the tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks (and the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts)

Lev wasn’t putting up with it.

Not today. The lesbian drama could wait for one day.

Well, no, that was harsh. It wasn’t just drama. Abby was seriously hurting, and he bet that Dina and Ellie were too. But it needed to be on hold for at least an hour or so, because today he had other things to focus on.

Like getting this stupid tie to work right.

Lev pulled frustratedly at the knot he had created. It didn’t look right, and it needed to look right. He and Maria were finally uncurtaining- unveiling the new worship space. He had figured they would just announce it at a town meeting or something, but Maria had smiled so much when she told him that they were going to have an official opening, he didn’t even really ask what that entailed.

Kay had explained that he would probably have to give people a little tour of the place or something, and that he should look nice. Granted, Kay had also said that he always looked nice, which still made him blush when he thought about it, but he wanted to put in a little extra effort.

Except this stupid tie was apparently going to require more than a little extra effort.

Lev huffed as he undid the knot. He’d have to try again. He was wearing his binder, and his nice shirt, and he was going to look nice, dammit.

He had worked too hard on this to have it go badly when it finally became real.

He continued to fiddle with the tie until he heard a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called, smiling when Abby slunk into the room. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Abby stuffed her hands in her pockets awkwardly, leaning against the wall. It was kinda fun, Lev thought, to see her so nervous. “Um. That a new poster?”

“Yeah. It’s this band Kay really likes, they gave it to me a few days ago.”

“Yeah? How’s that going?”

“The poster?” Lev feigned confusion. “I think it looks cool.” It did, it was really colorful and it was nice to have the reminder of Kay in the room.

“No, I meant with Kay.”

“Kay’s… Kay’s great,” Lev said, a smile forming on his face as he thought of them. “They’re really nice to me, you know? And they get me, like without me even mentioning stuff. They’re gonna be there today cuz they know I’m gonna be nervous.”

“That’s good. You need help with your tie?” Abby asked.

“I just don’t know how to do it,” Lev grimaced. “Feels like it’s choking me.”

“C’mere.” Abby grabbed the tie. “Lucky for you, my dad taught me how to do these.”

“He did?”

“Yep. He said that at one point in my life, I’d meet a guy who was too stupid to do it on his own, but I’d love him enough that I’d want to help him out.” Abby huffed out a laugh as she worked on the tie. “Granted, I don’t think he meant I’d practically forcibly adopt a kid and have to teach him, but I’m pretty happy with that.”

Lev grinned. “Better than the other option?”

“Oh, absolutely. Look in the mirror, see if that looks ok.”

Lev rushed over to the mirror, marveling at the perfect knot Abby had created that managed to look great without choking him. He ran his fingers over the tie for a few moments before meeting her eyes in the mirror. “Thank you.”

Abby grinned. “You’re welcome. Now go on, you’re gonna knock them dead.”

“What?”

“Oh, it means you’re gonna really impress them.”

“Why would that knock them dead?”

“Again, Lev, I can’t explain English, I just speak it. Go have fun.”

Lev paused. “Wait. You’re not coming?” He needed Abby there. Nerves were one thing, that was easy enough to deal with, especially with Abby there. But being on his own to show off the work he had poured his very soul into? No way.

Abby grimaced. “Just not feeling up to it, kid.”

“You’re sick again?”

“I’m just not really-“

“They won’t be there, you know.” Lev winced at the way Abby stiffened, but went ahead anyway. “They’re not gonna be there. They both have stuff to do, they said they’d check it out tomorrow.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Abby, it’s been a month. When are you gonna stop avoiding them?”

“I’m not avoiding them, they’re avoiding me!”

“Oh, right, because you don’t duck into any random building to avoid walking by them on the streets.”

“They got all our shifts switched around so we’d never see each other! I’m just following their lead,” Abby replied stubbornly.

Lev sighed. “Have you considered that they’re trying to give you space to think? To figure out what you’re feeling?”

“They wouldn’t make sure they didn’t see me for a month if they were just ‘giving me space’, Lev. They realized they made a mistake and they don’t actually- they just don’t want me around anymore, ok? Trust me, they’re not gonna see me unless they’re forced to.”

Lev considered arguing, digging his heels in and forcing Abby to talk about what happened on Valentine’s Day. But he knew it wouldn’t help, not if she truly believed Ellie and Dina would only see her if they were forced.

Wait.

Suddenly, miraculously, Lev knew what to do.

“Fine,” he groaned. “They’re avoiding you. That’s probably why they aren’t coming today.”

“Sorry, Lev.” Abby didn’t seem happy to be proven right. “I know you wanted them there to show it off.”

“No, it’s ok. But since they won’t be there, will you come, at least? I don’t want to just do it on my own. I mean, Maria will be there, but it’d be nice to have someone in the crowd who’s on my side, you know?”

Abby looked down at the floor as she scuffed the toe of her boot against the carpet. Lev held back a smile; he knew he had her.

“Fine,” she grunted. “I guess it’d be cool to see the place.”

“It’s gonna be so cool!” Lev enthused, clapping his hands. “You can even meet Kay! Like, properly.” Lev felt his cheeks heat up as he remembered Abby and Kay’s only previous meeting.

He groaned internally as a wide, mischievous grin spread across Abby’s face. “Oh, then I’ll definitely come. Can’t wait to meet Kay.”

“No hassling them.”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Nah. But I figured it was better to lie here than a house of worship.”

——-

So perhaps Lev had gotten the day wrong. Just perhaps.

You know, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. He had just been so stressed about the opening, how could he really be expected to remember who was showing up on which day?

How could he remember that Ellie and Dina had actually promised to drop by on opening day?

Ok, yeah, so he knew. Sue him, he was getting tired of this. He missed Dina’s cooking, and Ellie’s easy encouragement. But mostly, Lev missed the way Abby smiled when she was with them. He wasn’t really even sure if she knew what she was doing, but she hadn’t smiled like that since Valentine’s Day. And Lev was sick of it.

So really, this was as subtle and honest as he had the patience to be.

Lev paced anxiously behind the building. Maria had asked him to be in the back room to show people the worship spaces, but he didn’t feel like going in yet. Honestly, he was more nervous now about tricking Abby than giving people tours. Nobody would kill him if he mispronounced something, but Abby would definitely kill him if this went wrong.

“Hey,” a familiar, teasing voice called. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Lev turned to see Kay perched atop the roof of the building.

“How’d you get up there?” He called with a smile.

Kay grinned back. “I’m a good climber,” they answered. “Mind if I join you down there?”

Lev shook his head and watched as Kay (somewhat gracefully) hopped onto the storage bin beside the building and then down to the ground, making their way towards him, still grinning. “Hi.”

Lev rolled his eyes but smiled and pulled them in for a hug. “Hey.”

“How ya feelin’?” Kay pulled back to look at him. “Nervous?”

“A little.”

“You’re gonna do great.” Kay’s warm brown eyes held nothing but reassurance, and Lev found himself relaxing just slightly.

“I hope. I think this is something people could really use, you know?”

Kay nodded. “Because religious beliefs shouldn’t be sidelined for day to day survival, and in fact should have further emphasis placed on them because people find comfort in their worship, practice, and relationship with faith. Also everyone should have access to an acceptable place of worship for their chosen beliefs.”

“You do listen.”

“You ramble, I’m bound to pick up something.”

“Mhm. Oh, I might be dead before our date on Friday.”

“Oh?”

“I told Abby that Dina and Ellie were showing up tomorrow when they’re actually gonna be here today.”

“I’ll make arrangements for the funeral.”

“Much appreciated.” Lev sat down against the building, smiling when Kay sat beside him. He smiled a lot when Kay was around. It hurt his face a little, but he didn’t mind.

“They’ve really got to work through their shit,” Kay grumbled as they laid their head against Lev’s shoulder. “Everyone can see that Abby’s still in love with them, this dumb breakup is so pointless.”

“Yeah, I- wait, breakup?”

“Yeah. What, are they not broken up?”

“Hard to break up if they were never dating.”

Kay shot upright. “What do you mean, they were never dating?”

“Ellie and Dina are together,” Lev said slowly.

“Uh-huh.”

“Abby’s not dating them.”

“What?”

“You thought she was?”

“Everyone thought she was!” Kay exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. “She was always over at their place, always on patrol with them, she’s basically their kid’s third mom… they seriously weren’t all dating?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck. Then why are they all so mopey?”

“Something happened on Valentine’s Day, but Abby won’t tell me what. I think they must have confessed to her and she shot them down.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, she’s Abby?” Lev shrugged. “Point is, she does want to be with them. But she’s avoiding them right now because she thinks they hate her. So, I told her they wouldn’t be here today and they’ll have to actually see each other. And they’ll even have to be civil about it, because they all love me and wouldn’t ruin this for me.”

Kay raised an eyebrow. “How devious.”

“I’m a good schemer.”

“You are. And you’re also about to be a good tour guide, because I think Maria is ready to start.”

“Oh, shit.” Immediately, the nerves that had disappeared crashed back onto Lev. He froze where he sat, staring blankly up at Kay.

They giggled and pulled him up. “C’mon, you’re gonna do great. People are gonna be happy that you did this for them.”

“I mostly did it for me.”

“Well, that’s ok too. But maybe don’t tell them.”

“Noted.”

Kay walked Lev almost all the way to the front of the building, but stopped just out of the small crowd’s view.

“Why are we stopping?”

“So I could do this,” Kay answered, before pressing their lips to Lev’s, moving their hands to cup his face gently. He let his hands fall to their waist and forgot, for a moment, everything that had been making him stressed.

Kay pulled away with a blinding smile. “I’ll see you when you’re done, right?”

“Uh. Yeah, yes, uh-huh. Yep,” Lev replied dumbly. His face felt warm all over, but it was especially warm where Kay’s hands had been.

“Ok. Good luck!”

“Thanks!” Lev called after Kay, finally reacting at a normal rate.

He was gonna need to be quicker than that to avoid Abby’s wrath after the day was done.

————-

Abby was gonna fucking kill him.

She seethed in the line to get into the building, but it was hard to seethe and also hide behind a random old lady. Better than the alternative, she supposed.

Which would be getting spotted by Dina and Ellie, who weren’t even supposed to be here.

Lev was a dead man walking.

At the front of the crowd, a loud clap startled Abby and she straightened up as Maria’s voice rang out.

