Welcome to the Madhouse
Lucifer was quick to rush up to the Detective's porch, knocking loudly on the door as he waited for an answer. With an indignant grown, he realised after a few moments that the Detective wasn't home and began to think through his next actions. Always the one to act first and think later, he effortlessly shoved the front door open with his shoulder, his eyes widening as the wood almost came off its hinges.
"…She probably won't notice that" Lucifer muttered, closing the door behind him, shrugging as it now didn't close properly.
Lucifer's eyes scanned over the kitchen, trying to find the jacket he had left the previous day. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he soon spotted the suit-jacket laid over the couch and took a step forward. However, he didn't get very far before he heard the creak of wood behind him, causing him to whip around, just in time to be hit over the head. Lucifer stumbled backwards, as his head throbbed painfully, confusing him to no end. In the next second, a figure was in his vision, and his legs were swept out from under him, as he fell to the ground with a thump.
"What in dad's name?" Lucifer grumbled, pushing himself up onto his elbows.
Looking up with a frown, he found a young girl looming over him, a saucepan gripped tightly in her hands. She didn't look all that menacing, causing Lucifer to wonder how she had been able to injure him. She seemed to be in her early twenties, with long brown hair, and dark blues eyes, which were staring at him intently. She was pretty, and violent...two things which Lucifer always enjoyed.
"You picked the wrong house to break into, asshole" The girl exclaimed, with an English accent.
"Touché. Do you usually use kitchen appliances as a weapon?" Lucifer scoffed.
"Well, there is a rather large knife over there I can use if you'd prefer-" The girl began, but Lucifer was quick to cut her off.
"I think the saucepan will suffice" Lucifer mumbled, as the front door suddenly swung open.
"Ah, Detective. So nice of you to join us. Would you mind arresting this little vixen?" Lucifer suggested, slowly pushing himself to his feet.
He was surprised to find his vision blurred, if only momentarily as he stood, as he wondered what the cause of his sudden mortality was. Lucifer's forehead wrinkled as Chloe came to a sudden halt when she looked at the girl in front of him. It was almost like the Detective had seen a ghost.
"Aunty Kami!" Trixie's excited voice announced, as she rushed forward from her mother's side.
Lucifer's confusion only grew as the strange girl pulled Trixie into a hug, raising the child off her feet, and swinging her around a little. Chloe was still yet to speak, a shell-shocked expression on her face, but made no move to stop the interaction.
"How're you doing, little monkey?" The girl grinned, placing Trixie back on the ground.
"Did you come back for my birthday?" Trixie beamed, as the girl shared her expression.
"Sort of. Hey, do you mind giving me and your mummy a minute to talk?" The girl asked, as Trixie crossed her arms.
"I'm old enough to stay now. I'm going to be eight!" Trixie insisted, pouting.
"I know…but I think your mum is going to want to say some bad words to me, so best you stay in your room" The girl went on, ruffling Trixie's hair, who reluctantly did as she was told.
"Am I the only one completely confused right now?" Lucifer announced, raising an expectant eyebrow at Chloe.
"I, uh…I know this is probably a bit of a shock but-" The girl began, but Chloe quickly cut her off, her voice raised.
"Six years! Nothing more than a birthday card for six years, Kami! I didn't know where you were, I…you could have been dead for all I knew!" Chloe all but screeched, her voice thick with emotion.
"A little dramatic, Chlo…or not. Yeah, I'm just gonna' shut up…" Kami trailed off, seeing Chloe's furious expression.
"Would someone mind filling me in?" Lucifer insisted, crossing his arms.
"Lucifer, this is my sister, Kami" Chloe admitted, ushering to the brunette, as it was Lucifer's turn to be speechless.
"Sister?! Why have I not been informed of this before?" Lucifer gaped, finding the development most interesting.
"Wait…Lucifer? As in the annoying dick who has been sniffing around you for weeks now?" Kami suggested, as Chloe's forehead wrinkled.
"Now, now. While I always enjoy conversations about my impressive lower regions, I must protest to the annoying part" Lucifer exclaimed, holding his hand up.
