take a deep breath, baby, let me in

‘Abby!’ Susan Dahlkemper screamed from the drive, struggling under the weight of a cardboard box. Abby dashed down the steps of her porch, heat baking the undersoles of her bare feet.

‘Sorry,’ she said breathlessly, ‘I was packing the dishes.’

‘Didn’t I tell you to do that last night?’ Her mom asked, dumping the box into Abby’s arms and opening the passenger door of the car.

‘I got sidetracked with washing the sheets.’ Abby explained, pushing the box across the back seat until it was up against the window.

‘How many of these boxes do we have left?’

Abby scratched her head, ‘Four maybe? And a laundry basket.’

Susan surveyed the back of the car with pursed lips, ‘It might just about fit.’

Abby groaned, ‘It’s going to have to.’

Abby’s eldest brother Andrew walked out the front door, closely followed by brother number two, Joseph, both with boxes in their arms.

‘Thanks boys.’ Abby’s mom said, wiping sweat off her brow, ‘It’s the worst day to be driving your sister to college.’

They’d had a heatwave- though Abby thought it was less of a wave and more of a tsunami. The temperature had rarely dropped below a hundred degrees for two weeks, and even she, the ultimate Cali girl, had grown exhausted of the heat. She slept with the air-con and fan both on, blanket stripped off and in a loose shirt and shorts, but she’d still struggled to fall asleep. LA had been a little cooler, and Abby was looking forward to escaping the feverish warmth.

It took the entire family working together- Andrew and Joseph packing the boxes in the back so tightly that they looked like they were about pop open, Abby’s mom mapping the route and Abby’s dad starting the car- for Abby to finally prepare to actually leave. She did a quick sweep of the house, checking drawers and closets for anything she may have left behind, before grabbing her bag and standing on the porch to give her house one final wistful glance. She never really found herself missing home when she was at college, but she did hate leaving it at the start of every semester.

Susan honked the car horn irritably, shaking Abby out of her trance.

‘Let’s go!’ Susan called, ‘The GPS says there’s a bunch of traffic on 101 that we have to get through.’

Abby hugged her brothers. Joseph gave her an awkward pat on the head, but Andrew squeezed her tightly.

‘Good luck this season.’ He whispered, and she smiled into his shoulder.

Her dad pulled her in, kissing her soundly on the forehead. He didn’t say anything, but Abby didn’t need him to.

Abby’s mom honked again- rather rudely, Abby felt- and Abby gave her dad and brothers a quick wave before sliding into the passenger seat, wincing as the leather burned her bare thighs.

‘Oh-kay.’ Susan said, checking her watch, ‘It’s ten o’clock. By any luck, we’ll be there by five.’

‘I’ll text Sam when we’re an hour away.’ Abby said, ‘Do you have the directions?’

‘Do pigs fly?’

‘You’re so snarky every time I leave,’ Abby huffed, ‘If you want to tell me you’re going to miss me, just say.’

‘I don’t know how Sam is going to put up with living with you for a whole year.’ Susan said, arm on the back of Abby’s seat and checking over her shoulder as she reversed out the drive.

Abby pushed in her disc labelled ‘summer tunes’ into the CD player, sliding her sunglasses on and leaning back in her seat as they dodged the traffic running through San Jose, sticking to the outskirts of the city along route 85. Abby had driven to college and back so many times that she was fairly sure she could drive herself with a blindfold on, but her mom always insisted on taking her herself. Things were always a little rocky when they set off, but Abby ended up being grateful for her company. They played punch buggy as they drove towards the interstate- Abby’s mom somehow winning despite the challenge of having to keep both eyes on the road at all times.

They merged onto I-5 after forty minutes, lanes dotted with trailers and campervans travelling south for a holiday. Abby rolled down her window for a few minutes before she was almost struck by a pebble from the road. Susan wound up the windows and kept them locked after that.

They reached their usual service station at half past one, staying well on schedule. Abby bought a meatball sub and a coke from the Subway on the corner, leaning against the cooling metal of the car as her mom refueled. Armed with cold drinks and several sticks of gum, they started off on the second leg of their journey.

The lines of traffic began to get a little heavier as they approached LA, but they weren’t slowed down too much. Abby opened her text chain with Sam as they passed Santa Clarita.

We’re about 45 minutes away.

Sam texted back almost immediately.

Perfect. I got here half an hour ago.

Abby grinned at her phone.

She’d last seen Sam when she’d come to visit for a week at the beginning of summer. She’d taken her on a tour of the Bay Area, and they’d checked every box on Sam’s long tourist checklist. They’d taken the tram, rode along the waterfront on bikes, visited Alcatraz. Abby’s parents had been won over by Sam from the minute that she stepped through the door when she’d spent Thanksgiving with Abby’s family, and had been all too happy to have her stay again. Abby suspected that part of the reason that her mom had been so eager to drive her down to UCLA again was so that she could say hello.

They cut down the 405, passing Van Nuys and the Sepulveda Basin. Abby felt the wind ruffle her hair through the tiny opening of the window that she managed to persuade her mom to open as they came off the interstate. They made it over Bel-Air and finally past Brentwood Glen.

She and Sam had toured around a few apartments in the spring and summer term, and stumbled across an apartment on Weyburn Terrace that Abby immediately knew was the one. They’d carried on with the tour, trying to keep their faces neutral, but they’d both smiled widely at each other as soon as they got back in the car. They’d signed the lease a week later.

‘Turn left up here.’ Abby instructed, glancing down at the GPS, and her mom flicked on the blinker. The cardboard boxes creaked noisily in the back seat as they turned.

Abby squinted out at the house numbers as they drove, keeping an eye on how far along they were. ‘It should be that one up there.’ Abby pointed, ‘1440.’

The car ground to a halt in front of the building, and Abby unclipped her seatbelt. The front door to the building opened and Sam bounded out, huge grin on her face and her arms wide open.

‘Hey Mrs. D!’ she said, hugging Abby’s mom, who had gotten out of the car first.

‘Of course you say hello to my mom first.’ Abby grumbled, climbing out her side.

Sam shot her a wink over Susan’s shoulder, ‘I’m saving best for last.’

Abby almost skipped around the car to launch herself into Sam’s embrace, arms squeezed around her neck and legs wrapped around her waist.

‘I’m so glad you’re here.’ Sam said, breath warm on Abby’s cheek, ‘I’ve been so excited since I arrived.’

Abby peeled herself away from Sam, ‘Me too.’

‘You gonna give us a hand with these boxes?’ Susan asked, opening the trunk to reveal the boxes with a flourish. Sam made a great show of rolling up her sleeves,

‘Don’t you worry Susan. I lifted every day all through the summer just so I could be ready for this moment.’

Even with the three of them working together it took them twenty minutes to haul the boxes and the suitcases and the infamous wash basket along the drive, up the stairs and into the apartment. They piled all of them up in the middle of the living room, where Sam had cleared some space by pushing the couch back against the wall. Abby glanced around quickly in between shifts- the furniture was fairly minimal and the rooms were bare, but Sam had already started work on the kitchen, placing a vase of flowers in the center of the table and unpacking various spices into the spice rack.

‘This is the last one.’ Sam grunted, climbing up the final steps and dumping the box in the hall. She wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead, ‘It’s thirsty work. Would you guys like a coffee or something?’

Abby dragged some chairs from the kitchen table out onto the balcony whilst Sam made the coffee. Campus was still quiet in early August, so the roads looked empty and the buildings dark. Susan leaned back in her chair and sighed,

‘It’s a nice place you’ve got here.’

‘We were lucky to find it.’ Abby admitted, taking a seat in the chair next to her.

‘You were lucky Sam wanted to be your roommate.’

Abby laughed, ‘True. Meeting her was already lucky enough.’

Abby’s mom smiled, ‘Make sure you have a lot of fun this year. College goes by so fast.’

‘It does,’ Abby agreed wistfully, ‘It feels like I was starting just the other day.’

Sam slid open the balcony door, three iced coffees tucked under her arm.

‘Ready for your first taste of the Sam Special?’

‘Is it special if I get to have it every day?’ Abby asked, and Sam gave her a gentle kick in the shins as she leaned over to give Susan her glass.

The sea breeze was so strong that it rolled out all the way to campus and even up to Beverly Hills. Abby closed her eyes as her air tickled her neck, getting used to the smell of their new place. She’d missed everything about LA in the summer- the weather, the stores, the beach, the people. It grown to be a home to her, almost as much as Menlo Park was.

‘I better go Abby.’ Susan said, tapping her lightly on the shoulder, ‘I don’t want to get home too late.’

Abby smiled, ‘Of course Mom. Text me when you get home.’

They went back inside, and Abby hugged her tightly at the door, wanting to commit the moment of their afternoon on the balcony to memory forever. Susan wiped a tear away from her eye,

‘I hate saying goodbye. Enjoy your semester, girls. Hopefully Andrew and I will see you in the College Cup this year.’

Sam nodded, ‘That’s what we’re aiming for.’

With one final wave, Susan walked down the steps and towards the car. Abby watched her drive away from the window.

‘Right,’ Sam said loudly, clapping her hands, ‘We better unpack.’

‘Don’t tell me,’ Abby said, turning with a grin, ‘You have a plan.’

‘I always have a plan. We need to unpack the essentials first- kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms-’

They got to work, and Abby was immensely grateful that she’d had the foresight to label which boxes belonged to which room. They went through the kitchen supplies first, Sam supplying a brand-new set of pots and pans whilst Abby unwrapped the plates and bowls from the bubble wrap. They’d run out of time to go shopping for food, but Sam had brought some pasta and a jar of pesto for them to eat that evening.

The sun had started to set as they moved on to the bathrooms, Sam taking the one in the hall and Abby taking the smaller one next to the kitchen.

‘Sam!’ Abby yelled across the apartment, ‘Have you checked the water pressure?’

There was a brief moment’s hesitation, before there was a guilty-sounding ‘No.’

Abby stared suspiciously at the shower head in her hand, pointing the nozzle away from her and reaching to turn on the tap. The water jetted out the head so fast that she was almost propelled backwards, water splashing off the bottom of the bathtub and soaking her shirt.

‘Update,’ Abby said, poking her face around the door of the bathroom Sam was working on, water pooling at her feet, ‘The shower pressure is all good.’

Sam’s laughter followed Abby down the hallway as she went to change her shirt.

They called it a night just before eight, standing back to admire their handiwork at the kitchen door.

‘I think we’ve earned our carbs.’ Sam said, reaching for the largest saucepan on the rack. Abby set the table for two as Sam boiled the pasta, opening to fridge to see if Sam had brought anything else.

‘Where’d you get the wine?’ she asked over her shoulder, staring at the bottle in the fridge door.

‘My parents gave it to me as a moving-in present.’

‘You’re not twenty-one.’

‘I will be in like, three months.’

Abby shrugged and reached for the bottle opener.

They didn’t talk much while they ate, the faint sound of chewing and cutlery scraping the plates taking up the space between them.

‘So,’ Sam said once she’d took her last mouthful and stretched back in her chair, ‘How was the rest of your summer?’

‘Pretty good actually,’ Abby replied, setting down her fork, ‘I did a bunch of conditioning with my high school soccer coach. Just really trying to get my fitness up in time for the new season.’

‘You’re gonna ace those fitness tests.’

‘That’s the aim. I couldn’t let myself go in to preseason as unprepared as last year.’

Coach Snow had made them run so many suicides on the first day that Sam had looked like she was about to throw up and Abby had actually thrown up, staggering to a trash can at the side of the pitch and heaving up her stomach contents.

‘Do you really think our new coach will make us do that much at our first practice?’ Sam asked, reaching for her wine glass.

Coach Snow had been hired by the national team to coach the U17’s in December, and UCLA had hired his replacement, Amanda Cromwell, by February. Abby had played under a few accomplished coaches, but an Olympic gold medalist was a first.

‘I don’t know. I’m not going to leave it down to chance though.’

‘Good plan,’ Sam agreed, ‘I wish I put in the work you did.’

Abby rolled her eyes, ‘Come on, Sam. You’re probably the fittest player on our team.’

Sam raised her eyebrows, ‘How can you say that when we have Caprice?’

‘Okay,’ Abby conceded, ‘Other than Caprice. You two just never stopped running.’

‘I think I ate too many ice creams in the summer to be able to keep that up.’

‘You’ll be in better shape than you think. Didn’t you say you lifted every day?’

‘Lifting isn’t running. I just never set enough time aside in the day to do lots of conditioning.’

Abby was bemused, ‘What were you doing instead?’

Sam flushed, her face going the shade of red she went when she was particularly embarrassed about something,

‘Oh, you know. Just going out and stuff.’

‘What stuff?’ Abby pressed. Sam looked down at her plate,

‘Pat lives in Boston.’

‘Oh.’ Said Abby. It took her brain a few moments to process and store the information, ‘It’s serious with him then?’

‘Kinda. I said we needed to talk when he got back to campus.’

A slow grin spread across Abby’s face, ‘That’s really great Sam.’

‘You think so?’

‘Yeah. Of course.’

They smiled at each other across the table.

‘We’re gonna meet the new freshmen next week.’ Abby said, ‘There’s so many of them this year.’

‘I’ve heard great things,’ Sam said earnestly, ‘Megan sent me a scouting report on Darian Jenkins. She’s super talented.’

‘Trust Megan to keep up with our recruitment.’

‘That’s because she cares about the team.’

‘Ouch.’ Abby complained, but the twitch in her cheek gave her away, ‘Low blow.’

‘The truth hurts.’

Abby had done her best to hold out on questioning Sam about Pat, but curiosity got the better of her.

‘Tell me more about your summer with Pat.’ She said, and Sam buried her face in her palms.

‘We just went on walks a lot,’ she said, ‘And his parents took me out on their boat.’

Abby’s eyes widened, ‘You met his parents?’

‘Once. Just once. They were nice.’

‘That’s not surprising. My mom would be delirious if I brought someone home for her to meet.’

Sam sighed, ‘I like him, Abby.’

‘I know.’ Abby said, confused, ‘Why are you sighing?’

‘I don’t know if I’m ready to commit to anything big yet.’

Abby frowned at Sam, ‘What do you classify as ‘big’?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Sam confessed, rubbing her chin, ‘All I know is that I had a lot of fun this summer, and I don’t want anything to change.’

‘I don’t think it will.’ Abby said softly.

‘It’s just-’ Sam hesitated, ‘It’s hard to find time to spend with him around class and practice and games and stuff. He just won’t be a priority.’

Abby knew what she meant. Three dates in a semester a year previously had worn her out.

‘You have to at least try, right?’

Sam nodded, ‘Yeah.’

Abby watched her scrape what was left of the sauce off her plate. The little crinkle on her forehead was there, as it always was when she was deep in thought.

‘More wine?’ Sam asked abruptly, rising to her feet.

‘Should we?’ Abby chuckled, ‘We have to unpack the rest of the boxes tomorrow.’

Sam rolled her eyes, already pouring more into Abby’s glass, ‘We’re celebrating.’

‘You’re right,’ Abby said, raising her wine glass, ‘To our new apartment.’

‘To our new apartment.’ Sam agreed, clinking their glasses together. They locked eyes for a moment, and it was Sam who looked away first.

-

Sam knelt down to run her fingers through the freshly cut grass as soon as they stepped on the field, palm flat against the turf.

‘It’s gonna be like training on a carpet.’ She decided. Abby impatiently bumped her cleat bag against her shoulder,

‘Hurry up. I don’t want to be late on the first day.’

‘You sound like the White Rabbit,’ Sam laughed, ‘Relax. Look, they can see us walking across the field and we still have five minutes.’

Abby could see the team clustered around a few benches as they pulled their socks and cleats on. The freshmen were easy to spot from the rest of girls- they stood around a little stiffly, hardly getting involved in the conversation. Abby guessed that there were maybe eight of them.

A loud shriek came from the bench as Abby and Sam got closer, Megan leaping to her feet. Abby laughed as Megan bore down on her, bracing herself for the bone-crushing hug.

‘It’s so good to see you again.’ She said a little breathlessly as Megan squeezed the air from her lungs.

Caprice wasn’t far behind Megan, giving Abby a friendly jab to the ribs before she pushed herself onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around Abby’s neck.

‘How’s the new apartment?’ She asked, as they guided Sam and Abby back to the bench.

‘Amazing,’ Abby gushed, ‘The location is perfect and the view from our balcony is amazing. You have to come over tomorrow.’

She said her various hellos to her teammates. She was happy to see them all- excited to hear about their summer, hear about them talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends and families. She’d missed them.

She watched as Sam walked straight over to the nearest freshman as soon as she had her cleats on, sticking out her hand and plastering on her trademark smile.

‘Hi,’ Sam said brightly, ‘I’m Sam Mewis. Nice to have you on the team.’

The girl, to her credit, didn’t have the same deer-caught-in-headlights look that some of the other freshmen had on her faces. She shook Sam’s hand and smiled back,

‘I’m Lauren.’

‘Don’t stress too much about your first session,’ Sam said loudly, for the benefit of all listening freshmen, ‘It’s our first time meeting the new coach too, so none of us know what’s going on.’

Abby watched her make easy conversation with Lauren in awe. She had always been envious of Sam’s ability to make friends no matter where she went. It had been a skill she’d never quite been able to master.

‘Look,’ Rosie muttered from the seat next to Abby, ‘Here she is.’

They all turned to look. Amanda Cromwell strode across the field from the parking lot with purpose, sunglasses and cap covering most of her face, but an easy- going smile on her face. She dropped the ball bag she was carrying onto the pile of equipment a little way off and made a beeline for the circle where the rest of the coaches were gathered.

The entire team was silent as they regarded her for a few moments, before the group exploded into conversation.

‘She’s played with Mia Hamm.’ Ally said, looking a little overwhelmed.

‘She’s in the Virginia-DC Hall of fame.’ Jenna added.

‘She worked for George W. Bush.’ Megan said, and Abby wondered where the hell she’d got that fact from.

‘She’s a defender.’ Abby said, recalling a vague memory of watching her play for San Jose when she was a kid.

‘Good for us.’ Megan replied, before they all quietened again as Coach Cromwell turned and started walking towards them.

‘Good afternoon girls,’ She greeted, taking off her sunglasses. Her eyes were piercingly blue, ‘As you all know by now, I am Amanda Cromwell, and I will be your head coach this season.’

Abby stayed stock still.

‘I would introduce myself,’ she continued, half-smiling, ‘But I suspect you’ve all done your research on me- and even if you haven’t, I’m sure you just spent ten minutes discussing it amongst yourselves.’ There were a few embarrassed coughs, ‘I’m very much looking forward to working with all of you, and I hope we can have a lot of success this season. Enough talking for now, everyone on your feet. Louise will take you through the session plan for today.’

‘What do you think?’ Sam hissed, moving over so she was next Abby as they jogged over towards their assistant coach.

‘Nice enough,’ Abby replied, risking a glance back over her shoulder, ‘Very calm, seems like she knows what she’s doing.’

‘Agreed,’ Sam said, ‘I don’t think UCLA would settle for anything less.’

‘I think she seems very astute.’ Chelsea whispered, and Caprice snickered.

‘That’s a big word for a communications studies major.’

‘Ladies, cut it out.’ Louise scolded, as Chelsea launched herself at Caprice and tried to force her to the ground, but even she had a smile on her face.

They started with suicides, which left half the team breathless and on the floor after just fifteen minutes, before moving on to do a mix of ladders and core work. Abby could feel the conditioning she’d done in the summer paying off, breezing through the tests with much more practiced ease than most of her teammates. She saw Louise nod approvingly as she clocked the fastest sprint all afternoon and felt a jolt of satisfaction in her stomach.

Sam, despite her claims of being weighed down by ice cream, was just as in-shape, racing Abby all the way to the line as they finished their suicides.

‘Jesus,’ Taylor gasped, dropping her hands to her thighs as she gasped for breath, ‘I’m gonna need some of whatever you guys are eating in your apartment.’

They finished with the beep test, which almost made a few people pass out on the spot at the prospect. Coach Cromwell looked slightly amused as she watched them all line up between the starting cones, muscles primed for the run.