“Hey folks, if I could have everyone’s attention please?” Maria waited for a moment for any chatter to die down. “I’m sure you all know what you’re here for, but in case you don’t, let me give you a little introduction. No more than a year ago, we welcomed some new people into Jackson. One of them I could live without-“ Maria shot a wry grin towards Abby, who rolled her eyes in response- “but one of them is one of the oddest kids I’ve ever known. Definitely one of the greatest, but no small amount of strange to me. And I thought it was even stranger when he came to me with the idea of making a worship center for the faithful to practice in.” Maria paused. “Then I got to know the kid, and I realized he wasn’t hardly strange at all. He just knew that what was important to him may have a chance at being important to other people, and so he was gonna do his best for them. And I think his best was much better than anything I could have imagined. Welcome to the Jackson worship center, everyone. Inside, you’ll find more than a few rooms dedicated to each of the faiths we’ve seen or heard of that are practiced in Jackson, along with holy books and any necessities for the practice that we could find. Lev and myself will be giving tours, and we’re glad to have this space prepared for you. Group up and follow me!”

Abby, much like the rest of the crowd, clapped loudly at the end of the speech.

God, maybe she was too proud of the kid to kill him. She was getting way too soft.

Abby stood behind for a few moments, waiting for Ellie and Dina to go in first. They followed Maria through the doors, and Abby’s chest felt more pained than ever when she noticed JJ in a carefully built wooden stroller between them.

She slunk in after them, trying her best to blend in with the building. As she did, she noticed that the building she was trying to blend in to was actually pretty interesting. The walls had a dark wood paneling in the entryway that somehow added to some sort of general mystique, and the doors leading off from the main hallway were individually painted, clearly to denote the religious space they lead into. Abby didn’t really recognize any, but they were rather pretty.

Lev’s work had been worth it, she thought proudly.

“Abby! Over here!” Speaking of Lev, she snorted as she saw the kid jumping up at the end of the hallway to be seen over the group, waving his hands frantically. Abby began to weave her way through the crowd, moving efficiently towards him.

Until she bumped into some random kid and knocked them to the ground.

“Ah, shit, sorry about that.” Abby reached down to help the kid up. “Trying to move quick.”

“No problem, I get it. I was trying to get to my boyfrie- oh. Hi Abby.” The kid offered their hand to shake.

Abby took it bemusedly. “Sorry, do I know you?” She didn’t really recognize the kid. Short, curly brown hair, kinda small, killer eyeliner. Dina would love that.

“Oh, sorry, I guess we haven’t met properly. I’m Kay.”

Oh.

Abby felt herself grin as she realized Lev wasn’t even there to supervise her. “So you’re Kay, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Hm.” Abby was careful to keep her tone emotionless and her face blank, enjoying the slight panic that shone through Kay’s eyes. “That’s interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“Mhm.” Abby bit back a grin as Kay’s nerves rose. Maybe there was fun left after all.

“I, uh. I’m glad you’re here to support Lev.”

“Oh, sure, yeah. You know how it is. Kill a couple hundred people to protect a kid and you get a little bit attached.”

“I… don’t really know how that is. Did you say a couple hundred?”

“Yep.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool. This feels like the time to mention my intentions are good.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kay’s panic faded, replaced by an earnestness Abby couldn’t help but be swayed by. “He’s the best person I’ve ever met. He’s sweet, and funny, and he just cares, so much. I don’t want to ever hurt him.”

“Want is different than will. You can’t guarantee that.”

“Watch me,” Kay challenged, sticking their chin up with all the determination of a fifteen year old in their first real relationship.

And yeah, ok, maybe this kid seemed alright. “Ok, kid, you can stand down. You seem pretty good, and god knows Lev likes you a lot. I don’t have any control over his dating life, but if it matters to you, you’ve got my approval.”

Kay shrugged. “It matters to him, so it matters to me.”

“That’s good.” Abby stood quietly for a moment. “Well, this has been fun.”

“I thought you’d probably kill me.”

“Nah, you get to stick around for now.”

“That’s very generous of you.”

“It’s the atmosphere, it’s really doing wonders for my morality.”

Kay cracked a smile, and Abby found herself smiling back.

Lev suddenly appeared at Abby’s side, tugging at her arm. “What’s the hold-up? Oh, hi Kay. What do you think so far?” Abby found herself stifling a smirk as she saw Kay brighten and Lev become more shy, masking his eagerness to hear Kay’s thoughts.

“It’s amazing, Lev,” they gushed. “I love the doors, and I haven’t been in any of the rooms yet but it all looks so beautiful.” This time Abby almost gagged as Kay softened their tone on the last word, looking straight into Lev’s eyes.

This was disgusting and she probably wasn’t allowed to fake-vomit in a house of worship or whatever.

“Having fun?” Abby stiffened as she heard a familiar voice just behind her. She turned with an internal groan to face Ellie and Dina.

“Yep. Really cool.” Abby wished she was drunk. She would do this better if she was drunk. She’d been drunk for a large portion of the last two weeks (except when she was on the job or responsible for Lev, so really not nearly enough) but of course she sobered up for this. Of course she couldn’t be vaguely tipsy to confront the two people who-

Nope.

“Yeah, Lev did a good job,” Ellie said quietly. “He’s a great kid.”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell for just a moment, until Dina decided to throw subtlety out the window. “We didn’t think you’d be here today,” she said plainly. “Lev said you were showing up tomorrow.”

“He told me you guys were showing up tomorrow.” Abby looked over her shoulder, but Lev had scampered off somewhere, leaving Kay to just give Abby an innocent smile. Abby narrowed her eyes at the kid before turning back.

“Yeah. Well, he must have gotten things mixed up.”

“Yeah. Must have.”

The trio stood quietly as Abby made a herculean effort to avoid eye contact with either of them, watching as the hallway emptied and the rest of the people began to explore the specialized rooms.

“You uh. Find a place to teach JJ to pray?” Abby asked awkwardly.

“Why can’t we talk like normal?” Dina replied immediately, the words coming out in a rush. Ellie took her hand, but didn’t interrupt. “We miss you, Abby. And we get that you don’t want us like we want you, but god, we’d hoped you’d still be our friend. Is that too much? Do you not want that anymore?”

Abby was blindsided. “Um. It’s not that I don’t want-“

“Hey!” Lev appeared from out of nowhere, startling Abby. “Did you guys see the temple room?”

“Yeah, Lev, we did,” Ellie responded, easy grin on her face again, no sign of the imploring expression she’d had a moment earlier. For a while, Abby had been confused when people said that Ellie’s easygoing nature was just a mask. Now she just hated that Ellie felt the need to wear that mask around her.

“What did you think?” Lev, either entirely oblivious to the situation or dead-set on bailing Abby out, was practically bouncing on his heels as he waited to hear Ellie and Dina’s thoughts.

“It was amazing, Lev,” Dina answered brightly. “It was really cool.”

“I loved all the painted windows,” Ellie mentioned. “And look, we’re super proud of you, but we’re gonna have to go real quick. Busy day.”

“Oh yeah, no problem. Thanks for coming by!”

“Of course, thanks for having us. See you around, Abby.” Dina turned to leave, Ellie’s hand still in hers.

And Abby couldn’t explain what came over her, except that it felt like her chest would rip itself apart if she didn’t do something, anything-

“Are you doing anything for dinner tomorrow?” She blurted out.

Ellie stopped. She turned around, pulling Dina with her. “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Maybe we could talk?” Abby suggested hesitantly.

Dina looked to Ellie, who nodded, and then back to Abby.

“I think that’d be nice.”

“Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” Ellie repeated, and with a final wave, the pair was gone.

Abby groaned and fell against the wall of the hallway, sinking to the ground with her face in her hands.

“Oh, don’t be like that. That wasn’t so bad,” Lev said.

“Eh, it wasn’t pretty,” Kay remarked. “I mean, mission accomplished, but-“

“Hey Kay,” Abby interrupted, a small smirk on her face. “How about you come to have dinner with Lev and I this weekend? I’d love to get to know the person who’s so important to Lev.”

“Absolutely not, I like having them around and I’m not letting them die from your cooking,” Lev replied immediately.

“My cooking is not bad!”

—————————————————————————————————

Joel was hardly an organized man. He just had a policy of not letting things get messy enough that they needed to be organized. But his workshop? Yeah, he’d admit he put some effort into that.

Every tool and every material had its proper place, and he made an effort to return it to that place when he was done with it. At first it was done for safety because he kept almost tripping over his saw, but eventually it became a habit.

Which Ellie typically mocked mercilessly, but today she was just dead silent, which didn’t usually indicate anything good.

“What’s up with you?” Joel asked bluntly, wincing slightly at the lack of subtlety in his tone. He had meant to sound a bit more gentle than that.

“Nothing. How does this look?” Ellie handed him the small piece of wood she had been sanding down. It was the most anatomically horrifying attempt at a duck that Joel had ever seen.

“Looks great, babygirl. But could you tell me what’s wrong? I don’t think I got the patience to puzzle it out.”

“You got the patience, you just don’t have the lifespan,” Ellie grumbled, setting her duck(?) on the bench. “I’m just… just tired.”

Joel raised an eyebrow. “This have anything to do with Abby being around less?” He didn’t want to admit it, but he sort of missed having the other girl around. She made Ellie and Dina smile, and she wasn’t half-bad company to him either. Clearly cared a lot about his daughter, so it wasn’t exactly enjoyable to have her gone.

“How do you know about that?”

“Because I’m not blind? You and Dina have been moping around like someone kicked your puppy, and she ain’t around. Not that difficult to put two and two together.”

“Yeah, well, you’d be sad too if-“ Ellie stopped suddenly, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with the end of her sleeve. “Joel, I have to tell you something.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“You want to sit down, old man? I’d hate to give you a heart attack,” Ellie joked weakly. Joel grunted but sat on the ground, leaning against the workbench.

“Alright, what’s this big, heart-attack giving news you got?”

“I’m in love with Abby.” Ellie fiddled with her sleeves, shrinking into herself slightly, refusing to make eye contact. Joel gave himself a moment of internal vindication before switching to reassurance mode.

“Ok. That’s nice, Ellie.”

“I- what?” Ellie’s head shot up; Joel almost laughed aloud at her stunned expression. “What do you mean, ‘that’s nice’?”

“Being in love is typically a pretty nice thing.”

“You don’t- I just told you I’m in love with someone other than my girlfriend and you just think it’s nice?”

Joel smiled. “Well, Dina loves her too, don’t she?”

“How’d you know that?”

“I told you. Not that difficult to put two and two together.”

“But what was the two and the other two?”

“You just… you always want to spend time with her, and you’re always trying to do things for her, to help her or make her day better. You spend a lot of time trying to make her smile. I’m no expert, but that sounds like love to me.”