"I'd say it was pretty spot on" Chloe shrugged, as Lucifer rolled his eyes.
"…Wait, how do you know about Lucifer? And how does Trixie know who you are? She hasn't seen you since she was two" Chloe frowned, as Kami bit her lip, rubbing her arm.
"That's not quite true. Dan's been…sort of keeping me up to date on things" Kami confessed, as Chloe's jaw tensed.
"Dan knew? He's been in contact with you this whole time?!" Chloe gaped, her angry expression returning.
"Detective Douche strikes again" Lucifer smirked, holding his hands up in mock surrender when Chloe gave him a murderous look.
"Look, it's not Dan's fault. I asked him not to tell you, okay? You've been doing just fine without me here" Kami stated.
"Fine? I've been worrying about you almost every day for the past six years, Kami!" Chloe insisted as the younger girl looked to the floor guilty.
"I'm still feeling like I'm missing something here" Lucifer stated, as both women had almost forgotten he was there.
"I ran away from home when I was sixteen. I haven't seen Chloe since" Kami admitted, as Lucifer's interest grew.
"You just left a note saying I'd be better off without you! Why didn't you even say goodbye?" Chloe questioned
"Because you'd never have let me leave. I just…I couldn't stay here anymore" Kami insisted, as Lucifer's eyes widened.
"The rebellious child running away from home? It sounds like you and I have a lot to talk about" Lucifer grinned, at the younger girl.
"Get in line, Lucifer. Why are you back now?" Chloe questioned.
"Dan let it slip that you got shot. I had to come back…make sure you were alright" Kami explained.
"I'm fine. Really" Chloe retorted, as Kami gave her a sad smile.
Chloe was surprised when Kami surged forward and pulled her into a tight hug, her arms wrapping around her shoulder's. Kami had never exactly been the one to initiate any physical contact, and it made Chloe realise just how worried Kami must have been about her. Chloe couldn't stop the smile that grew on her lips as she hugged her sister back, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder's.
"Not to break up this heart-warming moment, but I appear to be bleeding" Lucifer announced, as Kami quickly pulled away.
Her eyes widened when she saw he was right, a cut had opened up on his forehead, as the red substance rolled down his face. Guilt flashed over Kami's face as she grabbed a clean towel on the kitchen surface and placed it against Lucifer's wound.
"Shit, sorry about…well, knocking you out and all" Kami cringed, holding the cloth there.
"Well violence against yours truly seems to run in the family. It wasn't long ago the Detective shot me in the leg" Lucifer informed her, as Kami turned to her sister with a raised eyebrow.
"It was…a misunderstanding?" Chloe replied, not sure how else to explain.
"Where's your first aid kit?" Kami shook her head, as Chloe opened and closed her mouth a few times.
"…You still don't have a first aid kit?" Kami sighed, with a roll of her eyes.
"I think I have some band-aids in the drawer over here" Chloe mumbled, walking further into the kitchen.
"Alright, sit down. Let me have a look at the damage" Kami exclaimed, as she began ushering Lucifer to the arm of the couch.
"How dominating…I like it" Lucifer smirked, as Kami grabbed his shoulder's and forced him to sit down.
"I bet my sister just loves you, huh?" Kami suggested, knowing how the man's flirty behaviour would grate on Chloe's nerves.
"I am her favourite partner, after all" Lucifer stated, as Kami pulled the towel away to take a closer look at his wound.
"You're my only partner" Chloe mocked, walking over to the pair and gave Kami a band-aid, as the younger girl giggled.
"Well I hope you're a fan of Barbie" Kami said, showing him the barbie band-aid, as Lucifer groaned loudly.
"I think your enjoying this a little too much, Detective" Lucifer grumbled, seeing how Chloe was having to bite her lip to stop herself from bursting out laughing.
"You don't have any dizziness, do you? Headache?" Kami questioned, as Lucifer shook his head.
"No blurred vision? How many fingers am I holding up?" Kami went on, taking a step closer as she held three fingers in the air.
However, her fingers were being held at the same height as her cleavage, which Lucifer seemed far more interested in, if the mischievous glint in his eyes was anything to go off.
