The hum of the ancient First Ones spaceship usually lulled Catra to sleep fairly quickly in the brig-turned-bedroom that she shared with Adora. Presently, Catra was wide awake staring at the ceiling as Adora slept peacefully next to her. Prior to busting Catra from Horde Prime’s flagship, Adora had slept in her own room on the other side of the ship near Glimmer, Bow and Entrapta; but ever since Catra’s first night on the ship, Adora has not let her sleep alone. Catra thought about this momentarily. Every point in their lives, excluding those spent fighting on opposite sides of a battlefield, Catra and Adora slept close to each other. The north and south poles of a magnet, Catra felt this pull toward Adora, and truthfully, she couldn’t rest unless Adora was within her sight. The nearly four years trying to sleep without Adora were torturous. Catra figured the insomnia she developed was due to stress, but now she realized it was due to Adora being gone. Catra sighed, and yet the tension in her chest remained, stubbornly. Catra rolled away from Adora, her thoughts darkening.
Why did Adora leave all those years ago? Catra still wished for an answer that was more satisfying than the Horde is evil, and Adora was just doing the right thing. Catra could still feel the sting of the smoke in her eyes as she backpedaled away from her closest friend before turning and running back the the Horde, utterly abandoned on that battlefield nearly four years ago. Blinking suddenly to fight fresh tears from flowing, Catra pulled her entire body away from Adora. The sensation of touching Adora was causing physical pain. Catra was so angry at her, but she knew that she could never hate Adora. The feeling of being tethered to the one person that fills you with rage and also love is almost unbearable. Catra wanted these wounds to heal, especially after realizing that Adora risked everything to save her from Horde Prime, but to heal would mean to rip off old scabs and bleed again; resetting incorrectly set bones by breaking them yet again.
“Catra?” Adora whispered suddenly near Catra’s ear causing her to flinch and hiss reflexively. Catra felt a hand burn onto her shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Adora soothed.
“It’s ok. I’m sure I will be jumping for the next twenty years thanks to that bastard, Prime. Anyway, I thought you were sleeping?” Catra spoke through slightly gritted teeth. Catra remained turned away from Adora, but she could also feel the blonde haired woman roll over to face the back of the Catra’s head.
“I was asleep, and had a bad dream. When I woke up, I didn’t feel you. I thought you had left, so I called out. Sorry again.”
“It’s ok,” Catra said again, trying to be more gentle.
“It’s not really, though,” Adora whispered even more quietly than before. Catra felt Adora pull her legs up to her chest and ball up, becoming smaller on the full sized mattress.
“What do you mean?” Catra asked almost robotically. Catra didn’t feel like having a heartfelt conversation at whatever time of day it was in the expansion of space, but she couldn’t flat out ignore her newly reacquainted friend, if that is what they call each other.
“What I did to you,” Adora said so quietly that Catra had to turn her feline ears toward Adora to hear better.
“What are you talking about? You saved me, remember? I owe you my life,” Catra returned flatly.
“No, I’m talking about the day I found the Sword of Protection. The day I left you. Catra, I’m so sorry. I hate myself knowing that I just let you run away. That I didn’t think twice about trying to get you out of there. How are you even able to forgive me?” Adora started crying softly as she rambled. Catra sucked in a breath and held it. This was not the first tear-soaked conversation the two of them had while laying in bed awake during routine sleeping hours, but for some reason Catra was amazed at how Adora seemed to know what Catra was thinking. Maybe they both have been thinking about the same thing for longer than Catra realized. Adora continued chatting, “when you were laying on that damn ship nearly dead, I thought I was going to lose my mind. And when I think about it, I realized I did lose you once before, on that day nearly four years ago. Why didn’t I realize sooner how much I needed you?”
“Adora, just stop. You don’t need me. You have been single handedly holding back the power and might of the Horde for nearly four years. I think you were doing fine on your own during our wartime activities. And even if I had died, I know you would have been fine, you always are. You always come out on top.” Catra felt a slight pain of guilt for the venom in her words, but she couldn’t help it. Catra knew the truth. Adora was just doing what she thought was the right thing, and leaving her old friend, turned enemy, would for sure be the wrong thing to do in the grand scheme of the universe.
“Please don’t say that. I can’t imagine if you had died,” Adora whispered. Catra felt Adora’s hand move from her shoulder to the center of Catra’s back. The blankets moved slightly has Adora closed the gap between them and pressed up against Catra’s back. Catra’s neck hair straightened suddenly at the caress of Adora’s breath. Catra allowed herself a small smile, but chose to remain still and not react to Adora’s closeness. Yet, something began to thaw somewhere deep inside Catra.
“I really did miss you, Adora,” she whispered raspily. Catra was surprised by a lone tear streaking down her cheek.
“I let go of you once, but I won’t do it again,” Adora stated with conviction, and with that Adora hugged Catra from behind, squeezing slightly. Initially Catra gasped in surprise, then sighed into the comfort of Adora’s strong arms.
“Promise?” Catra croaked.
“Of course.” Adora spoke drowsily and nuzzled into Catra’s neck before falling asleep again.
Catra mulled around the idea of Adora’s words ringing true, but small doubts chipped away at that hope. Adora was a hero, Adora was She-ra. Catra almost felt certain Adora would let go again. Still, a small and growing voice in Catra’s mind suggested maybe Catra could be the one to hold on and not let go; if the time ever came. Catra blinked that thought away and closed her eyes, finally able to go to sleep.