“And how would you know, old man? Got some secret girlfriend I don’t know about?”

“There’s a reason I never ask you to come over on Sundays,” Joel joked. Ellie’s nose crinkled in disgust even as she laughed.

“That’s gross, don’t ever make me think you have a lady again.”

“Shouldn’t have asked if you didn’t want an answer.”

Ellie snorted but fell silent. Joel was content to sit in the expectant silence, waiting for her to voice whatever was happening in her head.

“We told her,” Ellie said quietly. “And she ran. Like, fully ran to get away from us.”

“Did you serenade her? Because then I think it was a predictable outcome, and she was fully in the right.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Joel laughed. “Look, Ellie, I know it’s probably tearing you up, but it’s gonna be just fine. Really, I’m sure of it.”

“How would you know?”

“I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing.” And a plan, but Joel didn’t mention that part.

—————

Ellie left Joel’s that day feeling mostly content. Why shouldn’t she? The sun was shining, her kid was great and had almost said a word, (not really but she had high hopes, if the kid was anything like his mother then he was a genius) and also she was in love with someone else who didn’t love her back.

Hence only being mostly content.

Ellie shook her head as she reached the front door. Dina was home from patrol, JJ was here, and she couldn’t be thinking about this right now. They needed her to be reliable, and she paused for a moment to shove her own issues down before taking a deep breath, forcing a smile onto her face, and walking in.

“Honey, I’m home!” She called out, smiling a bit more genuinely when she saw JJ in his high chair at the kitchen table, clapping his hands at her arrival. “Where’s your mom, huh?”

“Cooking,” Dina answered as Ellie entered the kitchen. “Got some good pork this week.”

“Yum.” Ellie set her bag down on a chair and went to wrap her arms around Dina from behind, kissing her cheek and then her shoulder. “How are you?”

“Fine. Picked up the food after I got back, Jesse’s parents say hi.”

“Hm. How about you sit down, yeah? I’ve just been carving with Joel, you’ve been on patrol for two days. You should take it easy.”

“Fine, but don’t burn the house down. I like having a roof.”

“Understood, roof is mandatory. How do we feel about walls?” Ellie took control of the pan on the stove as Dina snorted and dropped into the chair beside JJ. She rubbed at her temples, and Ellie couldn’t deny the wave of concern the action inspired. That was Dina’s stress move. “You sure you’re ok?”

“Just tired. Been tired a lot lately.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been feeling it too.”

“I miss Abby,” Dina said quietly. Ellie couldn’t help the way she stiffened, almost burning herself as she mixed some chopped tomatoes and onions with the pork.

“Yeah. I know.” Ellie didn’t turn around, pushing the onions around the sizzling pan. Didn’t chopped onions make you cry? That explained the sudden sting in her eyes.

Mostly.

“I keep cooking too much. Portions for three.”

“We could invite Jesse ‘round.”

“You know that isn’t the issue.”

“I’ll do more of the cooking,” Ellie said decisively. “Been asking you to do it too much anyway.”

“Well, I like doing it. And Joel and I are the only ones in this family who can.”

Ellie’s lips quirked up in a smile. “Family, huh?”

“You’re helping me raise our child, dumbass, dunno what else to call it.”

“You loooove me,” Ellie teased, tossing a look over her shoulder, smile widening when she saw the small grin on Dina’s face.

“Somehow, I totally do.” Dina picked up JJ and brought him toward Ellie, bouncing him slightly as she went, making him giggle. “And so does this little monster. He’s all excited after his afternoon with the grandparents, but I think he missed his moms.”

Ellie dropped a kiss to JJ’s forehead, laughing when he grabbed her finger and curled his small hand around it. “I missed Little Potato too, but I think we’re gonna have to wait awhile before Joel baby-proofs his workshop.”

“I don’t know, JJ might be more trustworthy with power tools than you.”

“I resent that.”

“You drilled your sleeve into a table.”

“Well, the shirt survived, didn’t it?”

“By sheer power of will, it did. A true miracle.”

A knock on the door interrupted their teasing banter. Ellie looked to Dina, but Dina just shrugged. She wasn’t expecting anyone either, Ellie guessed. Dina quickly shifted JJ onto her hip and went to answer the door as Ellie finished up with the food.

“Oh, hey. Um. Come on in.” At Dina’s tone of voice, Ellie could tell with no problem who had just walked in. “We’re just, uh, in the kitchen.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s time for dinner. I’ll be quick, don’t worry,” Abby answered. Ellie almost didn’t turn around, knowing how much it would hurt to see Abby back after so long and have it not be the same in the slightest.

But maybe she was a masochist, because she turned back with a smile plastered on her face. “Abby, hey! What can we do for you?”

“Hey, Ellie.” God, it wasn’t fair that Abby looked so composed when Ellie felt her stomach twisting itself into a knot. She should have the decency to feel just as anxious about this. “Uh, Joel invited me to movie night tomorrow night, and I wanted to see if that was ok.”

“We’re not in charge of your schedule, why would we decide?” Dina asked lightly, intercepting the grabby hands JJ was making at Abby.

“I just meant, you know, if you guys are gonna be there, I’d hate to bother you-“

“Wouldn’t be an issue,” Ellie interrupted. She wanted to kick herself, after, but in that moment she didn’t want anything more than to watch a movie with Abby again. “You’re still totally welcome.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. Joel will miss having someone who can actually stay up the whole night. You should come.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.”

“We can still- I’d like to think we can still consider you a friend, Abby,” Dina said slowly. “I still do, at least.”

“Yeah, no, right, but I just… I’m just trying to be considerate.”

“Be considerate by bringing some snacks tomorrow night, ok? Joel’s got the worst movie snacks.”

And sure enough, when Ellie and Dina got to Joel’s the next night, Abby was already there, holding two chocolate bars and some-

“Fruit snacks!” Dina all but tackled the taller girl. The weird little fruit gummies that they had originally planned on saving for JJ had become a favorite of Dina’s, despite Ellie’s disgust with them.

“Yeah, I thought you might appreciate them. Lev thinks they’re a monstrosity.”

“I love your kid but he’s a moron,” Dina said, mouth already full.

“Oh trust me, I know. He only likes ‘real food’, apparently.”

“Weirdo.”

“Mhm. Ellie, you want anything?”

“Chocolate seems great. Glad you could make it.”

And look, Ellie knew what she did sometimes. It was easy, to put on a fake smile and pretend to be laidback. And maybe, maybe she was doing it now, but nobody ever noticed. Well, except Dina. And sometimes Joel. But it should work on Abby. Abby shouldn’t be able to tell how tense she felt, how nervous. It felt like the start of her relationship with Dina all over again, when she was afraid to say anything that could be taken as pressuring. So she put on her stupid fake smile, dropped her shoulders, and laughed at the dumbest of jokes, and nobody ever called her on it.

Except Abby was narrowing her eyes as she handed over the chocolate, and Ellie felt her shoulders tense up under her scrutiny.

The moment passed when Joel called them inside, but Ellie let Dina sit between her and Abby, knowing what might happen if she didn’t.

The movie was decent. Some action movie where a dude peeled his face off. It was fun, but not complicated enough to pull Ellie’s thoughts from the way Abby had looked at her.

They were still friends, right? They could be civil. Maybe it hadn’t been fair of Ellie and Dina, to just drop their feelings on Abby, but she could have stayed. She could have talked. She didn’t owe it to them, of course, but Ellie had thought… Ellie had thought she cared enough to try, had seen them enough to know how much it would hurt.

Ellie had really just hoped Abby had seen her, had understood her. She thought she had.

But people fall for the grin. They never see past it.

Hell, sometimes she looks in the mirror and almost falls for it herself.

Ellie was glad that Joel seemed to pick up on her unwillingness to linger. Dina had fallen asleep (she was seeming a bit tired lately, Ellie would have to try and spend more time helping with JJ) and Ellie woke her up quietly, just enough to get her out the door. She was herding her onto the sidewalk when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Ellie, hey. Can we talk for a second?” Abby scraped the toe of her boot on the concrete. Ellie dimly recognized it as one of Abby’s nervous habits, the scuff marks on the boots testifying to it.

“Um. Ok.” Ellie turned to Dina, who just nodded and set off towards the house. God, she was so smart. Pretty, too. Ellie would tell her when she caught up. But for now, Abby was standing in front of her, looking apprehensive but also… upset?

“Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Ellie answered automatically.

“The smile. Why are you doing the smile?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Ellie said, fully aware that she was literally doing the fucking grin as she spoke. “Is my smile horrifically ugly? Should I find a dentist?”

“Stop it. You know what I mean. You do the fake smile and make dumb jokes and expect nobody to notice that it’s fake, but I do. And you’re not pulling that shit with me, Williams.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Bullshit,” Abby declared. “I get it, ok? Everything’s all awkward and weird and it’s my fault, but don’t you dare lie to me. You didn’t before, and neither did I, and I’m not letting it start now.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ellie said frustratedly, dropping the smile. “It’s on all of us.”

Abby scoffed. “I ran.”

“Yeah, and that sucked. But, you know, it was maybe… we all could have handled it better.”

“It’s been so awkward.”

“So fucking awkward,” Ellie agreed, smiling a little more genuinely as Abby huffed out a laugh. “I was so surprised when you invited us to dinner after Lev’s thing.”

“I was too, if that makes it better. I just… you guys are the best people I’ve ever known. It would be worse if we just stopped talking.”

“Yeah, I’d rather do the awkward thing 100 times than just not see you anymore.”

“So, maybe, with the acknowledgement of the awkwardness, it can be a little less awkward? And there can be less fake smiling?”

“Yeah, sure. Less fake smiling,” Ellie answered, schooling her face into a solemn expression. “Is this better?”

“Fuck off,” Abby laughed, shoving Ellie’s shoulder. “I’ll see you around, yeah? And we’ll try to not be as awkward.”

“You didn’t need to have this talk with Dina?”

“Nah, she hasn’t been fake smiling at me. There’s a whole different talk I need to have with her.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No, I just… I just miss you guys. That’s all.”

—————————————————————————————————

Making the schedule for shifts and patrols in Jackson was meticulous. It required attention to detail, awareness of any and all upcoming events or possible complications, and a fuckton of patience.

Jesse was out of patience.

“I’m not doing it again, Dina,” He sighed as he sat heavily in his chair, barely looking at the girl standing in front of his desk. “It complicates everything and fucks up half of the patrol teams.”

“Oh, you’re doing it again. You’re doing it until I say otherwise.”

