Blink and Gone
It all started like this:
Till was going to the student council room after nearly two weeks of his friends nagging him about signing up to join the school’s festival as a performing act, to showcase his music. Well- more like Mizi was begging and Sua just stood there with a raised eyebrow and calm demeanor. Ivan had eventually joined in on the nagging- in his own weird way, unsubtly bringing it up in nearly every conversation and staring him down every time anything related to music or the school festival happened to catch the dark hair boy’s attention. Even going as far as to sign Till up himself and then informing Till about it days later and now Till had to go and take his name off the stupid list if he wanted to keep any shred of dignity left. Don’t get him wrong, Till loved to perform, in theory, but the actual act of doing so stressed him out and it was just his luck to want to pursue music when he had this weird stage fright. Perhaps he could be one of those faceless artists?
Regardless, he opened the door and soft humming filled his ears. A familiar tune that sent a cold chill down his spine, his head pounding and a sharp pain twinged his neck. He must’ve let out some sort of noise because golden eyes met his teal and widened upon seeing him. The blond boy cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses and hid his expression with a blank face, but Till couldn’t focus on that. The pounding in his head seemed to form a familiar beat and the sickening roar of a crowd made him deaf to the blond’s panicked shout as he tilted to the side. He was caught by cold hands and he gasped for breath as memories of an unknown life flashed through his mind. Mizi. Sua. Ivan. Anakt Garden. Aliens.
He looked up.
“Luka,” he gasped and the blond frowned.
“Yes, that is me, I am the student president-” Till shook his head frantically and pushed Luka away.
“Don’t bullshit me-”
“Excuse you?”
“Round 7- the final round! You- you were just humming-” Luka cursed under his breath.
“You remember?! You?” Luka gave a slow look of disappointment, disgust, but also relief. Till rolled his eyes but nodded. “I thought I was the only… Well, here, get up off the floor, it’s filthy.” Luka reached forward again and Till allowed the help this time as Luka helped him to a nearby chair, but then crouches in front of Till, despite claiming the floor to be rather dirty.
“What do you mean you’re the only one? You mean no one else remembers?” Till questioned and Luka side-eyed him before nodding in confirmation. Till let out a long breath and let his head fall into his hands. He remembered. Everything. the stage, the singing- no wonder he had a weird thing about performing- his friends- oh God, Sua, Ivan.
Till froze.
Ivan.
Till remembered the cold rain and Ivan’s piercing gaze that bore into him. Ivan’s lips pressed harshly to his and Ivan's hands wrapping around Till’s neck. Luka pulled Till’s hands away from his own neck- when did he..? Till shook his head and looked down at their hands.
“Your fingers are cold.” Till rasped out and Luka gave a small smile, it seemed like he was attempting to reassure Till.
“Yes, I’ve always had poor circulation in my hands…” Till remained silent, letting his hands wrap around the cold fingers as if trying to warm them and Luka sighed. “Look, about the round-” Till shook his head, not wanting to think about it.
“You did what you could to survive. It was shitty… like- really shitty… but I’m not much better- especially after- oh shit… yeah, after Acorn…” Till’s shoulders sagged with guilt and Luka sighed again, he seemed to be doing that a lot.
“Like you just said, you were trying to survive,” Luka said and Till nodded. “How did you remember?” Luka asked quietly and Till looked at him in confusion. “I’ve… I have always remembered, it- what do you think triggered it for y-”
“I don’t know- It might’ve been the song- maybe it was because it was the last one I sang? I don’t- Luka, how are we going to get the others to remember? Should we even let them remember? They’re so happy now-”
“Nothing I ever did made anyone remember!” Luka exclaimed and he looked at the ground in shame. “I- I couldn’t make Hyuna remember and eventually…. I didn’t want to… she has her brother and she doesn’t resent me…” Till nodded and thought of his friends. Mizi had Sua, they were happy. Till cringed at the remembrance of his idolized crush he had on Mizi in his past life and even in early primary school. But now Sua and Mizi were dating and honestly Till was happy for them, he didn’t want to burden them with the memories. Then he thought of Ivan, and a selfish part of him wanted desperately to remind Ivan, because a part of him- the part he pushed down for years- wanted Ivan to… want him again. He didn’t realize these feelings until the memories of his past life came rushing back, but that desperate yearning for his friend- for Ivan- came rushing back. He knew of Ivan’s feelings in their past life and wanted for Ivan to have those same feelings for him in this one. He wanted to be able to return Ivan’s feelings, because this Ivan was always by Till’s side, just like in the past. Always teasing Till and pushing any button he could find and still so, so Ivan. But now Till remembered it wasn’t the same. That this Ivan didn't have that same piercing, heavy stare. Sure, Till did catch Ivan staring, but... not like that. Not with such deep and soulful eyes that seemed to be able to see Till inside and out. He didn't have the same look, so Till didn’t know if this Ivan had the same feeling for Till that he had in their previous life.
