison, “I don’t know if Sirius put you up to this, but I’m not some sorry charity case who needs friends or whatever. I’m just fine on my own and I would appreciate it if you would kindly fuck off when asked to, alright?” he demands harshly, and James can only hold up his hands.
“Hey, no, Sirius didn’t ask me of anything.” Well, he did ask him to leave Regulus alone, but Regulus doesn’t have to know that, does he? “I like you, Reg, and I want to spend more time with you.” He says honestly, “And, well, if visiting flats is the only way for me to get a hold of you, then I will do it.”
Regulus stares at him and shakes his head, “First, it’s Regulus, not Reg. We aren’t fucking friends, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so you are going to call me by my given name. And second, you don’t like me, you just want someone new to bother, because that’s just what you do.” He accuses, “You get bored, and you look for people who are just fine and make their life fucking miserable for your own entertainment.” he lists off, looking every bit like an angry kitten.
He really does, doesn’t he? With his black fluffy hair falling over his forehead, only begging to be held and petted and loved. He really looks adorable, like someone James was always made to love.
“No, Regulus, I like you.” James repeats, pronouncing his name meticulously, so that Regulus sees that he listens to him, “I’m not lying, I really just want to spend time with you. Swear.” He holds up his hand with crossed fingers, and watches as Regulus scoffs and rounds up on him in a second, probably on impulse, something that seems so out of character for someone as reserved as Regulus.
“Do you?” he asks with venom in his voice, “Because you didn’t seem to want to spend too much time with me when you all but pushed me off back in September?” he accuses with a hard voice, and James knows exactly what Regulus is capable of. If there’s one thing about Regulus Black, it’s that he should never be underestimated.
“This is different.” James defends himself, and surprises himself to find his voice hard to match Regulus’. He hates when his voice hardens, but there’s really not much he can do about it. “I was in a relationship, I couldn’t stay there and kiss you when my girlfriend was waiting for me downstairs!” he exclaims, and Regulus only shakes his head.
“Exactly. So you could kiss me and leave me standing there though, right? That didn’t bother you at all?” he asks, his face now full of disgust. “You only care about yourself, Potter, you always ever have, and I don’t see why I should trust you when you say that you ‘like me’.” James hates it, hates being the person to have put it there, so he stops himself from responding just then. He takes a deep breath, and looks at Regulus calmly.
“I’m truly sorry about that. I…I really wanted to apologise to you, but you wouldn’t let us be within ten meters of each other, and then, well we all went home, and it was too late.” He explains, “I’m sorry, Regulus, I handled that situation terribly.”
Regulus stares at him for a while, and James really hopes that whatever he’s looking for, it’s showing on his face, “You did.” Regulus acknowledges, apparently losing some of the fight in him, “I shouldn’t have kissed you anyway. It was…a mistake.” He declares, “Could you forget it ever happened?” he asks James, who nods slowly.
“I…” he starts, and debates with himself for a moment. On one hand, he knows that he won’t ever be able to forget that kiss, not matter how much he wants to – which is none at all – and on the other hand, he wants Regulus to like him. So, he settles for the truth.
“I can’t forget it ever happened, but I can pretend it never happened, if you’re more comfortable with that?” James suggests, and Regulus shrugs.
“Fine.” He agrees and starts walking towards the door. Thankfully, James is quick enough to stop him – without touching him this time.
“Where are you going?” he asks Regulus, “I still need you to help me find a flat, you can’t just leave before I know for sure that I’ll see you again.” He declares quickly, and Regulus only shakes his head.
“You’re nineteen, can’t you find a flat on your own?” Regulus arches an eyebrow.
“No.” James grins, “I talked it out with everyone I know; I’d probably end up taking the first flat I see just so that I don’t disappoint the real estate agent.”
“Yet you didn’t care if you disappointed me by refusing this flat.” Regulus states, and James turns to him with an incredulous stare.
“You wouldn’t let me live in this, no matter how much you hate me.” James says, pointing out at the ugly red carpeted floor.