“No, I’m not! Why can’t you talk out your issues like normal people?”

“We’re working on it!”

“Well work on it faster, because I’m not fucking up the schedule anymore to help you avoid Abby!”

“It’s not that hard,” Dina refuted, eyeing the Chart with a calculating eye. “If you’d just let me-“

“Absolutely not.” The Chart was a creation of Jesse’s own design, a magnetic whiteboard spanning half of the wall next to his desk. It always displayed the timetable for the upcoming two weeks in Jackson, including recreational events, patrols, work shifts, free days, food distribution times, and also maybe the birthdays of his favorite people (his mom’s was in about a month, he had to find her a decent gift soon). Nobody was allowed to touch the Chart but Jesse. Even Maria, who was by all rights Jesse’s boss, respected that.

Dina did not.

“If you’d just let me rearrange some things, I could make it work.”

“No, Dina. Face your problems like an adult, I know you can do it.”

Dina groaned. “I don’t wanna.”

“You sound like you’re about as old as JJ.”

“He still can’t talk.”

“Wish the same was true for you,” Jesse muttered, smiling when Dina huffed. “Look, I get it, ok? Things are weird and you don’t want to see her when you’re not totally in control of the situation. It’s understandable. But I can’t keep doing my job poorly just to help you out. Maria would fire me.”

“No she wouldn’t, no one else even knows how your system works.”

“If people realize I’m altering the schedule for you, they’ll ask me to do it for them. I don’t want Cat coming in here and demanding a free night on the same day as her girl of the week, or worse.”

“Worse?”

“Chris asking me to put him on all the same shifts as whatever girl he’s creeping on. At least with Cat, it’s always consensual.”

“You’re the one who stopped me from shooting Chris in the ass.”

“I’m not apologizing for that because you would have gotten kicked out, and you broke his foot anyway. Look, Dina, you know I love you. You’re the mother of my kid-“

“Ew-“

“And one of my very best friends,” Jesse said, smiling at the way Dina grimaced but shoved him fondly. “But I can’t keep doing this. Abby’s been weird lately anyway. She called me a different name earlier, Mason or something. I’m not pairing her up with someone she’s unfamiliar with. Especially since it just doesn’t work with the next few week’s schedules.”

“Can you at least keep it at a minimum?”

“You’ll work three shifts with her over the next few weeks. One farm duty, one watch, one inventory.”

“Watch shift? The towers are small, there’s nothing to do except talk!”
“Uh, you could actually keep an eye out?” Jesse loved Dina, but her work ethic left something to be desired. She was incredible when something could keep her focus, but even Jesse would admit that watch got boring sometimes. And that it probably wasn’t easy to be bored out of your mind and the only person around was someone who things were complicated with.

Dina huffed. “Is there any way that you could just switch that one around?”

“Nope, sorry. Look, it won’t be so bad. Just don’t grope her or something, and you’ll be fine.”

—————

Dina was not fine, and fuck Jesse for saying she would be. This was hell. And he wouldn’t get it, because she was the coolest person ever and he was very sweet and their breakup was totally amicable. But this was not the case with Abby.

Well, ok, on the surface, it was. On the surface, Dina was very good at being not only civil, but even warm with the other girl. But on a different level, she had no idea what to fucking do.

Ellie was not the only one who masked everything with friendliness.

And, yeah, ok, things were a bit better. Abby would come around for dinner about once every two weeks. The conversation was stilted, but it was getting easier. Ellie seemed to have adapted quickly after whatever she and Abby talked about on the way home from movie night. It was getting more genuine, slowly but surely returning to how things were in the beginning. All they needed was a bit of time, Jesse kept telling her. Just be a little patient.

Dina was not a patient person.

“So, how’s Lev?” Dina asked, breaking the thick silence that had settled over she and Abby about half an hour into their shift. They were each sitting down, leaning against the rails, using the gaps to look out at the empty valley beneath them.

“He’s ok. Doing really good, actually. He’s not doing the best with hand-to-hand combat lessons, but he’s the best in his age group at archery, and he’s getting pretty good with a gun. He and Kay are doing well, and I was thinking… I don’t know, I was thinking about maybe sending him to the school every once in awhile, get him caught up on some basics.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“You think? I don’t want him to think that I think he’s stupid or anything, and I don’t want him to stress himself out about it, but he always seems kinda embarrassed when someone has to explain something to him that he thinks everyone else knows. I mean, the way he grew up, it’s so alienating for him right now. Nobody understands what he did, and he doesn’t really understand what kids around here think is fundamental. And Kay is really sweet about it, half of the reason I approve of them, but I just think maybe Lev would like a chance to figure it all out himself, you know? But maybe it would be too much for him-“

“Abby,” Dina smiled, stretching her leg out and gently knocking Abby’s foot with her own. “I’m sure he’d be ok with it. He’s a smart kid, I think he’ll catch up just fine. And with the worship center up and running, he might like having something to do in his spare time.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“You’re good with him, Abby. I think you can stop worrying so much.”

“You ever gonna stop worrying about JJ?” Abby grinned.

“Point taken.”

Silence fell again, but it was much more comfortable now. Dina didn’t feel like she was going to jump out of her skin, and Abby seemed to relax as well. Well, mostly. Dina could see her shoulders remain tense, and the instinct to reach out was almost too difficult to ignore.

Almost.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Abby said quietly. Dina noted dryly the controlled tone of her voice. “For awhile now.”

“You were too.”

“Not anymore.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not operating according to your timetable,” Dina scoffed dismissively.

“Don’t act like that, like I’m trying to start an argument. I’m not, I just want to know why.”

“Take your pick of reasons, I’m sure it’s at least partially right.”

“Well that’s super specific and helpful,” Abby shot back.

“Have you considered that I might just be busy?” Dina said venomously, voice rising. “That I don’t actually give a shit about your presence one way or another, and that I’m just fucking tired all the time because I used to have two people helping me and now I have one? Have you thought that maybe I’m up all night because JJ won’t stop crying and Ellie and I can only trade off so much? Did it ever even fucking occur to you that leaving was gonna affect anyone other than yourself?”

Abby blanched, clearly taken aback. As Dina caught her breath, she realized she was pretty surprised with herself too. It had been awhile, since she’d yelled like that. Good to know she still had it in her.

“I’m sorry,” Abby said finally, carefully. “I hadn’t thought- I didn’t know.”

“You’re talking to Ellie now, she hasn’t mentioned it?”

“Not really. Not like that.” Not like she blamed me, Dina heard, even though Abby didn’t say it.

“Well. Probably shouldn’t have dumped it on you all at once.”

“No, I- it’s better that way. I know what you’re really thinking now. I can do better that way.”

“Abby.” Dina didn’t finish. She didn’t really know how she could. Maybe that Abby couldn’t fix it? (But she could, and Dina desperately wanted her to.)

“I can do better. You’ve been exhausted, right? We have two more missions- chores, this week. Let me handle them.”

“Why’d you call them missions?”

Abby shifted uncomfortably. “Dunno. But the point is, I’ll cover them.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m serious, I’ll handle it, it’s only inventory and farming-“

“Why’d you call them missions?”

Abby slumped, accepting that she couldn’t escape the line of questioning. “That’s what we did at the WLF. I’ve been… slipping, lately.”

“You called Jesse a different name,” Dina recalled quietly.

“Manny, my old roommate.” Abby gave a sad smile. “He was sorta like Jesse. Loyal, you know? Sweet, when he wanted to be. He had a bit of a mean streak, though. I guess we all did.”

“You’re not still there.”

“Feels like it, half the time. Feels the way it did towards the end. I was fucking things up then too.”

“I don’t think-“

“I hurt the two people I cared about most. I lost Owen, and Lev lost his sister. I lost- I lost everyone. I couldn’t make them stop. I told them not to, but they just had to fucking fight, had to die for some stupid fuckin fight that I don’t even remember the reason for. And I lost them, and even though I had Lev, I was so alone. And I couldn’t put that on him, he had just lost his sister. So I just kept trying to figure out how to keep myself from screaming in my sleep. And now, I- I keep waking up biting in my pillow. It’s an instinct now, I guess.”

“Jesus, Abby.”

“Everyone I care about except Lev dies. And sometimes I still- I sneak into his room to check that he’s still breathing. Sometimes I swear he isn’t. I can’t keep losing people, Dina. So, I’m sorry that I left first. I’m sorry that I left you without more backup. But I’m just- I’m so tired, and I’d rather be alone because I decided to be.”

“Well, guess what, dipshit? You’re still not. You think Ellie and I stopped caring about you when you walked out?”

“I hoped you would,” Abby muttered. “I thought you might.”

“We couldn’t. We could never. Look, I- I don’t want to be avoiding you anymore. And I think JJ is crying so much because he misses you. So could we please, please just start to move on from this? I know you’re scared, but we need you, Abby. We always have.”

It felt a bit like coaxing a wild cat with a handful of food. Abby was hesitant, but Dina maintained her steady gaze.

“I… I could come around more. Help with JJ.”

“I think he’d really like that.”

—————————————————————————————————

A month passed. And then another. They were solidly into summer now, and in the warm haze, the rebuilding began.

It was difficult. Boundaries had been carefully constructed, and they were harder to bring down than they were to build up. But day by day, the girls became closer. On the good days, it felt like Valentines had never even happened. On the bad days, it felt like the only thing that was real. On the bad days, Abby woke up in the middle of the night with a hand on her chest and a scream building in her throat, face already turned into her pillow.

Lev was tired of bad days.

“Kay,” he said suddenly, sitting up in bed. “Shenanigans.”

“Hijinks,” Kay answered sleepily from where they had been dozing off against him. Afternoon nap dates had become common practice. Summer was meant for lazy days.

But not anymore. “Mischief,” Lev declared. “For a purpose.”

Kay opened their eyes grumpily, glaring up at Lev. “What mischief and what purpose?”

“We have to help Abby.”

“I thought we were being all zen about it and like, not interfering.”

“That’s not what zen means. And yeah, we were, but they’re barely making progress!”

“I mean, they’re hanging out more now. That’s progress.”

“You didn’t know them at their best,” Lev huffed. “This is the worst.”

“They’re friends again though.”

“Which is great, but also stupid because they’re all in love with each other and this isn’t what any of them want.”

“And we’re gonna fix that how, Lev?” Kay finally sat up, tilting their head to the side to rub at the crick in their neck. Lev distractedly watched the motion before answering.

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure it out, I always do.”

“That’s not ominous at all.”

“Kay.”

“Lev.”

“Trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Then we’ll- oh my god I know what we’ll do.”

“Oh, that’s worrying.”

—————

Joel and Jesse looked back at Lev with twin expressions of confusion. “Say that again but slower.” Joel leaned back into the couch cushions. “You brought us here on our one day off for what?”

Jesse raised his hand. “Yeah, I think I got maybe 40 percent of that. At most.”

Lev sighed. He paced around the living room once more. “I brought you here today because it’s Abby’s long watch shift and she obviously couldn’t be here when I brought this up.”

“Because you want to interfere in her love life?”

“Interfere is kind of an ugly word,” Kay interjected from their spot nestled into the armchair. “We’re helping, really.”

“Look, they’re all clearly in love with each other, right? Abby, Ellie, and Dina,” Lev said. “Like, it’s really obvious, right?”

Jesse looked surprised. “I wasn’t sure if anyone else knew.”

“I’m amazed the whole damn town doesn’t know,” Joel groused. “They ain’t subtle.”

“Right? I mean, god, it’s so stupid, the only people who can’t tell what’s going on is-“

“Themselves!” Jesse finished triumphantly. “They’re being such morons about it, right? They won’t even-“

“Talk about it with each other!” Lev jumped in, beaming. “Yes! It’s driving me insane!”

“This shouting’s gonna drive me insane,” Joel interrupted. “Look, I get that it’s stupid, but what can we do about it?”

“We’re each close with one of them, right? Joel, you’re Ellie’s dad, Jesse is Dina’s best friend, and Abby’s my… well, sister, I guess? Oh god that’s-“

Kay grabbed Lev’s hand gently. “Something to think about later,” they said.

Lev nodded jerkily. “Right, yeah. Anyway, point is, we’re the only people in any position to get them to do something about this. It’s miserable, right? Not just for us. I know how sad Abby’s been, haven’t Dina and Ellie been the same?”

Jesse shifted uncomfortably. “Dina’s been tired a lot lately. She kept getting me to change the schedule, a month or two back. It’s getting better, but… it’s rough on her.”

“Ellie’s been crushed,” Joel said quietly. “Used to be like a damn puppy, how excited she’d be to see Abby and Dina, but now she’s just… like she’s been cut in two.”

“Abby was drinking a while back,” Lev shared. “Not bad, but she hadn’t before. And it’s getting better, but she’s still so sad, all the time. I want to fix it, but I need help.”

Silence fell for a few moments as they thought. “So what do we do?” Jesse asked. “I want to help, but I don’t want to make things worse.”

“Yeah, how do we make sure it’ll actually help?” Joel asked. “I’m on board, but we can’t screw it up for them.”

“They just need to be spending more time together,” Lev said. “They need time, to talk things out, to work with each other. They’ll figure it to on their own if we can just give them the time to.”

“You really think so?”

“Damn sure of it,” Kay spoke up. “They’re smart people, and they love each other. They’ll get there if we make sure the path is clear.”

Jesse groaned. “I know what to do. But if Maria fires me, you’re all gonna deal with the consequences.”

—————————————————————————————————

“Jesse!” Dina shouted as she kicked the door to his office open. “What the fuck is this?”

“Your schedule for the next week,” Jesse said without even looking away from the Chart. “Can you hand me that red marker, on your right?”

Dina slapped the marker into his hand. “Why are Ellie and I patrolling with Abby for four days straight?”

“Because it’s what the schedule called for,” Jesse once again didn’t make eye contact. Dina felt something like rage filling her bones.

“What are you playing at? What are you fucking doing, Jesse?”

“I’m scheduling. Blue marker please.”

Dina seethed but handed him the marker, watching as he carefully wrote out the schedule for inventory shifts. “We haven’t patrolled together since January.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“Oddly enough, and I’m sure you must not be aware of this since you scheduled us together, but there was an event not long after that sort of damaged our ability to work well together.”

“You’re right, I totally hadn’t heard.”

“Jesse.”

“Dina.” Jesse finally looked at her and Dina felt her shoulders drop. He was doing his stupid Jesse look that was all warm and compassionate and understanding. Fuck him and his stupid look. How dare he make her feel better.

“Stop that,” Dina said weakly, cursing her heart for being soft for idiots. “That face violates the Geneva conventions. I read them just to make sure.”

“Holy shit, when did you learn to read?”

“You bitch.”

“C’mere.” Jesse held his arms out, pulling Dina in. She huffed, pretending to resist, but sank into him anyway.

Jesse was the best at hugs. Well, Ellie was better, but Jesse came close. It was very enveloping, very warm. Solid but gentle. Dina thought that Jesse’s hugs told you pretty much all you needed to know about him.

“You wanna talk about it?” Jesse murmured into her hair as she let her forehead fall against his chest. “Or you just want quiet for a bit?”

“Give me a minute, then I’ll talk.”

“Deal.” The two stood in silence for a few moments before Jesse pressed a small kiss to the top of Dina’s head and disentangled himself. Dina stepped back slightly.

“That… was nicer than I thought. Thanks.”

“Anytime, you know I’m a hugger,” Jesse answered, leaning against his desk. “So, you wanna scream or talk like normal people?”

“Gonna do both.”

“It’ll take some real effort but I’m excited to see it, go ahead.”

“I can’t look at Abby without wanting. Like, just wanting. I want to touch her, all the time.”

“Ok so I actually don’t want to hear-“

“Not that like, moron. Like… I just want to feel her under my hand, you know? It’s been so long since I hugged her. I miss the feel of it. And I’m pissed at her for running away, and I’m pissed at myself for telling her how I- how Ellie and I both feel before she was ready to hear it, and I just miss her and the way things were. Building it back is just taking so long, you know? I miss her even though she’s right next to me.”

Jesse listened quietly, tilting his head when Dina finished. “Do you think she misses it too?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes.”

“I think she does.”

“Yeah?”

“No shit. She’s in love with you, with both of you. Of course she does.”

“She’s not in love with either of us,” Dina said, feeling a sad smile tugging at her lips without her permission. “I know how it feels when someone loves me. This doesn’t feel like that.”

“Maybe she’s just scared to.”

“Everyone’s scared, of everything, all the time. This is the one thing that’s really worth it, and apparently it’s the one thing she won’t face? No. It’s a lot simpler than that. She just doesn’t feel it.”

“You should talk to her.”

“Oh yeah, that won’t be painful.”

“Haven’t you been back to hanging out for months now? You’ve been talking,” Jesse said incredulously.

“Not about this. Never about this.”

“You should.”

“We won’t,” Dina shrugged, feeling something tugging in her chest. “We just won’t. It’ll be quiet for awhile, and then Ellie will make a dumb joke and I’ll make fun of her, and Abby will wait a few minutes like she isn’t sure she’s allowed to talk.”

“She’s careful like that.”

“I know. And when she finally does talk, it all feels like it used to, but… she hesitates, you know?”

“You’ll be ok. The patrol is only four days.”

“I know.”

“I swear I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

“Oh, that was never in question. I know you, Jesse, I know you’d never.”

Jesse sighed in relief. “Good, I was worried Ellie would beat me up.”

“She’s happy about it, actually. Likes that we’re both with her, so she can protect us.”

“You never liked it when I protected you,” Jesse accused playfully.

“She looks hotter doing it, sorry about it.”

“Pretty people privilege.”

“Yes, you’re wildly oppressed by all the attractive people.” Dina rolled her eyes. “As if you don’t have girls wanting your ‘protection’.”

“They all just want access to The Chart.”

“Very cruel, to use you like that.”

“Eh, better than this one ex I have. She bribed me into changing the schedule to help her avoid this girl she’s in love with. Oh, and she shacked up with my best friend.”

“Sounds like a bitch.”

“She’s ok mostly. Although, she could stand to give me more time with my son.”

Dina laughed. “You’re about to get him for four days, you’ll have plenty of time. And your parents are over to see him so often I might have to give them a room.”

“Don’t, they’ll never move out and I’ll have to hear about how you’ve surpassed me as their favorite child.”

“Can’t help being better.”

“Better at pissing me off, maybe.” Jesse poked Dina with the marker in his hand. “Now get out before I schedule you for a month of farm duty.”

“Ooh, so scary, so threatening. You gonna throw office supplies at me?”

“I’d never waste good supplies on a ruffian like you,” Jesse said. “Be up early to start patrol tomorrow.”

“But mom, I don’t want to go,” Dina whined, grinning as she walked towards the door.

“Dina?” Jesse called, waiting for her to pause. “It’ll be ok. I swear.”

Dina just smiled ruefully. “I’m sure you’re right.”

—————

Dina was going to break The Chart over Jesse’s head.

“I mean, they can’t stay out there forever, right?” Ellie asked, looking out the window at the shambling infected blocking their exit from an old farmhouse. “There’s too many to just run through, and I’m fucking tired. They’ll leave soon enough, right?”

“They’re already dead, it’s not like they don’t have plenty of time on their hands,” Abby responded from the kitchen towards the back of the house. “I found some food, though. We could make a fire, camp out here until we’re recharged.”

“And burn the whole place down?”

“No, there’s a fireplace back here too.”

“Weird interior design,” Dina muttered.

Ellie snorted. “That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”

“Who puts a fireplace in a kitchen? There’s an oven, it’s already going to be warm.”

Ellie chuckled and tossed her arm over Dina’s shoulders. Dina smiled as she snuggled in, letting Ellie’s warmth envelop her.

“Heat-snatcher,” Ellie whined with no real complaint in her tone. “You’re like a giant ice cube and all you do is steal my body heat.”

“I can think of a couple other things to do with your body.”

“Oh yeah? Wanna share?”

“Hmm, I think I might just surprise you-“

“Still here and would like to not be hearing this!” Abby appeared in the doorway. “Please do your weird foreplay elsewhere.”

“You wish it was you, huh?” Dina said unthinkingly. The silence that ensued was more than a little awkward as the grunts of the infected outside became the only sound to be heard.

“You said you found food?” Ellie said eventually, disentangling herself from Dina.

Dina watched as Abby’s eyes tracked the movement of Ellie’s arm. She could have sworn she saw a slight blush on the other girl’s face, but that couldn’t be right. Must be imagining things.

“Yeah, there’s some soup; it looks like someone left it behind. If I can get the stove started, then we’ll have a decent dinner.”

“Doesn’t that sound kinda suspicious?” Dina asked as they followed Abby back into the kitchen. “That someone just left a viable source of food behind?”

“What do you think they did to it?” Ellie asked. “Poison or something?”

“Maybe.”