By the time Abby’s legs began to burn, three-quarters of the team had dropped out. Only her, Sam, Taylor, Caprice (her fierce competitiveness keeping her going) and Rosie remained, hurling themselves desperately over the line each time before the beep. Caprice was the first to go, knees collapsing and preventing her from exerting herself for one more length. Rosie and Taylor followed, both dropping out three lengths later at the same time. For the first time, Abby could actually sense Sam tiring next to her, breathing quick and uneven. They both pushed for four more rounds before Sam conceded defeat, and Abby felt her eyes on her back as she circled away for her final length.

‘Great job, Abby.’ Louise nodded, ‘And good hustle Sam. That’s what I like to see.’

Sam placed a hand on Abby’s shoulder, still struggling to catch her breath,

‘Good run.’

‘You too,’ Abby said, pushing Sam’s shoulders back for her so she could breathe properly, ‘You definitely lied about being out of shape.’

Sam rolled her eyes as they walked back towards the benches, ‘Maybe my housemate is just a good influence.’

Abby wordlessly took a seat and untied her shoelaces, too tired to make conversation. She wiped the sweat from her face, neck, arms and legs with the towel she’d brought with her, but she cursed as she dug around her bag, searching for a shirt she could change into.

‘Abby, you are not getting in my car without a fresh shirt.’ Sam told her seriously, ‘I can’t ruin the passenger seat like that.’

Jenna sighed, ‘One week in into sharing a house and they’re already having their first fight.’

‘In all seriousness,’ Ally cut in, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen them fight.’

‘They don’t,’ Megan said, ‘They just have lovers’ quarrels.’

Abby couldn’t remember ever having a fight with Sam.

‘You ready to go?’ Sam asked her, and Abby nodded, getting to her feet.

‘See you all tomorrow-’ Abby called over her shoulder, ‘Bright and early.’

Caprice winced, ‘You bring the coffee!’

They walked back to Sam’s car, Abby enjoying the pleasant ache of her muscles. Sam climbed in to the driver’s seat, tossing their training bags over her shoulder and onto the back seat.

‘That was fun.’ She said, reversing out of their spot.

‘It was.’ Abby agreed, mindlessly tracing patterns in the leather, ‘Where do you wanna get food tonight?’

Sam didn’t reply at first, and Abby thought she hadn’t heard her.

‘Sam? Where do you want-’

‘Uh,’ Sam cut in, both hands gripping the steering wheel, ‘I told Pat I’d eat with him tonight, if that’s all good with you?’

Abby blinked, ‘Yeah, of course. No problem.’

Later, after they’d had a shower and Sam had left, dressed in her favorite pair of shorts and her special-occasions jacket, Abby collapsed onto their couch with some microwave mac-and-cheese. The apartment was so quiet that Abby could hear the clock ticking from the kitchen, and she leaned her head back into the cushions so she was looking squarely at the ceiling.

It was almost unbelievable how she could miss someone when they lived in the same house.

-

‘Can I have your nuts?’ Sam asked.

‘Sure.’ Abby said, not looking up from the random magazine she’d picked up at the airport, ‘Just don’t take the water, I’m going to drink that.’

Sam leaned over between the seats to pluck the bag of peanuts from Abby’s fold out tray.

The first games of their preseason had been belatedly scheduled in North Carolina, a round robin tournament where they played Duke and UNC. Coach Cromwell had told them she wanted them to play as many preseason fixtures as possible to get a feel for the roster before the season started. She’d promised heavy rotation and some position changes, and Abby wondered what her plans were.

‘Penny for your thoughts?’ Sam asked, tilting her head back to tip the remaining peanuts in the bag down her throat.

‘Just thinking about what Coach Cromwell said about preseason.’

‘You’re worried about losing your spot.’ Sam guessed, and Abby hated how easy she was to read.

‘I guess.’

‘Don’t be,’ Sam said dismissively, ‘You’ve started every game since you got here. You’re on lock.’

‘What if I get injured?’ Abby argued, and Sam shot her a look.

‘You’ll make a full recovery and she’ll put you right back with the starters.’

Abby didn’t reply, but Sam gave her bicep a light squeeze.

They landed late in the evening, sky darkening as they arrived at their hotel. They were all split into their usual room combinations- Coach Cromwell had clearly been told not to mess with them- and Abby sunk back in to her away weekend routine with Sam like they’d never left.

They were all grateful for the lie-in that they were allowed the next morning. Abby slept better than she had all of her sophomore year, only waking up when Sam’s alarm went off for the third time.

‘Come on,’ Sam groaned, sitting on the edge of her bed and pulling on her socks, ‘We’re going to miss breakfast.’

They made it to the dining hall with fifteen minutes to spare, stocking their trays with granola and juice and eggs. The rest of the team looked like they had only just started to eat, and Abby slid in between Kodi and a Zoey, a freshman.

‘Hey,’ Zoey said, and Abby smiled encouragingly at her, ‘Did you play Duke last year?’

‘No,’ Abby frowned, ‘I’ve never played them, which is kind of weird. I don’t think we’ve played UNC either. It’s kind of rare to play East Coast teams unless it’s the playoffs.’

‘Oh.’ Zoey said, and she looked a little worried.

‘Trust me on this one,’ Abby said, spearing a piece of egg with her fork, ‘It feels really scary now, but as soon as you get out in the field it’ll feel very natural.’

The bus took them to the stadium at four in the afternoon, and Sam jammed one earpod into Abby’s ear as soon as they sat down, practically begging her to learn all the words to Counting Stars with her. Abby had heard the song over ten times on repeat by the time they pulled up at the stadium entrance, and the lyrics swirled around in her head as she got changed into her jersey. Caprice fell into step next to her as they jogged out onto the field, face glowing.

‘They’ve finally given me a jersey that fits.’ She whispered, and Abby couldn’t help but laugh.

In many ways, playing UNC away was the perfect storm for a disastrous first game, and Abby knew it. They had a new coach and a whole bunch of freshmen, and UNC were ranked first and had Crystal Dunn, reigning Hermann Trophy winner. Defeat, Abby thought, seemed almost certain.

Despite all that Sam had said about her having a starting spot on lock, Abby found herself holding her breath as Coach Cromwell read out the starting lineup. She only let herself relax when she heard her name listed in between Caprice and Megan’s, and she felt Sam’s eyes boring into her back. She tuned back into to Coach Cromwell’s voice as the rest of the lineup was announced, Sam unsurprisingly named as one of the midfield three.

‘I told you you’d start.’ Sam said, as they waited to walk on the pitch, but Abby just rolled her eyes. She felt a hum of excitement in her chest, a sense of anticipation. They hadn’t played since their last playoff game against Stanford, but as Abby hopped up and down on the spot, waiting for Taylor to square it to Rosie for kickoff, she felt hopeful. With the squad they had, they had a chance, a real chance at winning the College Cup.

Whatever Abby’s sentiments were before the whistle, they were wiped away within the opening few stages of the game. Crystal Dunn wasn’t a Hermann winner for nothing, and Gabbi, starting her first ever game at left back, had no idea what to do. Abby pushed as far wide as she could to help, but even she struggled to match Crystal one-on-one. A cross from the other UNC forward came into the box, and somehow Crystal beat Abby to the ball, directing a bullet header towards the top right-hand corner. Abby was certain that they were about to go a goal down when Katelyn threw herself at it, getting just enough on it to tip it around the post. Abby’s heart hammered in her throat.

For the first time in her college career, she went into halftime feeling grateful that they were still scoreless. Coach Cromwell’s face was impassive when they walked into the locker room, but Abby thought she sounded a little relieved too. Despite the close game, she remained adamant about sticking to her approach of player rotation, taking Rosie out and putting Ally in before they went back on the pitch.

Abby felt them grow into the game in the second half, Taylor and Ally making UNC’s outside backs work to keep them out. The onslaught of UNC attacks, however, didn’t let up, and Abby could feel them slowly being boxed in towards goal, dropping back until there was almost nowhere to go. Finally, with ten minutes to go, they caved. Chelsea, who was still adjusting to the game after being subbed on, fell victim to a loose touch in the box, and Crystal pounced, sending the ball flying past Katelyn and into the net. Abby allowed herself five seconds of frustration, before turning to urge the team on to find an equalizer.

She saw Caprice scowl as the final whistle went and felt a similar hint of disappointment. She knew they’d never been tipped to win anyway- the odds were stacked against them- but she hated losing all the same.

‘That was a solid game,’ Coach Cromwell said, as they huddled together on the pitch, ‘Not perfect, but a decent start. We’ve got one more game here, so let’s go out and win it and come home with something to show for.’

Once they got back to the hotel, Abby raced Sam back to their room to see who could get to the shower first. Abby got there ahead of Sam, hand curling around the handle, but Sam yanked her away by the waist and slid through the crack in the door before Abby had the chance to retaliate.

‘Not fair!’ Abby shouted, banging on the door, ‘I got here first.’

‘If you want a shower so bad, come in here and have one with me!’ Sam called back, and Abby moved away from door immediately, feeling the heat rise in her face.

She didn’t know what it was with Sam. There were things she said, sometimes, things she did, that made Abby hot and embarrassed.

That night, Sam’s snores kept her awake instead of putting her to sleep.

Abby sat at the breakfast table the next morning, happily planning the off-day that they’d been allocated with Megan, Caprice, Rosie and Sam, when Louise walked over, grin on her face, to whisper something in Sam’s ear. Abby watched curiously as Sam’s eyes widened like saucers, and she immediately swiveled in her chair to look towards the door. Abby followed her line of sight just in time to see Kristie Mewis stride in, a smile on her face that looked exactly like Sam’s. Abby choked on her mouthful of cornflakes.

‘Kristie!’ Sam almost screamed, out of her chair in an instant. Kristie pulled her into a tight hug, seemingly unaware of the bug-eyed looks that the rest of the team were sharing.

‘Abby,’ Megan murmured, ‘Is that-’

‘Yes,’ Abby swallowed, ‘That’s her.’

‘She’s even more gorgeous in person,’ Caprice grinned, ‘You have great taste.’

Abby was suddenly uncomfortably aware that almost the entire team knew about her crush on Kristie and had heard the story of Abby’s visit to the Mewis household at Thanksgiving hundreds of times.

‘I think this is my worst nightmare come to life.’ She muttered, and Megan shot her a sympathetic glance.

‘Guys, this is my sister, Kristie.’ Sam said, arm around Kristie’s shoulder. There was a chorus of greetings from around the table.

‘Sorry to come in and surprise you like this,’ Kristie said, ‘But I was on my way home from Kansas City and realized you were playing here this weekend, so I thought I should come watch.’

Sam looked like Christmas had come early. Abby wanted to die.

Kristie and Sam stayed absorbed in their own conversation as the rest of the team finished breakfast, much to Abby’s relief. She ate the rest of her cereal as fast as she could, hoping that she could slip out and get back to the room before Sam thought to drag her over to talk to Kristie, but when she went to pull her room card from her pocket, she realized with horror she’d left it on her bedside table. Cursing her luck, Abby watched her teammates disappear back to their rooms or to the pool, before steeling herself for the most awkward encounter of her life.

She shuffled over towards to where Sam and Kristie were buried in their conversation until she was stood behind Kristie’s chair. She managed to catch Sam’s eye over Kristie’s shoulder, and Sam was distracted long enough for Kristie to turn in her chair to see what Sam was looking at.

Abby felt her stomach lurch as she met Kristie’s gaze, saw her eyes light up in recognition.

‘Oh, hey,’ she said pleasantly, ‘Abby, right? Sam brought you home for the Thanksgiving before last.’

Abby was a little surprised that Kristie remembered, ‘Yeah,’ she said, before feeling the need to continue, ‘How have you been?’

‘Not bad,’ Kristie shrugged, ‘Just played my first season in the league.’

‘Congratulations.’

‘Thank you. How about you? I heard about Sam going to stay in the summer.’

‘It was great to have her,’ Abby said, relaxing a little, ‘My parents love her, so it was easy.’

Kristie laughed, ‘Sam generally has that effect on people.’

Out of the corner of her eye, Abby could see Sam’s eyes flicking between her and Kristie.

‘Kristie,’ Sam said loudly, ‘I’m going to go back to the room to get something. I’ll meet you in front of the reception desk in five minutes?’

‘Perfect.’ Kristie said distractedly, not looking away from Abby. The small flame of panic that Abby felt at the idea of being left alone with Kristie suddenly vanished with a poof.

‘How’s Kansas City?’ Abby asked, once Sam had put some distance between them.

‘It’s a nice place,’ Kristie said, ‘But I miss Boston.’

‘Sam told me you were a Mommy’s girl.’

‘She’s right. I was always more attached to home than she was.’

Abby felt a weird pang, ‘Why is that?’

Kristie scrunched up her nose, ‘I think she feels freer here. She gets kind of claustrophobic at home. Coming to UCLA gave her a chance to do what she wanted to do.’

Abby stored the titbit of information away for later.

‘So,’ she asked, changing the subject, ‘Are you living with Maddie in KC?’

‘Oh,’ Kristie cleared her throat, ‘No. We broke up when we left college. She had a work placement in Florida and long distance just wasn’t going to work.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Abby said, hoping that she genuinely sounded sorry. Blood pounded in her head.

‘It’s okay. I’m over it now.’

Neither of them said a word.

‘So you’re single?’ Abby asked, choking a little on her words. Kristie’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly,

‘Yeah. I’m single.’

‘Hey!’ Sam called, and Abby twisted to see her waiting at the dining hall door, ‘You ready?’

‘Yeah, sorry.’ Kristie apologized, steering Abby towards the door, ‘I lost track of time.’

Sam had a look of intense self-gratification, ‘No problem. I’ll call you when we’re coming back, Abby, and maybe we can go out this afternoon?’

‘Perfect.’ Abby gabbled, retreating backwards in the direction of the elevator.

‘Abby?’

‘Yes?’

‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’

Abby’s mind blanked, and she stared at Sam as she pulled out a keycard from her pocket.

‘Oh yeah,’ she said, snatching the card from Sam’s fingertips, ‘Thanks.’

‘No problem.’ Sam replied, still not dropping her shit-eating grin as she turned towards the door.

Caprice, having done some research, dragged Abby out of her hotel room later that morning and took her a cute bookstore off Angier Avenue that doubled as a café.

‘You,’ she had insisted, practically forcing Abby out the door, ‘Need to clear your head.’

Abby, as much as she hated to admit it, knew she was right. Seeing Kristie again had not been something she’d not even been remotely prepared for, let alone flirting with her. Abby felt like she’d been transported back to 2011, memories of her first season as a Bruin coming flooding back, and with it the feelings she’d buried. Her brain was still having trouble moving the puzzle pieces around so they fit in perfectly, but making conversation with Caprice as they walked to buy books and get coffee was easy- and that was exactly what she needed.

Once they’d chosen their books, Caprice sat Abby down at a table at the back of the bookshop and wandered off to buy them coffee, Abby’s pleas to let her pay falling on deaf ears. She came back just minutes later, armed with both of their usual orders.

‘Okay,’ Caprice said, placing Abby’s cup in front of her and taking the seat opposite, ‘Give me the full run-down.’

‘It was so humiliating.’ Abby confessed, bringing the cup up to her lips so she could take a sip.

‘What did you say?’ Caprice pressed, leaning forward, ‘What did she say?’

‘It started off fine. I was just asking her about soccer and stuff, but then Sam went back to the room to get something-’ Abby cut herself off, realization dawning on her, ‘Actually, I’m pretty sure she was just trying to get me alone with Kristie.’

‘Oh, she definitely was.’ Caprice agreed, but urged Abby to continue,

‘And then for some reason I asked her about Maddie.’

‘Maddie?’

‘Her girlfriend.’

‘Oh.’ Caprice said, and Abby saw her trying to hide her smile.

‘Then she explained that she’d broken up with her- wait, Caprice, let me finish- and I asked her if she was single.’

‘Oh my god.’ Caprice said. She sat back in her chair, silent for a moment, ‘Abby, this is insane.’

‘I know right?’ Abby moaned, ‘I don’t know what came over me.’

‘No,’ Caprice shook her head, ‘I’m not talking about that. You actually have a chance here.’

Abby’s laugh sounded more like a bark.

‘What?’

‘You have a chance,’ Caprice repeated, ‘What did she say when you asked her if she was single?’

‘She said she was.’

‘See,’ Caprice said, looking at her triumphantly as if she’d just proven her point, ‘She’s into you.’

‘Caprice,’ Abby said evenly, ‘You’re delusional.’

‘Okay- maybe not into you yet, but she would probably give you her number if you asked.’

‘I am not asking her for her number,’ Abby hissed, ‘I’m supposed to be getting over her.’

‘Why?’ Caprice argued, leaning in closer to continue their whisper fight, ‘Sam’s already cool with it- she’d probably cry tears of joy if you asked Kristie out, Kristie is single, and you’re single too.’

‘What’s your point?’

‘Why should you try to get over Kristie when you have a real window of opportunity? You shouldn’t give something up just because it wasn’t possible before.’

‘No.’ Abby said simply, leaning back in her chair, ‘And you wanna know why? Because she works in KC and I play college soccer in LA, and she literally broke up with her girlfriend because she didn’t want to do long distance.’

‘Bullshit,’ Caprice said, dismissing it with a wave of her hand, ‘I never said you were going to be her girlfriend. You should just exchange numbers and see where it goes.’

‘That’s never going to work out.’

Caprice raised her eyebrows, ‘Didn’t Vani tell you to hook up with her to get it out of your system?’

Abby pursed her lips, ‘I regret telling you that. And who’s to say she was right?’

‘Abby,’ Caprice sighed, ‘You keep making all these excuses for yourself. Just let yourself have hope, for once.’

‘Everything is just happening too fast.’ Abby said, toying with the hem of her shirt. Caprice relaxed,

‘That’s okay. You don’t need to go launching yourself into anything. You can just keep your options open.’

Abby inhaled, ‘You really think she might be interested?’

‘She could’ve said anything when you asked her if she was single,’ Caprice pointed out, ‘But she said she was.’

‘How would I even ask her for her number?’ Abby laughed, ‘Just go up to her and be like, ‘Hey Miss Professional Soccer Player, wanna swap numbers? By the way, I’ve been into you since twelfth grade and I hadn’t even met you’.’

‘Yeah,’ Caprice smirked, ‘I wouldn’t say that. Or mention it to her ever.’

Abby’s phone buzzed in her pocket, and she fished it out, staring at the message that popped up on the screen.

‘Megan’s asking if we want to go to the lemur park this afternoon.’ She said, bemused smile on her face.

‘A lemur park?’ Caprice asked, choking on her coffee, ‘Those places exist?’

‘Apparently.’ Abby said, passing her phone over so Caprice could scroll through the website that Megan had sent.

‘This looks really good.’ Caprice said, impressed. She handed the phone back to Abby, ‘Tell Megan I’m in.’

‘That’s two of us.’ Abby grinned, typing her response into her phone.

Between their trip to the lemur park, dinner and a team meeting, Abby didn’t find herself alone with Sam until they got back to their room in the evening- a fact she became painfully aware of as Sam closed the door behind them. Tossing her stuff on her bed, Abby busied herself with organizing her washing, trying avoid eye contact.

‘Abby?’ Sam asked, sitting down on her bed and leaning against the back board, ‘Come on, don’t leave me hanging.’

Abby frowned, turning to look at Sam, ‘What do you mean?’

‘Your conversation with Kristie this morning,’ Sam said, ‘How did it go?’

Abby realized that Kristie hadn’t told Sam anything.

‘Oh, uh, fine.’

Sam tilted her head, ‘Really? It wasn’t weird?’

Abby rolled her eyes, ‘Oh, it was weird. But nothing I couldn’t handle.’

Sam hummed, ‘Anything interesting happen?’

Abby knew exactly what Sam was asking, and her conversation with Caprice that afternoon would’ve certainly sparked Sam’s interest, but she hesitated.

‘No, not really.’ She lied, and was instantly consumed by guilt. Sam looked a little disappointed.

Abby hadn’t meant to lie to her- she didn’t think she’d ever done so before, but Kristie was a special case. Some superstitious part of Abby’s brain was telling her that telling Sam about her weird thing with Kristie was going to jinx it and bring the whole thing crashing down on her shoulders, and Abby didn’t want to take that chance, however small it really was.

She came close to revealing the truth, as Sam sat there reading in bed before they slept, but she couldn’t quite put it into words. Sam said goodnight and turned off the light, and Abby stayed quiet.

