Nightmares a bitch
“Speech” Thought
Hope you like it ;;
Izuku didn’t get much sleep after Ochaco left the room, he had fallen into unconsciousness once she had left, but the nightmare started up again immediately afterward. It was standard as far as Izuku nightmares went, at least, it started off normally.
Like most of Izuku’s dreams they began with him walking home, and seeing the door ajar. As soon as he stepped in, however, he fell into a deep pit, plunging him into darkness. Izuku tried to call out, to get someone’s attention, his voice wouldn’t work, it was just tiny amounts of air leaving his mouth.
The darkness would flood everything, stopping his breathing, trying to kill him. It stopped once a light was ignited near someone’s head. Izuku flocked to that light, trying desperately to be rid of the horrible darkness. The candle revealed his mom’s body, laying on the floor, glaring up at him. This is the point where the dream took a slightly darker turn then normal. The All Might figurine came to life, jumping out of what was left of his mother’s brain and walking over to him.
In a mechanical, booming voice, the toy cried out, “I AM HERE!!! I AM HERE TO PUT A STOP TO YOUR VILLAINY! TO YOUR SIN! TO YOUR EXISTENCE.”
The toy’s head twisted around in a circle, breaking off. Inko’s face stared back at him, and her eyes stirred with life, moving her dead, broken body upwards, cracking her neck into an unnatural angle to stare at him. “You couldn’t save me. You were never good enough. You will never deserve to be a hero.” Izuku felt tears stream down his cheeks as everyone he ever looked up to, his classmates, his teachers, even Deku, walked up to him, yelling at him for his uselessness.
Izuku felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned around, seeing a large man in a suit, with a mask over his face, a breathing apparatus attached to his mouth.
“My child… you were never meant to be a hero. You were always destined to be… a villain.”
Izuku woke up, sweat dripping off the side of his face, his face contorted into a silent scream. If he hadn’t trained himself not to scream when he lived with the Bakugos, then he would have woken the entire dorm up with one. Feeling his breathing quicken, he did his counting exercise, concentrating on nothing but making sure he doesn’t start breaking down. After a few minutes, he feels the panic start to fade, but the feeling of worthlessness stays with him. Izuku opens his sketchbook with shaky hands, turning to a fresh page and drawing the face, hearing the last words echoing in his head.
“You were always destined to be… a villain.”
“Shut up…” Izuku whispered, digging his hands into his arms, feeling the splitting headache thumping through his mind. “I’m not a villain.” He whispered again, scratching at his arms. He stopped. His therapist said that he should find simple ways to relieve stress. Drawing was a way to shut the memories down, not relieve him of stress. He checked the time, it read 11:00.
Suddenly, Izuku had an idea and quietly opened his balcony door, grabbing his guitar. Pushing as softly as he could, lest he put any strain on his body, Izuku made his way to the roof of the building, sitting on it quietly as he propped up on the side of it. With a sigh, he started strumming it passively, not going for any particular notes at the moment, just getting the motions down and preserving his rhythm. Grimacing, Izuku popped a Tylenol into his mouth, grateful that he had grabbed it before making his way onto the roof.
After the headache slowly subsided, Izuku felt Deku’s consciousness asleep, or as close to asleep as a mind can be. Izuku shifted positions, spreading his feet wide to make sure he wouldn’t fall off of the tall, slanted roof. He smiled up at the stars as he began a more complex warm up pattern. Izuku played the guitar, humming along with whatever he decided he wanted to play. Sometime into the night he decided he wanted to try and write a song, so he snuck back into his room, grabbed paper and a pencil, then floated back up.
He began to play a few practice strums, trying to get the feeling of it right. For some reason it felt… off to him. He’ll have to ask Jiro for her opinion later, she was really talented when it came to anything music related. Izuku relaxed atop that roof, feeling his anxiety and stress leave his body as the music flowed.