“There are more efficient ways to kill a person,” Abby said breezily, waving off the other girls’ concern. “Poisoning food is wasteful. You want to kill someone subtly, go for their water supply. Food is hard to find, but you can get more water anywhere. Poison their water, take their food, and then find a clean stream to get your own water from.”

“Have you done this before?” Ellie wondered, clearly startled from the explanation. Dina was too, admittedly, but still disagreed on the method. If you want to kill someone subtly, you should lock them in a house with their girlfriend and the other girl they’re in love with who doesn’t love them back.

“No, of course not. If I want to kill someone, subtlety isn’t really an issue.” Abby set about making sure the stove was in working order, then turned back to them with a grin. “Ellie, on the other hand, should always consider a subtle path, because those little twig arms aren’t gonna be much help.”

“You bastard, my arms are fucking fine,” Ellie refuted with a smile. “Arm wrestle, right now.”

God damn her girlfriend’s frat bro instincts. “No, absolutely not,” Dina denied firmly. “If one of you sprains a wrist I won’t be able to do anything about it until we get back to Jackson. No arm wrestling.”

“What kind of damage do you think we could possibly do?”

“Speak for yourself, I could rip your arm out.” Abby grinned, flexing momentarily. Dina felt her mouth go dry at the sight, and she heard the slight hitch in Ellie’s breath beside her.

“Prove it, tough guy,” Ellie said anyway. Dina got the distinct feeling, looking between the two, that this had spiraled out of her control.

“You break it, you buy it,” she said finally. “That goes for both of you.”

“I’ll be gentle,” Abby teased.

“I’ll fucking gut you,” Ellie threatened, eyes bright as she propped her arm up on the table. “Like the bitchass trout you are.”

“I hate it here,” Dina groaned.

“Count us down.”

“3, 2, 1.”

Oh.

Dina was really gay.

Ellie and Abby’s arms both tightened as each tried to force the other into submission. Dina found her eyes drifting from Ellie’s toned musculature to Abby’s shoulders and back again. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“You’re stronger than I thought,” Abby said. “Figured I’d have you by now.”

“I hold my own,” Ellie grunted. “You’re not bad either, I guess.”

“I could throw you like a football.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Ellie challenged.

“No, nope, absolutely not. Finish trying to break each other’s arms and then we are going to sit and have food and hope we have a way out after. There will be no throwing of anything.”

“Boo.”

“Yeah, yeah- hey, who was gonna tell me there was blood on my shirt?”

“You’re bleeding?” Abby’s arm fell to the table as she focused all of her attention on Dina. “Where? When did you get hurt?”

“It’s just a small cut,” Dina waved her off. “And you just lost to Ellie’s twig arms.”

“She was going to anyway. Why didn’t you tell us?” Ellie asked as she came to Dina’s side, noticing the small spot of blood near her hip, immediately lifting the shirt away to look at the wound.

“It’s fine, I cleaned it up a bit earlier. Shouldn’t get infected or anything.”

“You should have mentioned it. I’ll look for a first aid kit.”

“It’s fine, babe. I promise,” Dina stood up on her toes to kiss Ellie’s cheek. “I’m doing great.”

She chanced a glance over at Abby and regretted it immediately. The taller girl was rooted to her spot, watching Ellie fuss over Dina, her expression soft in all the painful ways Dina couldn’t stand.

God, she wanted to kiss her. She wanted to kiss Abby until neither of them could breathe, until Ellie got impatient and interrupted, until Abby finally explained how she could wear that expression and claim she didn’t feel-

Not the point. Not going there.

Ellie pulled away after a moment. “I’m still gonna go look for a first aid kit, ok? It’ll be good to have. You gonna bleed out if I leave for a minute?”

“I’m sure I’ll survive, arm wrestling champ.”

“She won once!” Abby crossed her arms in protest. “I got distracted!”

“Excuses, excuses,” Ellie replied, grinning. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll reclaim the title soon. Be right back.”

She headed up the stairs to look in the rest of the house for a kit, and for the first time since their watch shift that seemed both long ago and like it was yesterday, Dina was alone with Abby. She moved towards the stove, deciding to check on the soup, but was stopped when a gentle hand wrapped around her wrist.

Abby didn’t turn Dina around to face her, but didn’t drop her hand either. “Are you really ok?”

“I-“ Dina stammered, not expecting the soft tone. “Yeah, I’m fine. Really, I’m ok.”

“Ok.” The hand dropped, and Dina found herself missing its warmth. “You’d tell us? If you weren’t?”

“Worried about me?” Dina teased, hoping Abby couldn’t hear the undercurrent in her tone, couldn’t hear the desperation just below the surface of the joke.

“When am I not?”

It was too honest of a response for someone who was afraid to look her in the face, Dina thought dryly. But maybe that was Abby. Maybe she couldn’t look someone she loved right in the eyes. Talking to someone’s back, unable to say it to their face. Love is a blindingly overwhelming thing. One that Abby wasn’t ready to deal with, Dina reminded herself.

“Well, you don’t need to worry about me while I’m stirring the soup,” she said lightly, resuming her path to the stove without turning around once.

Even as silence stretched over them, as Dina heard Abby drop into a chair and Ellie rooting around upstairs looking for more supplies, she could feel eyes on her. She ignored it as she dealt with the food, but when she had to turn around to find bowls, she made eye contact with Abby.

Neither of them looked away.

Dina felt the world turn under her feet and did her absolute best to pretend she didn’t.

—————————————————————————————————

“Cat. Cat, I’m losing my mind. She held my hand.”

“To arm-wrestle you like two weeks ago. This is why I don’t smoke with you anymore.”

“Meanie,” Ellie snorted as she pushed herself off of where she had been leaning into Cat’s side. The two were lounging in Cat’s basement, where she kept her good weed. The day after Ellie had returned from patrol, Cat had left, and the two hadn’t had a chance to hang out since she returned until now. Cat had taken one look at Ellie standing at her front door and immediately announced they were smoking.

And Ellie swore the bitch had done it for a reason.

“You got me high to convince me to talk about this, and now you don’t even want to talk about it? What kind of wingman are you?”

“The disappointed kind,” Cat laughed. “I thought you’d all be together weeks ago, playing domestic lesbian throuple moms or whatever. I didn’t expect sad, mopey Ellie whining to me about holding her crush’s hand to arm-wrestle!”

“I got to hold her hand though.”

“Yeah, yeah, the rituals are intricate.”

“What?”

“I’m calling you gay.”

“You always call me gay.”

“And I’m always right.”

“You’re always a bitch,” Ellie grumped, smirking when Cat laughed.

“Ellie, babe, do you want my serious advice?”

“On how to avoid an std? I don’t think you’d have anything effective to say.”

“Slut-shame me all you want, Williams, at least I’m getting some.”

“I’m getting plenty!” Ellie defended.

“Yeah, from your lovingly domestic future wife who very predictably is gonna live the rest of her life with you. Boring.”

“Fuck you.”

“Look, let me make an allusion here.”

“No.”

“There was this porno I watched-“

Ellie cackled. “I hate you.”

“Let me finish,” Cat grinned wildly. “It was these married lesbians, right. Both hot. Both milfs. Something you and Dina can relate to.”

“If you call my wife a milf again, I’ll knock you on your ass.”

“You are welcome to knock me on my ass at any time, babe,” Cat winked. “But let me finish. So these hot lesbians, right, they’re rich and they have a pool they don’t know how to deal with. So they hire this hot pool girl to come take care of the pool every once in a while. And, you know, it’s a porno, so they end up sleeping with her and they have a hot threesome and I can’t disclose anything after that because I was watching this with another girl at the time and my attention sorta… drifted.”

Ellie giggled. “You’re fucking gross.”

“Damn right. Anyway, the point is, you gotta get your hot pool girl.”

“Who?”

“Abby! Keep up, dumbass. You and Dina are the married milfs-“

“I’m gonna shoot you-“

“And Abby’s the hot pool girl! You gotta seduce her!” Cat finished triumphantly.

“Cat, the problem is not the seducing.”

“Then what is it?”

“We’re in love with her.”

“No, I know that. And she’s in love with you. It’s just that none of you are acting on it. So act on it. Seduce.”

“She’s not in love with us.”

“Dude.”

“Bro.”

“She’s like, in super gay love with you two.” Cat leaned into Ellie so much that she fell into her lap. Ellie snorted as she began to mess with Cat’s hair, running her fingers through it.

“Well, thank god it’s not super straight love.”

“I know, right? Look, my point is, you have to like, make an effort.”

“We did, she rejected us.”

“It’s a joint effort. She’s gotta do it too. Mostly you all gotta talk to each other about it. You don’t get to the porn if you’re always stuck on the foreplay.”

“I don’t want your weird sex metaphors. I gotta go, I told Joel I’d have dinner with him.”

“Aren’t you high?”

“Eh, he won’t notice.”

“Wow, your observational skills run in the family.”

“Fuck you, I’m very perceptive.”

“You think Abby isn’t in love with you, I don’t want to hear shit about you being perceptive,” Cat deadpanned. Ellie laughed and shoved her out of her lap.

“Whatever, bitch. See you later, love ya.”

“Love you too, dumbass. Remember the parable of the pool girl.”

“Remember this,” Ellie replied, flipping up her middle finger as she left, smiling as Cat laughed just out of sight.

Her smile dropped as she walked towards Joel’s house. Cat was surprisingly good with romantic stuff. She never really did relationships, not in a long time, but she was still one of the best at figuring them out. If Cat thought Abby had feelings for Ellie and Dina, could she be right?

Ellie shook her head slightly as she walked. It didn’t matter if Cat was right. Abby had run away, had wanted space. She didn’t want Ellie and Dina to be in love with her. So they’d just have to push it back, to keep it down. They did well enough on that 4 day patrol, minus the first night. They’d given Abby her space, and all of that. It couldn’t be that hard to just keep it all pushed back, she thought as she arrived at Joel’s door.

Joel answered when she knocked and immediately grimaced in concern. “You ok?”

“I’m very bad at keeping things pushed back,” Ellie exhaled in a rush. “Like, really really bad.”

“That… sounds like a you and Dina problem.”

“Kinda.”

“Come on in.”

Ellie collapsed into a kitchen chair, all thoughts of pushing it back abandoned. “Joel. Cancel my shifts, I’m in agony.”

“I can’t cancel your shifts but your agony is noted.”

“I’m in love.”

“I know, babygirl.” The affectionate teasing dropped from Joel’s tone as he shifted into sympathetic dad mode. Ellie begrudgingly acknowledged that she seemed to need that from him more and more these days. “I know.”