They prepared for the game against Duke thoroughly, eager to bounce back from the loss. Coach Cromwell announced she was going to try out a new formation, but also said she’d keep the lineup the same. Abby listened to her speak at the team meeting before the game, enraptured. Coach Cromwell may have been new, but she spoke with the authority of a coach who had been with a team in years, and Abby was comforted by it.

They were scheduled to play at Dorrance Field again, and the majority-UNC crowd were cheering for them by default, making a point of booing the Duke players as they jogged out to warm up.

‘Pretty serious rivalry.’ Megan muttered, stretching down to touch her toes. Abby agreed- they had rivals in California, but she wasn’t sure the feuding extended quite so far as booing the opposite team.

‘Can you see Kristie, Sam?’ Caprice asked, with an air of innocence that Abby knew she was putting on. Sam squinted at the front row of the crowd for a few minutes, before pointing.

‘There.’

They all looked, and Abby made out Kristie’s blonde hair in the front row, cheering and whistling along with the rest of the crowd. Her stomach did a triple backflip with one and a half twists.

Coach Cromwell kept her pregame talk short, ushering them out onto the pitch with a few words of encouragement. Abby slotted in between Caprice and Megan, heels resting on the line that marked the top of the eighteen-yard box. Duke ran out onto the field moments later, and Abby stretched out, careful to keep her breathing even as they got ready to play.

She shot one last glance at Kristie, a blob in the stands, before the whistle blew, and they were off. Duke were good, as Coach Cromwell had warned, but Abby knew they were better. With only eight minutes on the clock, Rosie scored, getting on the end of one of Taylor’s whipped crosses. She leapt to her feet with a huge smile, not caring in the slightest about the grass stains across her shorts and down her leg. The game evened out after that, a Duke player even finding half a yard in the box to fire a shot on goal, but Katelyn, carrying on with her Superman impression, was equal to it.

The second half set up an interesting balance between Duke pushing for the equalizer and the Bruins waiting to launch a counter-attack. Abby watched, waiting and waiting for the smallest opening, the barest crack through which they could strike. It came as they game ticked over into it’s final quarter, when Abby won the ball in the midfield after she pressured the striker back into the middle third.  She took one look up, saw Darian beating the Duke defender for pace, and lofted the ball into her path. Darian only needed to take one touch to bring the ball down, and then it was in the net. The team huddled around Darian to celebrate, but Sam gave Abby’s hand a squeeze as they jogged back into position.

They almost made it out without conceding, but Duke finally got their goal in the dying embers of the game, Caprice taking out their striker in the box and giving away a penalty. Caprice argued as much as she could with decision before Sarah dragged her away, but protesting was useless, and the Duke captain put away the penalty easily. Caprice looked a little bummed when the whistle blew, but Megan’s promise to share the lemur-shaped candy she’d bought at the zoo brought the smile back to her face. Abby laughed at that- Caprice was far too easily pleased.

‘Abby!’ Sam called, waving at her from the bench, ‘Come and talk to Kristie.’

Abby jogged over, self-consciously smoothing her hair down. Kristie was leaning against the barrier of the stands, laughing at something Sam was saying. Abby’s throat bobbled.

‘Good game,’ she said, smiling at Abby as she approached, ‘That was some assist. Have you ever considered playing as a midfielder?’

Abby laughed at the thought, but Sam shook her head, ‘She would be missed too much in defense.’

‘I get that.’ Kristie replied, ‘Abby, you were a rock out there.’

‘Thanks,’ Abby said shyly, ‘It was a shame about the goal, though.’

Kristie waved it away, ‘It’s fine. It happens.’

‘Sammy!’ Someone behind them shouted, and Sam and Abby turned to see Rosie beckoning from the other end of the field.

‘Looks like I’m needed over there,’ Sam said, ‘Abby, you coming?’

‘I’ll be over in a second.’ Abby said, holding out hope that she wouldn’t arouse any suspicion. Sam just shrugged, ‘Suit yourself.’ She jogged off, and Abby watched her go.

‘You have an amazing team,’ Kristie remarked, as Abby turned back to look at her, ‘You guys will go far.’

Abby swallowed, ‘Maybe.’ Her eyes trailed away from Kristie’s face and down her shoulders, before settling on her hands, fingers intertwined with one another.

Kristie tilted her head slightly, ‘What?’ she asked, ‘Do I have a stain on my shirt or something?’

‘No.’ Abby breathed, ‘I, uh- I was just going to ask you something.’

‘Mmhmm?’

‘I was wondering,’ Abby swallowed, ‘If I could have your number.’

Kristie froze for a moment, pupils dilating slightly, ‘Are you for real?’

Abby nodded numbly. A smile broke across Kristie’s face.

‘You don’t happen to have a piece of paper on you, by any chance?’ Abby looked at her, perplexed, but Kristie shrugged, ‘Okay, I guess we’ll do it old-school.’

She pulled her mascara pen out of her bag, before reaching over the railing for Abby’s arm, cool fingers wrapping around her wrist. Before Abby could ask what she was doing, she’d uncapped the pen and started writing her digits out on the inside of Abby’s forearm, careful not to smudge the ink. Abby stared at the writing.

‘Text me.’ Kristie said, ‘I promise I’ll reply.’ She shot Abby a wink, before moving away from the railing and making her way up the steps of the stand towards the exit. Abby ogled at her until she disappeared from sight, mouth slightly agape.

She tapped Kristie’s number into her phone as soon as she got back to the locker room, before heading to the showers to wash the incriminating evidence off her arm. As she stood under the water stream, watching the numbers melt away from her arm, she replayed Kristie’s wink in her head, over and over again.

Abby didn’t send Kristie a message until she and Sam had got back to their apartment, where she could craft her text in the privacy of her own bedroom. She chewed her lip as she stared at the still-empty text chain, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that she’d managed to get Kristie’s number. She could hear Sam banging about in the kitchen- doubtlessly experimenting with another form of egg- and another wave of guilt hit her.

She liked Kristie. Kristie seemed liked her enough to give her her number. There was nothing wrong with it, nothing to be ashamed about, nothing to need to hide. Caprice had been right- Sam would probably have started organizing the wedding if Abby had mentioned anything to her on the night they’d played Duke, and Abby knew that. Yet she’d convinced herself, over and over again on the flight home, that there was nothing yet to tell. Everything was still up in the air, and Abby was determined to let things settle.

So nothing had been said, and Sam was still as clueless as ever.

Abby turned her thoughts back to her phone, turning over the possibilities in her mind. Every conversation she’d had with Kristie had been fueled by adrenaline and gut instinct, and somehow it had managed to land her in the position that she found herself in.

If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, Abby thought, and typed out a quick, ‘Hey, it’s Abby’ before pressing send. She stared at the blue message bubble for a few moments, willing Kristie to respond.

The grey dots showed up on the bottom left-hand corner of her screen, and Abby’s heart leapt to her mouth. She shifted onto her side unconsciously so that her phone screen wouldn’t be visible to anyone who decided to burst through her door unannounced, and waited.

‘Hi,’ Kristie’s message read, ‘Good timing, I was about to go to bed.’

Abby did some quick math in her head. It was eleven o’clock in Boston.

‘I forgottime difference was a thing.’

‘If you had a sister on the opposite side of the country I think you’d remember.’

Abby laughed, stretching out on the bed and turning off her phone, letting it fall onto the sheets. She was really beginning to enjoy her junior year.

Their home opener was against San Diego, and by then Coach Cromwell had picked her starters. Their preseason had gone remarkably well after their opener against UNC, and Abby had felt right at home in between Megan and Caprice. They’d had successive shutouts against Northeastern and CSUN, and Abby had been confident that they could shut San Diego out too.

Kodi’s goal put them in cruise control just before the half, and San Diego hadn’t had a shot on goal. Abby was buzzing- a low, warm feeling in her stomach that made her desperate to get out on the field again and finish the game off. The minutes ticked by in the second half, and Abby spent most of them watching the game unfold in front of her. Darian, just like Sam had promised, was a nightmare on the wing, firing in shots and crosses and passes from every angle. Caprice jogged up to take a corner with five minutes left on the clock, and Abby brazenly decided that she wanted in. Hovering at the edge of the six-yard box, she locked eyes with Caprice, who gave her the briefest of nods before setting the ball down next to the corner flag. The cross was an in-swinger- too much of an in-swinger, Abby realized, as she jostled to get closest to the path of the ball. The ball bounced off the crossbar and fell right at Abby’s feet. She hardly had to move at all to put the ball in the back of the net.

Sam slung one arm around her neck in celebration, cheers and whistles rising from the bench. Coach Cromwell had a large smile on her face as the team jogged back into position, Katelyn jogging of her line to give her shoulder a celebratory pat before play resumed. I wonder if Kristie saw that, Abby thought.

Kristie had seen it. Abby was greeted by a slew of texts when she picked up her phone in the locker room, with the last one reading, ‘Great game :)’

Abby just about managed to turn off her smile before anyone noticed her grinning at her phone.

The season wound on, games coming in thick and fast. Between schoolwork, practice and texting Kristie, Abby hardly had a moment to catch her breath. They played Pepperdine in Malibu and won again, notching up another shut to their tally, before following it up with a 2-0 win at LMU. Their third successive away game was scheduled in Arizona, Abby’s least favorite place to be. Sam, who was more organized on a day-to-day basis than Abby had been in her whole life, went out to buy scarves that they could use to cover their faces whenever the wind whipped the sand up in the air.

Abby was careful only to message Kristie a couple of times a day. She knew staying focused was important, and messaging a girl that was three time zones away wasn’t how she wanted to spend her time. Megan spent a large chunk of the breaks they got at practice speculating about who was making Abby look ‘disgustingly happy’, and Caprice, to her credit, kept her mouth shut, shooting Abby amused looks every now and then.

‘Abby isn’t dating anyone.’ Sam insisted, as they queued up to board the plane to Arizona, ‘If she was, I would definitely know.’

Abby struggled to keep her face neutral.

‘You think you know everything.’ Megan complained.

‘I do,’ Sam said, ‘Because I’m her best friend, and I tell her everything, so she tells me everything.’

Abby kept her eyes firmly facing forward, and Caprice gave her hand a silent squeeze.

They got to Arizona in the early afternoon, and Abby spent her evening by the pool scrolling through her phone, occasionally looking up to watch Sam complete one of her many lengths in the water. She was halfway through reading an article on the basketball team when her phone buzzed and a message from Kristie popped up.

‘Ready for your game tomorrow?’

Abby swallowed. Her conversations with Kristie had been strictly platonic, despite the hint of suggestiveness in Kristie’s wink after the Duke game. Abby hadn’t had the courage to push it further beforehand, but recently it had felt like they’d been teetering on the brink of flirting. Her fingers tapped at the letters on the keyboard.

‘Only if you’re watching.’

Her thumb rubbed the arm of her deckchair as she waited for a reply.

‘Do you want me to?’

Abby inhaled sharply, sitting up a little straighter. The chair felt like it was burning her thighs.

‘I haven’t been keeping all these clean sheets for no one.’

‘Keep another one,’ Kristie’s text read, ‘And I’ll try to come and witness one in person.’

Abby read and reread the message a few times, thoughts swirling around in her head. It was still the league’s offseason, and Abby knew players didn’t report back until March. It wasn’t entirely unreasonable for Kristie to-

‘Abby.’ Sam said, waving her hand in front of Abby’s face, ‘I’ve called you like three times. Come on, we have to go in, dinner is in thirty minutes.’

Abby climbed out of her chair, wrapping her towel around her and following Sam back into the hotel. They stood in silence in the elevator, and Sam’s eyebrows knitted together.

‘Did you forget to put on sunscreen? You look a little pink.’

‘Yeah,’ Abby said hollowly, ‘I’ll have to put on more next time.’

Abby hated the field in Arizona. She could always hear the crunch of sand under her boot, and the stuff got everywhere- in her cleats, in her water, inside her socks. She was immensely grateful to only be playing one game in the desert, after they’d drawn Arizona State at home later on in the season. There was a strong turnout from the Arizona fans, a solid eight hundred lining the benches to watch the game. Abby watched the camera crew set up out of the corner of her eye, and hoped the extra effort she’d made to keep her hair lying flat would work. Coach Cromwell emphasized the importance of staying hydrated, and made them all promise to drink plenty at the half. Abby paid very little attention to her pregame instructions, itching to get out on the field and play.

Scoring early on in the game had become a trend for the team that season, and Abby had a feeling that it would happen again. After just five minutes, Taylor shimmied past an Arizona defender and took a shot across goal that just managed to evade the outstretched fingertips of the goalkeeper.

‘I knew that would happen!’ Caprice whooped, jumping onto Abby’s back as they celebrated.

Abby kept an eye on Sam after they reset, knowing that she was eager to score whilst Kristie was watching. She threw her hands up in celebration as Sam’s shot looked like it was headed for the bottom corner, but it bounced off the post and safely into the goalkeeper’s palms. Sam turned away, but Abby could see the steely determination on her face and knew it was only a matter of time. Taylor, once again turning a player inside out on the wing, drove the ball into the box for Sam to meet with her right foot, ball almost breaking the net. Abby waited for the rest of the team to pull away Sam before she went to hug her, holding on for just a few seconds longer than usual.

She almost told her about Kristie then and there.

They lost the clean sheet just before half time, after a defense-splitting pass from the Arizona midfield set up a one-on-one where Katelyn didn’t have a chance. Conceding a goal bothered Abby more than she liked to admit, and a thundercloud hovered over her head as she took long sips of water during the break. Coach Cromwell tipped her chin upwards for her just before they got back out on the pitch, and Abby forced herself to grit her teeth and carry on. Forty-five minutes passed without much happening, and Abby congratulated her teammates for what felt like the hundredth time after the game ended.

‘You’re frowning.’ Sam said, as they headed into the locker room.

‘No I’m not.’

‘You’re definitely not smiling.’

‘I just hate conceding.’ Abby whined, dropping herself into her chair.

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Sam said, ‘I’m loving the high standards, but give yourself a break. No one’s counting every goal you let in.’

Your sister is, Abby thought, but she didn’t say it.

They got home and the clean sheets resumed, a win against Washington State and a draw against Washington taking their tally to eight shut outs in the season. Coach Cromwell said it came down to holding down a large chunk of possession and good positioning, but Abby felt like it was more to do with confidence. She’d never played in a defense that had gelled as well as she, Caprice, Megan and Gabbi had over the course of the season, and she felt like she knew her teammates inside out. There was an air of assertiveness amongst the four of them on the field, the sense that the pressure was on the attackers to make a play instead of the other way round. Whatever it was that was making them so defensively resolute, Abby hoped it would carry on through to the end of the season and beyond.

They reached October, and Abby felt the game against Stanford looming over their heads, threatening to spoil their good form. She’d never beaten Stanford- they’d lost every encounter against them since she was a freshman- and there was a desperation in the way she played against Washington, aware that she’d have to put in the performance of her career to keep Stanford’s forwards out the next week.

On the Tuesday before the big game, Abby was holed up in her room, papers spread across her bed as she tried her best to focus on her sociology assignment that was due on the Friday and not how badly she’d played at practice a few hours before. She was halfway through sorting her notes into piles when the phone rang. Abby glanced over at her bedside table with the full intention of ignoring it and calling back later, but when she saw the name on the screen, she froze.

‘Hey.’ she said awkwardly, holding the phone to her ear.

‘Hi.’ Came Kristie’s voice, a little breathless.

‘Is everything okay?’ Abby asked tentatively. If anything, their texting had grown even more frequent. Kristie now knew half of her embarrassing childhood stories as well as her favorite color and go-to coffee order.

‘Yeah,’ Kristie laughed, ‘Of course, everything’s perfect. I was just calling to tell you that I’ll be in San Francisco this weekend.’

‘What?’ Abby yelped, ‘This weekend?’

‘I’m staying with Courtney, she lives in Palo Alto.’

Abby was slowly managing to process the news, ‘I’m in San Francisco this weekend.’

‘I know,’ Kristie said, and Abby could hear her smile down the phone, ‘That’s why I asked to schedule my visit for this weekend. I’ll be at the Stanford game.’

Abby sat down very quickly on the edge of her bed, ‘Great.’ She said, trying not to sound too dumbfounded.

‘Hey, no pressure.’ Kristie sounded a little worried, ‘Just play your game, alright? I’ll be impressed no matter what happens.’

‘What did Sam say when you told her you were coming?’

The line was quiet for a moment, ‘I actually haven’t told her yet. I called you first.’

‘Oh.’ Abby said, feeling like she was levitating off the bed.

‘I’ll call her now,’ Kristie said, ‘I’m really looking forward to seeing you.’

‘Yeah,’ Abby agreed, ‘Can’t wait.’

Kristie hung up, and Abby collapsed into her bedsheets. Down the hall, she heard Sam’s phone ring.

The team bus was scheduled to drive them up to San Francisco at lunchtime on Friday, but Sam had an exam in the afternoon and asked Coach Cromwell if she and Abby could drive up a little later. With permission granted, Abby stayed in their apartment for most of the day, finishing off her packing and taking a nap while she waited for Sam. She heard Sam noisily push through their apartment door at two, and by two forty-five they were in the car going through their checklist.

‘I’ll drive the first half of the way,’ Abby offered, as Sam slammed the trunk closed, ‘So you can have a rest, then you can drive the second half.’

‘Thanks.’ Sam sounded grateful as she walked around to the passenger side, ‘That exam really took it out of me.’

Abby hummed as she turned the ignition key, ‘Maybe we should just grab dinner on the way and then hit the sack as soon as we get there.’

‘Sounds good,’ Sam yawned, rifling through the CDs in the glove compartment, ‘What album should we play first?’

They’d made it through over half the stack of CDs when they reached the halfway point of their drive. Abby pulled into a gas station to stretch her legs for a moment whilst Sam ran off to get them something to eat for their dinner. She returned with a plastic bag piled high with boxed salads and pre-made fish tacos, and Abby unpacked the selection once they were back in the car, occasionally feeding Sam pieces of pineapple.

They made it to Stanford by eight thirty, checking in with the team to let them know they’d arrived before finally getting to their hotel room. Abby rubbed at her eyes, exhausted.

‘I still can’t believe Kristie’s coming to watch us tomorrow.’ Sam said, voice a little husky.

‘She hadn’t seen you play in a college game before Duke, right?’ Abby asked.

‘No,’ Sam said, ‘She watched a few on TV, but normally she had a game.’

‘That’s nice,’ Abby said, ‘I hope we win.’

Sam looked up from where she was organizing her gameday bag on the desk,

‘I hope so too.’ She said, and smiled.

Abby stared at the ceiling that night, thinking more about Kristie than the game. She squeezed her eyes shut and remembered the excitement in Kristie’s voice, feeling a little jumpy at the thought of seeing her again. It wasn’t just Kristie who would be there either- her entire family had been all too happy to come and watch, and Abby’s mom had messaged her earlier in the day to tell her how much she was looking forward to it.

There were a lot of expectations riding on her, but the only ones that really mattered to Abby were Kristie’s- but that was something she didn’t particularly want to unpack, so she rolled onto her side and went to sleep.

The day dawned beautiful and bright, and Coach Cromwell dragged them all out of bed by seven thirty to go on a morning walk before breakfast. Once Abby had blinked the sleep out of her eyes and come to her senses, she found herself appreciating the view of the bay from the waterfront. The sun had just risen above the water, and there was a faint mist hanging over the city as it slowly woke up.

‘Mmhmm, very beautiful.’ Megan said, clutching at her coffee like it could be snatched away at any moment, ‘Can we go back to sleep now?’

The rest of their day was occupied with various stretch sessions and team meetings, broken up by lunch. Abby had a distinct memory of Coach Snow emphasizing the importance of the Stanford games to their season, putting a lot of attention onto how exactly they would have to outplay them. Coach Cromwell took a different approach- in fact Abby didn’t think that she’d heard her mention Stanford at all in any of their tactical sessions during the week. The coaches all seemed relaxed and at ease, laughing along with the team as they discussed everything and anything during the stretches. It’s almost like we’re just playing any other team, Abby thought, as they piled on to the bus to drive to Maloney Field.

They’d been warned ahead of time that attendance was high, as it always was with any UCLA-Stanford game, but Abby wasn’t quite prepared for the wall of noise she was blasted with when they emerged from the locker room. Both of the stands on either side of the field were jam packed with fans, and she quickly realized that spotting her family or Kristie would be impossible. Caprice winced a little as the Stanford fans behind her began chanting loudly, and Abby wondered how loudly she’d have to shout for any of the players of the field to hear her.

