It was Amity’s fault, she’s the reason Boscha was even dragged out here, saying something along the lines of, “You need to make real friends.” It's not that she didn’t want them, she just didn’t know how to acquire said, friends. Queue her standing alone in the corner at a stranger's party. She’s been to parties before, even held a few of her own, but it was different this time; no one was begging for her attention.
Amity had run off to be with her girlfriend leaving Boscha to fend for herself. She watched as a shorter girl with dark hair laughed at what she assumed to be a joke being told by someone just out of her view. Something about her seemed familiar but Boscha couldn’t tell from where. ‘Maybe I crossed paths on the way in,’ she thought on it for a second but was interrupted by Amity blocking her view, another familiar girl wrapped around her waist.
“Hey Boscha, remember Luz?” Boscha blanked until seeing that dumb cat hood hanging from the brunette's shoulders. She almost groaned as she realized this was someone she used to be friends with before she cut ties and became the school bully in the last two years of high school. Instead of making a noise of disgust, Boscha seemed to shrink, wishing the two would leave their focus on her and rejoin the party.
“I- uh, yeah.” Boscha looked down and smiled awkwardly, as she tried to avoid the Latina's gaze. “Hi, Luz.”
“It’s good to see you again, though I am a little surprised to see you here. I didn’t know you go here.” Luz’s smile remained as her eyes shifted from understanding to confusion. ‘Here’ being Hexside Advanced Academy, the second-best university/college of the continent. The first being Emperors Co., University of Diverse Skill and Expertise. After high school, everyone assumed she disappeared because she got accepted and was taking studying to the next level, but Boscha didn’t make the cut and spent that whole first summer realizing her friends were not who she thought they were.
“Yeah, I- uh, I guess I do.” Boscha wasn’t sure if it was only her who felt awkward but assumed so by the look in Luz’s eyes only amounting to curiosity and caring as her girlfriend hugged her, burying her face into her neck. “I think Amity might need some attention.”
Luz looked down at her girlfriend and her expression grew gentle as she hugged Amity back and brought her hand up to comb through the shorter girl's hair. Boscha stood there staring before deciding to leave them alone, walking away from the corner and into the crowd. Not a second later she bumped into the dark-haired girl, causing soda to be spilled on both of them.
“Oh, shi-” Boscha started to get irritated before she recognized the girl, eyes hidden partially by glasses but still as gorgeous as a green as ever. Once the girl had registered the situation she started to ramble out apologies.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry. Please let me help you, I'll go get paper towels." The girl paused for a moment to look up at Boscha before freezing, confusion clear in her eyes. "Why... why are you here?"
Boscha cringed as she heard the girl's voice slightly laced with fear. Her own voice starting shakey, unsure of what to say. "I- Amity brought me. I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be here, I should've just stayed in." Internally knowing this wasn't an option, she would've done anything to make it one if it meant no one got hurt, especially her.
Willow had gotten the worst of the bullying dished out by Boscha and no one really knew why except the two. Freshman year of high school Boscha confessed to Willow, uncertainty bubbled in her stomach and seemed to spread throughout her like a plaque. She ran off before she got an answer and it being the last day till spring break, she had to wait a whole week until she finally got an answer. The answer being, "Okay." After the first day back the two were dating. Willow was unsure about coming out, knowing her family would be supportive, but scared of what their friends would think. This fear and uncertainty is what tore them apart.
"I don't understand," Boscha was starting to get annoyed, feeling like she was missing some piece of the puzzle. "Why can't I hold my girlfriend's hand while we're alone in the hall?"
"Someone might see!" Willow looked up into Boscha's eyes as she tried her hardest not to cry, unable to stop her eyes from watering. "I'm not ready!"
Boscha on the other hand was on the edge of sobbing, having had this fight way too many times. "It's been over a year! You said we'd tell them three months ago!" Her voice cracked as it got louder. "I want everyone to know how much you mean to me! That your eyes are the ones I'm getting lost in!"