“It sucks.”

“It sucks a lot,” Joel confirmed. “But it’s also good.”

Ellie thought of Dina’s voice and Abby’s laugh, of two smiles greeting her when she walked home. “Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Ugh.” She let her head drop to the table. “No yes?”

“No yes?”

“No yes,” Ellie answered decisively, letting Joel lift her head gently to slip a placemat on the table before letting her forehead fall back onto the surface with a thud.

“No more brain damage right now,” Joel said. “Dina’ll be upset over it, and I don’t want to be the one she holds responsible.”

“Dina thinks you’re great, she’ll blame me.”

“As she well should.”

“Everyone is being mean to me today,” Ellie whined.

“Who’s everyone?”

“Was talkin’ to Cat earlier.”

“Is that why you smell like weed?”

“I didn’t even smoke that much,” Ellie answered. “Was too busy being fucking interrogated.”

“Bout what?”

“Eh, the usual. Anything she can get out of me.”

“She’s a wild one,” Joel seemed to agree. Ellie finally lifted her head to see him leaning against the cabinets, looking hesitant. “Maybe it’s good to have someone to talk to, though. Outside of it all.”

“Of what all?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Ellie,” Joel said gently. “I know you do, and you know that I know.”

“Yeah,” Ellie said miserably. “I figured.”

“I just meant, you know, Cat’s not quite so tangled up in it. She might have some good advice.”

“She said we need to talk it out.”

“That’s good advice.”

“We can’t.”

“I know you’re an idiot but I’m very sure you know how to talk.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah, well, it’s stupid.” Joel put a plate of meatloaf down in front of Ellie as he sat across from her. “You should be talkin’ to them both about it.”

“I’m talking to Dina!”

“About this?”

Ellie deflated, picking at the food in front of her without eating. “Not really.”

“Maybe that’s where you start.”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“She’s tired of it, of just talking around it. We both are.” Something had to break. Something had to give. Tension can’t build forever, and Ellie could feel her spine starting to bend with the pressure of it.

“So bring Abby in. Talk about it with her.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“She doesn’t- she doesn’t want us, Joel!” Ellie slammed her hand on the table, nearly shouting, nearly crying, nearly boiling over. “She made it very fucking clear that she doesn’t want us to love her like that, and we’re trying to be fucking good about it. Staying just friends gets a little bit harder when you bring the person who rejected you by to talk about why they don’t love you the way you love them.”

“She does love you two the way you love her,” Joel refuted stubbornly, unfazed by Ellie’s outburst.

“She told us she didn’t.”

“People lie.”

“Not about this.”

“Oh, babygirl, this is the thing people lie the most about,” Joel chuckled, though not mockingly. “They just do.”

“Why would she reject us if she’s loved us all along?”

“Maybe she’s not ready for it. You and Dina, you’ve been here in Jackson for years. She’s been here, what, a year and a half? And just before she got here, she saw everyone she loved, romantically and otherwise, massacred in some stupid fight. Only person she’s had is Lev, and god knows she loves him but he’s also a responsibility. Something to protect. When you’ve got that, things get scarier. Something to protect is something to lose. She’s not used to the idea that maybe she doesn’t have to lose anything, that maybe things can work out.”

“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

Joel huffed. “Seems familiar, s’all.”

Ellie grinned. “No offense, but you and Abby could not be more different.”

“We fully agree on that, kiddo. But I’ve been in that same spot, where the only thing you’ve got in the world is someone that can die on you. It leaves something. Fear lingers.”

“So what, you think showing her that we’re not gonna die on her will make her realize she’s allowed to love us?”

“Well, don’t get yourself into trouble to prove a point. She knows you’re capable. I don’t really know what to do, Ellie. Maybe you’re right to step back and give her space. Maybe that’s the opposite of what she needs. That’s something only she can decide.”

----------

It was a good day, Ellie thought. A sunny day. They were well into August, now, but it was still pleasantly warm out. JJ had woken up happy, it seemed, and his mood was infectious. Ellie and Dina both had the day off, and they were more than happy to spend it lazily playing with JJ in the living room. They each dozed off in turns, and the haze of summer felt like a blanket settling on them. Ellie strummed gently on her guitar as Dina and JJ napped, letting her mind wander.

Ellie’s dinner with Joel had been a week ago, but she hadn’t given much consideration to their conversation since.

Well. Maybe a little.

Maybe a lot.

Ok, so it was all she had thought about since. So what? She was allowed. It brought up a lot of important topics.

Like what the hell Abby wanted from them.

No, that was harsh. But she was confused, and Ellie hated being confused. She winced as she hit a rough note on the guitar, opting to set it down beside her while she worked through her thoughts.

Scratch that, Ellie thought after exactly a minute of silence. Bad plan, being alone with thoughts is always a bad plan. One minute she’d be thinking about Abby, all the strange signals she was putting off, and then it would be Abby’s eyes, her smile, her lips. Then it became her lips on Ellie’s, her lips trailing down her neck, leaving marks as Dina watched-

No. No no no. Ellie shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. Abby didn’t even like them romantically, there was no way-

Well. Wasn’t there, a little bit? She saw the way Abby blushed when she moved, sometimes. Saw the way Abby’s eyes drifted down Dina’s body, in a way Ellie knew she herself had never been able to resist doing. Romantic signals were complicated, but somewhere deep in her gut, Ellie knew at least one thing to be true.

She and Dina were fucking hot, and Abby couldn’t deny that.

Speaking of Dina, the girl asleep on the couch shifted and stretched, slowly waking up, turning to smile at Ellie. “You stopped playing,” she said sleepily. “I liked the music.”

“Sorry, I got distracted. Started thinking.”

“Uh oh.” Dina pulled on Ellie’s arm, tugging her closer. “That never goes well.”

“Fuck you too, I guess.” Ellie dropped her weight on top of Dina, laughing as the other girl wheezed exaggeratedly.

Dina wriggled underneath her, shifting until Ellie had settled comfortably atop her, face buried in her neck. “Heavy.”

“It’s all muscle, babe.”

“Oh, trust me, I know.” Dina’s eyes darkened and she ran her hands along Ellie’s arms. Ellie flexed just slightly, moving to hold herself just above Dina’s body.

“I could just stay above you like this, my arms wouldn’t even be sore.”

“Oh yeah?” Dina’s eyes flashed with mirth and something a little deeper; Ellie knew she liked to make fun of her more jock-like habits but god knows she liked the benefits of them even more.

“Mhm.”

“Care to prove it?” Dina brought her hand between them, toying with the hem of Ellie’s shirt.

“Do I get a reward if I’m right?”

“Oh, babe, you get a reward even if you’re wrong.” With that, Dina leaned up and crashed her lips against Ellie’s, using her free hand to pull the other girl closer. Ellie’s mind went blank as she deepened the kiss, and her arms almost gave out before she realized what was happening.

Dina broke the kiss with a gasp. “JJ- he’s asleep?”

“Upstairs, all tuckered out.”

“Good. Get off me.”

“Thought you wanted me on top?” Ellie stood, offering a hand to Dina to get up herself. Dina took it, clambering off the couch and pulling Ellie close to her, toying with the hairs at the back of her neck.

“Another time,” she said as Ellie leaned into her touch. “Right now-” she pushed hard on Ellie’s shoulders, practically shoving her back to sit on the couch as Ellie felt a spike of arousal, sharp and potent in her gut- “right now, I want you like this.” Dina straddled her lap, taking her face in her hands and kissing her deeply.

Ellie let her hands fall to Dina’s waist, pulling her even closer. Dina sighed into the kiss and began to roll her hips against Ellie’s, moaning lightly at the friction. Ellie tightened her grip at the sound, undoubtedly leaving finger-shaped bruises on Dina’s waist.

“Ellie.” Dina broke away, moaning as Ellie took the opportunity to press burning kisses to the column of her throat. “Shirt. Off.”

“Mine or yours?”

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I want your mouth-“ Dina’s breath hitched as she ground down on Ellie’s thighs; Ellie bit back a growl and began to tug on Dina’s shirt, only pausing to remove her own too before diving right back in when it was tossed to the side as Dina fumbled with the button of her jeans.

If she had been a bit less preoccupied, she may have heard the door swing open.

“Hey, Lev said he- oh, fuck.”

Ellie froze, all but shoving Dina off her lap in an attempt to pretend that what was happening .02 seconds ago had in fact never happened at all. Dina grabbed at her shoulders to avoid falling to the floor, and Abby gaped at them both from the hallway.

Ellie dimly thought that this felt like the right time to note that Dina had foregone a bra for the day.

“Um.” Abby was as still as a statue, stricken face unmoving. “You’re… busy.”

“A little,” Dine replied, grabbing a pillow from the couch and holding it to her chest casually. As if anything about the situation was casual, Ellie thought, nearly hysterically. “What are you doing?”

“I. Uh. What?”

“Why are you here? No offense, but we weren’t expecting-“

“Oh! Lev left his comic book here last week and. Uh. Yes.” Abby’s ears had gone pink, her blush spreading as far as the eye could see. And in her v-neck shirt, that was a little more than Ellie thought was healthy to dwell on, given the circumstance.

The circumstance of her crush walking in on her and her girlfriend as they- Ellie quickly dismissed that thought, feeling her own blush rise to her cheeks as she tried to maintain an air of unaffectedness. “Lev’s comics are probably up in my studio room.”

“Right, yeah. Uh huh.” Abby still stood rooted to the spot, hands flexing uselessly at her side.

But. Wait a minute. Ellie recognized that. She took a moment to truly look at her, having chosen to avoid staring directly at her since she walked in.

And, oh, wow, did she recognize what she saw. Abby’s eyes had gone dark, hands twitching, and she listed slightly to the side as if she couldn’t focus on standing. She valiantly tried to look anywhere but the two of them, but Ellie saw her eyes trace the curve of Dina’s waist, saw them land on the popped button of her own jeans.

Then Abby met her eyes, and Ellie made a choice.

Ellie took a step forward. “Abby,” she said lowly. “You alright?”

“I.” Abby made a strangled noise in the back of her throat. “Yeah.”

“Your hands are shaking.” God, this would be embarrassing if she was wrong, but she knew she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. She reached out for Abby’s hands, letting her fingers brush the back of one. “You sure you’re ok?”

Abby inhaled sharply, her eyes fluttering involuntarily. “Yes.” Her voice was firm, and when she met Ellie’s eyes again, they were clear.

“What do you want?”

Abby pulled her close, and Ellie went all too willingly.

—————————————————————————————————

“I’m so mad at you.”

