sasuke; remembering
Sasuke is tired, tired of the academy, tired of people looking at him with pity, or as if he would one day go insane like his brother did and decide to kill everyone in sight. He is tired of cleaning up the Uchiha compound the best he can. He misses his mother's food, her smiles and her voice. He misses his father, even though they were never close, he still misses him. He misses the lady in their compound who would greet him every morning as he left for the academy. He misses everyone.
But most of all he misses his brother, his brother who was always there for him even when his parents didn't care. Who told him he was proud of his smallest of achievements when his father scowled in disappointment after he failed to do something up to his expectations. Who was the best shinobi ever and took all his missions without fail, but still made time to give him gifts on his birthdays while the others dismissed it as any other day. He misses him so much it hurt physically.
He wants to shout and scream and ask him why did he leave him alive, why did he kill everyone, why did he leave him alone. For some time, all he wanted was to kill his brother and avenge his clan. Rebuild the Uchiha and their prestige. But he knows he won't ever be strong enough to kill his brother, maybe physically, but never strong enough to do it. How could he? When he was the only one to ever see him and acknowledge him, even if it was all for show.
So instead he grieves for him along with everyone else, pays his respects to his brother as he does to his parents. In a way, Itachi too died, the one he remembered from his childhood, the gentle and kind one, was dead in all but flesh. He let his anger die away with it and all that was left was exhaustion.
It has been over six months since the Uchiha incident. The only time Sasuke gets peace is when he is asleep, he expected nightmares but all he sees is a man who calls himself Indra, he wonders if he has finally gone insane and has started imagining people. But even if it is just a figure created by his mind, he helps. They don't talk, Sasuke finds he can't speak to him either way. Instead, the man teaches him how to meditate, calm his breathing, mould his chakra. Sometimes he gets dreams of another world, where only a handful of people know about Chakra, which doesn't have ninjas. He wonders why it feels more like a dream.
He is walking down the road, he generally avoids going out at night, a rule his mother had set before she died, subconsciously he still follows it most of the time. But he needs to get some necessary supplies for dinner, and thus decides to take a trip into the markets. Tonight is the Kyuubi festival, it has been eight years since the Kyuubi attack, since the Yondaime gave up his life to save the village. He doesn't care for festivals, it's just another day for him.
He quickly finishes up his shopping, most of the shopkeepers give him everything with discounts, an attempt to lessen an orphans pain. He hates it, he doesn't want their pity. He has the fortune of the whole Uchiha clan with him, he can afford these things just fine. But his mother taught him to always be polite in public, Uchiha's don't overreact. So he thanks them, takes his belongings and leaves.
He plans to go straight home, but he finds some civilians laughing and drinking in an alley. Despite the warnings in his head, he finds himself curious to see what are they laughing about.
"Shut up, demon fox, you should go away and let this village live free!" on of them shouts and he notices a small figure standing against the wall. It's Naruto, an annoying boy from his class. He always challenges him with his less than poor skills and shouts instead of speaking. For some reason, everyone hates him, the teachers at the academy don't care about answering his questions and most of them send him out of the class even when he doesn't do anything. He never cared much for him, but something in him wants to go and stop those people from yelling at him.
"I didn't do anything 'ttebayo! My name is not demon fox, I am Uzumaki Naruto!" He yells and starts to run away.
"I didn't do it Ni-sama, I was sleeping the whole time" Asura pouted while he smiled at him fondly, the lady complaining about her garden long forgotten in favour of patting his brother's head.
Sasuke blinked, this was wrong, he was supposed to deny his pranks with giggles and pouts and not that hurt look in Naruto's eyes like he was in pain. He watched as one of the men aimed to swing his hand at the young boy and before he knew it, he had dropped his bags of food and ran towards Naruto to get him out of the way.
protect, protect, protect
His mind whirled as he watched and ran, just in time to push the boy down on the ground as he landed on him protectively.
He looked up at the man who was about to attack his younger brother (brother?) with a snarl.
"What do you think you are doing?"
The man backs away with fear, he might be an academy student, but that doesn't mean he can't wipe the floor with civilians.
"Whatever, stupid monster deserved it." he says and scurries out of there, along with his friends who quickly follow.
Naruto is looking up at him with an unreadable expression.
Awe, confusion, gratitude, embarrassment.
Emotions flicker on his face so fast that he can't decipher them. He gets up from the ground and offers a hand to the blonde.
Asura is to be safe and loved.
He thinks and shakes his head. His classmate hesitantly accepts his hand and stands up himself.
"I didn't need your help." He says and Sasuke nods, he doesn't appreciate other people trying to intrude himself.
Naruto looks really confused for a second but he pulls himself out of whatever he is thinking and offers to help Sasuke with his groceries.
Sasuke has to think for a second before he remembers that in his hurry he had dropped his bags on the street. Both of them gather the fallen packets in silence, no signs of awkwardness in their behaviour, it feels almost natural.
"I want to play, this is so boring!" Asura whines and Indra sighs, turning to face him from where he was collecting herbs. "I know Ototo, if you finish this quickly I'll make your favourite food for dinner." he says, because Asura always caved in the quickest when the reward was food.