Regulus nods, “Yes, the flooring is truly horrendous.” He agrees, “Also Sirius would have my head for letting you live in a place like this.”
James grins at him, “So you’ll agree to look at other flats with me?” he asks with his best puppy face, which only makes Regulus roll his eyes.
“If I say no, you’ll manage to find another way to bother me, won’t you?”
“That’s very much on the table, yes.” James nods, and Regulus rolls his eyes again.
“Why?” he asks, staring at James like he’s half of a bother and half an interesting specimen he has to analyse. “Why do you absolutely want us to have anything to do with each other? I did ask you to never speak to me again back in September, if I remember correctly.” He recalls, and it seems so logical to James that he has trouble understanding the question.
“I…Regulus, didn’t I just tell you that I liked you? As a person? You said you wouldn’t trust me, but I swear, I was telling the truth. I do like you.”
Regulus suddenly looks down, seemingly coy, and looks back up at James with a more open expression than James ever saw on Regulus’ features. “So you weren’t lying.”
James smiles, “No, of course not. Regulus, I want us to be friends. And not only that, I mean, your brother is my best friend, and you’re also friend with Lily and Mary, so, really, it’d be easier for everyone if we got along.”
“I know.” Regulus nods, “I still hate you, you know.” He says after a long while, and it has James grinning.
“Yeah, you’ve been pretty clear about that.” He chuckles.
Regulus frowns, “So, you want to be friends with someone who actively hates you? How do you know I won’t use our friendship to later maim or murder you?”
“I… I didn’t really think about that, actually.” James chuckles, “But you won’t do it, even if just to spare Sirius.”
“That’s true, he’d probably kill me if I offed you.” Regulus sighs, “Let me get this straight, you want us to be friends? Even after everything that’s happened between us?”
James nods, “Yep.” He says, popping the ‘p’ at the end, “I do.”
A beat passes during which James stares at Regulus in hopes that he will agree, and Regulus simply stares at the floor in thought, which, really, James can’t imagine how much there is to think about. Even if Regulus hates him, which James is pretty certain he doesn’t, with how easily he bended his revolve around him, surely a friendship with James isn’t cause for a big internal debate. They could have it easy: see each other once every few weeks, during which time James will be playing his boyish natural charm until Regulus falls in love with James and they get married and have babies and live happily ever after.
Not a very dauting plan, is it?
“If I agree, will it get you off my back? Will you finally listen to me and leave me alone?” Regulus asks.
James smiles at him, “We both know I won’t leave you alone either way. Friends or not.”
“There’s no winning in this.” He declares and stares at James for a moment, until he finally agrees, “I suppose I’m willing to give you one chance.” He agrees, “If only because I think you’ll be less insufferable if I agree now.” Regulus ends up sighing out, and his face looks so pained James is certain he is scolding himself for socializing with the likes of James Potter.
Meh. Too bad for him.
“Yes!” James punches the air in victory, which has Regulus raising an eyebrow in judgement, “See, we can try it out. Be friends, and then you’ll realise just how charming I am. And then you’ll definitely stop saying you hate me, which you so clearly don’t. I know it’s just a pride thing, you can’t fool me.” He shakes his head smugly, and Regulus only rolls his eyes.
“I can just go back on my word and hate you forever, you know?” he warns and walks back onto the elevator, and for once, James doesn’t stop him but follows him.
“Okay, no I swear I’ll be good.” He grins at him, “God, I can’t believe I made a friend out of Regulus Black today.” He shakes his head, “it’s definitely a win for me.”
Regulus groans, “I’m so going to regret this.” He says, with a grinning James in tow.
______________________________________
It was less than an hour deep into their friendship that James lied to him. Okay, maybe it isn’t such a good colour on him, but it was for the greater good. Anyone would have understood his lie.
Or maybe they would have if their definition of ‘greater good’ was James’ own satisfaction. Either way, once he and Regulus left the flat, they searched for flat adverts together on Regulus’ laptop – which James has no idea why he even had it on him – and when Regulus started to talk about leaving. And there was just no way James was letting him go just like that.