‘Okay,’ Coach Cromwell said, standing with her hands on her hips in front of them, whiteboard abandoned in the corner, ‘I don’t give a shit about who we’re playing. We could be playing the Barcelona men’s team in a Champions League final and our approach would still stay the same. We’re not going to give them anything they want today- they’re going to have to earn it. Have I made myself clear?’ 

A resounding ‘Yes’ echoed off the walls of the locker room. Abby felt the most relaxed that she’d ever been before a Stanford game.

She didn’t even glance over at the Stanford players to her left in the tunnel, eyes fixed on the back of Jenna’s head. She hardly noticed the screams of the crowd as she walked out onto the pitch. She even forgot about who was watching, forgot about the way that Kristie had wanted to tell her about her trip to San Francisco before she told Sam.

The first half was slow and cautious. Stanford, clearly well aware of Taylor and Darian’s habit of scoring early in the game, kept possession as much as they could and got bodies behind the ball when they defended. Abby had surprisingly little to do, hovering in a line alongside Megan anxiously as they waited for the ball to come their way. Rosie got a few shots off whenever she found the space, but the Stanford goalkeeper, a tall blonde girl who Abby vaguely recognized from national team camp a few years ago, was more than equal to them.

Abby knees were shaking as she walked back down the tunnel at halftime, nerves beginning to get to her. She collapsed in her chair, gulping back water and closing her eyes. She was vaguely aware of Coach Cromwell addressing them, but she wasn’t processing any of it.

‘Abby,’ Sam said, fingers pressing firmly into her hip, lips so close to her ear that Abby could feel them brush against her hair, ‘We’re going to win this.’

Hardly a minute had passed in the second half before Caprice gave away a freekick on the right-hand side, and Abby carefully set the team up for the set piece, just like they’d practiced all week. The ball floated in, and Katelyn swooped in to catch it, clutching the ball to her chest. Abby was so relieved that they hadn’t conceded that she didn’t notice that they’d launched a counter attack until Taylor was halfway up the pitch. The Stanford players, sprinting to get back in position, were easily outpaced, and Taylor made it all the way to the top of the box without contest.

Abby saw Jenna flying towards the backpost, frantically waving for the pass. ‘Jenna’s there!’ Abby screamed, knowing as soon as the words left her mouth that there was no way in hell that Taylor would hear her over the crowd.

It didn’t matter- Taylor had seen her. The cross was overhit slightly, and Abby held her breath as Jenna chased it down, but then the ball was in the net and Abby was streaking down the pitch and they were all piled on top of each other, jerseys plastered together.

They played their heart out for the next thirty minutes- Stanford pushed and pushed, but the line held firm, and Katelyn came up big whenever she was needed. They were two minutes away from victory (exactly two, Abby had been counting), when Stanford’s tiny Hawaiian midfielder danced around Megan and finally put the ball in the net. Abby fell to her knees.

‘Fuck whatever just happened-’ Coach Cromwell said as they all huddled together on the sidelines. Abby had to strain to hear what she was saying, ‘We’re going to beat them in overtime.’

They all looked exhausted, and Abby knew they didn’t have much left. They needed to score, fast.

They bombarded the Stanford goal, shot after shot winding up over the bar or straight into the goalkeeper’s hands. Frustration made Abby’s face burn. With one minute left in overtime, the big Stanford striker dodged Megan’s tackle, bombing down the pitch towards Abby, who suddenly realized they were in a one-on-one.

This is it, she thought. She shifted a little as she backpedaled, trying to show the Stanford striker onto her left foot- before remembering, panic flooding through her, that the striker was left footed. She’d somehow managed to backtrack all the way into the area, and suddenly the striker was pulling her leg back to strike and the crowd was cheering and Katelyn was yelling some unintelligible instruction and Abby dived for it- cleats thumping against the ball, pushing it away and wiping the striker out along with it. Abby heard the appeal for the penalty echo around the stadium, but as she got to her feet, she knew she’d timed it perfectly. The whistle went for the end of overtime and Abby felt herself being hoisted into the air by Katelyn.

‘That,’ Katelyn said, ‘Was the best tackle I’ve ever seen.’

Abby was too tired to reply.

‘Abby,’ Coach Cromwell said, as Abby joined the huddle, ‘Do you need to come off?’ Abby shook her head immediately, and Cromwell squeezed her shoulder, ‘Atta girl.’

Abby regretted saying no as soon as they restarted, feeling her legs burn whenever she passed the ball. Coach Cromwell pushed them on from the sidelines, cheering when Lauren won the ball back in the midfield, shouting instructions at Sam as she drove up the pitch. Abby watched Sam pass it to Darian, who played a one-two with Chelsea before slipping a pass through the Lauren, who’d found a way through the Stanford defense.

Abby held her breath.

The ball slid under the goalkeeper’s outstretched leg and Abby felt relief drain through her body, the adrenaline giving her just enough energy to carry her forward and launch herself onto the pile of players rolling in the mud.

She found the silence of the crowd extremely satisfying.

‘That,’ Coach Cromwell said, sounding a little breathless and standing on a chair in the locker room, ‘Is what we deserve.’

The entire locker room cheered. Abby’s arms were stiff from where they’d remained locked around Caprice and Megan’s neck for five minutes.

‘We’ll do it again next week!’ Someone hollered, and the room felt like it was vibrating.

‘Damn right we will,’ Coach Cromwell grinned, ‘Now let’s get back to the hotel and get some rest.’

It was only when Abby was in the shower, allowing her muscles to relax in the steam, that she remembered that Kristie had been watching. She’d managed to shut it out entirely, too focused on the game to think about it, but the thought made her stomach drop.

She was the only one left in the locker room when she emerged from the showers. The amount of time she spent under running water was a popular team joke, but Abby figured they’d decided to give it a rest for the night. She got changed and packed her stuff into her duffel bag, before shooting one last look at the Stanford locker room that had given her so many nightmares over the years. Redemption is sweet, Abby thought, as she walked out of the tunnel and into the cool night air.

‘Abby.’

Abby turned. Kristie was leaning with her back against her car, parked in the furthest corner of the parking lot. A huge grin spread across Abby’s face, and her feet carried her across the tarmac, away from the team bus and towards Kristie. Kristie stepped away from the car as Abby approached, throwing herself into Abby’s arms and pressing her face into her neck. Abby closed her eyes, drawing her in closer by the waist.

‘Oh my god,’ Kristie mumbled, ‘You were amazing.’

‘Really?’ Abby asked, shifting a little, ‘I was super nervous.’

Kristie pulled back, and Abby noticed that her eyes were a greyer than Sam’s were.

‘Why were you nervous?’ Kristie laughed, frowning a little in conclusion. She reached for Abby’s hand, thumb pressing into her knuckles. Abby suddenly felt bold.

‘Because I wanted to impress you,’ she said, ‘Obviously.’

Kristie’s face took on the same unreadable look that Abby had seen when she’d asked if she was single. Abby was halfway between deciding whether or not to apologize when Kristie leaned forward- fingers brushing the hair out of Abby’s face, thumb holding her chin in place- and kissed her. Abby reacted like she’d been expecting it, fingers curling into Kristie’s shirt to pull her closer, twisting a little to deepen the kiss.

Kristie broke away first, resting her forehead against Abby’s. Abby stared at where one of their hands was still intertwined, struggling to process the events of the past half an hour.

‘The bus is waiting for you,’ Kristie said eventually, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Abby licked her lips, ‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’ Kristie replied, and Abby finally pulled out of her space, casting one last longing glance over her shoulder as she walked away.

-

‘Home sweet home.’ Sam said, flicking on the light as they walked in, basking their apartment in a warm glow. Abby kicked her shoes off and towed her luggage into her room, tossing it onto her bed before joining Sam in the kitchen to watch her make them coffee.

They’d beat Cal just two days after they’d beat Stanford, completing their clean sweep of California. Kristie had missed the game- her flight back to Boston scheduled for the evening before- but Abby had spent her entire off day with her, under the cover of going for a hike with Caprice. They hadn’t done much; they’d gone to get lunch and coffee, but for the most part they lounged around on Kristie’s balcony, soaking up the sun’s rays. It had been Kristie’s hand on her thigh, rather than the sun, that had made Abby sweat so much, and the slight curve of Kristie’s lips told Abby that she knew exactly what she was doing to her.

Abby had resisted the temptation to roll over and kiss Kristie senseless until the sun started to set on the horizon, at which point Kristie’s hand started to shift ever so slightly upwards to trace the curve of her shorts, and Abby found she had no desire to hold back.

‘How much sugar?’ Sam asked, looking over her shoulder at Abby as she poured coffee into two mugs.

‘A teaspoon.’ Abby replied, taking her seat at the kitchen table. Sam spooned in the sugar for both of them, swirling the liquid around, and set Abby’s mug in front of her.

‘I’m going out tonight.’ Sam said abruptly. Abby looked up at her.

‘Okay.’ she said, ‘I’ll just make myself a salad.’

She noticed that Sam’s shoulders looked a little hunched as she sat down. Sam looks exhausted.

‘How are you?’ Abby asked, fingers wrapping around the warm ceramic, ‘I feel like we haven’t had a catch-up in a long time.’

‘Fine,’ Sam said, rubbing at her forehead, ‘A little tired. I’m looking forward to getting some rest.’

‘Why don’t you stay in tonight?’ Abby suggested, ‘Since we literally just got back.’

Sam’s smiled looked more like a grimace, ‘This can’t wait.’

Abby heard the alarm bells go off inside her head, but her lips stayed pressed together.

They both had secrets. She just had to trust that Sam would tell her when she was ready.

Sam left that night without saying goodbye- Abby heard the front door slam as she stepped out of the shower, and the only reply to her knock on Sam’s door was silence. Feeling a little hurt, Abby went back to her packing, throwing some stuff in the wash basket, pushing clean clothes back into drawers, and-

Fuck.

Abby’s back stiffened as she reached for her closet door, realization hitting her like a ton of bricks.

Sam knew about Kristie.

She wasn’t sure how Sam could’ve found out, because she was certain Caprice would never had said anything, but Sam had been acting weird ever since the Cal game had finished and Abby couldn’t think of any other reason for her awkwardness.

What if-

Abby reached for her phone, finding Kristie’s name in her contacts immediately. She only had to wait for a few rings before she was put through, a crackling noise echoing in her ear as Kristie picked up.

‘Have you told Sam about us?’ Abby blurted.

‘No?’ Kristie replied after a moment, sounding a little caught off guard. Abby chewed her lip,

‘She’s acting weird. I think she knows.’

‘Right,’ Kristie said, playing for time as her brain caught up, ‘But would that be such a bad thing?’

Abby breathed in and out a few times, ‘No,’ she admitted, ‘But I’m not sure if I’m ready to deal with her knowing yet.’

‘If you’re worried about her making fun of you, don’t be. Sam doesn’t really joke about stuff like this if you make it clear to her that it’s serious.’

Abby almost jumped out of her skin, ‘Is it serious?’

‘It is if you want it to be,’ Kristie replied brazenly, ‘Now go and talk to her about it.’

The phoneline went dead, and Abby stared at the blank screen, gathering up all the courage she could muster. She made her way slowly back to the living room, burying herself underneath the blankets piled up on the couch, and waited.

She had almost given up by ten o’clock- Sam rarely came home before midnight, and Abby could feel her eyes closing, the temptation of leaving their conversation until another day almost overwhelming her- when she heard the key turning in the lock. Abby jumped to her feet, guilt coursing through her system as if she’d been caught doing something wrong. Sam pushed through the door, face bathed in shadow. She stopped dead as soon as she saw Abby leaning awkwardly against the couch.

‘Sam,’ Abby swallowed, ‘I think we need to talk.’

Sam shook her head, and Abby was about to argue, about to force her down onto the couch so she could finally get the whole thing off her chest, when Sam stepped forward, and Abby suddenly noticed she’d been crying.

‘What’s wrong?’ Abby breathed, arms opening wide on instinct. Sam stumbled forward, her weight dragging them both down into the pillows, and Abby could feel Sam’s shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

‘Woah, woah,’ Abby said, pulling Sam closer to her, ‘What’s happening?’

‘I broke up with Pat.’ Sam sniffled, and Abby’s reality felt like it was about to cave in. She dug her fingers into Sam’s back, thumb moving in soothing circles.

It didn’t make any sense.

They lay there, perfectly still, for over an hour until Sam stopped crying. Abby heard Sam’s breathing out, felt her relax in her arms, but she didn’t quite feel ready to let go, and Sam made no move to free herself. Abby wondered if they were going to fall asleep together then and there.

‘Abby,’ Sam asked, turning her head slightly so she was whispering right in Abby’s ear, ‘What did we need to talk about?’

‘Nothing,’ Abby whispered back, ‘I’ll tell you some other time.’

‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’

-

‘So,’ Sam said, scratching her head, ‘How do we do this thing again?’

They were standing over their hotel bathtub, packs of ice melting in Abby’s arms as Sam poured over the instructions they’d been left outside their room.

‘Can you hurry up?’ Abby groaned, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of the ice.

‘Sorry.’ Sam huffed, flipping over the bit of paper to read what was written on the other side, ‘We gotta run the bath first.’

Abby immediately set the ice bags down on the toilet seat, wincing she stretched out her back. Sam put the plug in and turned the cold water knob as far as it could go. Leaning against the sink, they both watched the bathtub slowly fill with water, Sam humming the tune to some pop song under her breath.

It had been exactly fourteen days since Sam had fallen into Abby’s arms in tears, and it had also been fourteen days since Abby had promised to talk to Sam about Kristie- but that hadn’t exactly panned out. Abby had told herself that she’d just been too busy, but she always seemed to find excuses to go and do something else whenever the opportunity to pull Sam aside arose. She couldn’t help but feel that the moment had passed, that her sudden desire to get her secret off her chest had dissipated.

That was how two weeks had passed without fault, and how Abby found herself standing alongside Sam as they ran their first ice bath, with Sam none the wiser. They’d tied against Utah the week before and then beat Colorado to round off their last away game of the regular season, so Abby was in a good mood; satisfied with the win, but also desperate to get home.

She loved the apartment they lived in, loved how she could just about catch a glimpse of the ocean if she really squinted from her balcony, loved Sam’s washing rack that she’d insisted they would need and on which she hung out all their training jerseys out to dry, loved the smell of eggs and coffee and grass that wafted through the hallway at specific points of the day. Abby had felt at home as soon as she’d arrived in LA for her freshman year, but living with Sam had given her a whole new home- a home in the heart of someone who mattered the most to her.

‘Open the bags,’ Sam instructed, leaning forward to turn the tap off, ‘Wait- actually, only open half of them, we’re going to have to take turns in the bath and I don’t want all the ice to melt before one of us goes in.’

Abby surveyed the bathtub, ‘We can both fit in here.’ She said, reaching for the first ice bag, ‘So I’m going to pour all of this ice in.’

‘My legs are going to be all up in your business.’ Sam warned, and Abby laughed.

They stripped down to their underwear, Abby shivering slightly at the feeling of the cold tiles beneath her feet.

‘You first.’ She said to Sam, and Sam obligingly stepped in, gingerly lowering herself into the water. Abby followed suit, wincing as the freezing water swirled around her ankles. She dropped down on the opposite side to Sam, sitting between her legs. She realized, a little awkwardly, that she wouldn’t be able to stretch out her legs without draping them all over Sam. She was struggling with crossing her legs underneath her when Sam rolled her eyes and reached out to grab her ankles, pulling her legs forward until her calves rested on her thighs. Abby coughed,

‘Thanks.’

The first minute of the ice bath was always the hardest. Abby focused on a small spot on the wall, keeping her eyes hooked on it as she counted down from a hundred. Sam, who handled ice baths infinitely better, relaxed after about twenty seconds, back slumping against the curve of her tub. She shifted a little in the water, sending waves down towards Abby’s end.

Abby began to formulate an excuse for not having The Kristie Discussion with her immediately, running through her usual list of justifications in her head. She had almost decided between the wasn’t the right moment excuse and the Sam isn’t ready excuse when she caught Sam’s eye, and she braced herself for the surge of remorse in her throat.

I can’t do this anymore, Abby thought.

‘Sam,’ she said, looking anywhere but Sam’s face, ‘I have to tell you something.’

Sam’s fingers tapped nervously at the rim of the bathtub, ‘Okay.’

‘Okay,’ Abby agreed, ‘Right. So. You know how Kristie came to watch the Stanford game?’

Sam frowned, ‘Obviously.’

‘I saw her in the parking lot after.’

‘I know. I did too.’

Abby sucked in as much air as she could muster, ‘I kissed her.’

The dripping of the water from the tap suddenly grew louder.

‘Oh.’ Sam said, ‘I definitely didn’t do that.’

Abby looked up at her, laughing a little at the lame joke. Sam looked perfectly relaxed- she’d not moved a muscle and she was smiling too, grin threatening to tear her face in half- but Abby’s eyes flicked down to her collarbone, where her muscle was drawn taut against her skin. Abby’s throat bobbed a little,

‘She technically kissed me,’ she clarified hurriedly, ‘But I was the one who asked for her number in the first place.’

Sam’s mouth dropped open in disbelief, ‘When did that happen?’

‘After the Duke game.’

Sam puffed out her cheeks, looking mildly impressed. The tightness in her collar had gone.

‘You’re a dark horse, you know?’

‘Thank you,’ Abby said, ‘I try.’

‘You covered it up very well,’ Sam said, ‘I hadn’t guessed.’

‘You didn’t know?’ Abby blurted, a little shocked, ‘You don’t look very surprised.’

Sam nodded, ‘I knew you had a secret, but I didn’t think it was going to be that.’

‘So,’ Abby said, conversational tone masking her inner turmoil, ‘Do I have your blessing?’

‘For what?’ Sam laughed, ‘Going out with my sister? Shouldn’t you ask Kristie?’

Abby smacked her knee lightly, ‘Seriously.’

The smile dropped from Sam’s face, ‘As long as you’re happy, and Kristie’s happy, then I’m really happy.’

‘Good.’ Abby said, finally allowing herself to relax. The cold made her knees knock together.

‘You know I’m going to talk about nothing else for weeks, right?’ Sam asked, hands resting on Abby’s ankles. Abby didn’t reply, closing her eyes and basking in her relief instead.

Abby had barely woken up the next morning, sipping at her coffee and squinting through bleary eyes, when the interrogation began.

‘I’m going to need more information,’ Sam insisted, taking a huge bite out of her bagel, ‘What’s the timeline here?’

Abby let out a strangled hiss, ‘Can we talk about this later?’

‘Why?’ Sam asked, a little surprised, ‘It’s not a secret any more, is it?’

Abby knew she was right. She technically didn’t have anything left to hide, and with Sam pressing her for more details she knew she should’ve been itching to talk about Kristie, to gush and to listen to all the delighted reactions of her teammates- but she’d woken up feeling wary and slightly on edge.

‘No,’ Abby replied, ‘It’s just kind of early in the morning and I can’t think straight.’

‘What about when we get on the plane?’

Abby sighed, ‘We can talk about when we get on the plane.’

They packed quickly once they got back to their room, eager to shove everything in bag and get on the airport bus as soon as possible. Abby, who had uncharacteristically finished packing before Sam, sat on the edge of her mattress and watched her roommate struggle to force her laundry into her already bursting suitcase. She was in an unsettlingly volatile mood- nails raking against her bare thighs as she tried to stop the nervous jitters that she’d had since breakfast.

‘Abby.’ Sam said, and Abby looked up to see her frowning at her across the room, ‘Your fingers.’

Abby looked down, red lines outlined on her thighs from where she’d dragged the nails across the skin. She stopped immediately, fingers recoiling guiltily into her fist. Sam looked like she was about to say something, but thought the better of it.

The bus journey to the airport was loud and cheerful, the way it always was after a win on the road. Abby was never sure if she loved the energy radiating from her teammates or hated the disruption so early in the day, but she suspected it was a mixture of both. She sat close to the back with Sam, taking turns at choosing the word for hangman and chewing on huge handfuls of manually salted popcorn (Coach Cromwell had banned buttered popcorn, so they’d been forced to get creative). Abby could hear Caprice and Megan in the two seats next to them, loudly discussing the Jonas Brothers split and occasionally leaning over to steal their popcorn.