“I think…. I understand…” Till said and Luka nodded. They remained in silence for a few moments, hands still clasped as if holding on to the fact that the other understood. “Luka…. Not that I’m not… somewhat happy to see you-“
“Thank you.” Luka deadpans and Till flushes in frustration and scowls.
“Oh, shut up, you know what I mean-!” Till claps back, when someone bursts through the door.
“Till! Sua said you’re trying to take your name off the festival list-“ Ivan’s voice proclaims with indignation before cutting off and Till looks up and quickly pulls his hands away from Luka’s, who gives him a knowing, pointed look.
“I didn’t know you were so close to the president, Till.” Ivan said with a smile, but his voice was cold, eyes still lingering on Till’s now empty hands; and Till felt the need to explain, but wasn’t sure how to.
“Till, here, had a slight panic attack so I was helping him calm down,” Luka said, standing up and yeah, that was one way to explain it. Ivan’s eyes glanced between Luka and Till before he stepped closer to Till with a raised hand and gently grabbed under Till’s chin, his fingers squishing Till’s cheeks and Till scowled.
“Your silly little stage fright is getting to you?” Ivan teased, voice slightly strained, and Till felt his face burning and he smacked away Ivan’s hand.
“No! Shut up-“
“You have stage fright?” Luka asked in a disbelieving tone and Till felt himself getting more agitated. And he was doing so well, too.
“I do not!” He denied and Luka spoke up again.
“You were planning to withdraw your name from the list?” When Till nodded, Luka went over to a pile of papers on the table and sorted through them with a sharp eye. When he found what he was looking for he held up a paper and read it over, clicked his tongue and put it back down, taking a pen from his breast pocket and writing down something onto the paper.
“No.” Said Luka, clicking the pen and putting it back in his pocket. Till sputtered and Ivan’s eyes narrowed. “In fact, perhaps we can do another performance together, for old time sake,” Luka suggested, holding up the paper for inspection and seeing that he added his own name next to Till’s.
“Wha- Luka!” Till exclaimed and he only shrugged.
“I haven’t done any performances since…. The last one we did together… I too have grown slightly uncomfortable on stage, and I wish to overcome that. Perhaps we can…. Replace all those bad memories with some good ones…. I understand if you are hesitant-“
“What would we even do?” Till asked in exasperation and Luka gave him a look that made Till feel stupid.
“Blink Gone.” Luka said and Till immediately shot it down. Luka raised an eyebrow and Till felt Ivan tug on his sleeve, reminding Till that he was there. “I’m sure I can learn Cure-“
“No! That’s not for you!” Till denied and Luka nodded.
“Exactly. Which means unless you think you can come up with a new song to perform by the time of the festival-“
“Of course I can, you think you can learn it by then?” Till shot back.
“Of course I can.” Luka repeated Till’s words. Ivan tugged harder on Till’s sleeve and, annoyed, Till took Ivan’s hand and squeezed it, warning him to be patient. It seemed to do the trick as Ivan went entirely still.
“Regardless, I think we can do Blink Gone.” Luka pressed on.
“And how would we end it the same way?” Till raised an eyebrow and Luka rolled his eyes.
“We won't?" Luka gave him an odd look. "I think we could each add another verse, make it around four minutes instead of two,” Luka began brainstorming and Till grabbed the pen from Luka’s breast pocket and took his hand out of Ivan’s and reached for Luka’s arm and wrote down his phone number.
“Let’s continue this conversation later, alright Mr. Student President?” Till smirked and Luka nodded. “I have an idea. You will hate it but it will definitely make up for what you did last time!” Till said and grabbed Ivan’s arm and dragged him out as Luka protested, Till cackling the whole way out of the room and down the hall.