“I know, Lev.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“I know, Lev.”

“You’re gonna hurt them again.”

Abby huffed. “Better hurt than dead.”

“You think avoiding them is gonna, what, stop a bullet in its path? That’s dumb and you know it.”

“Lev, can we not do this right now?”

“And why not?”

Abby gestured broadly at the forest around them, sunlight filtering in through the boughs of the trees to land on the path ahead of them. “We’re meant be hunting?”

“And you’re meant to be smarter than this.” Lev kicked at a pebble at his feet. “Seriously.”

“Lev, I’m not talking about this.”

“Well then I’ll just monologue.” Lev fell into step beside her, not even bothering to look around and try to pretend he was focused on the hunting.

“That’s not allowed.”

“Try and stop me.”

“You’re a pain.”

“You- ugh.” Lev motioned indignantly at her. “You’re not even mad at me, you’re mad at myself.”

“I have nothing to be upset about,” Abby said through gritted teeth. “Pay attention, we need to find a deer or something.”

“You have plenty to be upset with yourself for! You’ve been in love with your best friends practically since you met them and now you’ve-“ Lev lowered his voice- “slept over-“

“Oh my god.”

“You did!”

“I’m not talking about this with you!”

“I’m monologuing!”

“No you aren’t!”

“Well if you would stop interrupting me!”

“Stop talking about my- what happened!”

“About how you stayed the night with them and haven’t spoken to them since?” Lev snorted. “Yeah, no way. I’ll drop this in five years, maybe.”

Abby didn’t bother responding, choosing to scan the forest around them instead.

It had been a week, since… well. Since. And yeah, maybe Abby had snuck out in the morning. Maybe she hadn’t spoken to either of them since. But god, wasn’t that for the better? They would be satisfied, now. They probably didn’t want her, just what she could do for them.

No. No, that wasn’t true and she knew it. They wanted her. They wanted her and she left. Left the spot in their bed they had made for her, crept out of the room, left Ellie’s arm wrapped around a pillow instead of her waist, left Dina’s hand sleepily clutching at the sheets instead of her shirt.

She couldn’t go back.

“You’re hurting them,” Lev said, softer than he had been a moment ago. “You love them, and you’re hurting them.”

“Better than burying them.”

“Stop saying that! They’re not gonna die just because you love them, Abby! And don’t deny it, I know you do! You fucking love them!”

“Hey! Language!” Abby stopped in her tracks, weakly protesting. “Look, I know this doesn’t make sense to you, and I hope it never does, but sometimes that’s just how things are. That’s how to survive.”

“Aren’t we supposed to do more than survive?”

There was a fine line, Abby thought, between keeping yourself safe and discouraging your kid from developing healthily. She’d ask Joel for tips but she was pretty sure she’d burned that bridge a week ago when she kissed Ellie and then left her.

“Let’s just finish this.” Abby turned back down the path, looking resolutely at anything other than the angry kid beside her. Lev huffed but fell quiet, clearly sensing he wasn’t getting anything else out of her for the day.

She hated being short with him, but this wasn’t something she could budge on. This wasn’t one more chocolate bar, or staying the night at Kay’s house while she was on patrol. This wasn’t something she could be persuaded about.

No matter how much she wanted to be.

Abby had gotten rid of the alcohol in the house. She knew what a glass of whisky on a bad day could become, could turn her into, and if there was one area in her life where she could avoid spiraling downwards, she would take it. But fuck, if she didn’t regret giving it all to Maria. Maybe she’d ask for some wine back when they got home. Wine wouldn’t do much, and she hated the taste of it enough that she wouldn’t go overboard.

A crack rang out from beside her, and Abby whipped around to see Owen’s body, lifeless, blood pouring from his head, nearly unrecognizable from how it had been bashed in, and she felt a scream building in her throat-

She blinked and was suddenly looking at a snapped twig under Lev’s boot.

“You ok? Didn’t mean to startle you,” Lev said, reaching for her elbow. She let him guide her back into the present, taking the slightest bit of comfort in his presence before pulling away.

“Fine, just jumpy.” It couldn’t have been real. Lev wasn’t there that night, when she had found… She had made him wait outside when she saw blood seeping through the crack in the door. He hadn’t seen it, and if he was here now, then it couldn’t have happened, couldn’t have been Owen’s corpse on the forest floor.

“Abby? You’re breathing kinda heavy.”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. C’mon, there’s a pack of deer that grazes up ahead sometimes.”

“I don’t think deer travel in packs.”

“Well, whatever the fuck they travel in, there’s usually some up ahead. Let’s make it quick.”

“Ok.” Lev seemed hesitant to go on as they walked, but he stuck by her side.

Maybe no wine later after all. Seemed like she was doing bad enough without the help.

God damn it. Fuck. Fuck. What was she doing? What the fuck was she doing? She could be with them, right now. Abby could be with Ellie and Dina, she could tell them everything and they’d hold her stupid fucking hands and kiss her stupid fucking forehead and they’d get it, they’d understand. They were the best part of her life, the best thing she never even thought to dream of, and she was where? Wandering around in the fucking forest? God, she missed them. And JJ, the kid that wasn’t her own, who she’d die for without question, without a moment of hesitation. What the fuck was she doing?

Abby turned to Lev, suddenly certain. They had to turn back, he had been right all along. Fuck, he had been right all along, and she could see the deer in the distance, a doe and a baby, but she had a home to get back to-

The shot rang through the air, and Lev looked up at Abby just as the red began to spread through his shirt, growing steadily like a puddle on an aquarium floor.

He wasn’t right after all, Abby thought dimly as the forest exploded into gunfire around her. She dropped to the ground, shielding Lev’s body with her own. From what she could tell, he had been shot just above the hip, on his left. She looked frantically to the side, scanning the trees for the culprit.

There. And there, and there. Shit.

“Fan out!” She heard a man bark. “They dropped down low, couldn’t have made it far. Don’t let them get away.”

Lev groaned from beneath her, and Abby carefully rolled them both under some bushes.

There were two men off to her right, she could see them moving through the trees. They were moving farther away. Three to her left, two moving her way. The leader stood stationary, scanning the trees.

Well, Abby thought, palming her gun. No way out but through. She crouched, staying hidden beside Lev in the bushes. He groaned again, tugging at her sleeve. She turned to him, and he pointed towards the path. Abby saw a bottle lying just to the side of it, and quickly reached out and snatched it from the ground. Lev shuddered as he reached into his pack, and Abby quietly pushed him back to lay on the ground. She reached into his bag and found a rag and a match.

She looked at Lev to confirm, and he smiled weakly as he mimed lighting a Molotov and throwing it before pointing at the leader. Abby smiled back, but her face fell when Lev winced. She had to be quick.

If she could get the leader down and then the two men beside him, she could probably move quickly enough to get the other two without being pinned down. Abby closed her eyes for just a moment and took a breath.

And then she began.

The leader went down easier than she expected, or maybe her aim was just better than she had thought. At any rate, the Molotov cocktail was very effective. The two men beside him began to shout, trying to put him out, and Abby threw caution to the wind, standing straight up and shooting towards them as she moved to take cover behind another tree, trying to lead them away from Lev. From the cries of pain, she knew she had gotten at least one of them down, and the other may have been hit but was still standing. The two men that had been off in the other direction had taken notice and were turning back.

“Fuck,” Abby swore quietly. She ducked out and took another shot, nailing the surviving man from the group with the leader. She moved back behind the tree again, but wasn’t quick enough. She hissed as a bullet grazed her arm, blood immediately beginning to seep into her sleeve.

“Come the fuck out!” One of the men shouted. “Come on, you bastard!”

“You’re dead!” The other one continued, moving unknowingly towards Abby, who waited silently. “You’re so fucking dead!”

“You wish, fucker.” Abby lunged, grabbing the man by the shoulder and pulling him in. He struggled, landing a solid hit on her ribs, and Abby grunted as she felt at least one of them crack under his elbow. She managed to grapple him, finally putting him in a headlock and pulling back until she heard a loud snap and he slumped in her arms.

The other man cried out and rushed towards her, gun raised, and Abby fell to the ground, shooting up towards him blindly. She heard a grunt and then a thump as he fell, blood spreading on the ground beneath him.

Abby stared, and for a moment his body was shaped like Ellie’s, but she shook her head and the vision faded. That wasn’t Ellie, and it never would be if she was around to do something about it. She could love them and keep them safe, she could do both. Fuck anyone who said different, and fuck the universe if it ever tried to take the loves of her life away from her.

Abby rushed over towards Lev, finding him just barely awake. He was pressing down on the wound at his hip, which, thank fucking christ, seemed like it would heal fairly well as long as she got him back to Jackson quickly. She hoisted him up into her arms and began to make her way back toward the path, gun still in hand just in case.

Which became useless when she dropped it as she felt a sharp pain in the back of her calf, registering the sound of a gunshot half a second too late. Abby cried out, falling to the road and turning to see the burned leader of the group struggling to stand, smiling evilly as he aimed for her chest.

“Should have fucking made sure,” he called out. “Should have made damn sure I was dead before you turned your back on me.”

“Fuck you,” Abby responded through gritted teeth.

“Right back at you , you fucking animal. Time to put you down.”

Abby scrambled desperately for her own gun as the man raised his but couldn’t find it within reach-

The man let out a gurgling noise as a knife buried itself in his throat, clothing at it uselessly before falling to the ground.

Abby looked down to see Lev staring at the corpse with a startling intensity, arm still raised. “Gotcha, fucking bastard.” His eyes began to flutter, and his arm dropped. In that split second, he seemed almost intangible, Abby thought absurdly. Like if she reached out, her hand would pass through him, unfettered. His eyes slipped closed, and Abby-

Well, there wasn’t a word for what happened. Not a word for what hit her soul in that second like a freight train. She thought she may have screamed, or cried, but she couldn’t hear. She couldn’t feel. She only saw him. Time crashed to a halt as Lev sank to the ground, nearly motionless except for the slowing rise and fall of his chest.

No. No. It doesn’t end like that, does it? God, hasn’t she lost enough, hasn’t she fucking suffered, how dare they, how dare they try to take him form her, how dare they even think of it. Slowly but somehow all at once, grief morphed into something white-hot in Abby’s chest, and time roared back in to match the beating of her heart.

Lev was not dying here. Nobody was fucking dying on her again.

She gathered him in her arms and rose to her feet, clenching her jaw and ignoring the screaming of her calf beneath her weight. She began to limp, teeth gritted, down the path back towards Jackson.

She had a home to get back to.