‘H?’ Abby guessed helplessly, frantically going through the alphabet in her head.

‘Nope.’ Sam said, triumphantly drawing the noose around hangman’s neck.

‘What was the word?’

‘Xylophone.’

Abby stared at Sam, ‘I’m never playing this with you again.’

‘I said I was doing a hard one!’

Abby pressed her lips together and sat back in her seat, disguising her amusement with a well-time eye roll. She wasn’t sure if it was weird that she enjoyed bickering with Sam.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and Sam raised her eyebrows.

‘You better check that. It might be your girlfriend slash my sister.’

Abby twisted in her seat so Sam couldn’t see who the message on her phone screen was from. Kristie’s name blared in her face- Abby hated it when Sam was right.

‘Safe flight!’

Abby smiled at that, even though she could feel Sam studying her face for a reaction.

‘Thanks. Though I might actually parachute off the plane if Sam makes me tell her the whole story.’

‘Is that Kristie?’ Sam asked, a little too loudly, ‘What’s she saying?’

Megan and Caprice glanced over curiously as Sam attempted to wrestle the phone from Abby’s hands,

‘What’s this about Kristie?’ Megan asked, alert as ever. Abby saw Caprice’s eyes widen slightly, hand on Megan’s arm as a silent plea for Megan to leave it alone.

‘It’s fine,’ Abby said, gesturing at Sam with her head, ‘Sam already knows.’

‘Knows what?’ Megan urged, and Caprice grinned, hand falling away from Megan’s bicep.

‘I’m seeing Kristie.’ Abby explained, finally yanking her phone free from Sam’s vice-like grip.

‘Kristie Mewis?’ Megan screeched.

‘No,’ Abby said sarcastically, ‘Kristy Swanson.’

Megan ignored her, eyes shining like she’d just won the lottery, ‘How long?’

‘A couple of weeks,’ Abby said, doing some quick calculations, ‘Since Stanford.’

‘And you’ve kept it quiet this whole time?’

‘Caprice knew.’

Megan wheeled round to look at Caprice, ‘And you didn’t tell me?’

Caprice scoffed, ‘No way. You can’t keep a secret.’

‘I could’ve kept this one.’ Megan insisted, but her protests fell on deaf ears.

‘How long have you known?’ Caprice asked Sam, head tilted curiously.

‘Abby told me last night,’ Sam said, ‘In the ice bath.’  

‘It was a spontaneous decision.’ Abby explained, before Caprice could say anything.

She checked her phone screen again as Sam began to tell the story, and was greeted with a reply.

‘If she annoys you too much just remind her that I have a lot of dirt on her.’

Abby smirked, ‘Will do.’ 

Abby didn’t see much of Sam over the next week, even though they lived under the same roof. They both had exams, which meant Abby could be found in the exam hall, the library, or the training field- and nowhere else. Sam’s exam schedule was almost a mirror image of hers, so on most days Sam had an exam when Abby didn’t, and Abby had an exam when Sam didn’t. 

Practice was hard. Coach Cromwell was determined not to allow them to let it all slip away in the last few games of the regular season, and she pushed them harder than ever, making them run lap after lap and suicide after suicide. Abby found herself too exhausted to even make basic conversation with Sam in the car afterwards, and more often than not they fell into their beds to nap as soon as they got through the door. 

After what felt like the longest week of her life, Abby made it to Friday afternoon, feeling ten times lighter the moment that she set down her pen after her final exam. She allowed herself a brief moment to collect herself as soon as she was out into the autumn evening sun, letting the stress and muscles aches disappear, before shooting Sam a text to ask her what takeout to get for the celebratory dinner. 

‘Sam,’ Abby called, struggling to balance the paper takeout bags in her hand, ‘Come and help-’

Sam materialized in the hall, with a smile that Abby realized that she hadn’t seen all week. She relieved Abby of two of the bags, closing the door behind her as Abby slipped off her shoes.

‘Was the takeout busy?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Abby gasped, taking a minute to catch her breath, ‘The entire student body must’ve had the same idea as us.’

Sam shrugged as she led Abby into the kitchen, ‘Worth it.’

They set about unpacking the various curries and naans that they’d ordered, setting out the plates and cutlery alongside them. Sam grabbed two beers from the fridge, expertly uncapping them on the edge of the counter (‘I’ve been practicing.’ She informed Abby proudly), and Abby sunk into her seat, ready to leave revision and exam papers behind her. 

‘Bon appetite.’ Sam sighed, a look of bliss spreading across her face as she bit into an onion bhaji.

‘I’ve been dreaming about this moment all week.’ Abby chuckled, spooning chicken korma into her mouth. 

They gorged themselves on the takeout until their plates were scraped clean, and Sam leaned back in her chair, patting her bloated stomach contentedly. 

‘I hope Coach Cromwell doesn’t notice that we just gained back all the calories we lost this week.’

‘We better win on Sunday, then,’ Abby said, ‘Because then even if she does notice it won’t matter.’

Sam wrinkled her nose, ‘I might have to go on a run tomorrow.’ 

‘I’ll come with you.’ 

‘I thought going to call Kristie?’ Sam asked, grin on her face, ‘Because that’s what you always do when I’m out.’ 

Abby rolled her eyes, ‘It’s nothing personal, it’s just easier to talk to when you aren’t walking around making a bunch of noise.’

‘Are you sure it’s that and not because you want some private time?’ Sam said, waggling her eyebrows as she took another sip from her beer bottle. 

Abby changed the subject, ‘What do you wanna play tonight?’ 

‘Scrabble.’ Sam said promptly, but Abby was already shaking her head.

‘No, no way. You have way too much of an advantage.’ 

‘Fine. Monopoly, then.’ 

They cleaned up their dishes and stored away what was left of the food in the fridge, before settling down on the couch with another beer each, Monopoly board unfolded in front of them. 

‘I’m the shoe.’ Abby said, grabbing it from the box, ‘You can be the candlestick, since you’re a giant.’

‘It doesn’t matter what I am,’ Sam said carelessly, taking the candlestick from Abby, ‘Because I’m going to win either way.’ 

‘Humble yourself, Chewbacca.’ Abby replied, and then quickly dodged Sam’s swat at her arm. 

Sam was annoyingly good at Monopoly, as she was with most things, but luck seemed to be on Abby’s side. Sam scowled as Abby landed on Pennsylvania Avenue, the only green that she had yet to buy, and Abby made a big show of waving the property card in her face. 

‘I’ll buy it off you.’ Sam suggested, staring longingly at the square of card in Abby’s hand. 

‘Make me an offer,’ Abby said, ‘And I’ll consider it.’ 

Sam tapped at her chin, ‘How about I pay you a thousand Monopoly dollars, you come home with me to Boston for Christmas, and we pay for your plane ticket.’ 

Abby dropped the cards she was holding in her hand, ‘What?’ 

Sam grinned, ‘Ever since Kristie told our parents about you, they’ve wanted to meet you again. They asked me to ask you if you’d come for Christmas, all expenses paid.’ 

Abby was lost for words. 

‘You don’t have to say yes right now,’ Sam said, pausing briefly before adding, ‘I would like a response to the offer of thousand dollars though-’ 

‘Sam,’ Abby interrupted, ‘I can’t accept that, it’s too generous.’ 

‘Nonsense.’ Sam said, ‘Two hundred dollars isn’t too much. Plus, Kristie really wants you to come.’ 

‘I want to come,’ Abby argued, ‘But let me pay for my own ticket.’ 

‘Abby,’ Sam said, laying a hand on Abby’s shoulder, ‘Your folks were so nice to let me stay last summer, and I barely spent a dime. Let us repay you.’ 

Abby looked down at Sam’s hand and back up at her face, ‘Okay.’

‘Good.’ Sam said, letting her hand drop, ‘By the way, my room’s next to Kristie’s, so if I hear you guys going at it at night, I will tell the entire team.’ 

-

I’ve forgotten what it feels like to lose, Abby realized, pulling the tongue of her cleat forwards so she could slide her foot into it. They’d finished their season with a bang, rather than limping to the end as they had done the year before, with three big wins and two more shutouts. It was almost baffling that she, Megan and Caprice had managed to keep ten shutouts between them in the PAC-12 alone. Abby felt so relaxed playing alongside them that sometimes she forgot she was playing in an actual game and not just a team scrimmage. 

They’d finished the year off with a destructive 4-1 win over USC on an otherwise drab Thursday evening, and as a treat had been given a few days off training before they returned on the Monday, ready to face SDSU on the Friday at home. Most of the team had spent the weekend at various parties, or out at the beach surfing, but Sam had said she was too tired, and Abby was more than happy to stay in the apartment with her and lounge on the balcony reading a book. It shocked her a little bit- she’d always been active and eager to go out whenever she had the chance, but their apartment felt like a safe haven for her to spend time with Sam without the eyes of teammates or friends watching them constantly. 

They spent so much time as a group that Abby rarely got to see Sam alone outside those precious hours spent within their own walls, and she found it increasingly hard to tear herself away from it. 

Coach Cromwell’s whistle sounded for the warm-up, and Abby quickly finished knotting her laces, getting to her feet to join the migration into the tunnel and onto the field. 

‘You girls ready for another shutout?’ Caprice said, grabbing hold of Abby and Megan’s arms, pinching the insides of their elbows. Abby realized that she was expecting a shutout, rather than hoping for one. 

‘We just gotta play like every other game.’ Megan said, mouth set in a determined line. Abby gave both their waists a squeeze and jogged off to join Chelsea in kicking a ball back and forth. 

News of their success as a team had spread like wildfire across campus, after their end of season form had catapulted them into the spotlight and ESPN had tipped them for the Championship. Abby had held all the media predictions firmly at arm’s length; she wasn’t ready to open that can of worms anytime soon. The rest of the student body seemed to have been listening though, because turnout for what was only their first playoff game was astronomical. Coach Cromwell had told them on the way the game that they’d had to allocate tickets to avoid overcrowding in the stands and that every available seat would be taken up, but Abby hadn’t quite wrapped her head around it until she saw the sea of blue and gold in the stands. The San Diego players were huddled in their side of the pitch, and Abby watched them glance back furtively at the stands. 

‘Back inside we go, girls!’ Louise called, ushering them back towards the tunnel entrance. Abby could still hear the shouts of fans even as she pushed the locker room door open. 

Coach Cromwell kept her speech short and sweet, as she always did for important games. There was just enough in her words for Abby to feel the weight of expectation pressing slightly against her shoulders, but there was also a casual tone to her voice that was soothing, a confidence that oozed out from the faces of every player gathered in the room. 

‘Okay girls,’ Jenna called, banging on her locker, ‘You know the drill. Let’s get this job done.’

The ovation from the crowd as they sprinted onto the pitch was so loud that Abby could almost believe that they’d won the game already. She was forced to lean in close to Megan to make out what she was saying as they discussed the game plan, having to read Caprice’s lips from just a few meters away to recognize the call of encouragement. 

The SDSU players were lined up on the other side of the pitch, but Abby didn’t pay them any notice until the referee blew her whistle, and the game began. Kodi got her head up as soon as she received the ball, and spotted Caprice hurtling down the left wing at the same time Abby did. 

‘Caprice-’ Abby called, but Kodi had already played her the pass, and Caprice skipped past a weak challenge from the SDSU right back to find herself in acres of space. Abby watched her barely glance up, eyes locking onto a target immediately, before swinging in a cross with her left foot. Abby tracked the ball with her eyes, saw it float through the air until, almost inevitably, it was met by Sam Mewis’ forehead. The header was directed right into the bottom corner, and Sam wheeled away, hands in the air. Abby glanced at the clock. They’d only been playing for forty-three seconds. 

They were never going to lose from there, and every single person in the stadium knew it. Sam threaded Taylor through on goal thirty minutes later to give them breathing room, and then Kodi sealed it with a composed finish just eight minutes after the restart. 

The crowd loved every minute, and Abby could see the stands bouncing when the game finished. They chanted Sam’s name over and over, and Sam gave them a cheery wave as she descended back through the cool concrete opening and into the quiet. 

‘Job done.’ Coach Cromwell said to them as they kicked off their cleats, and she left it at that. 

The next week was once again filled with training slots, and Abby spent any time she had in class daydreaming about their game against Kentucky on Friday. They had a tight turn around between that game and the third round (for the first time, Abby was confident that they’d advance), where it was almost certain that they’d play Stanford. 

‘Playing Stanford in the Sweet Sixteen is cruel,’ Coach Cromwell had admitted in a meeting, ‘But we deal with it, just like we’ve dealt with everything this season. Playing them a few games earlier the Elite Eight or the Final Four isn’t going to miraculously make us a worse or better team.’ 

Abby was comforted by the fact that they’d be playing at home, with a good night’s sleep in their own beds under their belt and the cheers of a thousand-strong crowd behind them. They’d already beaten Stanford that season, away from home and against all odds, and so Abby made sure she didn’t spend too much time overthinking it.

‘Abby!’ Sam hollered from somewhere in their apartment, just half an hour before they were due to report at the stadium, ‘Have you seen my shinpads?’

Abby, who was in the midst of packing her own game bag, frowned, ‘No-’ she called back, ‘Have you checked the drier?’ 

There was a clanging as Sam rooted around, and then a shout of satisfaction that Abby correctly interpreted as the noise of Sam discovering her missing shinpad. 

They just about managed to pile into the car with ten minutes left, Sam weaving through some light traffic to ensure that they pulled up in the parking lot with two minutes to spare. Abby puffed out her cheeks as she scrambled out of the car door, 

‘How do we manage to cut it so fine every week?’ 

‘It’s a perk of living with me,’ Sam said, looking far too relaxed as they checked in with Josh at the door just as the clock struck six thirty, ‘We’re always exactly on time now.’ 

‘On time is five minutes early.’ Abby complained, as they pushed through the doors of the locker room. 

Buoyed by their win against SDSU- or perhaps a win in the exact same fixture last year- Abby lined up in defense with the full expectation of another win. She could tell her teammates had the same sentiment, as she glanced at Megan bouncing up and down on her toes. The crowd was baying for blood, urging them on from the second the ball was kicked into play. 

Abby usually spent most of the game with one eye on the ball and one eye on the player she was marking, but for the first forty-five she found her gaze entirely hooked on to Sam, unaware of the gape of her jaw. She watched Sam send a cross-field ball into Caprice’s path as she bore down on goal, saw Caprice nudge a shot around the keeper’s outstretched hand, and ran the full length of the pitch the celebrate. Caprice’s smile was wild as Jenna hoisted her into the air, and Abby clung onto Sam’s neck like she was never going to let go. 

They pushed hard for another, a combination of some great saves and near misses keeping the lead only at one, but Abby didn’t feel any sort of pressure. Sam sat right in front of her and Megan in the pocket, sweeping up the ball whenever it happened to ricochet their way and sending it back out to the wings. Abby didn’t think she saw her misplace a pass once. They finally doubled their lead halfway through the second half, Courtney making an instant impact as a sub by tipping yet another Sam pass beneath the keeper’s leg, but it was Caprice again to put the game beyond doubt, finishing a cross first time and looking like she’d struck gold as she turned to celebrate. Megan clutched at Abby at the halfway line in celebration, screams echoing in her ear. 

Abby graciously shook every Kentucky player’s hand at the full-time whistle, trying not to grin too much as they wished her good luck in the next round. Caprice was bombarded by the bench, who hoisted up in the air like she was a trophy and paraded her in front of the crowd. Abby flopped down in the grass, suddenly struck by a wave of exhaustion. 

‘Good game,’ said Sam, coming up quietly behind her, water bottle in hand. 

‘Ditto,’ Abby laughed, ‘I didn’t have to do anything for the full ninety.’ 

Sam shrugged, ‘That’s my job.’ 

‘You could’ve let me have a little bit of the ball. I like a challenge.’

‘You’ll get that on Sunday.’ Sam warned, and Abby knew she was right. 

‘That pass to Caprice was incredible,’ she said, not wanting to think about the Stanford game, ‘You’re a real superstar.’ 

Sam grinned, ‘Thanks. Maybe you should’ve fallen in love with me and not my sister.’ 

Abby scoffed, but her heart hammered in her throat, ‘I wouldn’t dare.’ 

‘Why not?’ Sam said, leaning over to march her fingers teasingly up Abby’s arm, ‘I’m a real catch.’ 

Her eyes were so blue, and Abby felt like she was being swallowed up by the turf. 

‘Can you stop talking about Kristie?’ she snapped, pulling her arm away. Sam blinked, caught off guard.

She’d just been teasing. Abby knew that she’d just been teasing.

‘Hey,’ Sam said, voice soft, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was pissing you off so much.’ 

Abby hated how her tone was so biting, ‘Sometimes I just feel like you aren’t happy for me and her.’  

It was an outright lie, but Sam looked like a dog that had been kicked. 

‘I’m really sorry.’ She repeated, shifting a little into Abby’s space and wrapping an arm around her back, ‘I’m really happy for you both, I promise.’ 

Abby didn’t reply, too busy drowning in her own guilt. Sam’s hand moved away from her shoulder and pressed against the circle of exposed skin on her neck just above her collar, fingers rubbing around in circles. Abby remembered the hotel bathrooms, and the locker room after the Stanford game. 

She needed to get away- away from whatever the fuck had just happened and away from Sam’s touch, even though she could feel her fingers work their magic into her muscles. She jerked away, jumping to her feet like she’d been yanked upwards by an invisible string. Sam’s fingers were left hovering, confused, in mid-air. 

‘I’ll see you in the car.’ Abby gabbled, shooting only the quickest of looks over her shoulder as she ran off to celebrate with Caprice.

Sam looked stricken.

Stanford won their game (it was never really in any doubt, Abby thought, when she heard the news), and she couldn’t help but feel like it was make it or break it. Going beyond the third round was not something they’d ever achieved as a team, despite their strong seasons, and Abby knew that they had a point to prove even if they had one of the strongest records in the country. 

The news broke on Saturday that Kristie had been traded to the Boston Breakers, and Abby was on the phone to her within minutes. 

‘I’m going to miss KC.’ Kristie admitted, sounding remarkably calm considering that she’d been involved in playing-rights ping pong with three clubs, ‘But god, I can’t wait to be back in Boston.’ 

‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’ Abby said, slightly accusingly. 

‘I would’ve if I got the chance. It all happened so quickly that I didn’t even have time to process it.’ 

Abby bit her lip, ‘I’m glad you’re where you want to be, though.’ 

‘Me too. How are you doing? It feels like we haven’t spoken in ages.’ 

‘We literally called on Sunday,’ Abby laughed.

‘I know, but so much happens when you’re in college. There’s always something new.’ 

‘Honestly, we’re just focusing on the game.’ Abby admitted, ‘Everyone’s taking it super seriously.’

Kristie hummed at the end of the line, and Abby wished desperately that she was there beside her. 

‘Don’t take it too seriously. The best thing you can do is relax.’ 

‘I am. I feel a lot more confident than before.’ 

‘Remember what happened the last time you played Stanford?’ Kristie asked, and Abby could tell she was smiling. 

‘You were a good omen. Maybe you should come out here for the game.’ 

‘Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me leave just before Thanksgiving,’ Kristie sighed, ‘I’ll be there for the next round though, when you play next week.’

‘If we play next week.’

‘No, when you play next week. You have to think positively.’ 

‘I’m managing expectations.’ 

‘Come on,’ Kristie groaned, ‘Just think about what we can do next weekend when I come to visit.’ 

‘Are you flirting with me?’ Abby asked, sounding only mildly scandalized. 

‘Do I need to leave the apartment?’ Sam shouted, banging on the wall, ‘Because I really don’t want to hear you guys having phone sex.’

‘No!’ Abby called back, just as Kristie shouted, ‘Yes!’ down the line. Abby heard Sam’s bed creak as she climbed off it. 

‘I’ll be back in half an hour,’ Sam shouted, ‘Knowing how long Kristie lasts, that should be enough.’ 

Abby opened her bedroom door so that Kristie could hurl a ‘You suck!’ down the hall at Sam, before closing her door firmly shut and waiting for the sound of the front door closing. 

‘Right,’ Kristie said, ‘Where were we?’

Abby’s laugh sounded more like a nervous bark, and she allowed her legs to carry her back to her bed.

When Sam knocked loudly on the front door to let Abby know she was back, Abby let her in with a sheepish smile. 