"Yeah, he's fine" Kami rolled her eyes, turning to Chloe.
"Alright, I'm going to call, Dan. I can't believe I'm saying this but…Lucifer, make sure she doesn't go anywhere" Chloe told him, making Kami scoff.
"Does that mean I'm on babysitting duty?" Lucifer grinned, as Chloe shushed him, taking her phone out of her pocket and walking towards the front door.
"What happened to the door?" Chloe frowned, turning to the pair.
"He/she did it" Both Kami and Lucifer said at the same time, pointing to each other.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Chloe pulled the door open and stormed out of the house, already dialling Dan, ready to give him a piece of her mind. However, the anger she was feeling only minutes ago was already draining away. Kami was back. She was okay. Chloe felt like all her prayers had been answered.
"So…are you and my sister screwing?" Kami asked, after a few seconds of silence.
"I'm afraid she hasn't had the pleasure" Lucifer told her, smoothly.
"I guess it makes sense. From what Dan tells me, your kind of high maintenance" Kami stated, as Lucifer's jaw dropped open.
"It seems Detective Douche has given you a completely wrong impression of me. So, why don't we start over? Forget about Daniel's obvious jealously and the assault earlier?" Lucifer suggested, as Kami mulled it over for a moment.
"Fair enough" Kami nodded guilt flashing over her face once again.
"Lucifer Morningstar, handsome club owner, slash civilian consultant for LAPD" Lucifer exclaimed, holding a hand out to her.
"Kami Decker, registered nurse and troublesome sister according to Chloe" Kami grinned, as Lucifer bent down to press a soft kiss to her hand.
"Oh, a nurse? I do love a girl in uniform" Lucifer smirked, making Kami roll her eyes.
"Unless seeing me sweaty and covered in blood is something you're into, I doubt that" Kami scoffed.
"…Actually, I think it might be" Lucifer stated, with a mischievous tone.
"I'm having a hard time picturing how you and Chloe met right now. You don't exactly seem like the usual guy she hangs around with" Kami frowned.
"Boring and dull, like Detective Douche?" Lucifer suggested, as Kami snorted.
"Am I sensing a hint of jealousy here?" Kami inquired, as Lucifer looked flabbergasted.
"I don't see anything to be jealous of" Lucifer shrugged, dismissively.
"Oh my God, do you have a crush on my sister?" Kami gaped, amused.
"Do you really feel the need to bring my father into this?" Lucifer complained, crossing his arms.
"…Oh, right because you're the Devil…did your parents actually name you Lucifer?" Kami asked, her eyes widened when Lucifer nodded.
"Damn, and I thought I had shitty parents…well, adopted parent" Kami mumbled, causing Lucifer to raise an eyebrow.
"Your adopted?" Lucifer asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.
"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Kami retorted.
"I was hoping your genetics might help me find out what's so special about the Detective" Lucifer admitted, his forehead wrinkled.
"Oh, you mean her big secret…" Kami trailed off, as Lucifer tilted his head.
"You know? Well, what is it? Spit it out!" Lucifer insisted, on the edge of his seat.
"…She's not a natural blonde" Kami whispered, bursting out laughing a moment later, when she saw how disappointed he looked.
"I'm starting to see that you are definitely not genetically related to the Detective" Lucifer stated, finding Kami to be the polar opposite to her sister.
"I'll take that as a compliment" Kami smirked, as Lucifer chuckled lightly.
Chloe came back through the broken front door a few moments later, finding it off-putting seeing Lucifer laughing with Kami, as the pair had only known each other for a few minutes. Of course, he was already trying to charm her sister, Chloe thought to herself.
"Dan will be here in ten minutes. He's got a lot of explaining to do" Chloe muttered, approaching the pair.
"Hey, don't be too hard on him. I asked him not to tell you anything. I can be pretty persuasive" Kami stated, as Lucifer made an amused sound.
"Really? Do tell" Lucifer grinned, as Chloe grit her teeth.
"Lucifer, can you give us a minute? We need to have a word…in private" Chloe insisted, as Lucifer rolled his eyes, and reluctantly walked into the kitchen, out of hearing distance.