“Never realized that music was so soothing.” Izuku said aloud, tucking his guitar pick into his pocket and leaning backwards, holding onto the object tight. Izuku smiled as he saw the sun rise, covering the horizon in an orange glow. Izuku picked his favorite Deep Dope song, the simple one Jiro taught him, and played it one time through. He hadn’t realized how long he had been up here, probably about seven hours or so, making it about six o’clock.
“It’s not like I can go to class anyway…” Izuku mumbled, gears turning in his head. He still needed to be down by noon because he had his therapy today and would probably need an hour or so to get ready.
Bro, how long have you been up? Wait, don’t fucking tell me, it’s probably been since, like, 11:00. Deku thought, laughing at Izuku’s blushing face.
“Don’t be mean Deku… I just had another nightmare.” Izuku mumbled, hugging onto his instrument.
Yeah, I know. I felt it too… it was horrible. Deku replied, surprisingly solemn for the normally snarky teen.
Izuku giggled, strumming his guitar once again. “That’s the first time you’ve said a sentence without a cuss word in a while.”
Deku immediately changed his mood, going from somber to playful in a heartbeat. I don’t know what your fucking talking about, he said, fake pouting.
Izuku giggled again. “Wanna hear part of the song I wrote? I don’t have a name for it but I have the melody down.”
Sure, why not. Deku thought, though he already knew the tune because, after all, he was part of Izuku.
Despite this knowledge, Izuku still grinned like a madman and sat up, getting into the proper position. Izuku began humming along, his fingers dancing across the strings, forming music that filled the air, echoing across the empty rooftop.
Wow… that shit was beautiful. Deku was honestly surprised. He knew the song, but to hear it in person felt so much better.
“I know right! It’s all thanks to Jiro teaching me the basics. Once I have those down I can learn the rest fairly quickly.” Izuku would probably be bouncing up and down right now if it wasn’t for the fact that Recovery Girl had forbidden him from standing.
Speaking of Recovery Girl, she was going to have to be notified that Izuku couldn’t meet up with her today. After all, therapy is more important and costs a boatload of money. “Hey Deku? Do you think you can expand our ‘seeing’ zone for a second? I want to know what everyone is doing.” Izuku asked, and felt the general feeling of acceptance that meant yes.
His eyes widened as he felt everyone running around, as if looking for something frantically. Looking at the sun, he realized just how much later it had been then he realized, so he began to slowly ease his way forward, going to the edge of the roof and dangling his legs. “Hey Jiro, I’m over here!” Izuku called, unwilling to use his quirk again to get down. Immediately the reaction took effect.
Izuku felt Jiro run off and tell Ochaco, who came full on sprinting to the front of the dorms, then outside of the building and to the back, where Izuku rested, feet dangling over the ledge.
“Midoriya Izuku!! What the heck are you doing on the roof!!” Ochaco screamed, tapping herself with her hands, She leapt up, floating all the way up to the roof of the dorm. Giving the barest of Pulls, Izuku floated the weightless girl over to him.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed softly. “Sorry Ocha-chan, just wanted some fresh air.” Izuku lied, already feeling guilty about it. He had made his friends worry about him.
Why didn’t you tell her that you had a nightmare? Deku asked, curious.
I don’t want her to worry, I feel bad enough making her use her quirk on herself. Izuku replied, feeling guilt weigh down on him.
“Zu…” Ochaco said, face softening. “It’s okay to get some fresh air, but please tell us where you go next time, you practically gave Bakugo a heart attack, and me!” Ochaco giggled softly, but something lingered in her eyes.
Sadness. Worry. And… Worthlessness? No. That couldn’t be right. Ochaco was always positive, Izuku must’ve been mistaken.
Izuku shook his head, before patting the guitar by his side. “I was just playing some friendly tunes on the guitar. If you took a second to listen you might’ve heard.”
Ochaco started, before turning slowly to her friend, gaze narrowed in suspicion. “Wait… Tokoyami said that he heard guitar strumming around midnight…”
Izuku looked away guiltily, feeling him being caught up in the lie. “Well… I lost track of time?” He tried, obviously straining.
Smooth as FUCKING Skippy. Deku smugly thought. Izuku would’ve strangled him if he had his own body.