LA was uncharacteristically chilly on Sunday morning, and Abby shivered in her thin jacket as she lined up in front of the counter of the nearest coffee shop. Sam had insisted that she was bored of making coffee every morning and Abby felt bad for making her go out on a walk the day before, so she offered to go and buy them coffee. 

They had an earlier kick-off than usual, so Abby and Sam met up with Rosie and Taylor before the game, buying sandwiches from a pop-up stand on the beach and eating them as they walked along Santa Monica beach, wind ruffling Abby’s hair until she was picking strands of it from her sandwich. They went straight to the stadium after, only stopping off to grab their cleat bags and gear. 

‘Can you make sure I put my sock tape in the bag?’ Sam asked, as Abby dumped their stuff on the back seat. Abby stuck her hand into Sam’s gameday bag until her fingers closed around the ring of tape.

‘It’s here.’

‘Perfect,’ Sam said, ‘Get in losers, we’re going to win a playoff game.’ 

By Stanford’s high standards, their season hadn’t been particularly successful. They’d lost five games, and had only just managed to upset third-ranked USC in overtime. Abby’s confidence, along with the rest of the team’s, was riding high, and spirits were high as they prepared for the game, music blaring from someone’s speaker as Abby put on her uniform. Coach Cromwell was in a good mood, smiling and occasionally whistling along with the music. 

Abby remembered the same exact fixture the year before, and the silence in the locker room that followed. 

They lined up on the field for anthem, Jenna’s fingers reaching for Abby’s briefly before the music started to play. Abby mouth twitched, and she grabbed Jenna’s fingers, holding them tightly for a moment, before letting them go.

Even when Darian was stood over the ball at the center circle, when the crowd were going wild in anticipation for kickoff, when Coach Cromwell was shouting final instructions from the bench, Abby didn’t feel one nerve twitch in her body. 

I’m ready. 

The Cardinals were good and had given them a tough game earlier on in the season, but Abby realized that Coach Cromwell had used that game to get a feel for how they played, and that this time she’d set them up perfectly to take advantage of every Stanford weakness. Sam, Sarah and Jenna rotated roles so often that they left Stanford players running around in circles, struggling to organize. Abby felt like they were always two steps ahead, forcing Stanford further and further onto the back foot. 

Their first goal was textbook; straight from what they practiced on training ground. Kodi played a simple one-two around the Stanford defender, drawing her in before passing at the last second, and then finding herself with plenty of room to bury a shot into the far corner. Abby felt the burst of euphoria when the ball hit the net, but it wasn’t tinged with the surprise that had come in games before. Scoring had felt inevitable. 

Twenty-five minutes had passed before Stanford really got going, their right midfielder bending the ball to the near post, but Katelyn easily got two hands to it. She launched the throw to Jenna, who began haring up the pitch towards the Stanford goal, and just like that, they were back on the front foot. 

‘We’re controlling the game nicely,’ Coach Cromwell said at the half, opting to keep the team on the pitch rather than retreating to the locker room, ‘We just need one more.’ 

Abby grit her teeth as the Stanford players jogged back out. They were forty-five minutes away from a NCAA quarter final.

Stanford amped up the pressure in the second half, and Abby found herself with the most she’d had to do in weeks. Megan had picked up the tall and powerful forward, so she was tasked with defending the other, an equally tall but a lot lankier girl with quick feet. Abby was careful, keeping her eyes on the ball in one on ones, never diving in to a challenge. Her heart dropped when Megan missed an interception and the big forward was through on goal, but the shot went straight at Katelyn and she saved easily. Abby joined the crowd in letting out a huge sigh of relief. 

The clock hit eighty minutes, and she was sure that if she’d been sitting on the bench and watching the game rather than playing in it, she would’ve chewed her nails to a pulp. Stanford sent more and more players up on the attack, and Abby was certain that one big play, one interception, could send the forwards away on a counter-attack.

As soon as Sam won the ball in the midfield, delivering a crunching tackle on a Stanford wing-back, Abby knew that they were in. Sam seemed to send the pass without looking up, Taylor leaving the Stanford center-backs in the dust as they chased after it. Taylor, one on one with the keeper, dipped her shoulder and dribbled around her, before neatly tapping the ball in a wide-open net and sprinting away to celebrate. Abby jumped onto Darian’s back, ears ringing from the roar of the crowd. 

The bench streaked onto the pitch when the game finally ended, and Abby dropped to her knees in awe. 

‘We did it!’ Megan screamed, pulling Abby to her feet only to knock her over again with the force of her hug. Abby felt another thump as Caprice fell on top of them, all their legs tangling together. When Abby brought her hands to her face, she found that they came away wet with tears of relief. 

They thanked the crowd, and Abby blew kisses at the front row. She caught a glimpse of Jamie, midway up the seats, jumping on the spot and waving. Abby waved back. 

She was still crying when she climbed back into the car half an hour later, and Sam laughed at her in the rearview mirror as she dabbed lightly at her eyes with a tissue. 

‘Drink,’ Sam instructed, handing her a water bottle, ‘You’re going to dehydrate yourself if you keep losing water.’ 

Abby took the bottle from her tentatively. She and Sam had collectively pretended that Abby hadn’t snapped at her on the field after the Kentucky game, but there were moments of sudden awkwardness, a reminder that everything wasn’t quite in balance. 

‘Do you know who we’re playing in the Elite Eight?’ Abby asked, to fill the silence. 

Sam pursed her lips, ‘UNC.’ 

‘Oh.’ Abby said, and her stomach sank. 

-

The team flew out to North Carolina on the Wednesday before the game, rather than the Friday, as Coach Cromwell had wanted a few days to train and for the team to acclimatize. Sam took some melatonin before the flight and passed out as soon they found their seats, so Abby was left to listen to music on her iPod and leaf through a book. 

Kristie had organized a flight to Durham in record speed, texting Abby the details just a few hours after they’d beat Stanford. Abby had been a little worried about finding the time to see her after scrolling through their hectic schedule, but Sam had offered to cover for her at dinner and Abby knew she wouldn’t be able to resist spending the night at Kristie’s hotel room. 

‘Okay,’ Sam said, as she watched from her bed as Abby gathered her things into her pockets, ‘I hope you have fun tonight, but don’t give me any of the details afterwards.’ 

Abby grinned, ‘Thanks for covering.’ 

‘No problem.’ Sam said, and Abby could tell she was thinking about what had happened after the Kentucky game. 

‘I’ll text you when I’m on my way back in the morning.’ Abby said, double checking that she had everything and reaching for the door handle. Sam shot her a distracted thumbs up. 

Kristie had purposefully booked a hotel that was five minutes’ walk away from where the team were staying, so once Abby snuck down the hall and past the reception desk, she knew it would be plain sailing. She’d prepared properly for the night walk, wrapping her coat around her more tightly and pulling her hat down over her forehead. She sent Kristie a message to let her know she was on her way before her fingers froze up, and Kristie responded in a matter of seconds with her room number. Abby exhaled, watching it steam up in the cold air before being whipped away by the wind.

The next day, as she stepped out under the lights, Abby thought of the smile on Kristie’s lips when she opened the hotel room door, wide and welcoming and excited. The feeling of thousands of eyes watching her as she stretched out on the field felt trivial in comparison to the butterflies in her stomach as Kristie dragged her into the room, one hand wrapped tightly around her wrist. She’d never felt distracted in the middle of a game before, but even as she watched Crystal Dunn drive up the field towards them at frightening speed, her mind flashed back to the way Kristie’s fingers curled into the material of her shirt before insistently yanking it off-

‘Abby,’ Caprice hissed, knocking her shoulder against Abby’s, ‘Get it together.’ 

Abby hummed, blinking a few times on the spot. She saw one of the North Carolina players place the ball down carefully on the curved corner line. She was supposed to be taking front post, but instead she found herself slumped against the upright, eyes glazed over. 

‘Sorry.’ Abby said, straightening up. She processed the shouts from the crowd for the first time. 

As the corner came in, Abby rose to meet it, ball rebounding off her head and heading in the direction of Darian, who waited patiently on the sidelines. The stadium let out a disappointed huff. 

Abby cursed. She cursed her own stupid decision to meet her kind-of-girlfriend in a hotel room the night before a knockout game against the highest ranked team in the tournament. 

She wasn’t sure when she’d let her own personal life get in the way of her soccer, but she was adamant that she wouldn’t let it happen again. She forced her mind back into the game, glancing up at the scoreboard to find that she’d only been floating on another plane of existence for twenty minutes, and they hadn’t let any goals in. 

On the very next play, Abby lunged in front of the forward she was marking and intercepted the ball just in front of the halfway line, before playing a perfectly weighted ball into Taylor’s feet. She heard Megan let out an audible sigh of relief. 

‘I’m never covering for you ever again.’ Sam said dryly, rubbing a heat pad between her fingers at halftime. Abby’s face colored, 

‘You won’t have to. It won’t happen again.’

‘That’s a relief,’ Sam said, offering her the heat pack, ‘Now warm up your fingers, they’re going blue.’ 

‘Big second half girls,’ Coach Cromwell shouted, as the alarm went off to signal the end of halftime, ‘Let’s not make these the last forty-five of the season.’ 

The threat hung in Abby’s head as play resumed, and she put as much aggression and authority into every tackle as she could muster. The game seemed to be swinging more into their hands as Taylor and Darian created more and more space for themselves, forcing the previously static keeper into making several saves. Now that Abby had snapped out of her Kristie-induced trance, she could feel the defense moving as a unit, snuffing out attacks before they really had the chance to develop. 

Just as Abby sensed that they were getting close to scoring, the full-time whistle blew, signaling the end of ninety minutes. She kicked a stray piece of turf in frustration, before stomping back into the locker room in a huff. 

If we lose this game, it’s all on me. 

Coach Cromwell was as calm as ever, reminding them that she’d knocked out UNC twice before as coach, 

‘They’re not invincible.’ She insisted, slapping her clipboard against her knee, ‘All we have to do now is put the ball in the net once- and I like our odds of being the team to do it first.’

It started to snow as they resumed their positions for the third time that game, and Abby shivered, tugging the sleeves of her underlayer down. She watched the rest of the team struggle to get warm, leaping up and down on the spot and stretching out. Sam had her hands on her knees and her eyes closed until the referee signaled for kickoff, and Abby felt a pang of worry. 

She really didn’t want to go through overtime without Sam. 

Ten minutes was really far too little time for any team to score, Abby thought, as she watched the game pan out in front of her. By the time they’d managed to wrestle back possession from the Tar Heels, Sam had run herself into the ground, and Abby’s stomach dropped as she noticed Courtney warming up. 

The crowd groaned as the first overtime ended, and Abby forced herself to take several deep breaths. Sam wrapped a coat around her as they huddled next to the bench, and Abby shot her a tired smile. 

‘Let’s just score.’ Coach Cromwell said, ‘Just put it in the net. I don’t think I need to say anything else.’

‘We’re so close, guys.’ Katelyn said, face bright red from the cold, ‘Bruins on three. One, two, three-’

‘Bruins.’ Abby mumbled, just as Sam roared, ‘Bruins!’ so loudly that it made her ears ring. 

‘Keep going,’ Sam whispered as she took Abby’s coat, and Abby nodded, slowly regaining the feeling in her legs and arms. 

They had kick off first, and Darian sent the ball all the way back to Abby, who controlled it shakily before sending a more confident pass off to Caprice on the opposite flank. Caprice squared it to Sarah, who dodged one tackle and passed her way around another. 

Abby’s breath caught in her throat. 

Sarah split the two defenders with her pass, but from where Abby was standing, she could hardly see Taylor come on to the ball. She could hear it though, and feel it, from way that the crowd gasped in horror, and the slight shift in atmosphere in the stands from nervous to terrified. Abby looked away, heart beating double time, unable to summon the courage to watch their entire season balanced finely on Taylor’s shot on goal. 

The bench was suddenly on its feet, and relief flooded through her. Whilst the rest of the team ran towards Taylor, Abby headed straight for Sam, who had spun to look at her as soon as the ball crossed the goal line. The force of Abby’s collision with Sam was softened somewhat by Sam’s coat, and Abby felt the heat from her face reflecting off the surface of the jacket. 

There were a few moments where it was just them, Abby’s arms tucked around Sam’s waist and the curve of Sam’s jaw brushing Abby’s ear, before Caprice came whooping down the field to join them, followed by Ally and Rosie. Abby hugged them all, eager to celebrate, but she cast a somewhat wistful glance over her shoulder as she was dragged away into the pile of players by Caprice and saw Sam hoist Rosie into the air by her shoulders. 

She hadn’t wanted to let go of Sam. 

The rest of the night passed by in a blur, and they were mostly left to celebrate alone as the coaching staff went to schedule the next week’s training slots. No one had thought to bring any alcohol (which was perhaps for the best, Abby reckoned), so pizza was ordered instead and Katelyn insisted on putting on a movie in the conference room. Abby tactfully chose not to take part in a heated three-way debate between Caprice, Jenna and Gabbi about what movie to put on (Caprice wanted 21 Jump Street, and Jenna and Gabbi wanted anything but 21 Jumper Street), sinking down in the pillows and blankets that she and Sam had dragged down from their room and digging into a slice of Ultimate Pepperoni Feast. 

‘Hey,’ Coach Cromwell said, kneeling down next to the pizza box on the floor, ‘Mind if I have a slice?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Abby swallowed her food, ‘Of course.’ 

‘Thanks.’ Coach Cromwell said, reaching for the box. Abby realized that she’d never seen her eat anything unhealthy in the three months that she’d been her coach, ‘You played well tonight.’

‘Kind of.’ Abby shrugged, ‘I didn’t have the best start.’ 

‘That’s true,’ Coach Cromwell said, raising her eyebrows a little, ‘That wouldn’t have anything to do with you sneaking out the hotel last night, would it?’ 

Abby’s blood ran cold. 

‘You know about that?’ 

Coach Cromwell studied her slice, ‘I’m not as clueless as some of you girls seem to think.’ 

Abby gulped, ‘I’m sorry, it was a mistake-’

‘Woah,’ Coach said, holding up a hand and interrupting her, ‘It’s okay. You’re not in trouble.’ 

Abby’s head was spinning, ‘I’m not?’ 

‘Did we lose tonight?’

‘No.’ 

‘Are you going to sneak out again?’ 

‘No.’ 

Coach Cromwell spread her arms wide, ‘Then there we go. Problem solved.’ 

‘Didn’t I break like, at least thirty college rules or something?’ 

‘Abby, how old are you?’ 

‘Nineteen.’ 

‘Right. You’re an adult. I’m your coach, not your parent. I’m responsible for you to a certain degree, but I also trust your judgement.’ 

Abby chewed her lip, ‘I don’t think me going out last night was good judgement.’ 

‘No,’ Coach Cromwell conceded. She took a seat properly on the floor, crossing her legs, ‘But what happened once you realized that it wasn’t?’ 

‘I snapped out of it.’ 

‘And played a damn good game, if I might add. Look, it doesn’t make sense for me to punish you when you’ve already processed this yourself. You worked out the problem, and you did everything you could to make it right, and I’m pretty sure you won’t do it again, right?’

‘Right.’ 

Coach Cromwell half smiled, ‘You made a mistake, Abby, and then you fixed it.’ 

‘Thanks, Coach.’ Abby replied. A ten ton weight felt like it had floated off her chest. 

‘Enjoy your pizza, and the movie,’ Coach Cromwell said, frowning at the sight of the ongoing movie debate next to the projector, ‘If you get around to watching it. Get some good rest and get ready for next week.’

‘Will do.’ Abby said, only letting herself relax once Cromwell had gone. 

‘What was that about?’ Sam asked, giving Abby’s ankle a gentle kick to get her attention. She had already changed into her plaid pajamas that Abby knew she only wore on special occasions. 

‘Cromwell found out I snuck out last night.’ 

Sam paled, ‘Fuck.’ 

‘It’s okay, she said she wasn’t going to do anything.’

‘Thank god,’ Sam said, tipping her head back in relief, ‘It’s a miracle.’ 

Abby grinned, ‘I better text Kristie and tell her I’m never letting her come and watch us on the road again.’ 

‘Hey,’ Sam protested, ‘No need to ban her from coming to see me just because you can’t keep it in your pants.’ 

‘Couldn’t keep it in my pants,’ Abby corrected, ‘I’m a new person now. No sex until marriage.’ 

Sam snickered, ‘Abstinence, I like it.’ 

-

For the first time, Abby found herself longing for the weekend. She finished all the work she’d been set by Tuesday, and then dedicated all of Wednesday and Thursday to team meetings, workouts and training sessions. She was careful not to make her workouts too intense, making sure that she stretched before and after, desperate to avoid any kind of injury. 

Jamie insisted on seeing her before they flew back to North Carolina on Thursday night, so Abby agreed to meet her at the burger joint that they always used to go to during their first year. Nostalgia almost overwhelmed her as she sat down at the booth, and she found that Jamie had ordered for her, sliding her usual order across the table. 

‘I can’t believe you remember my order.’ Abby said, slightly in awe as she unwrapped her burger. 

‘It’s hard to, we spent way too much time here.’ Jamie said, popping a fry into her mouth. 

‘And now I never see you,’ Abby sighed, ‘How have you been?’ 

‘Good. Classes got super hard this year so I’m not going out every weekend.’

‘It must be so horrible to be tied up at weekends.’ Abby said, putting on an overly serious look. Jamie rolled her eyes, 

‘Stop being dramatic, soccer season only takes up four months. 

‘What’s your point? You used to go out every weekend in every semester in our first year.’ 

Jamie grinned, ‘Aw, did you feel left out?’ 

Abby laughed with her, ‘Yeah, a little bit.’ 

Abby caught up with Jamie’s very long and convoluted history of boy drama, and in return, Abby told her about Kristie, and the run in with Coach Cromwell after the UNC game. 

‘If I was you, I would’ve requested a transfer immediately.’ Jamie said seriously. 

‘I almost thought I would have to.’ 

‘For real though,’ Jamie said, putting down her milkshake, ‘It’s so cool how you’re going out with Kristie. She had you wrapped around her finger before you even met her.’ 

‘Don’t remind me,’ Abby said, massaging her temples, ‘It was so embarrassing. It’s pretty surreal, still.’ 

‘Way to go, hot stuff,’ Jamie smirked, ‘Going out with the girl of your dreams and about to win the natty.’

‘Don’t jinx it.’ Abby warned. 

The flight to North Carolina felt longer than it had the week before. Abby got up several times just to pace impatiently up and down the aisle, before Sam pulled her back into her seat and told her to stop making the plane shake. Abby was glad that the bus drive to the hotel was significantly shorter to Cary than it was to Chapel Hill, and she felt like cheering as she hopped down the last few steps of the bus and on to solid ground. 

Sam insisted on unpacking once they got to their room (‘We’re winning this thing, Abby, so we’ll be here until Monday.’), so they were late for dinner, jokes ringing out around the tables about Abby sneaking off to see Kristie again that made Abby blush. The team was in good spirits, laughter coming and going in waves, so Abby let herself relax, ignoring the weight of expectation that had been placed on their shoulders by their campus send-off. 

Kristie rang once Abby was tucked up in bed, and Abby couldn’t help but smile when her number flashed up on screen. 

‘You’re so whipped!’ Sam shouted over her shoulder, carrying on with her usual practice of vacating the room whenever Kristie was on the phone. 

‘Hi,’ Kristie greeted softly, ‘You ready for tomorrow?’ 

‘We’re ready,’ Abby confirmed, ‘I just hope it’ll be enough.’ 

‘It will.’ Kristie said, and she sounded more assured than even Sam did. Abby wondered if confidence ran in their family, ‘I’m guessing it’s too much to ask if you want to come here tonight?’ 

‘I know you’re joking,’ Abby said, ‘But even the suggestion made me shudder.’ 

Kristie snorted, ‘Was it that bad?’ 

‘I’ve never seen Coach get mad, and I never want to.’ 

‘You know, we could’ve avoided this if you weren’t so blown away by good sex.’ 

‘You suck.’ Abby moaned.

‘That’s not all I can do-’

‘I’m hanging up.’ Abby cut in, and she pressed the button to end the call before Kristie had the chance to retaliate. 

They were playing UVA, a team that Abby hadn’t exactly kept an eye on for most of the season, but had an eyewatering record that included just one draw and one loss. Abby knew a few of the names on their roster, but she wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. 

