“This marriage is killing me”
Kate brushed the leaves from her blue dress, not even bothering to try to tug the ones out of her hair until she showered. She was so fucking mad, at Hal, at herself, at Billie, at the world. She ripped the stupid heels off her feet and threw them at the wall with all of her strength, the first shoe hit the wall with a thud and she grabbed her other shoe, launching it just as hard.
There was so much from the day to process she didn’t know where to start. Trowbridge lying about the carrier to make it look like the US was going to attack in the gulf? Hal springing the vice presidency on her? Her saying maybe? Learning that Hal recommended her? Persuading the president it wasn’t Iran? Dennison confiding in her? Eidra Park saying she would believe Kate? The possibility that her house was bugged?
Not to mention that she had beaten up her husband and screamed at him until they were retrieved. However she couldn’t get the feeling of Hal’s hands restraining her waist as she thrashed in his grip, his repetition of her name in an attempt to soothe her. She stood abruptly and grabbed one of her shoes, throwing it again, this time at the mirror showing her dirt covered face. She launched the shoe into the mirror, shattering it and sending shards of glass everywhere across the stupid fancy carpet in the stupid fancy bedroom in the stupid fancy house in this stupid country and the stupid fucking dress. She stepped forward, feeling the shards dig into her bare feet as she grabbed the shoe that probably cost more than her apartment back in DC, she gripped the navy heel again and considered anything else to throw it at, she briefly debated finding Hal to throw it at before thinking better of that one.
She ended up throwing it at the wall again, narrowly missing the TV as she stared at the wall. She shifted on her feet slightly, her breathing beginning to settle as she sat back on the bed, her gaze not breaking from the wall. She just stared at the papered over walls, her eyes not focusing on the yellow on yellow stripes. She began to feel suffocated by the navy dress once more and, without moving her gaze from the wall, reached for the zipper and dragged it down, pulling the dress from her torso before slipping it over her head and throwing it over the shards of glass littering the ground.
She didn’t know how long she stayed like that, staring at the wall in only her underwear, until someone waved a hand in front of her face, she blinked as the hand slowly came into focus, revealing the sleeve of a blazer, she blinked again and looked up, seeing the familiar face of her CIA chief of station. She wrapped her arms around herself in a weak attempt to cover her body, she realized she was completely exposed to Park and had fully dissociated. She finally forced out words, asking the agent to give her a minute, the woman hesitated for a moment but quickly left Kate alone again.
Kate quickly put on the first shirt she saw, ironically it was one of Hal’s old shirts, and a pair of sweatpants that she would ordinarily wear to bed, she then stood, ignoring her shaking legs, and walked to the door, leaving bloody footprints behind her. She quickly opened the door, finding Park standing outside, still wearing her clothes from the rest of the day, the woman quickly slipped into the room before Kate could say anything and kicked the door shut.
Kate resigned herself to her humiliation at being found by someone (a subordinate technically) in only her underwear after dissociating for however long it had been, she tried to save some of her dignity by remaining on her feet and asking Park what she was doing here. Park answered that she knew Kate wanted a keel report and no one else seemed to know what that is. Kate took the file from the agent and opened it, skimming through before finding confirmation that the carrier was not, in fact, sinking, she told Eidra Park as much and handed the report back.
Eidra didn’t stand but instead gave Kate a look, Kate tilted her head and the younger woman sighed, standing and telling Kate she wasn’t sleeping in a room where half the floor is covered by broken glass, she considered protesting but knew she had no argument other than I was mad at my husband and broke a mirror and then walked into the glass to throw the shoe again, which was a pretty weak argument. She ended up following Eidra out of the room and into a spare room, she expected Eidra to leave her but to her surprise the other woman went into the attached bathroom and returned with a first aid kit. Kate realized she must’ve trailed blood and immediately felt a wave of guilt, she took the first aid kit from Eidra and opened it. She dug through for alcohol wipes and something to wrap her feet with that she could sleep with. As she slowly cleaned the blood from her feet she felt eyes on her and raised an eyebrow at the other woman.
Eidra seemed to debate for a minute before asking if she wanted to talk about it. Kate let out a dry laugh and said she really doesn’t, before hesitating and telling Hal just went behind her back and tried to push her into something. Eidra gave her a worried look and sat beside Kate on the bed. She slowly asked if Kate was okay, Kate nodded and joked that throwing and breaking stuff helped, though not as much as giving her husband a black eye. To her surprise Eidra laughs and says she sometimes wants to punch Stuart, Kate looks at her in surprise and Eidra says the man wants kids, Kate makes a face and Eidra nods saying that she countered with a goldfish.
Kate had almost forgotten about how dirty her hair and actually all of her was until Eidra asked if she wanted help getting the leaves out, she nodded and leaned towards Eidra, who combed through her hair and gently tugged the leaves out. Kate didn’t know what she was expecting from a CIA agent but it definitely wasn’t for Eidra to gently comb through her hair and pull the leaves from her tangled hair.
She was startled from her thoughts when Eidra said she thought she got most of the big ones and that the rest should come out in the shower, Kate nodded and thanked the woman before realizing she needed her toiletries from her room, she asked Eidra if she could borrow shoes, blushing slightly, Eidra nodded and offered to grab whatever Kate needs, Kate hesitates before agreeing and telling Eidra she just needs her toiletries and they should be in a little bag by the sink because she keeps repacking it after using it’s contents, Eidra nodded and stood from her spot beside Kate.
Kate stayed rooted to the bed while Eidra was gone, the room feeling colder now that she was alone, she idly picked at the wrap she had around her foot, realizing she’d have to take it off in a minute anyway to shower. She chanced a glance at the clock and was flooded by relief when she saw it was only eleven, she had assumed it would’ve been much later based on how long she had dissociated for in the past.
She glanced up when the door to the guest room opened again and could’ve sighed in relief when she saw it was just Eidra, holding the black bag with her toiletries in it. She took the bag and thanked the other woman and stood, making her way to the bathroom to deposit the bag before returning to thank Eidra for everything and say she’ll deal with the mess in the morning. Eidra smiled at her and said it’s fine and that she’s really glad she doesn’t have to wear dresses like that. Kate laughed at that and agreed that the dresses (especially the Cinderella dress) are one of the worst parts of the job.