Royal Disasters

Royal Disasters

2:40 PM

queenofnaps: @speak up

queenofnaps: @speak up

queenofnaps: @speak up

queenofnaps: @speak up

speak up: EHAT

queenofnaps: why didn’t you teLL ME YOU HAVE A COUSIN

speak up: uh

speak up: it wasn’t relevant

queenofnaps: I THINK ITS VERY RELEVANT

speak up: how’d u learn about them?? i haven’t seen or heard from any family members since i was like. 11 maybe

queenofnaps: he’s actually looking for u, he read an article about ur parents and you and that lead him to my family and my dad and now he’s here asking for u!

queenofnaps: why is his name also link tho!

speak up: my family is actually really bad at names you’ll come to learn

speak up: i have at least one uncle named link and like three more cousins named link

ur so valid: why?

speak up: yknow i have no clue

mothman: i see you were born into a family of idiots

queenofnaps: ok well i mean i can’t complain

queenofnaps: i have like four aunts named zelda

pissbaby: why are your guys family’s so bad at naming children?

speak up: must be a hylian thing idk

papaya: i was about to say that my hylian family isn’t like that when i remembered i’m sheikah

papaya: and i also have several impas in my family line

ur mom haha: absolutely no creativity with y’all huh

bugman: i also come from a long and glorious line of beedles!!

mothman: homie out here with the bug ancestry

queenofnaps: IRRELEVANT

queenofnaps: link u should come n talk to your cousin he seems super sweet!

queenofnaps: he’s got these wild face tattoos too he’s kinda hot

queenofnaps: if i weren’t taken i’d b swooning

speak up: ew

queenofnaps: get ur gay ass over here for the love of GOD

—

link didn’t quite know what to expect. he hadn’t seen any family members since about the time his parents died, and before that his family never really got together. or saw each other. or called each other family.

he wasn’t sure why. he was a kid when he last saw them, anyway. he was still a kid, technically. none of them stepped up when his parents died, and none of them were a part of his life before then. he knew part of it was because his parents secluded themselves from the rest of the family, but it didn’t hurt any less. none of them were at the funerals, even. zelda and her dad were the closest he had to family, and he liked it that way. but he had also never met this cousin.

safe to say, he was very confused. and nervous. but it was ok, cause zelda will be there and he knows he’s safe with her, so whatever they wanted, he would be ok.

he parked his bike in his usual spot at zelda mansion of a house (seriously, they had maids. he’s pretty sure they were royalty at this point) and tugged his helmet off. his wounds from their car accident had pretty much healed, save for a few phantom pains here and there, but he was sure those would probably never fade. nevertheless, it still hurt to raise his arms above his head, and he winced a little when removing the helmet. just something he’d have to get used to for a while, he supposed.

as he was walking to the door, he realized zelda had never specified where in her gigantic house she was. there were several possibilities, but he didn’t feel like wandering around till he found her, so he whipped out his phone and dialed her number as he shook around his keychain to find her house key.

after a quick two rings, she picked up.

“hello?”

“you never told me where to go,” he whined, unlocking the side door he preferred to the grand front entrance.

“my house, loser.”

“do you realize how fucking massive your house is?”

“hey language! i have a guest right now,” she huffed. he heard faint chatter in the background, before a few chuckles.

“was that him?” he asked, quieter this time.

“yeah, it was. you okay?” it was almost as if she could read his mind. he was pretty sure she could.

“i’m fine, just nervous i guess,” he knew he shouldn’t lie to her. she would probably kill him. “now where the hell am i going?”

“first floor parlor!”

“that’s opposite to where i parked,” he deadpanned.

“well it’ll be good for your physical therapy or whatever. now get your ass over here, im hungry.”

he groaned in response, which she copied with more dramatics. he ended with a quick “fuck you,” before hanging up and trudging along the decorated halls.

for such a large house that only two people inhabited (besides the servants who lived on site), zelda and her dad did a great job cozying up the mansion. the halls never once felt stuffy or suffocating, and that’s one of the thing he loved most about the place.

it didn’t take him long to find the parlor zelda was talking about, mainly because it was the only room in the area with signs of life in it. soft, calm music filtered out of the room, accompanied by some soft chatter and clinking teacups. he hardly hesitated to knock and open the door.

“link?” he heard zelda call, followed by some shuffling around. he pushed open the door and peaked inside and made direct eye contact with zelda over the head of a sandy blonde man. said man stiffened as the door creaked, and both links froze for a moment before link-at-the-door said:

“uh. i’m here, i guess.”

a beat.

zelda choked back a laugh.

“good goddess, if i thought you two looked alike, i’d say you’re related based of behavior alone.”

this caused both links to loosen up, slightly. a smile befell door-links face.

“please come in. i’m sure you’re both dying to meet each other properly.” she smiled warmly, patting the spot next to her on the sofa. door-link made his way inside the room, calmly sitting next to zelda. he had yet to look at cousin-link.

how they were cousins, he didn’t know. he didn’t know any of the relationships in his family other than him to his parents, but this man said they were cousins. he honestly wasn’t all that skeptical of that but if information, but he was curious as to what he wanted with link. it had been years, for the goddesses sake.