‘Do you know the girls at UVA?’ she asked Sam, as the bus rolled away from the hotel in the direction of the stadium. 

‘Most of them,’ Sam nodded, ‘Morgan Brian, for sure, we roomed together a couple of times at camp. Emily Sonnett’s been on quite a few rosters. Doniak and Colaprico too.’ 

‘They sound pretty good.’ Abby said. Her stomach churned. 

Sam looked at her out of the corner of her eye, ‘Sure. We’re just better.’ 

Confidence definitely runs in the family, Abby thought, turning to look out the window. 

She hadn’t had the chance to see her family, amongst all the preparation they’d had to do, but Abby knew she would see them at the game. Abby’s mom had insisted on dragging the whole family over, including pulling Joseph out of school for the Friday- which felt a little excessive to Abby, but it felt good to know that her whole family would be watching. Sam’s parents had agreed to come down to watch too, on Kristie’s insistence. Abby was dreading seeing them again, only because she’d finally have to be introduced as Kristie’s girlfriend rather than Sam’s friend. 

Abby often wondered how the whole debacle would look to people who didn’t know them well. 

Coach Cromwell informed them that the stadium was at capacity before they stepped off the bus, 

‘This is the Final Four game to watch,’ she said, twirling a pen between her fingers, ‘They were pre-tournament favorites, and we’ve beaten some big teams to get here. We gotta go out there and give them a game.’ 

Abby could tell they’d made it to the big time as soon as they entered the locker room. Instead of the usual cold wooden benches and tiny bathroom stalls, they each had their own locker, jersey suspended on a clothes hanger. The table in the middle was covered in stacks of Gatorade, water and various juices, along with an assortment of fruit. Abby picked up a banana on the way to her locker and set her stuff down. 

I wonder if this is how pros feel before their games. 

She spotted her parents instantly during the warm up; they were seated right at the front and Andrew was holding up a huge sign that read ‘Go Abby!’ in bright blue marker. Abby buried her face in her sweater and hoped no one else in the team would notice. 

‘Abby,’ Megan cooed, ‘Is that your brother?’ 

‘Keep your voice down,’ Abby muttered, purposefully looking in the opposite direction. 

‘Hi Andrew, hi Susan!’ Sam shouted, waving cheerily at them, ‘Abby look, Andrew’s got a sign.’ 

‘Gee, thanks,’ Abby groaned, ‘I hadn’t noticed.’ 

She scanned the stands discreetly for Sam’s family, and saw them seated a little higher up, one section over. Abby breathed a huge sigh of relief- she wasn’t quite ready to have her parents meet Sam’s parents, or Kristie, for that matter. 

Louise took them quickly through their usual pre-game drills, which Abby completed using muscle memory alone. She checked over her shoulder a few times to catch a glimpse of the Virginia players, in white shirts and orange shorts, but she didn’t pay enough attention to get a good look at their faces. Louise seemed eager to get the warm up done as fast as possible, and they were ushered back into the locker room as soon as their final pass had been played. Abby had assumed that Cromwell had wanted to get in an extra long pre-game talk, but she chose not to address them at all, instructing them to talk about the game amongst themselves. They split off into groups of defenders, midfielders and attackers first, to discuss individual tactics, before converging together as a group once more. 

‘Does everyone know what to do?’ Sarah asked, and everyone nodded, ‘Hands in.’

Abby was pressed in between Megan and Taylor, adding her hand to the pile of hands in the middle of the circle. 

‘Bruins on three,’ Ally chanted, ‘One, two, three-’

‘Go Bruins!’ Abby roared, as loud as she could. 

One of the biggest points of pride for Abby, and the whole team in general, was their defense. They had the best in the country, or so they had been told many times by journalists and spectators and pundits and coaches. Abby’s confidence had blossomed in the twenty odd games they’d played thus far, and as she stood beside Megan, Ally and Caprice, she had a feeling that they were going to walk out with a clean sheet. 

What she hadn’t been prepared for, however, was how the UVA defense were equally good. 

Taylor and Darian, who usually scored goals for fun, couldn’t find any way past the outside backs in the first forty-five. Colaprico, who Sam had mentioned on the bus, ensured that Kodi got the ball only once or twice, and Morgan Brian gave Sam so much trouble that Sam was effectively out of the game, and Abby was faced with nine options when going forward instead of the usual ten. UVA were playing in the dreaded four-four-two, and Abby and Megan swapped strikers so many times that Abby forgot which striker was which. 

The halftime whistle was the first time in forty-five minutes that Abby allowed her muscles to relax. For the first time since their first game against UNC, she didn’t feel like they were going into the break with the edge. Even Coach Cromwell seemed a little worried, chewing on her nails as she made a hundred little tweaks to their tactics board. 

In the very first play of the second half, Sam shrugged off Morgan Brian’s challenge and burst down the field, playing it back to Darian at the top of the box. Abby scowled a little as Darian scuffed the shot wide- but the energy had shifted, with the wind blowing a little harder in their favor. Rather than blowing past the defenders, Taylor and Darian wore them down, sending them twisting and turning in the dirt. Abby’s teeth worried her lip as the opposing keeper made her fifth save of the half. 

We need to score soon. 

‘Abby,’ Katelyn called, as she set down the ball on the edge of the six-yard box after a UVA long ball trickled out of play, ‘Come short.’ 

Abby dropped short, but even as Katelyn passed her the ball, Abby could feel the swell of pressure over her shoulder, the excited shouts from UVA players as one of the strikers sprinted up to press the ball. Without thinking, Abby swung her foot at the ball, trying to knock the ball as far down field as possible- but she made a mess of it, clipping the ball only as far as one of the UVA midfielders. 

Abby’s blood ran cold.

She sprinted back into position, trying to organize the defense back into a solid line, but before she had the chance to shout any instructions, the UVA midfielder had pulled her leg back and drove her laces through the ball. Katelyn dived, but she was caught out of position, and Abby could only watch the ball brush past her fingertips on its way to the net. 

This can’t be happening. 

Abby’s fingers pulled her jersey over her eyes to block out the suddenly-blinding lights of the stadium. Half the crowd was leaping around in euphoria, and the Bruins bench had fallen deathly silent. Abby’s knuckles kneaded at her forehead, in a last-ditch effort to fend off the tears that were already forming. 

‘Abby,’ Megan screamed, ‘Let’s get going.’ 

Abby peeked over the top of her jersey, and saw Megan pointing at the clock. 

Fifteen minutes. They had fifteen minutes. 

Abby gulped, storing away her panic for a later date. Katelyn gave her a pat on the back before shoving her back into position, and the referee instantly blew for kickoff. The pressure on the UVA defense was immediate, and stifling.

Everything was messy, desperate. 

Abby’s get-out-of-jail card came with just five minutes left, as Sarah finally slipped Ally in behind, as she made a lung-bursting run up the field from left back, and coolly knocked the ball past the UVA keeper. Abby fell to her knees, too overwhelmed and conflicted to celebrate. 

Regular time ended, and then the first overtime period, then the second. Abby hadn’t given it any thought, but the horrifying realization hung over her head when all 110 minutes were up.

Penalties. 

‘You know the drill,’ Coach Cromwell barked, as they circled around her, ‘Keep your heads, make good decisions, and we’ll walk out of here as College Cup finalists.’ 

They linked arms at the halfway line, and Abby took her spot between Ally and Taylor. She could feel Taylor shaking under her palm, and she gave her shoulder a squeeze. 

Sam was up first, and Abby didn’t take her eyes off her once as she made the lonely walk down to the penalty spot. Sam carefully placed the ball on the spot, took several steps back, waited for the whistle, then blasted the ball into the top right-hand corner of the net. Abby cheered as Sam turned to jog back, and she saw that Sam’s face was set in stone. 

Colaprico took for UVA, and she easily sent Katelyn the wrong way. Sarah was next up, copying Sam’s strategy almost exactly, and with the same result. If Emily Sonnett felt any pressure in taking Virginia’s second kick, she didn’t show it, placing the shot perfectly into the side netting. Katelyn slapped the ground in frustration as she clambered to her feet, and Abby’s heart ached for her. She knew Katelyn would blame herself if they didn’t win. 

Lauren’s run up was longer and more hesitant, but the ball just managed to squeeze under the keeper and into the net. Abby felt like her organs were rearranging themselves. Katelyn took her place on the goal line for the penalty, staring down the UVA player who had lined up for the kick. 

Katelyn dived to the left. The shot went left. 

Ally shook her fist in celebration, Taylor jumped up and down on the spot, and Abby stared at the heavens, unable to watch.

Kodi was the fourth taker, and Abby could tell, just through her body language, that she was utterly terrified. Her shot was weak and down the middle, and the Virginia keeper saved it with her shin. Abby felt the team grow subdued, and Kodi walked back to the team with her head in her hands. 

Morgan Brian had a spring in her step, a determined look on her face, a sense of authority- and her penalty was equally powerful, shot bending towards the right post. 

Somehow, Katelyn got a hand to it. The ball nudged onto the post, and Morgan Brian, poster girl of one of the best teams in the country, could only stand there in disbelief. 

Abby couldn’t hear what Katelyn was shouting over the roar of the crowd and her teammates, but she suspected it was some obscenity. 

Next to Taylor, Abby heard Rosie took a deep breath and watched her yank herself free of the line, and she was followed all the way to the penalty spot by shouts of encouragement. The entire stadium waited, on knife edge, as she carefully set down the ball. Abby forced herself not to look away. 

The whistle blew, Rosie stepped up, and the ball was in. 

Abby was halfway down the field before she even had time to process anything. She was the first to reach her, embracing her in a bear hug as they were swarmed by the bench and the coaches. She could her Sam blubbering over her shoulder, muttering some incomprehensible words in Rosie’s ear. Abby’s voice was hoarse. 

The Virginia players were all crouched on the pitch, looking up with devastated faces as Abby went around to shake their hands- but she found that she didn’t care. She apologized over and over again to Coach Cromwell (who shushed her and gave her a hug), and thanked Ally every few minutes for her equalizer. 

‘Abby!’ Caprice shouted from where she was boosted up onto the barrier of the stands, ‘Your girlfriend wants you.’ 

Kristie was waving at her from the barrier, eyes shining, and it was like every other person in the stadium suddenly ceased to exist. Abby began to walk in her direction, picking up speed until she was almost sprinting, allowing her momentum to launch her up onto the barrier. 

She dragged Kristie in by the scruff of her neck, pressing her lips against hers in front of the eyes of half the spectators. Abby could tell Kristie was caught a little off guard from the way she jerked away a little, but within seconds she wrapped her arms around Abby’s neck and returned the kiss with the same intensity. 

‘Get it, girl!’ Abby heard Megan laugh from behind her, and she broke off the kiss somewhat sheepishly. She was greeted by a standing ovation from the team as she turned to look at them, grins wide on all their faces as they watched. Out of the corner of her eye, Abby saw Kristie give them a wave, completely unfazed. 

Abby scanned the faces of her teammates, searching for one in particular. She only happened to check a little further down the field, at the UCLA bench, and suddenly spotted Sam, hunched over on the bench, elbows resting on her thighs and chin resting on her palms. Abby’s long-distance vision wasn’t anything to boast about, but she could tell Sam wasn’t smiling. 

There it was again- the same wave of weirdness, of guilt that she’d felt when Sam had teased her about Kristie after the Kentucky game. A feeling that maybe things weren’t quite right. 

Kristie tapped her on the shoulder, ‘Come and talk to my folks.’

Abby tore her eyes away from Sam, boosting herself over the barrier and into the stands.

-

Abby pressed her forehead against her locker and waited for her heartrate to slow down.

Friday night had passed in a blur, and then she’d woken up on Saturday with aches in places that she didn’t know existed. Somewhere between the recovery and team meetings and tactics sessions, time had trickled away, and they’d ended up back at WakeMed Soccer Park like they’d never been gone. 

Exhaustion was a feeling she was generally familiar with after games, rather than before them, but she knew that if she stretched out on the floor and closed her eyes, she’d be asleep within seconds. 

‘You ready for the Big Dance?’ 

Abby slowly twisted her head to look at Jenna, who was stuffing her clothes back into her bag. 

‘Maybe.’ 

Jenna pursed her lips, ‘You need to be saying yes. This is the last time I ever get to put on this jersey, so you better make it a good one for me.’ 

Abby hadn’t given it any thought, but Jenna was right. They’d been so embroiled in their championship run that they’d not put much into celebrating senior day. 

‘Oh my god. That doesn’t feel right.’ 

‘It feels right to me.’ Jenna said, rolling her socks over her shinpads. 

‘Why?’ 

Jenna straightened up, ‘It’s like- it doesn’t matter if we win or lose, I could’ve never played in any more games. Don’t get me wrong, it would suck if we lost, but I don’t really have to worry as much about the what-ifs.’ 

Abby nodded, ‘You leave it all out on the pitch, because you can’t play in any college game bigger than this one.’ 

‘Exactly.’ 

Florida State had beaten Virginia Tech in the other semi-final, but Abby knew relatively little about them. She knew how they played and who she would be marking (courtesy of Coach Cromwell’s multiple tactical deep dives), but she was almost unsure of what to expect. She didn’t recognize any of the opposing players as they jogged out onto the field, and she couldn’t help but feel that perhaps it was a good thing. 

The crowd, numbering in almost the ten thousands, made their presence known as positions were taken ready for kickoff. Abby double checked her laces and her shinpads and made a point of not thinking about her clearance that had led to the UVA goal just two days before. 

Different game, Abby. Let’s hit the reset button. 

Darian knocked the ball to Taylor, who passed it back to Sam, and Abby was playing in her first College Cup final ever. 

They were going to win. 

It wasn’t a certainty in any sense of the word, but Abby knew it was true regardless. There was a completely different feel to the ball whenever it hit her foot, a new top speed that she reached on the run. She could outplay the Florida players, and so could the rest of the team. 

By the tenth minute, she had relaxed completely, enjoying the occasion, enjoying the view. They’d already gained control of the midfield, and the passes were zipping across the field with the ease of a well-drilled team. The crowd hummed its approval, cheers going up whenever Taylor or Darian beat their players on the wing. 

No goals came before the half, but Abby told herself there was no cause for panic. Caprice had taken a chance from thirty yards out, but the keeper had just managed to reach it at full tilt. Taylor had hit the crossbar. Everyone agreed the goal was coming. 

They crept ever closer in the second half, shots coming in thick and fast. But for every attempt on goal, the Florida State keeper was there, gathering the ball in her gloved hands, and Abby could sense the unease seeping through her. Just one, she thought, we only need one. Kodi came agonizingly close, sliding in front of the goal and just missing Rosie’s cross by a fraction.

Caprice knocked the ball out for a throw with three minutes left on the clock, and Abby set about organizing the defense in the box. They’d been hit with long throws throughout the game, and she couldn’t bear the thought of conceding to one. The winger tossed the ball up in the air, but it dropped short- shorter than any of them were expecting.

The Florida State captain was the first to react, dashing forward to get her head on the pass and directing straight towards the open net. 

Megan came flying out of nowhere, leaping to meet the shot with her chest, before launching the ball away on the volley. The bench screamed its assent, and Abby, too overwhelmed to choke out any words, gave Megan shoulders a firm shake instead. They made it to their third overtime in a row just a few minutes later. 

Abby was really starting to get sick of the golden goal rule. 

‘Just one goal,’ Coach Cromwell told them, as Abby sucked on the skin of her water bottle like her life depended on it, ‘One goal, and we’re national champions.’ 

Abby thought back to the time she’d visited UCLA- sat all alone next to the front desk with her backpack. She could remember the feeling of Coach Snow’s hand, big and warm, as he shook hers. Sam’s handshake had been equally warm, and far more enthusiastic. 

I can’t believe there was a time where I didn’t know Sam.

Abby watched her roommate stretch out in front of her, massaging her legs as she prepared for another ten minutes. She didn’t want to think about a world where she didn’t turn up at a soccer game without Sam Mewis. 

The referee’s whistle jolted her out of her thoughts, and they were tossed right back into the action. 

The next five minutes were frenzied- Abby watched the ball bounce around in Florida State’s half with some amusement. Taylor’s shot eventually deflected off the center back and bounced out for a corner. 

Rosie placed the ball down, wiping her hands gently on her shorts and puffing out her cheeks as she waited for the team to set up in the box. Abby hung about on the edge of the area, heart in her throat. 

The delivery was perfect. It swung away from the keeper and over her head, landing perfectly in Sarah’s path as the keeper crumpled to the ground in a heap. Abby primed herself to celebrate as Sarah unleashed the shot, but the cheers died in her throat as the ball was just about hooked off the line by a Florida player. Abby was so close to the bench that she heard Coach Cromwell actually hiss in dismay. 

The ball was launched back into the Bruins’ half, and Abby chased it down, trapping it with her insole and squaring it to Megan. Deeper down the field, the Bruins attack reset itself. 

Megan drove forward with the ball, but the Florida players seemed reluctant to close her down. Megan had almost made it into the final third when Abby saw it, the long and complex run Kodi was making in behind. 

Megan saw it, and the through ball was about as perfect as they came, rolling right into Kodi’s path. 

Abby stood stock still. The only player between Kodi and the goal was the goalkeeper. 

The shot, by most standards, was weak. It was far too close to the keeper, and lacked any real power, but it was just enough. The ball just scraped past the keeper’s outstretched leg, and had enough weight on it to finally carry it across the line. 

Kodi’s arms were in the air and the bench were on the field. Abby launched herself onto the pile of players that had already reached Kodi, allowing all the stress drain out her body in rivers. The spectators in the stands were beside themselves. 

Out of nowhere, caps and massive t-shirts that read ‘National Champions!’ were produced, and Abby threw hers on over her jersey, ignoring the goosebumps that had risen on her arms from the cold. Caprice buried her head into her shoulder on average three times a minute, and Abby held her there, not wanting to let the moment go. 

It took fifteen minutes for things to calm down enough for the trophy ceremony to proceed. Florida State collected their medals and disappeared down the tunnel, eager to get away. Abby watched them go, unable to feel any emotion other than pure joy. 

‘Hey roomie,’ Sam said, pushing Caprice out of the way so she could talk to Abby, ‘We did it.’ 

Abby laughed, allowing Sam to pull her off her feet and into a hug. Sam’s hair was sticky against her cheek, so Abby gently brushed it behind her ear once Sam had placed her back on solid ground, adjusting her cap slightly. Sam stayed still, waiting for Abby to finish rearranging her hair until she moved again. 

Abby hated how Sam’s gentlest smile made her feel a little queasy. 

They went up to collect their medals one by one, Abby leaning forward to let Coach Cromwell drape hers around her neck. 

‘I’m so proud of you,’ Coach Cromwell whispered, as she gave Abby a quick squeeze. Abby felt like crying. 

The team huddled together on the podium, jostling to get to the front and as close to the trophy as possible. Abby hung back, happy enough just to observe, leaning against one of the pillars. Sam joined her, as soon as she collected her medal. 

‘It’s gonna be weird to go back to our apartment.’ Abby said thoughtfully, as they both watched Sarah shake the tournament organizer’s hand. 

‘What makes you say that?’ 

Abby shrugged, ‘These past few weeks have been insane. We’re going to go back to campus, and then things will just be normal.’ 

‘As normal as things can get for national champions.’ Sam grinned, ‘I’ll make sure to remind you of that fact every morning at breakfast.’ 

‘Great plan,’ Abby agreed, ‘Especially if you make me breakfast in bed.’ 

Jenna was the last to the podium, as she had been unanimously nominated to be the one to lift the trophy. She gathered the plaque in her arms carefully, and jogged over to join the team. 

‘Trophy lift on three!’ she hollered, ‘One, two-’

Sam pulled Abby in for a tight one-armed hug as Jenna hoisted the trophy in the air, the shouts of the rest of the team drowning out Jenna’s count. The look on Sam’s face when Abby met her gaze was one that sent everything into a total spiral. 

Sam was always so easy-going, so patient, so good humored- that Abby was almost knocked off her feet by the pure desperation in her eyes. Sam was looking at her like Abby was the last thing she was ever going to see, and the intensity burned holes in Abby’s skull. 

