Yeji loved Jisu. Greatly, to the point where everything hurt, to the point where she became numb.
To Yeji, Jisu was her everything. Her sunshine that she wakes up to in the morning, with a smile that could light up the whole world. The same smile that made her feel warm and bubbly inside.
Yet why was it, now that she wakes up and sees the same smile, perhaps, a little bit forced, she can't feel that warmth in the pit of her stomach? Why couldn't she feel anything at all?
She might be sick.
----
"Why have you been going home so late?" Yeji confronts her in the kitchen of their shared apartment one night. "It's been two weeks, and I'm not accepting overtime as a reason. God knows you don't even need to go to your office to keep your job, you're the fucking CEO, Jisu."
Jisu sighs as she puts down her bag on the dining table. She walks closer to her girlfriend, who had two eyebrows creased with stress evident on her face. She cups her cheeks and gave her a sentimental smile.
She stands on her tiptoes and gently presses a kiss on her lover's lips, so soft and so full of love that Yeji should be able to feel it— but she doesn't.
She doesn't kiss back; she can't because she's conflicted. All she does is awkwardly rest her hands on the small of Jisu's back as she continues to move her lips on her.
Yeji is unable to feel. She wants to run away.
------
Three days later and it's still the same issue. But tonight, it felt different. Jisu came home, looking exhausted to her core and all that Yeji notices is stray lipstick marks on the collar of her white blouse and her disheveled hair that sprawled out all over the place.
Yeji thinks. "This is the part where I should get mad because I'm jealous, right?"
The taller woman gives her girlfriend a once over, before proceeding to their bedroom.
"Hey babe." Jisu says as she stands in the doorway, her body leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed.
"What do you want, Jisu? I'm tired, and I'm not about to spend my remaining energy getting mad about some hookup you obviously had and didn't even bother to hide from me."
Jisu looks at her with an indecipherable expression on her face. Was it amusement, surprise, or a hint of disappointment?
Either way, Yeji is numb.
-----
"We should fix this." Jisu says with determination one weekend. It was her day off after three weeks, which was absurd to Yeji.
Yeji sighs and puts down her phone to look at her girlfriend with a bored expression. She stared at the face she used to admire any moment she gets, but now all she wants to do is to look away because even just the sight of Jisu made her stomach churn. And obviously not in a good way.
"Fix what exactly?" Yeji questioned, her eyes lazily scanning the smaller woman's face.
Jisu pointed a finger at her girlfriend and back to herself. "Us."
"What's there to fix? You're obviously the one that hasn't been making any effort AND mind you, you've been hooking up with other people!"
"That was one night! One night, Yeji."
Yeji rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her phone. "Whatever. Once a cheater, always a cheater."
"Do you want to break up, is that it, Yeji?" Jisu asks with watery eyes.
Yeji should feel sympathetic. She should comfort her and tell her that no; she doesn't want to break up. Yet she can't seem to care if they're together or not.
"I didn't say anything about that." Yeji shrugs, not even sparing her a glance. "Maybe YOU want to break up with me."
Maybe they didn't belong together.
Maybe it was time to let her go.
---
Yeji was driving around the city to clear her mind. She's been flooded with work and added stress from the fights she and Jisu had been having every night.
They don't even cuddle in bed anymore, unable to stand each other's presence.
She stops in front of a convenience store to buy herself a can of beer, and as she exists the shop she sees it— Jisu pressed up against a wall, her hands roaming around another girl's body as she kisses her back aggressively.
Yeji smiles bitterly to herself, slamming the car door and zooming away.
Jisu didn't go home that night.
-----
"Let's break up." Yeji deadpanned one evening, as Jisu was watching cartoons on their TV.
Jisu looks up at her with desperation present in her brown orbs. Yeji used to drown in those eyes before, those irises filled with nothing but love, warmth, and admiration for her. It was still there, a slight glint of it, but she can't seem to find herself to care.
"Why?" The shorter girl lets out with a shaky voice, her hands visibly shivering.
Yeji scoffs, rolling her eyes and grits her teeth. "Why are you crying? You're not the one who got cheated on."
Jisu opened her mouth to speak, but the taller woman beat her to it. "I saw you. With that short haired blonde girl across 7/11, making out in public. God, Jisu, you're a fucking CEO and you don't even have a little bit of decency in you?"
"T-that was–" Jisu failed to find her words, resorting to putting her head into her hands and sobbing quietly.
"I'm packing up my things and leaving, don't worry, so you can have all the time in the world for your new girl."
"Yeji, d-don't do this." Jisu stammers. "I only did it be-because I was looking for something else. Hell, while I was kissing her it was you I could think about."
"What were you looking for? I tried my best to be your perfect girlfriend, wasn't that enough for you?!" Yeji raised her voice, clearly annoyed at her reasoning.
"I guess I got tired.. I wanted something else but I don't know what that was," Jisu gulps, voice still wavering. "I still love you, Yeji."
"Fuck you."
Go away, my sunshine
'Cause you make me feel blue
Go away my sunshine
Unhealthiness, starts with you.