“link, this is, well, link. i’m sure that won’t be confusing,” zelda joked. door-now-couch linked smiled at her, grateful for her support.

it was enough for him to finally look at the man.

the resemblance was truly uncanny. they looked scarily similar, save for this man being bulkier and slightly taller than himself. his hair was also a few shades darker, and cropped a bit shorter, but they had the same eyes. one of the most noticeable features of cousin-links were his face tattoos. two large, curved dashes ran just below his eyes, framing them nicely, accompanied by a diamond-ish shape on his forehead with a smaller diamond inside of it, the bottom point of which ran down the bridge of his nose before fading out. two more smaller dashes were just above his eyebrows and really, it complimented his face nicely. other than that, he wore a simple green hoodie and brown leather coat with jeans and fancy boots. he seemed… interesting, to say the least.

“uh, hey there,” cousin-link smiled, warmly. he spoke in a drawl, voice like fresh honey. it was comforting, if couch-link were being honest. “i know this is probably strange. ‘m sorry if i scared ‘ya,”

couch-link smiled back, trying to replicate his cousins warm smile and only missing the mark somewhat, “i’m more so confused, than anything.” it was the truth. he was nervous to meet the man, but who wouldn’t be, in his situation especially?

“i’m sure. i assure ‘ya, im not here for trouble or nothin’,” the man removed his hands from his pockets to push himself up in his seat, “but i heard about you from onea my cousins. or, uh, our cousins, i suppose. i just, wanted to find ya’. and talk. i dunno, i didn’t think that far ahead,” cousin-link rubbed the back of his neck for a moment.

“another trait that runs in the family, i see,” zelda said from behind her teacup.

“hey!” couch-link turned to her, playful rage in his eyes, “at least i’m not related to any war criminals.”

“my dad beating you at every smash bros tournament we’ve ever had is not a war crime,” zelda said, putting her tea down.

“it is now!” couch-link huffed, before remembering their audience.

he turned back to cousin-link, who was smiling warmly once again.

“i’m glad you seem to be doing okay. i was worried when we heard what happened to your parents,” the room grew somber once again.

“how long did you guys know?” couch-link whispered, eyes turning to the floor.

a small flash of panic crossed cousin-links face, before he held up his hands, “i personally just found out a lil’ while ago. our cousins that are my age n’ younger never heard,” he said, bringing his hands to his chest, “most of us didn’t even know about ya’,” he looked sad for a moment.

“the older generations tried to forget about them. your parents, i mean. they weren’t happy to hear the news of their fate, but they definitely didn’t feel grief.”

couch-link flinched a little at this.

“i was only a kid. why’d they abandon me?” he looked up at his cousin.

the man looked heartbroken and angry and just pure distraught. he scowled. “i’ve no clue. but i, and a whole lot of our cousins, wanna fix that. we didn’t wanna crowd you with a whole entourage of trauma, so we agreed to send one of us. i won rock paper scissors,” the man chuckled.

a small smile came across couch-links face.

“look, i know this ain’t easy and i totally get if you want nothin’ to do with us. but we wanted to reach out,” cousin-link said, a hopeful look in his eyes, “we didn’t wanna abandon you like our parents did. we wanna make it right.”

a very worried smile came over cousin-links face.

couch-link looked to zelda, a childlike expression of confusion and hurt and a lot of painful emotions that all seemed to have gathered in his cerulean eyes. she wasn’t very fond of that look. she took his hands.

“i think this could be a great opportunity for you, but you know i’m with you whatever you choose, right?” she whispered.

couch-link looked at his hands, face taught for a moment, before turning to the hopeful man across the low table in front of him.

“i know this is a lot, you can take your time to think,” the man said, hands to his chest again, “we don’t wanna rush you,”

“i think it would be nice,” couch-link said, “the ones that wanna help. what are their names?” he asked, curious to know which family members wanted to help him.

“uh, so about that,” cousin-link was rubbing his neck again.

“oh my god are all of you named link?” zelda asked, mirth bubbling over in her voice. she had dropped couch-links hands to try and keep in her giggle. it wasn’t working.

“yes? look, we actually have a big family and apparently none of them talk to each other enough to know that they all just chose our great-grandfathers name for their eldest sons, i mean hell, half of our parents aren’t even apart of our lives anymore, it’s really all fucked up to be honest-“

couch-link laughed, a big laugh, the kind that just erupts out of your chest and is filled with warmth. his fading injuries sent him into a long coughing fit, however, and zelda patted his back.

“y’know, you really should be careful. please don’t re-puncture your lung in my living room, please,” zelda deadpanned. this wasn’t her living room, but couch-link was too preoccupied with keeping his lung inside of his chest to argue.

“excuse me? re-puncture?” cousin-link looked bewildered. they really had to come up with a nickname for him, because apparently there were several other cousin links who wanted to meet him and be apart of his life.