"Why?! So they can laugh and tell you you can do better?!" Tears were freely streaming slowly down Willow's face as she tried to keep eye contact, hoping to find what Boscha's missing. The taller girl froze, confusion intensifying as she reached to cup her girlfriend's face, hesitating enough for her to continue. "I don't know why you think keeping it a secret is a bad thing. I don't know how to keep doing this if you never see my side."
"What? No no no. I can wait! Please..." Willow silently shook her head, giving up on eye contact as she looked down. Boscha pulled away slowly, something in her cloudy, blue eyes seemed to crack. "What are you saying...?"
"What if I'm never ready? How much longer will you be able to wait?" Willow looked back up as tears were now flooding her eyes. Boscha looked away unsure of the answer.
"... I don't think I can argue about this again." Both girls stood there silently before hugging tightly, neither completely aware of what just happened, but knowing it's over. "I don't want to lose you..."
"I know." Willow tightened her grip then pulled away, staring up at Boscha, something broken deep within them both. While Willow's eyes grew soft, Boshca’s grew cold. “We can still be friends if you want...?”
“Y-yeah.” The girls stood there, silently processing everything. Boscha went stiff as gears began to shift in her head. “Yeah, whatever.”
Willow grabbed her arm as she tried to walk past her, out of the restroom. “Will you… are you gonna be okay?”
“Totally.” Boscha didn’t glance back as she tugged away from the shorter girl. The second the door closed between them, their worlds seemed to shatter. Willow leaned against the wall before slowly sliding down it, pulling her knees to her chest. Boscha began to run, tears turning to sobs as she sprinted through the halls and out the doors, running past blurred faces, not stopping even as they called her name.
After that Boscha didn't talk to anyone for a week, but the first thing she said aloud was a snide remark to Willow as she passed her in the halls. Then the school year ended and they both grew somewhat isolated. Boscha used her status to get some new friends, becoming someone she didn’t recognize in the mirror. Willow bottled everything up until she broke down at sleepover with her three remaining friends, telling them everything, from the way Boscha smiled at her to the way she bolted after they ended.
Now Boscha stood there unable to run. Thoughts swarming bother their heads as she realized she’d
“I’ll go.” She turned away looking toward her previous corner, now occupied by the two girls from earlier, rocking side to side in each other's arms. Boscha gave a small regretful smile as she glanced over her shoulder before walking off.
The next week everything felt off, Boscha couldn’t sleep but was always tired. She began drinking coffee like it was a religion, then switching to energy drinks packed with ungodly amounts of caffeine. Along the way one of her old ‘friends’ noticed the stress clear on her face and offered her a cigarette, needing any kind of release she could get she took it. It helped but it was only temporary.
After another week Amity’s concern became a lot more visible. She had known about the excess caffeine from the start, but the moment she found out about the stack of empty cartons tossed in a pile by a bin, she knew she needed to step in. Blocking her in her own dorm on the third, Amity cornered Boscha with one of the loose cartons in hand. Waiting for a response, she wouldn’t receive, Amity tried to look into her tired eyes, hoping for some sort of answer. Noticing the unresponsiveness of the taller girl, she took a step forward and placed her hand on her shoulder.
“Please, talk to me.” Boscha looked away trying to avoid the other’s gaze, loaded with concern. “I just want to help. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” Boscha slowly moved back before collapsing on her bed facing the wall. She curled in on herself, making herself as small as possible to avoid the short girl's gaze. Amity sat beside her, placing her hand on the other’s shoulder. Tears began to seep out of the restless girl's eyes as she turned around, hugging Amity’s waist. “Why does nothing feel like it's supposed to?”
“I’m not sure, but I’m here for you.” Amity combed through her friend's hair, glancing at the boxes by the trash can. “I’ll help you figure things out, but I need you to take better care of yourself. ‘Kay?”
Boscha nodded, hiding her face against Amity’s abdomen.