They just managed to turn the corner before Ivan grabbed Till’s shoulders and forced him to look Ivan in the eyes.
“You know the student president? And for what seems like a long time, based off your conversation- you- you performed with him and it seems like something bad happened- whatever happened- is that why you hate being on stage? And-“
“Ivan!” Till interrupted and Ivan silenced immediately. It seems he really blindsided Ivan, his typical nonchalant demeanor forgotten. “Yes… I knew him…. And I performed with him in the past. And…. Not only did I get injured but someone I cared about also got injured performing, and got hurt for me. So yeah, that is why I don’t really like performing-“
“How did I never know this?” Ivan whined and Till sighed in exasperation.
“I don’t like talking about it. To anyone.” Till said and Ivan remained silent for a while and stepped back.
“So…. Are you still close with the student president?” Iva asked slowly and still gave him a confused look.
“I wouldn’t say that, we weren’t even that close when we performed together, but I guess we are trying to fix that now..?” Till trailed off at the dark look that passed over Ivan’s face. This might be harder than he thought.
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The next few weeks Till spent begrudgingly glued to Luka’s side. They went over music, putting Blink Gone together in this world- universe- timeline? Till wasn’t sure yet. But it was easier than spending it with his other friends. Till hadn’t thought it would’ve been a problem, his friends not knowing, but… it hurt. He felt displaced. Like an outsider looking in, like the others wouldn’t ever understand, and he thought he could live with that. He was wrong, but he’d be damned before he placed the burden of remembering the horrors of their past lives onto their shoulders.
He could tell that his friends recognized he was pulling away and avoiding them- at least Ivan did. Sua probably did as well, but Mizi most likely took his excuses of being busy with the school festival to face value.
Till also noticed that Luka was avoiding Hyuna and Hyunwoo, which, that in itself was odd, but Till figured it was for the same reasons as Till, especially since Luka has been alone with these memories his entire second life.
Till’s idea with Blink Gone was that they would swap verses and rolls in addition to Luka's idea of creating those extra verses. Till was right in believing that Luka wouldn’t like it, especially when he heard their outfits would also be switched, so they came up with a compromise. Luka could choose the color of the shirt because according to Luka, ‘you wouldn’t catch me dead in that color’. Which damn. Point taken.
Luka decided that the mesh over-shirt would be a soft purple and Till hated that Luka rocked it. It went surprisingly well with his platinum blond hair. It was during their lunch hour, in the student council room when Luka was showing Till the outfits. Luka had changed into the grey baggy pants (Till also allowed for Luka to be rid of the red on the pants), a black skin tight muscle shirt tucked in, and a mesh, soft purple, muscle shirt to go over it.
“I hate to say it, but it looks great,” Till nodded and Luka scoffed.
“Yes, anything I wear would look great,” Luka stated and Till snorted, earning a glare with little heat. Luka reached for the bottom of the shirt and began pulling it off when the door opened, though this time, Hyuna was the one standing in the doorway.
“You’ve got some nerve skipping out on lunch with Hyunwoo and I agai-“ she stopped. This seemed to be a recurring thing. People bursting into the student council room with the intent to confront someone and stopping short at what they saw.
“Ah... Hyuna…” Luka flushed in embarrassment at his outfit and let go of the mesh top.
“What… what are you wearing- why-“ she turned a glare to Till. “Who is this? You’re just casually undressing in front of people now?”
“No! No, Hyuna- I wasn’t- I mean- I was- but not like that!” Luka tried to rectify Hyuna's eye twitches.
“And who are you?” She questions Till.
“Uh- Till..?” He answers, with only slight fear for his life.
“And how do you know Luka?” Hyuna began to interrogate, not noticing Luka’s gesturing for him to shut up, Till gives the same story they gave Ivan.
“We used to perform together in the past,” Luka slaps his palm to his forehead and Hyuna’s eyes narrow further.
“Luka never ‘performed’ anything when he was younger! And if he did I would know about it!” She proclaimed, calling out his bluff. Shit.
“Uh… um…. Luka- he-“ Till stammered.
“Hyuna, please, Till is my… friend…” Luka tried and Hyuna seemed to deflate at that and look at Luka like she didn’t recognize him.