"What I said to you before you left…Kami, I swear I didn't mean it-" Chloe began, as Kami cut her off, quickly.
"I had been planning on leaving for a while, Chlo. It just…wasn't working me living with you anymore. And I've done alright for myself. I've got a job, a flat, friends" Kami explained, as Chloe let out a sigh.
"Why didn't you call me? Just once. Just to tell me you were okay" Chloe questioned.
"Because I knew you'd try to track me down. And I didn't want to be found" Kami informed her.
"…Did Penelope ever ask about me?" Kami asked, a few moments later.
Chloe opened and closed her mouth a few times after that, not sure what she could say. No, her mother had not tried to look for Kami after she had run away. Chloe hated to think it, but her mother had almost seemed relieved when Kami was out of the picture.
"Right. Of course she didn't" Kami mumbled, as the front door was suddenly wrenched open.
Chloe watched as Kami's face lit up and turned to see her ex-husband stumbling through the door, a similar expression on his face. Kami was rushing over to him a few seconds later, as he pulled her into a hug, pulling Kami off her feet, as his hands wrapped around her waist.
"What're you doing here?" Dan laughed, as Kami held onto him tightly.
"I figured it was time. To come home" Kami admitted, as the pair slowly pulled away, Kami still beaming.
"I'm glad to hear it" Dan smiled, as Lucifer approached the pair.
He couldn't understand why anyone would be so ecstatic at seeing Detective Douche, but the young girl was smiling like all her Christmases had come early. How very strange, Lucifer thought to himself.
"How could you keep this from me, Dan? You knew how worried I was about Kami! It…it ate me up inside, for years!" Chloe insisted, as Dan's smile quickly faded.
"I made a promise, Chloe" Dan sighed, as Kami bit her lip.
"I told him if he ever admitted that we were in contact, that it would be the last he ever heard from me. Dan didn't have a choice" Kami explained, feeling guilty.
"You always have a choice" Chloe shook her head, as her phone began to ring, which she picked up quickly.
"Decker? Yeah, okay. I'll be there soon" Chloe spoke into the phone, keeping her icy glare on Dan.
"We've got a case. We're going to talk about this later" Chloe announced, as she began storming towards the door.
"We're still on for tomorrow, right? Taco Tuesday?" Dan suggested, as Chloe simply slammed the door shut in response, making Dan flinch.
"She'll come round, Dan" Kami stated, placing her hand on his shoulder, in a comforting gesture.
"I don't know, the Detective is rather stubborn. Not to mention not exactly the forgiving type-" Lucifer began.
"Lucifer!" Chloe yelled from outside the house, obviously wanting him to follow her.
Kami was overjoyed to spend the rest of the day with her niece, having not seen her in months. Dan would often let Kami see Trixie during his visitation time, unbeknownst to Chloe. Kami could see how guilty Dan would feel every time, but neither of them wanted to keep Trixie from seeing her Auntie. Kami couldn't help but wonder if the guilt had been a factor in Dan and Chloe's separation.
"Mommy said I could have some of the cake now" Trixie announced, as Kami pushed the still broken front door open, and stepped into the kitchen.
"Uh-huh…and I guess I was born yesterday too?" Kami suggested, giving her young niece a look.
"Can't I just have one bite?" Trixie begged, pouting.
"You know the puppy dog eyes are never going to work on me, Trix" Kami shook her head, fondly, as she placed the shopping on the kitchen counter.
"Will mommy be home soon?" Trixie questioned.
"I hope so for both of our sakes. The only thing I know how to cook is a microwaveable meal" Kami admitted.
"Lucifer can cook! Maybe he'll come home with mommy again" Trixie stated, as Kami's forehead wrinkled.
"You like him, huh? He's nice to you?" Kami questioned.
"He calls me urchin sometimes…but he also gives me lots of cake!" Trixie exclaimed, excitedly.
"I bet" Kami chuckled, watching the young girl run off to her room.