"Yes!" came the enthusiastic reply and he chuckled, a fond smile on his face.
Sasuke snorted at this particular memory, the other boy didn't appreciate the gesture and placed the full bag in his arms.
"No need to laugh at me 'ttebayo, I'll laugh when you lose to me in class next time!"
"I wasn't laughing at you...." He justified, "...... do you want to come over for dinner?" He asked, food was the best way to bond after all.
"Why?" Naruto asked, his face full of hesitance and a bit of shock.
"I bought too much, plus all shops are likely closed by now" He shrugged, in reality, he didn't want to eat alone again, he also wanted to cook for Naruto, the thought felt comforting and familiar.
"Okay... But you have to make Ramen! I would have gone to Ichiraku ramen but it's closed now... I think so anyway" there was a light in his eyes as he spoke about food and it made Sasuke want to pat his hair, he didn't, because he didn't believe that the blonde would appreciate it.
"Hn, tomato ramen then" With that, he began walking towards home, and from his peripheral saw that the Naruto was following him, a grin on his face that made him smile despite himself.
"Do you go to Ichiraku ramen often?" He asks, mildly curious.
"Nope! I eat ramen at home, but during special days and sometimes on weekends I go to Ichiraku's cause they have the best ramen in the whole world 'ttebayo" the way Naruto spoke about ramen was similar to how Shisui used to talk about taiyaki. It had been too long since he had remembered him, it always made his chest ache.
"Ah, today is the Kyuubi festival..." He trailed off, more to change the direction his thoughts were heading too.
"Huh? Well yeah, but it's my birthday too" Naruto's voice had gone quieter in the end, almost as if he was not used to telling people about his birthdays. He knew the boy lived alone, and that people didn't like him for some reason, but he also remembered his mother had always subtly tried to look out for him, so whatever the reason was for him being disliked didn't matter, he also felt sad that he was being treated so poorly on his birthday, what would everyone decide to hate an eight-year-old boy for?
"Hn. Happy birthday.." he cringed himself at how awkward he sounded, but the look of utter shock on the others face, which then changed into the brightest grin he had ever seen (hitting him like sunshine on his face) was enough to forget his own thoughts.
"Thanks, Sasuke! Maybe you're not a total bastard after all" Naruto replied and Sasuke rolled his eyes. They walked the rest of the way in silence.
-----
Sasuke stood in front of the door to the last room in his house left uncleaned. After the massacre, he made time to sort out every house in their compound. Alone, at first, but after a few months of Naruto and Sasuke becoming friends, the blonde had helped out more often than not. He had left his own home for the end, he didn't want to mess up his parent's room, but he had gathered his courage done it.
Now, all that was left was Itachi's room. He couldn't bring himself to enter it. Dread filled him every time he thought about what he would find inside. He had been in here many times when he was a child, but in the past few years, he didn't get to spend enough time with his brother to be there.
Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped inside, the room was covered in a layer of dust, which he would have to get cleaned. Itachi's room was well organised and neat. Nothing fancy or distinctive. He quickly worked through the cupboards, taking clothes that could be donated to the orphanage. He selfishly didn't take the shirts he had seen his brother wear the most, he didn't want to give that up. In a few minutes, he had done everything he could. He was just clearing out one of the shelves when he found a small wooden box on it. He was hesitant but he did reach out for it, biting his lower lip as he contemplated it in silence.
When he did open it, his eyes teared up, it had photos of Sasuke and Itachi. There was one when he was just a baby, Itachi holding him up with awe, how could one fake that? It was full of pictures, the date written behind him. It had little notes too.
'Nissan! Good luck on your mission, I made a bento for you (It has tomatoes!!), Take care, I'll see you soon.'
He read one of them, it was his own handwriting, the paper was stained, he must have kept it with the food, but Itachi still kept it, kept all the notes and pictures so then why.
why would he do that?
why tell him that he was just pretending?
Sasuke hates conflicting feelings, he hates his brother, no, his brother is dead already, he grieved for him at the shrine, then why can't he just let go, why does it always hurt?
He doesn't know how long he sits there and sobs, his face is all red by the time he manages to calm down. He takes the wooden box to his room, keeping it in his drawer, safe. And hidden .
He goes to bed, but sleep doesn't come. He stays awake for hours, he knows he'll be tired at the academy tomorrow, they have a test too.
Hours later when he does fall asleep, he dreams of a little brother who calls him 'Ni-sama', a father who looks at him with pride, followers who believe in him.
But he also dreams of standing beside his dying father, promising to erase his teachings, of killing his two most loyal followers, no, they might be friends , of diving a blade straight through his brother's chest-
Sasuke wakes up panting, his throat his dry and cheeks are wet, he brings a hand to his face and realises he's been crying. He has seen these people often enough in his dreams, but they have never been like this. He would never kill his brother, he wouldn't .
He looks at the mood through his window, into the dark night, his thoughts are filled with memories that aren't quite his. He remembers, being someone else, and then someone else, so many someones, the only thing that has been constant in those lives has been Asura.
His little brother.
Naruto.