“Friend…? You… Luka, you don’t have friends…” Hyuna said in an attempt at a soothing tone and Luka gave her a blank stare.
“Thanks.” Hyuna scoffed at Luka’s tone.
“You know what I mean! You have never had any friends other than Hyunwoo and I, how can you expect me not to be suspicious! And you’re alone together during the lunch hour, wearing questionable clothing I know you would never pick for yourself, with some unknown twink-“
“Hey wait-“ Till was slightly offended, but Hyuna pressed on.
“And you’re stripping in front of him! Luka… are you gay..?” she asked with a serious expression and Luka and Till gaped at her.
That is until Till burst out into laughter and Luka looked flabbergasted. Till fell to the floor and Luka glared at him.
“Hyuna. I am not gay.” He said sternly. “Just because Till, here is-“
“Okay! Shut the fuck up, I would never lower my standards to you,” Till flipped him off and Luka smirked slightly. “And I’m bi, thank you very much,” Till added studiously and Luka rolled his eyes, but Till could see the fondness hidden in them, it seems Hyuna could too. She looked between them.
“You…. You really did make a friend…” she said with a small smile, but it seemed bittersweet. Luka nodded slowly at her. She put on a bright smile.
“I’m proud of you! Just don’t go forgetting about me,” she teased and Luka nodded.
“Never.” He promised and oh. NOW Till understood what was going on and shot a smirk to Luka who glared back with flushed ears.
“Oh! You don’t need to worry. Luka-“ but before he could continue Luka let out an unholy screech and launched himself at Till.
“DON’T LISTEN TO HIM HYUNA!!! EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH ARE LIES!” Luka shrieked and Hyuna doubled over with laughter. Okay, so maybe this would work out.
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It was the day of the school festival, and Till was able to be convinced by his friends to join them in the festivities before having to leave and get ready for his performance. Mizi and Ivan dragged Sua and Till around the activities booths, playing games, buying some food, and even getting their names done at a calligraphy booth.
When the time came, Till waves his goodbyes and hurried to the backstage changing rooms where Luka was and ready to go.
“Cutting it close, I see,” Luka says in lieu of greeting.
“I’m not that late, there’s still twenty minutes,” Till rolled his eyes. Luka scoffed and helped him get ready. Till wore an outfit pretty similar to Luka’s in their previous life, white with an open back and front that cinched his waist and a pair of matching pants that hugged his legs in all the right places and a pair of nice white shoes.
Luka took over and touched up Till’s makeup. Till was buzzing with nervous energy, Luka repeatedly telling him to calm the fuck down, and giving pointers to relax. They agreed to forgo the instruments, changing the bridge slightly to fit the absence of the instrument solos, and adding more choreography, which was a pain, but would totally be worth it.
Till was able to hear the crowd outside get louder as more people joined, and his nerves spiked, but a tight squeeze of his shoulder from Luka made him take in another breath.
“We’ve got this,” Till says and Luka gives him an unimpressed look.
“Of course we do,” Luka says, as if stating the obvious. Till wished he could say that Luka’s confidence eased his worries, but that sadly wasn’t the case. Soon, their names were called and they made their way onto the dark stage. They got into position and gave each other a final nod before the beat started up and neon lights began to flash in time with the beat.
Luka starts off, singing Till’s original part, followed by Till singing Luka’s original lines. Luka then picks it up singing line after line, as the song continues, the uncomfortable feeling of dread in Till’s stomach begins to ease as the familiar rush of performing takes over. He spares a glance to the audience and sees the shock written on their faces at their ‘perfect student body president’ wearing such attire and performing on stage. He suppresses a grin and continues the song, and they both sing together. It gets to the small bridge and Till does the same choreography Luka did, dragging his hands up in that same motion that Ivan used to when he handled his microphones, and Till caressed his own face with a half lidded look to the audience and almost stopped dead when he found his friends in the crowd, and Mizi’s terrified expression. Shit. This couldn’t have caused her to remember… right? He scanned the crowd and found Hyuna with the same terrified look. Double shit. Oh, Luka is going to be devastated. He is pulled back to the present when Luka begins the chorus.
“Oh, in a blink, gone!”
“Forget everything and just enjoy,” Till and Luka trade off lines.
“Oh, in a blink, gone!”
“Don’t miss this moment,” he looks back and makes eye contact with Mizi.