So, he might have lied and told him that they were expected at Lily and Mary’s place at 7pm for dinner.
Really, it was half a lie at best: James had been invited by the girls on Tuesday night, mostly so they could have a recount of his first practice and afternoon with Regulus, but they hadn’t invited Regulus at all.
Meh, James thought, they’re friends. They can manage an extra mouth to feed. Or James will cook, if they care that much about it.
James of course hadn’t missed the way Regulus deflated a little when he told him they were expected at dinner; anyone who spends more than five minutes around Regulus knows that he isn’t such a people’s person. The opposite of James on that matter.
And now, standing in front of Lily and Mary’s door once again in the same week, James starts to regret his decision to lie. Maybe he should have texted the girls beforehand? It feels like something he ought to have been doing.
“I’m not going to stay long. I agreed to come and that’s enough.” Regulus says harshly as he knocks twice on the door. Within twenty seconds, Lily is opening the door with a surprised smile on her face.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you both!” she exclaims, immediately blowing James’ cover, “It’s so nice to see you, Reg!”
“Hey Lils.” Regulus smiles warmly at her, something James had yet to see on Regulus’ face. His smile is blinding; even if rather restraint, it’s warm and beautiful, and just so Regulus in this way he has of making everything: his every move, every touch, and now every smile, as far as James can see, elegant. Either way, James loves it, like every other thing Regulus can do.
“What do you mean you weren’t expecting us?” he asks, turning slightly to glare at James.
Lily looks between them both, apparently sensing the awkwardness, or maybe James’ face is enough for her to know that he’s getting caught red handed in a lie, and decides to save him. Bless Lily Juniper Evans.
“Oh, I’d just forgotten Mary had invited you both.” She grins, not subtly widening her eyes at James, who mouths the words ‘thank you’ behind Regulus’ back.
“Right. Well, I’m glad to see you too, Lily.” Regulus nods at her. Behind Lily, they can see Mary appearing at the doorframe with a smile on her face.
“Hey guys!” she grins, “I’m glad to see that James is still alive.” She comments, and Regulus immediately glares at her.
“Thanks for telling me it’d be with this asshole it’d have to put up with all afternoon.” He shakes his head, “I deserved at least a little notice to prepare myself.”
“Oh come on, you would have never agreed to help if I told you it was him.” Mary rolls her eyes fondly at him.
Regulus stares at her, “I thought it would be a good day, Macdonald. This is all your fault.”
“It was a good day!” James gapes at him, “C’mon Regulus, we became besties today, you can’t say it was so horrible.”
“You became besties?” Lily raises her eyebrows at them.
“Oh damn, that was not on my bingo card.” Mary gasps and points a manicured nail at them.
“He’s exaggerating.” Regulus rolls his eyes, “He forced me to befriend him because he has a pathological need to be liked by people. I agreed so that he wouldn’t cry.” He explains, and James feels weirdly called out. Turns out he doesn’t really like it.
“You agreed?” Mary raises her eyebrows at him.
“Since when do you care if you make people cry?” Lily smirks at Regulus, looking at him in a knowing way. It hits James that he didn’t imagine Regulus, Lily and Mary were such good friends. He supposes that’s what happens when people see each other every week for a year.
“Why’d you just call me out?” James frowns at him, though it’s obviously fondly.
“People who cry make me uncomfortable.” Regulus summarises, “Are you going to let us in my apartment that I own?” he asks Lily, who is still standing at the door.
“Oh right, sorry.” Lily giggles and lets them in, “You know, I didn’t imagine a world in which you could be nice to James.” She tells Regulus, who shrugs.
“He’s your friend. And he desperately wants to be mine.” He rolls his eyes again, “Was basically begging me to say we were friends earlier.”
James gapes at him, “I wasn’t! Oh my God, you’re being so mean to me, Regulus.” He accuses, making Mary snort.
“Like you don’t love it.” She comments, which James promptly ignores. Because he does love it, of course.
“What are eating then?” he asks instead, ignoring how his three friends look at each other and chuckle knowingly.