Breathe
As time goes by, Villanelle's sleep is getting deeper until her body doesn't feel like hers anymore. She cannot even recognize herself. She's screaming but no one hears her voice. Sometimes, the darkness is too tempting to be with and never look back--stop fighting. But she just can't let go, especially when there are two voices captivating her.
“I’m going to kill you myself if you don’t wake up, idiot. Don’t try to leave me with dad alone, you know I cannot handle him myself!”
Pain hits her abdomen, almost taking her soul back to her own body. A body weight crushing her insides. Irina. Her sister's wailing does something to her, she swears she can feel her chest tightens. Everything is just painful. Too much. “She left us. Don’t leave us too. Ple-Please wake up,” she hears, over and over again.
If there is one thing she's sure of, it is she's been here for awhile now. Too far gone from reality, stuck. She feels asleep but she's restless. Nothing makes sense anymore.
“Villanelle? Can you hear me?” she chuckles.
Who are you? you're new, yet you sound familiar.
"I am such an idiot for asking that. Maybe I am, no? I came here to talk to you but here I am for hours and I can’t find the right words to say,” her voice cracks “I am so sorry for leaving you, V. I’m sorry for breaking my promise to hold you no matter what, for not being here sooner than I can. Am I too late?”
Villanelle's heart breaks in a million pieces for reasons her stupid mind won't let her remember. Good, at least I know I still do have a heart. The woman fills her ears with sobbing for several minutes until it comes to a halt.
“Please come back to us. I will do everything you want. I am here now, and I will not leave you whether you want me or not. Just please, wake up,” she begs.
I would if I could. Loud beeping noises and rushing footsteps cloud her mind, disappearing the woman's voice along with it.
Everything has changed the moment she hears another woman's voice conquering the silence of her mind, “It’s a beautiful day to save lives people. Let’s do our best.” Scenarios starts playing, vivid and realistic-- like she's watching a movie of her own life from a VCR player.
Villanelle is walking on a red carpet wearing a black low cut backless tube dress, plain black high heels, and her strawberry blonde hair was styled in wet slicked back. She looks genuinely happy, posing for the photographers from left to right. People were chanting her name, reaching for her hand, and asking for pictures. Lights flashing from cameras around her , capturing her beauty.
She’s so happy holding her newborn sister in her mom’s hospital room. “Welcome to the world, little one. I am your sister and I’m going to give you so many chocolates!” she says with her little voice. Konstantin and her mother is laughing at her, telling her she'll be the best sister in the world.
She’s driving her Eleanor, one hand on the wheel while the other one is holding a beautiful woman's hand. She kisses her hand and her face lights up with a spark in her eyes; looking at Villanelle like she’s the most precious person in her world.
Villanelle is on her knee, holding an opened little velvet ring box. “Will you marry me?” she asks. The woman leaves without any word, leaving her broken hearted for everyone to see near the Eiffel tower.
She’s driving with her mom on her passenger seat. “Villanelle, thank you for being such a good daughter. I love you so much and your sister,” she sees her mom smiling at her. “I love you so much too, mamochka.” she replies. Suddenly, there’s a yellow light slowly coming towards their direction, a loud bang, then blackout. At that moment, she feels her mother’s tight embrace.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I forgot how painful it is to be alive.
She cannot see anything except black, red, and white. Too weak to move, she can only manage reaching to her right hand that's too painful. She tries to speak yet nothing comes out except of gagging noises. She's almost certain she is summoned to a different body.
“Ms. Astankova, breathe. Try to stay calm, I know it’s painful. Please try not to pull out your IV line and tubes,” she hears and she’s slowly going back to sleep.