“Izuku… did you have a nightmare?” she asked, concern evident as they sat atop the tall dorm building. “I know you had one when you were cuddling with me last night, but did you get any sleep?”
Izuku looked at the ground, smiling slightly, “Well… yeah. I woke up at eleven so I got at least an hour or so of sleep.”
Her eyes widened in shock, and she grabbed onto his hands, “An hour? That's not enough sleep! Next time you can’t sleep just come and get me, I’ll always help you with getting some sleep!”
Izuku slouched, staring down at the dizzying view beneath his feet, trying to sort through his thoughts as he peered down at the group gathering below them. “I’ll try and remember Ocha-chan, in the meanwhile, do you want to get ready for class? I have something today so I’m exempt from classes.”
Ochaco cocked her head, but didn’t say anything more, instead opting for hugging the cute green haired boy beside her.
Don’t fall off the roof, you’ll both fucking die. Deku said, obviously trying to keep a monotone voice, but failing.
Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m not gonna fall. Izuku responded, rolling his eyes as he pulled away from Ochaco’s hug, and smiled at her.
“Now, lets get off the roof before Aizawa-sensei comes up here to kill us.” Izuku said casually, looking back down at their teacher who was just emerging from the building off in the distance. Ochaco laughed, and nodded, activating her quirk on the both of them so Izuku could float them down to the floor safely. Once down, Izuku was carried by his soon-to-be girlfriend into his room, where he rested on his wheel chair and began redesigning his costume as his classmates left to go to class.
When it approached the time for his appointment, Izuku grabbed his “Therapy Book” and rolled out of the room, leaving to the office that wasn’ t far from the school itself. He had already gotten permission to leave campus for his biweekly (biweekly as in every two weeks) appointments with the kind doctor. After a few minutes, and more then once having to be pushed across a street, Izuku arrived at the office.
“Izuku Midoriya, here for my appointment with Dr. Watanabe at one thirty,” he said smiling up at the receptionist. The man sitting there looked back at him and smiled, Izuku had been going to this office for a year now and knew most of the staff, befriending them because of his constant visits.
The man smiled, “You have a bit over a half hour wait, would you like to visit Rei during this time? She always loves when you go to see her.” Izuku smiled, nodding to the secretary and going down the familiar hallways to find her room.
When he arrived, he saw the white haired lady staring out the window, a tear staining her cheek. “Rei-san? Is something wrong?”
Said woman jolted and turned around, smiling faintly when she recognized the greenette sitting in the doorway. “A-ah, it’s nothing Izuku, just remembering my son.” She got a faraway look in her eyes, as if seeing into a time long past. “He should be attending UA by now.”
Izuku smiled brightly, because he had recognized Shoto Todoroki the moment he had seen him, and that was one of the reasons he had come so early today, so he could talk to her.
“I have good news Rei-san, you’ll love it. I met your son, and he’s in my class!” Izuku said, holding onto the mother’s hand as her eyes widened in shock.
“R-really? Please… tell me all about him.”
Izuku smiled warmly, a mother’s love never fades, ever. If only his mother was still around, maybe she would be proud of him. No, banish those thoughts, they aren’t helping. Returning the smile to his face, he began telling her everything that he had noticed about the boy. How he looked, how he only used his ice side, how he looked sad, and finally, how he had randomly joined the “Midoriya Protection squad” and had stood by to cheer him up. The conversation was a beautiful one, with Rei laughing and smiling with him, cheering her up.
By the time they had finished talking, it was time for him to attend his own session so he wheeled himself out, going to find Dr. Watanabe’s office. When he arrived at her door, he knocked loudly, and heard the footsteps stomping toward the door.
“Ah! Midoriya, please, come in, come in.” Dr. Watanabe called, smiling as she opened the door. She had shoulder length black hair, and wore jeans with a red t-shirt, which seemed highly unprofessional, but she was allowed due to saying it was “to make patients more comfortable.”