Kami began to pack away the food shopping she had bought, making sure to follow Chloe's shopping list to the T. It was all very healthy, apart from the large chocolate cake for Trixie's birthday, which even she was dying to dig into. Kami frowned when she picked up a strange green vegetable and inspected the label.
"What even is Kale?" Kami muttered, before shrugging.
A rustling sound from behind her had Kami whipping her head around, dropping the vegetable to the floor when she saw who had made the noise. Dan. Completely butt naked. The two stood there in silence for a moment, as Kami tried to pick her jaw up from the floor. Dan was quick to grab two cushions from where he had presumably been laying on Chloe's bed.
"…If this is some ploy to get back with Chloe, I've got some news for you, Dan…" Kami exclaimed, letting her eyes drift down his abs for a moment.
"N-no, no. That's not…I, uh…would you believe a bartender knocked me out and dumped me here?" Dan announced, a blush creeping up his cheeks.
"Definitely not" Kami mumbled, her eyes still looking him up and down.
"So, any chance you can grab me some clothes?" Dan stated, his eyes darting around the room.
"I don't know, Dan. I'm kind of enjoying the show…" Kami trailed off, with a grin.
Dan gave her a look, his eyebrow raised, as Kami seemed to snap out of her trance. Not the best idea to be ogling at her sister's almost ex-husband, she thought to herself.
"Well, well. What's going on here?" A voice questioned from behind her, as Dan seemed to grow even more embarrassed.
"Of course, it had to be you" Dan complained, as Lucifer walked into the house.
"Nice abs, Daniel. I must say I'm impressed" Lucifer admitted, as Dan's blush grew even deeper.
"This isn't…I mean we were just…nothing's going on" Dan stuttered, hugging the cushions even closer to his body.
"I never suggested anything else" Lucifer mocked, as Kami walked over to some drawers in the corner of the room.
"Right…these should fit you" Kami exclaimed, throwing a pair of pink leggings and an NSYNC top towards him.
"You can't be serious?" Dan gaped, a horrified expression on his face.
"Well, you can always walk back to your house naked" Kami grinned, as Dan groaned, grabbing the clothes and rushing off to the bathroom to get changed.
Kami gave Dan's backside an appreciative glance as he went, which Lucifer caught onto this, as a realisation hit him. Did the Detective's sister have a crush on Detective Douche?
"You like him" Lucifer pointed out, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"Excuse me?" Kami frowned, turning to him quickly.
"The Douche. You fancy him" Lucifer insisted, as Kami let out an indignant sound.
"What?! No! No way. Your crazy" Kami insisted.
"Is that why you ran away from home? Hot for your sister's husband?" Lucifer suggested, making Kami scoff.
"No. And…it's just a little crush…which I guess you know all about, huh? How was it with Chloe today?" Kami asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Rather snappy actually. I came here to convince her to let me back onto our latest case…but it appears she has not returned home" Lucifer stated.
"She's still at the precinct and…wait, she took you off the case? Wow, what did you do?" Kami inquired.
"Nothing! I just pointed out our latest murder victim was far too ugly and boring for my presence to be needed" Lucifer said, dismissively.
"…And you don't see a problem with that?" Kami questioned, as Lucifer shrugged.
"I'm a very busy man. Why the detective can't see that is beyond me" Lucifer sighed.
"Yeah, it's a real mystery" Kami mumbled, to herself.
"But that was before I found out that some stolen property of mine was involved in this case. It's very important that I find this...item. My reputation is on the line" Lucifer insisted.
"Is that the only reason your so desperate to find it?" Kami asked, as Lucifer let out a sigh.
"...My father gave this item to me. It has some slight personal value...but it is the fact that some thug thought it was acceptable to steal from me that is the real issue" Lucifer went on, as Kami's eyes softened.
"Maybe I could help?" Kami suggested as Lucifer gave her a look.
"How would you do that? By bandaging my ruined reputation?" Lucifer scoffed.
"I was thinking more hacking into the police database and seeing what the latest turn in the case was" Kami announced, as Lucifer's eyes widened.
"…I think I'm going to like you, little vixen" Lucifer grinned, as Kami shared the expression.