As soft winds touched Peter's skin, and a shudder left his mouth, he realised, at that moment, he really didn't have any reason to be alive. His dads had parted ways, and, it was clear to him that they would never be together again. After all, Steve was now with Bucky, and Tony was with Stephen. Life goes on, or at least, his fathers think so.
Peter is depressed.
No, not because of the radioactive spider's bite at fourteen, or his dearest uncle's death when he was fifteen, or the fact that his Spider-Man identity was discovered at age sixteen. In all honesty, his fathers had never been so angry at him. To them, Peter was just a small kid, and probably forever will be.
His depression, too, had the same ideology.
He was depressed, and probably forever will be. There are no flowers in his life, blooming with such beauty that would be enough to make a person smile. Peter would smile too, sometimes, at those flowers that would sometimes appear in his life. He would. And he would go back to being depressed.
Because depression hates when you smile. It keeps you surrounded by its darkness. A darkness so scary, one would often find themselves cry to sleep at night. Or worse, find themselves numb. Feeling nothing.
And so, Peter was waiting for his dad to arrive. He checked his watch, because his dad was never late to pick him up from school. He was, however, mostly before time.
Today was odd.
Before Peter could think about all the bad accidents that must have taken place to make his dad come late, the familiar sight of a familiar car brought him out of his daze. Peter just hugged his sweater tighter. Even though it was mid-September, Peter was freezing like crazy.
"Get in, kid," said Tony, from the car's window.
Peter followed.
"How was school?"
"It was alright." You know, aside from Flash bullying him, MJ calling him a loser every chance she gets and Ned not coming to school because of his aunt's wedding.
The question 'Why were you late today?' faded in the air. Peter did not want to sound like a bratty little kid, you know. Tony, however, had other plans.
"I had to go to the Court today." Peter looked up at his dad.
"Why?" He asked. No one needed to know why his heart had started beating so fast. MJ had told him a few days back that either Steve or Tony would get to keep Peter. Not both.
Not both.
Peter, at that moment, wished so bad that his dad hadn't gone to the Court for signing custody papers or anything. His heart needed to stop beating so fast. Shit, it was getting too much again.
"Why?" Peter croaked out.
"I had to.." Tony trailed off, "Hey, bambino, wanna grab some McDonalds?"
Peter didn't even ask why he was changing the subject. "I don't wanna eat anything," said Peter, in the quietest of voices. Tony gave him a look. "Teenagers your age have a lot of apetite. Don't lie to me, kid." There was a look in Tony's eyes.. A look that meant he knew. And Peter recognised that look. And he started shivering again.
"Dad, I don't know what you're talking about," Peter reasoned, giving his dad a fake smile, one that he was so used to give. It wasn't his fault, though. At least, not entirely. If his depression won't allow him to laugh and to smile withough faking either of those, there isn't much Peter can do.
"Peter," started Tony, "You haven't been eating a lot."
It felt as if his heart was running a fucking marathon. It was beating so fast.
"You haven't been replying to my questions either."
"What do you mean?"
"Why did you go to the Court?"
Tony stayed silent. It was obvious that he had intentionally diverted the topic.
"I just don't want to stress you about it," said Tony. 'That's not really what I'm stressed about,' Peter had wanted to say.
"I want to know," Peter had said, instead.
"I fought Steve at the Court. He wanted to have your custody. I gave the Court almost a billion reasons why you would be better, and safer, in my custody. I won, Peter." Peter looked up.
He didn't really know what to feel. Yes, he loved his dad. But he loved his papa too. Maybe Peter should be mad that he wasn't given the choice to choose, but could he really choose? He loved both his papa and dad dearly. He should be happy right now. He gets to live with either of them, despite how much his depression keeps saying to him, "You're worthless. Your parents would be better off without you."
He should be happy, right? He gets to be with his dad! He gets to.. But he.. He will miss his papa so much. His wonderful papa. He would always come to his defence. Whenever his dad would snap at him out of overprotectiveness, his papa was the one to take his side. And to not have him by his side anymore..
Peter didn't realise he had started crying.
"Pete, my bambino, why are you crying? Is it- Pete, kid, I-"
"I miss him, dad."
Tony hugged Peter.
"It's going to be alright. I miss him too."
Tony really doesn't.