Boscha waited, leaning against a brick wall, fidgeting with a nearly empty carton before shoving it in her jersey pocket and pulling out a pack of spearmint gum. She popped a piece in her mouth as she saw the friend group she abandoned long ago walking out. Putting the almost empty pack of gum away, Boscha approached them cautiously. Avoiding eye contact with a certain girl, she focused more on Luz and Amity, giving a short nod to Agustus.
“Hey, guys.” She scratched the back of her head, trying not to look away. Amity gave a subtle nod, a knowing smile clear on her face. “I don’t expect to be friends again or anything, but I- um, I wanted to, uh, apologize, for how I treated you, in high school. E-especially you, Willow. I’m sorry. So- um, yeah. Bye? I guess.”
Boschca glanced at their faces, making eye contact with Willow, before turning around and speed walking away. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself, aggressively chewing her gum, trying to remain as calm as she can.
How Amity convinced them to hang out with Boscha was a mystery to her, but she was grateful for the chance to interact with the kindness that is Luz Noceda. They were laughing about how Amity was a blushing mess for the entirety of the senior year. Boscha looked around for what was probably the twentieth time, a little upset that Willow has yet to appear. Turning her focus back to the group she reached for the pack of gum in her pocket, opening it only to see it’s empty, cursing under her breath as she looked back up.
“Do any of you have any gum?” Slight panic was obvious in her eyes as they all responded with a negative. Boscha nodded, looking around again as her knee started to jump, subtle at first but soon got violent. She stood up, giving an excuse she didn’t understand, before rocketing out of the arcade. Barely out of sight, she pulled out an unopened carton, ripping the wrapper off and quickly lighting one. Inhale. Exhale. Simple as that and her nerves were slowly fizzling out.
She stood out there for about an hour and a half, five dead buds on the ground, about to light another as she heard the door open. Glancing around the corner she saw all four of them walk out. Four. Willow. Boscha closed the carton as she started toward them, looking away trying to think of an excuse for her sudden departure. As soon as they see her she stops thinking due to Luz’s loudness.
“Hey, Boscha! Did you turn off your watering cat plant?” Boscha stared confused, Amity noticed and instantly grew disappointed, seeing the carton peeking out of Boscha’s jersey. Boscha looked away and nodded before looking down at a suspicious Willow.
“Hey, Willow. Sorry I missed you. How long ago did you get here?” Boscha tried to keep her distance the best she could, but couldn’t help taking a step closer, desperately wanting the short girl's attention. Willow looked up into her eyes before looking away.
“A-about an hour ago.” Boscha looked disappointed at having just missed her but hints of fear seeped through as she realized Willow could’ve seen her.
“Oh… Sorry, I left early.” Boscha thought for a minute before pretending to check the time. “And I guess I got back late. It probably would’ve been best if I stayed with my cat plant. I think it's time for me to head home.”
“I’ll come with.” Amity stepped forward, disappointment written throughout her expression. Behind her came a gasp as Gus was gaping at his watch. He quickly started to run off yelling a farewell, saying he was already late. Amity and Boscha said their goodbyes before running off. After they turned the corner Amity grabbed Boscha by the back of her jersey, pulling her back and seizing the box in her pocket. “What the hell, Boscha? You were gone for over an hour!”
“I’m sorry.” Boscha looked away, unsure of what else to say.
“You’re sorry?” Amity looked at her in mocked shock. “That's all you ever say anymore! This is your third slip this week! If you were really sorry, you wouldn’t have one to start with.”
“I’m trying!” Boscha looked into her eyes as tears streamed out her own. “If you don’t believe me then you’re thinking of the wrong person. Some days it takes everything in me to stop and others it’s just not enough. This is literally hell and you yelling isn’t helping! I just need your support. I don’t need your friends, I needed mine!”
“I-” Boscha stormed off before Amity got a chance to say much else.
Boscha was gone. She never came back to her dorm. No one has seen her. They all believe she is long gone, but no one knows for sure.