Alone between Skyscrapers (Jungkook's beginning)
Sometimes I miss
being able to play with the wind
jumping waves
and walks,
toes burning in sand and rocks.
In between skyscrapers
lying has become as easy as breathing,
gasses of cars and pollution
Coming out like smoke from my lips
to the phone and mother’s ears.
Sometimes I think she catches them,
A breath too quick or a sob stuck
in a sore throat.
Instead of letting her ask I keep talking
“I’m happy mom, you see?”
“I dance”
I am not good enough and my body hurts
“I’m getting better at singing”
I’m scared I’ll end up coughing blood
“The street food of Seoul
smells almost like the one at home”
But we are living of a meal a day
because the money is short
“I miss you”
I am alone.
I wonder how much she catches
in between my words
The air is cold and I blame it
for the tears I get to taste on my tongue.
The air is cold and I blame it
for the shivers down my bones
“Mom, it’s so cold in Seoul”
Mom, I miss home.
But I’m not telling lies, just half-truths.
Because if I can convince her,
maybe I can believe it too
“Are you ok?”
A hyung asks late at night
my eyes wander through the living room
“Yes hyung”
He goes back into our share room.
The breaths even.
And I stay.
Listening to cars
smelling the smokes
of a city that never sleeps.
Learning young
That dreams are dreams and reality,
is full of grey buildings and cold hands.