“I’m tellin’ you blink, gone!”
“Leave no regrets,” Till looks to Ivan, who is staring at the stage in awe and… something darker.
Luka continues the song and they start their new choreography as the guitar solo picks up soon to be fought with a violin. They tell a story with their dance, giving Luka the chance to be the one fighting to survive, Luka pretends to be tired, and when it gets to the lyrics again, Till saunters towards the shorter blond, hands outstretched and gently cupping the side of Luka's face before wrapping around Luka’s neck, leaning in closer like he is whispering in Luka’s ear, and thumb brushing the blond’s bottom lip. And the crowd goes wild as Luka pulls away and desperately keeps singing and this time Till covers his mouth as if stifling a laugh.
They continued their back and forth, and Till gestured for the crowd to join in at the next chorus, those who were able to pick up on the lyrics fast enough did their best and Till appreciated it. Mizi stare burned Till's skin and he felt like shit if he really did cause her remember. Hyuna too. But then he looked at Ivan… whose face was pale, and eyes wide. Oh. Fuck. The stupid fucking choreography that Till just performed. The choreography that Luka created to replicate Ivan. To replicate Ivan’s movements and actions before dying. Ivan now remembered. Till looked to Luka, whose eyes were also on the crowd, and Till could just make out the gleam in his eyes.
This was planned.
Luka fucking planned this. That bastard, how did Till not see it?! Luka openly admitted to trying everything to make Hyuna remember, and said nothing worked. Of course he would pull this shit the second he realized there was a new method once Till remembered.
Whatever, Till would deal with that later, he had a whole other verse to get through.
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The second they got off the stage, Till punched Luka directly in the face.
“Asshole.” Till grit out, and Luka rubbed his jaw.
“I don’t regret it.” He said and Till deflated letting out a sigh.
“I know you don’t,” Luka nodded and they went to the changing room. Just as they made it to the door, Mizi came barreling towards Till and launched herself into his arms, he just barely managed to catch the weeping girl. Damn it all.
“Hey, it’s okay-”
“You dummy!” She sobbed and he couldn’t even bring himself to get offended.
“I’m sorry…” he tried and she pulled away and wiped at her nose, sniffling. “I didn’t mean for you to… remember…” he trails off as the others walk up.
“So you do remember! This wasn't a stupid coincidence!? How long? You were really never planning to tell us?!” She cries out in indignation and he tries his best to calm her, barely catching the way Hyuna stomped up and dragged Luka into the changing room and slammed the door shut. Sucks to suck.
Till looks up and makes eye contact with Ivan. “So… you also..?”
“We all do. Mizi whispered ‘My Clematis’ into Sua’s ear the second she got her bearings,” Ivan stated, boring holes into Till’s skin with that damn stare. Yeah, that was the Ivan he knew… the one in the other life at least, but he seemed a bit more… relaxed wasn’t the right word, but it was the closest one Till could think of to describe the slight difference between Ivan here and… there? Here 2.0? Regardless, that stare felt like a familiar pressure and Till couldn’t believe how much he missed it.
“Ivan…” Till felt himself tearing up and Ivan smiled in and knowing and borderline soft manner. Till couldn’t stop himself from rushing forward and into Ivan’s waiting arms.
“Why did you do it?” He asks, tearfully, but still refusing to let the tears fall.
“I think you know why…” Ivan chuckled self deprecatingly, and Till held him tighter, the tears finally soaking Ivan’s dark shirt.
“Then you’ll know why I did this,” Till said, leaning away.
“Did what-” Till cut Ivan off by pulling him down by the collar and pressing his lips hard against Ivan’s. The dark haired boy froze and Till pressed harder, spurring Ivan into action.
Which apparently meant biting Till’s lip. Till yelps and pulls back blushing, glaring at Ivan’s grinning face.
“You’re not as cute as you think you are,” Till huffs and Ivan chuckles.
“No need to lie, Till~” Ivan teases and Till pushes his face away.
“Neither of you are cute,” Sua interrupts in a deadpan. “In fact, please never do that in front of me again,” her face breaking out into a shit-eating grin at Ivan and Till’s shocked and embarrassed faces.
“Fine, we can do more when we are alone anyways,” Ivan nodded seriously and Till felt his soul leave his body.
“IVAN!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Till shrieked over the others’ laughter.