It was a look that Abby knew she could never forget, even if she wanted to. It lasted the whole of three seconds, until Sam looked away, quickly diverting her gaze back towards the crowd, pulling up the same smile that she’d had on for the last half an hour. Abby was left struck-dumb on the podium, legs feeling like they were about to give way underneath her. 

Their flight home was scheduled for the next morning, but when Abby boarded the plane, she hadn’t slept a wink. They’d spent the first half of their evening out at a bar, even though half of the team weren’t technically allowed any drinks. One way or another, they’d all stumbled back to their hotel just after midnight, and Abby had dutifully followed Jenna into her room under the promise of the secret drinks stash that Jenna had smuggled over in her suitcase. 

She checked her messages for the first time that night as Jenna poured the shots, and felt a little guilty as she pulled up her text chain with Kristie. There were five unread messages, all from different times during the night.

I can’t believe that just happened. 

You guys deserved that so much. 

Let me know where you’re going out tonight, maybe I can meet you there?

I’m back at my hotel

I hope you had a good night :)

Abby groaned, fingers moving slowly across the screen to type out a response

Shit

Sorry, I just saw these

I don’t even know when I get to see you next :(

The blue dots to show that Kristie was typing popped up immediately.

Don’t worry about it, it was a special moment between you and the team

Just one more week and it’ll be Christmas break!

Abby exhaled, a little relieved. 

‘Drink up.’ Jenna instructed, handing her a glass, and Abby forgot all about her phone again. 

Six hours later, Abby was throwing up in her toilet bowl, and flushing the remnants away with one tug of the handle. She and Sam had tossed everything that belonged to them in their room into their suitcases, not paying any attention to who’s stuff was in which suitcase, and piling their stuff into the storage locker underneath the team bus. 

‘Do you guys need a hangover cure?’ Ally laughed, as Abby slumped into her seat on the plane and groaned. 

‘I don’t know if you’re joking,’ Sam muttered, rubbing her bleary eyes, ‘But either way the answer is yes.’

‘Eat this,’ Caprice suggested, in far too cheery a voice for nine o’clock in the morning after an entire night of drinking, ‘It works for everyone.’ 

She offered Abby a bag of croissants, and Abby took one, biting off a corner and swallowing with some difficulty. Sam refused the bag entirely, choosing instead to lean back in her seat and tug her cap over her eyes. 

Abby fell asleep soon after take-off, and when she opened her eyes again, the cabin lights had dimmed and most of the team were knocked out in their seats. Sam glanced over at her as she sat up a little, offering a tired smile. 

‘Morning.’ 

‘Good morning.’ Abby yawned, ‘How long was I asleep?’ 

‘About three hours.’ Sam said, reaching for her coffee cup, ‘Still got a couple to go.’ 

Out of nowhere, the plane lurched dangerously up and down. Abby, who was still a little disoriented, grabbed Sam’s arm in fright. 

‘You aren’t afraid of flying, are you?’ Sam asked, a little bemused.

‘No,’ Abby sighed, ‘Just a little tense and tired.’ 

‘Ah.’ Sam replied. Abby realized she was yet to pull her hand away from Sam’s elbow. 

‘Can I ask for a favor?’

‘Whatever you want.’ 

‘Can you do that thing you used to do with my neck?’ 

Sam raised an eyebrow. 

They’d never really talked about it before. 

‘Sure.’ 

Her hand reached across the space between the chairs tentatively, lightly pressing her fingers into Abby’s skin at first, before pushing down more insistently. 

Abby felt so good. She was careful not to lean into the touch, not wanting to show how much of an effect Sam was having on her, but-

Fuck.

‘Thank you.’ Abby said abruptly, and Sam let her hand drop away. Abby missed the feel of the pads of her fingers instantly. 

Something was off with them. Something big. It had been off since the start of their championship run, and even perhaps before then, Abby realized. 

She closed her eyes again, willing herself back to sleep.

I’ll figure it out at Christmas.

-

‘Merry Christmas and welcome to Boston.’ Abby mused, reading the words spelled out in the display. 

Upon her own insistence, Sam had bought them both a plane ticket to Boston as soon as they’d made it back from the College Cup, and within just six days, they were on yet another plane headed for the east coast. The flight had been slightly less pleasant than Abby’s recent experiences on planes, as they were jammed right between two mothers with crying babies. 

‘Yeah,’ Sam said, scrunching her nose up as she stared at the display over Abby’s shoulder, ‘They went way too far with this one.’ 

The words were spelt out in cans of baked beans, with tinsel draped all over them. The display was topped off by a mini-Christmas tree that was placed in front, with baked bean themed ornaments hanging from the branches. 

‘I’m guessing they were overstocked on baked beans?’ Abby asked, a little nonplussed. 

‘We’re actually famous for them.’ Sam said, dragging Abby away from the display and in the direction of baggage reclaim. 

‘I don’t see how that’s something to be proud of.’ 

‘Hey, I was raised on baked beans.’ 

They had to wait a little longer for their luggage, as everything was running behind schedule thanks to the holiday rush. After what felt like forever, Sam spotted their bags on the belt and hauled them off, and they finally headed for the exit. 

‘Sam, Abby!’ Kristie called for them as soon as they stepped out the doors, and Abby could feel the smile forming on her face as they wheeled their suitcases over. Kristie wrapped Sam in a tight hug first, before leaning in to give Abby a quick kiss. Abby hoped that she didn’t notice her blush. 

‘Welcome back to Boston, Abby.’ Kristie said, once they’d sheltered from the wind and snow in her car, ‘A lot’s changed since last time, huh?’ 

Abby grinned, adjusting her seatbelt in the back, ‘Just a little.’

‘I bet you still suck at driving, though.’ Sam complained, and Kristie dug her elbow into her ribs. 

‘Next time, I’m relegating you to the backseat.’ 

Boston did a lot better job of looking festive during the holiday season than California did, Abby realized. The streets looked like they’d been set up to feature in a Christmas card, with the snow falling thick, but not too thick, and lights were strung from almost every window. Abby’s time in the city was a little short-lived though, as Kristie drove them south towards Weymouth. 

‘Hey Abby,’ Sam said over her shoulder, ‘We’re on Pilgrims Highway. This is the road our ancestors drove on when they first landed here.’ 

Abby sat up a little, ‘Seriously?’ 

Kristie rolled her eyes as Sam howled with laughter, ‘No, ignore her.’

Abby gave Sam’s seat a swift kick, but she struggled to hold in a chuckle as she leaned back in her seat. 

They made it to Hanson in under an hour, and Abby started to recognize the houses they drove by when they last visited. The Mewis family home was exactly the same as Abby remembered it- albeit covered in a thick layer of snow. Robert and Melissa emerged on the porch as Sam and Abby pulled their stuff from the trunk. 

‘Hello Abby,’ Melissa greeted warmly, ‘So good to see you again, come in, come in.’ Abby stepped into the house gratefully, rubbing her already frozen hands and reaching down to undo her shoelaces.

‘Welcome back Sammy,’ Abby heard Sam’s dad greet her fondly at the door, ‘The whole family is finally home.’ 

Abby smiled to herself as she placed her shoes on the rack. The Mewis’ were just about the nicest family she’d ever met. 

‘Abby, come with me and we’ll get you settled,’ Melissa beckoned, leading Abby up the staircase.

‘Now,’ she said, with a hint of embarrassment as they reached the landing, ‘I didn’t know who’s room you’d want to be staying in, so I’ll leave the choice down to you-’

‘Oh,’ Abby said, coughing a little, ‘Yeah, I’ll stay in Sam’s room.’ 

Melissa paused, ‘Sam?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

Melissa looked like she was about to say something else, but then her mouth closed, ‘Sam’s room is just in there. I’ll ask Sam to get the camping bed down from the loft later.’ 

‘Thank you so much again for having me.’ 

Melissa gave her arm a squeeze, ‘The pleasure is ours. Our daughters love you too much for us not to invite you over.’ 

Love? 

Abby was left alone to unpack, Melissa’s words ringing in her ears. 

Abby quickly realized that Sam and Kristie, who were both remarkably ambitious players, also happened to be equally visionary off the pitch. She hadn’t even consumed a spoonful of oatmeal on the very first morning of the holiday before Kristie had unfolded a large piece of paper and began to list of the day’s itinerary. In the week or so before Christmas Day, Abby was dragged up down and all around Boston, from seeing the Seaport Christmas Tree (‘I think it’s smaller than last year’s.’ Sam grumbled), to ice-skating at Kendall Square, to eating steak at Abe and Louie’s. When Sam announced that Christmas Eve would be spent at home baking cookies, Abby breathed a huge sigh of relief.

‘Do you think this is whisked enough?’ Sam asked, pointing at mixing bowl attached to the stand-mixer. Abby glanced at the dough.

‘Looks good to me.’ 

‘Perfect,’ Sam said, ‘Pass me the flour.’ 

They’d clocked just before they started baking that they’d run out of icing sugar for the icing on the cookies, so Kristie had volunteered to drive to the nearest store to buy some, leaving Sam and Abby in charge of making and rolling the dough- a decision that Abby thought looked increasingly unwise. 

‘How are you enjoying Boston so far?’ Sam asked, as she poured the flour into a measuring cup. 

Abby exhaled, ‘Super fun, but I’m so tired. If you guys had taken me out for anymore sightseeing, I might’ve just ended up sleeping through Christmas Day.  

Sam set the flour back down on the counter and nodded, ‘We did go overboard with the tourist stuff. You should’ve said something.’ 

‘It’s fine,’ Abby said, ‘I enjoyed it.’ 

‘Kristie and I get too competitive for our own good.’ 

‘Competitive?’ Abby laughed, ‘What do you mean?’ 

Sam looked a touch embarrassed, ‘It’s gone unspoken so far, but we both have this weird rivalry where we compete with each other to impress you the most. We covered so much ground in the last week because we both wanted to prove to you and each other that we were great hosts.’

Abby’s mouth hung open, ‘No way.’ 

‘Way.’ 

‘I’m going to cherish this moment forever,’ Abby vowed, ‘Wait till I tell Caprice about this.’ 

‘Don’t get your ego in a twist,’ Sam warned, ‘We’re like this whenever guests come over.’ 

‘But you guys tried even harder for me,’ Abby grinned, ‘Admit it.’ 

‘Maybe a bit. But don’t go and grow a big head about it.’ 

Abby laughed and gave Sam’s hip a tight squeeze. 

Abby was rudely awakened on Christmas morning by Sam, who practically launched herself onto her bed. 

‘Merry Christmas,’ Sam said, as Abby glared at her under hooded eyelids, ‘It’s nine o’clock already, get your ass in gear.’ 

The usual awkwardness that Abby felt at being seen in pajamas by people who were not her family or Sam had disappeared almost as soon as she’d arrived in Boston, when Sam and Kristie walked into the kitchen in the morning dressed in matching sets, so she had no qualms whatsoever about following Sam straight downstairs and into the front room. Robert and Melissa were already there, seated comfortably in their chairs and sipping at steaming mugs of coffee. Kristie was sat cross-legged on the sofa, bowl of cereal in hand. 

‘What took you so long?’ she moaned, mouth still full of cocoa puffs. 

‘Merry Christmas to you too.’ Sam shot back, ‘Abby is a heavy sleeper.’ 

‘Coffee’s in the pot, girls.’ Robert said, ‘And bacon’s in the pan.’ 

Abby sat with her coffee and watched Sam, Kristie and their parents exchange gifts. Somehow, Kristie and Sam had managed to get each other exactly the same thing; a Colts keychain with Peyton Manning’s name and number inscribed on the back of the metal jersey. Abby thought they both looked more horrified that they’d had the same gift idea than that they’d been gifted a Colts keychain at all. 

Abby, of course, had bought them all presents too. She’d chipped in with Sam and Kristie to buy their parents a new lawnmower (Abby thought that there were far better gifts that a lawnmower, but Sam had told her to trust her judgement, and Robert had practically beamed at the sight of the box) and she’d got Sam a box of chocolates that she’d been begging Abby to buy her since she’d tried them in San Francisco, along with a new pair of headphones. 

She’d not been sure what to get Kristie, but she’d eventually summoned up all her self-control and bought them both two tickets to see the Patriots’ final game of the season against the Ravens. Kristie’s jaw dropped when she opened the envelope that Abby handed her, 

‘I thought you hated Tom Brady?’ 

‘For you,’ Abby winced, ‘I will suffer through a game.’ 

‘Who said romance was dead.’ Sam snickered, as Kristie planted a kiss on Abby’s cheek. 

They all wound up playing Clue in the late hours of the night, and Abby could feel herself growing tipsier and tipsier. Melissa and Sam kept everyone’s wine glasses topped up and by the third round no one was able to play the game properly. 

‘Abby,’ Sam said, swaying as she got to her feet, ‘Bathroom break.’

‘You guys are attached at the hip.’ Kristie complained, as Abby immediately got to her feet. Sam ignored her, pushing Abby through the door and into the hallway. Abby laughed.

‘Sam, you’re so drunk.’

‘No I’m not,’ Sam mumbled, shoulder colliding with the wall as she attempted to climb the stairs. There were a couple of moments where Abby thought Sam was going to topple backwards and send them rolling back down, but Sam managed to keep her balance and they made it to the bathroom unscathed.

‘Shut the door,’ Sam instructed, sliding her jeans down to her ankles and sitting down on the toilet.

Abby looked away. After living with Sam for almost a year, there were very few personal boundaries that they had yet to break, but there was something about being trapped in a confined space with Sam when she was effectively half naked that made her feel like she was intruding.

‘Did you drag me up here for a reason?’ Abby asked, gaze fixed on the faucet in the sink.

‘I just wanted the company.’

‘I forgot you were a clingy drunk.’

‘I’m not clingy, I just like being around you.’

Abby started a little, blinking hard in the dim light of the bathroom. Sam pulled her jeans back up, and Abby knew she hadn’t meant it like-

You’re making this weird.

Sam was struggling to turn the tap, so Abby leaned forward and twisted it for her. She could smell the wine on Sam’s breath as she stepped back, and it made the fact that she was taking a drunken bathroom conversation so seriously even more bizarre.

‘Come on, Grammy,’ Abby said, taking Sam’s arm after she dried her hands, ‘Let’s get you to bed.’

They struggled across the landing and Abby kicked open the bedroom door, guiding Sam through. Sam tipped forward onto her bed (that Abby had been sleeping in) instantly, and Abby watched her for a moment, the even rise and fall of her chest telling her that Sam was already asleep.

The stairs creaked as Abby quietly closed the bedroom door behind her, and she turned to see Kristie climbing the stairs.

‘Where’s Sam?’ Kristie frowned, leaning against the top bannister.

‘Asleep,’ Abby explained, ‘She had way too much to drink.’

Kristie grinned, ‘Typical.’

Abby suddenly realized she’d spent almost no time alone with her girlfriend all holiday.

‘So,’ she said, taking half a step forward, ‘Sam’s passed out in my bed, and I don’t really want to sleep on the floor-’

‘Oh, finally,’ Kristie breathed, moving quickly across the floor and pressing her hand flat against Abby’s stomach, pushing her back down the hallway and into her bedroom.

Abby could taste the wine that she’d smelled on Sam’s breath in the bathroom as she kissed Kristie, thumb’s raking across her bare hips underneath her sweater. Kristie huffed into her mouth, flipping them over so it was Abby that was jammed against the door, wood cool against the back of her neck. Abruptly, Kristie pulled back,

‘Why’d you tell my mom that you wanted to stay in Sam’s room?’

It took Abby a few seconds to gather her thoughts, ‘I just thought it would be easier. My parents would never let me have boys over when I was in high school, so sharing a bed with my girlfriend at her family’s house was kind of an unheard-of idea.’

Kristie’s expression softened, ‘It wasn’t because you didn’t want to?’

Abby stepped forward and kissed her again, heart leaping out of her chest.

‘I definitely wanted to.’

Kristie’s forehead rested against hers, ‘Good.’

Her lips were desperate, needy- in a way that Abby had never felt before in her kisses. Kristie had always been effortless in bed, assured whilst Abby was sometimes hesitant. All of a sudden, it felt like Kristie was trying to prove something to her.

Abby backed up until her legs hit the bed, careful to not break the kiss. Kristie tugged at Abby’s sweater, and Abby raised her hands over her head so Kristie could drag it off. There was a draft coming from somewhere in the roof, and the cold air spread goosebumps across Abby’s shoulders, but she didn’t notice. Kristie pushed her down into the mattress, pulling off her own sweater, before starting to kiss her way down Abby’s torso.

Without Kristie’s lips on her own, Abby was left to her own thoughts. A weird sensation of wine and pleasure sloshed in her stomach as Kristie’s teeth ground against her sternum, but she felt like she wasn’t doing enough. She reached blindly for Kristie, pulling out her hair tie and burying her fingers in her hair, and Kristie’s mouth felt even more feverish against her skin.

It still wasn’t enough.

‘Kristie,’ Abby exhaled, ‘Please.’

Frantic sex had never been Abby’s jam- or Kristie’s either, for that matter- but Abby was consumed by some overwhelming need for it, aching for the high. Kristie’s fingers flew across the buttons of her jeans, and Abby closed her eyes as Kristie pulled them down to her ankles and tossed them away, fingers digging into her hip-

I like the idea of having my name on your body.

The memory made Abby sit straight up like she was rising from the grave. Kristie jerked back in alarm, frown already forming on her face in the dark.

‘Abby?’

Air. Abby needed air. She scrambled off the bed, bare feet making the floorboards screech, and threw open the window, taking huge gasps of frozen air. Kristie was next to her in an instant, thumb digging into her spine.

‘Are you okay?’

Abby didn’t reply, forehead resting against the window pane.

‘Okay,’ Kristie said, ‘Let’s go downstairs. We need to talk.’

Dressed in a pair of Kristie’s sweats and her jumper, Abby curled up on the couch in the front room, tucking her feet underneath her. It had started snowing again, and Abby stared out the window, watching the snowflakes pile on top of each other.

‘Here,’ Kristie said, emerging from the kitchen wrapped in a blanket and carrying two mugs, ‘I made us cocoa.’

‘Thanks.’ Abby said gratefully, taking the mug. She wrapped her fingers around the ceramic, waiting for the heat to blossom across her palm. Kristie took a seat on the other side of the couch, and Abby could feel her eyes on her.

‘Something’s not right.’ Kristie said, once Abby looked up at her. Abby sighed- there was no point in denying it.

‘I’m in a weird headspace right now.’

‘What kind of headspace?’

‘I don’t know.’

Kristie bit her lip, and Abby suddenly noticed that she was crying.

‘Are we good? Did I do something.’

‘No-’ Abby shook her head, shifting forward on the couch, ‘It’s not that, it’s-’

‘It’s not me, it’s you.’ Kristie finished forward, laughing a little in spite of herself, ‘I’ve heard that one before.’ The look on her face felt like it was breaking Abby’s heart, ‘What is this, then? A break?’

Abby blinked, ‘What? No, nothing like that. I just need to get my head reattached when I get back to LA.’

‘Yeah,’ Kristie said, ‘I think you do.’

Abby looked up, ‘Are you mad?’

Kristie smiled, and Abby could tell it was genuine, ‘No. Not mad.’

‘Can I still sleep with you?’ (Kristie raised an eyebrow), ‘Not like that. Just in your bed. With you.’

Kristie held out her hand, ‘Of course. We still have the rest of the holiday to get through. And that Patriots game.’

Abby laughed as she took Kristie’s hand, ‘If there was ever proof that I love you then it would be that.’

Kristie’s eyes looked even bluer when they were wide, ‘You love me?’

Abby stopped for a moment, thinking it through, ‘Yeah. One way or another.’

Kristie kissed her, and it was the complete opposite of the way that she’d kissed her in her bedroom. It was slow, almost aching.

‘I love you too.’ She said, once she stepped back, and Abby gave her hand a squeeze.

For the first time that holiday, Abby woke up early. Her eyes itched as she opened them, and she yawned, untangling her legs from Kristie’s. They were pressed together in the same position that they’d gone to sleep in; Abby’s face tucked against her shoulder, arm draped across her waist. Kristie was still fast asleep, head turned away towards the wall and heartbeat slow under Abby’s cheek.

I do love her, Abby thought, finding solace in the way her stomach did flips at the feeling of Kristie’s waist beneath her hands. She’d already decided that the freak out from the night before had been a one-off, an unfortunate consequence of too much wine and a long day.

We’re going to be just fine.