“oh, uh. yeah, we were in a hit and run with four other friends a few months ago. link and i got the worst of it, and link here had it worse than me.”

through his coughs, link added, “we’re mostly healed up now. just some scars that won’t fade, it seems.” he was rubbing his chest.

cousin link looked very concerned. in a very motherly way. it was funny, honestly.

“that was off topic. what i wanted to ask before your little rant, is how many links are there that want to reach out?” couch-link gratefully took the cup of water zelda had mysteriously retrieved from thin air, sipping casually as he waited for cousin-link to count in his head

“uh, myself included, i reckon there’s eight of us?”

“EIGHT?” zelda held back another laugh, “good goddess. i thought all the zelda’s in my family tree was a lot.”

“how do you tell each other apart?” couch-link asked. he was having a hard time keeping himself and cousin-link apart. now he had to remember seven more links?

“nicknames, although the one we call ‘legend’ likes to just call of us asswipes,” cousin-link was deadpanned, “why we call him legend, i don’t even know.”

zelda laughed again at this.

“so what do they call you?”

“twilight. i like to say it’s cause i live in ordon, y’know, where the twilight conflict happened,” he looked very proud, “however its cause the one we call time read my diary from when i was a kid,” zelda and couch-link shared a small glance, before looking back to the older man.

“and?”

“and, i wanted to be a werewolf after my childhood friend made me binge the twilight series with her.”

a moment of silence passed in the parlor.

then, the two best friends lost their collective minds.

“oh my god-“

“a twilight werewolf-“

“the effects weren’t even good! there are-“

“hey! i was a kid!” the older link shouted. he looked like he regretted telling them, and he should have.

the two younger blondes were laughing, and in couch-links case, coughing every other second.

“please don’t kill him! i just met him, oh my ordona he’s gonna burst his lung again, hey-“ cousin-link looked terrified and was already showing a surprising amount of motherly concern.

couch link slowly came down from his laughing high, coughs coming in every here and there. he took a few gulps of water and let out a few more coughs before speaking again.

“and here i thought you were all serious, with your face tattoos and whatnot. turns out your just team jacob,” couch-link nearly lost it again. cousin-link, who now would never live down his twilight nickname, made a sound of indignation.

“i was not team jacob!”

“that’s what you’re concerned abou?” zelda said, still giggling like a maniac.

twilight made another grumbly noise.

“woah there, alpha-“ couch-link began, cut off by zelda’s bark of a laugh, “calm down.”

twilight turned bright red again. he sometimes regretting talking.

though, the look on his cousins face very much made it worth it.

after a few more moments of teasing, and the trio coming down from their laughter, twilight sighed. “well, it’s at least a two hour drive back home for me, so i should hit the road soon. i can give you my number, though. and i can introduce you to everyone over text, if that’s less intimidating?”

“well, i will take your number, but i have a better idea than that!” couch-link said. he had warmed up to his cousin surprisingly quickly, all things considered. he hadn’t even warmed up to sidon and mipha this quickly, but something about twilight was different.

“am i gonna get to hear this plan?”

“how about you stay at my apartment tonight?”

“you’re like, 17? how do you have an apartment?” twilight looked bewildered for about the tenth time that night.

“okay so technically it’s zelda’s dads but i live there alone because i want to and zelda’s dad is a pushover.”

zelda just nodded at this.

“but i do work part time to earn at least part of it. and to maintain my bike.”

twilight thought for a moment.

“i’m sure link here didn’t even think to ask if you have a job back home, so i’m sure he will understand if you can’t,” zelda said, always the voice of reason.

“no, no, i was just trying to think of what words to say. i’m not very good at this bit,” twilight smiled warmly again.

“me too dude, i hate that part,” couch-link said.

“are you sure you’re okay with me staying there? we did just meet. you weren’t even sure about staying in contact,” twilight said, hand back on the back of his neck.

“oh absolutely. zelda and urbosa would kill you if anything happened. plus i’m kinda excited about this,” couch link said sheepishly. he always had wanted a brother or two.

twilight smiled that warm smile again. it really was comforting.

“plus i’ve been wanting to cook this new meal but no one ever has time these days to come over and try my cooking.”

“we don’t need to be there for you to cook dinner, link.” zelda said, deadpan once again.

“yeah but it tastes better that way. duh.”

zelda rolled her eyes.

“that sounds lovely,” that warm smile really hadn’t left his face for the past few minutes.

“we gotta go to the grocery store. c’mon, we gotta go to walmart,” couch link darted up, rushing around the low coffee table ti grab twilights arm. “plus it’ll be a great icebreaker. holy shit your arms are huge,” link said, tugging at twilights arm.

a chuckle escaped the older man, and he got up and allowed the younger to pull him out of the room.

“oh, zelda, do you still have that extra bike helmet? i didn’t bring my spare. i didn’t expect this.” the shorter link peeked his head back in the room.

“in the garage, dork.”

“thanks! i’ll call ya later!” link called down the hall.

“you better, or i’m swarming your apartment with my dads guards.”

zelda smiled, picking up her tea. she really believed this would be healing for her friend. hylia knows he needed it, especially from his family.

and if she spilled all the drama just happened to mipha, no one would know. oh, how fun this will be, she thought.