Her quirk was the most suited for her line of service, being Empathy, where if she makes contact with someone she can feel what they are feeling. Honestly it was an absolutely useful quirk to have, something that is perfect for psychology and understanding how someone’s feeling.
Nerd, thought Deku, laughing as Izuku just got excited by seeing the doctor.
Meanie, replied Izuku, who just inwardly pouted at the comment.
“So Izuku, tell me what you’ve been up to for the past two weeks since I saw you.” Dr. Watanabe smiled at the boy. This was a pattern that they went through every session, it started with a simple conversation before the “deep” topics.
“Oh! It has been fantastic! I just got into UA, Kacchan got first on the entrance exams, but I had a close second. I even met the most amazing girl! And we like each other! We confessed yesterday! There are sooooo many people with amazing quirks. It's unbelievable, I made a notebook just for my class!!!” Dr. Watanabe listened to this with silence as he ranted about his experience with UA, about scaring the Class B students, and the heroes and villains exercise that he took part in.
After a while, Izuku stopped his ranting and waited for the doctor to collect her thoughts. She had been leafing through his therapy sketchbook during this time, and had settled on the newest page sometime during the conversation. Finally, she held her hand out and he took it.
“Izuku, you said you had a nightmare last night.”
Instantly Izuku felt dread and sorrow fill his body, and a small bit of panic settled in as he thought back to it. The man’s voice echoed through his mind, reverberating through his very soul as he sat there. Dr. Watanabe felt this too due to her quirk, and she let a tear roll down her cheek.
“Do you think you will be able to talk about who this man was?” She asked, being as cautious as she could. She felt the rising panic in Izuku’s mind, before he fought it down, going into stillness.
“Izuku, it’s okay to feel panic, and if you need to take a moment to just feel, then do so. Do not feel the need to shove down your feelings because it might seem inconvenient right now.” Watanbe tried to stress this with the tears in her eyes. “Just know that this is the one place where someone will know exactly how you feel.”
Izuku let go of the mental block he had thrown up, feeling it crash down onto his mind like a Tsunami. He felt as if he was clinging to a tree while the current tried to pull him away. He needed out, he needed it to stop.
StoP.
sTop.
nO.
nOT a viLlAin.
no.
nO.
NO.
NO.
NO.
He curled in on himself and felt Watanabe pull him closer, hugging him tightly. “I… I’m not a villain.” He managed to choke out.
For the first time in his entire life, Izuku heard Deku cry. He was weeping in his mind, and in their mindscape, he was curled in a ball floating in misery. Deku…
At the sound of his name Deku looked up at Izuku, as if seeing a bright light turn on in a darkened world. Izuku… he whispered back.
They clung to each other in the void of their brain, much like Watanabe and Izuku were in the real world, letting their tears and feelings out in a bizarre display of colors and raging emotions. In both the physical and mental world the duos stayed like that for several minutes, just feeling everything, before Watanabe finally spoke up.
“I-” she choked on the world, “I must ask, but was that you comforting Deku or Deku comforting you?” Due to her quirk she had felt two different emotions from the poor kid, and she had prior knowledge of his split personality.
Izuku smiled softly, “We kind of comforted each other.” Watanabe wiped the tear from her face.
“Do you think you can continue with our discussion now? Or would you like to finish another time?” The therapist asked, holding onto his shaking body. She was probably one of the few therapists who was actually encouraged to touch their patients, she could not only feel their emotions, but provide them comfort through something simple as a hug.
Izuku took a shaky breath, releasing it slowly before nodding his head. “I think… I think I can answer the last question you asked…” Izuku took another deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I don’t know why, but I feel like he was… my father.” The doctor breathed in sharply.
The father of Midoriya was almost as touchy a subject as his mother, with his mother being dead, and his father having left him before he was born, they were usually something to be avoided during their sessions. After a few moments of silence, Doctor Watanabe let go of Izuku and allowed him to stand up. “Well, I think it’s time that we finish this session up. Will I see you in two weeks?” Watanabe asked, pulling out her clipboard. Izuku nodded and wheeled himself around, leaving the room.