Chapter 5
Sitting-waiting, was never Buck’s strong suit. He can’t remember a time where he was ever still. Well he can-but those are memories he would rather forget.
He had his leg bouncing up and down and he had a deathly grip on Shay’s hand. He would’ve had his other hand in Kelly’s but it was still snug in a sling.
The doctor- Will Halstead, he vaguely remembers- let them into Kelly’s room not too long ago. The name, seemed familiar but Buck had no time to dwell on it as he was worried about his brother. Dr Halstead, He said something about this not being aloud but he made an exception as they were his family. The 51 seemed to know the doctor well.
It seemed Kelly had a family here. A real one. Not like the 118. One that wouldn’t leave him, no matter the injury, no matter the problem. A family who wouldn’t leave the first chance they could. And part of him ached for Kelly’s spot. He would give anything to be his brother. His brother got everything Buck ever wanted. A family.
Buck wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do if Kelly woke up and had paralysis. Kelly would be beyond devastated. Much like Buck, Kelly was nothing without firefighting. Buck wouldn’t exactly word it like that, but that’s what he always told Buck. Firefighting was just who they are. It made up who they were. For them, it wasn’t just a job, it was their life.
No one ever believed him when he said that he was nothing without firefighting. No one but Kelly. Kelly understood-understands him, because Kelly feels the same.
They had no friends outside of work, and if they did, it was very few. Because who needs friends? Is he right? Nope. No. Definitely not. Don’t need friends. Friends say they have your back, they stay for a little while, then turn around and stab you in the back.
Unlike Kelly, Buck made friends relatively easily. He always did. Making friends was never the hard part. Maybe it was his looks, or maybe it was his personality. But as he said, making friends was never his problem. No. The problem was, they always seemed to leave for some reason or another.
Kelly always had problems making friends. Buck would chalk that up to his attitude problems and his hot-head. He always seemed to push away those close to him, prevent attachments growing. If anyone got past his barriers, they became his friends. It was an easy way to test who was a real friends or not. But then something would happen, he would shut everyone and everything out, throw himself into work, hurt himself, anything to avoid the harsh reality. He then, without meaning to, hurts those closest to him, hurting himself in the process. No one sees what’s going on and then by the time Kelly’s closed himself off, he won’t let anyone in. He doesn’t allow them to. His brother always found life easier and more bareable without friends.
Kelly always told Buck whenever he had asked Kelly why he didn’t have any friends, “If you don’t let anyone in, no one can hurt you.” Buck always kept that advice close because, it’s not a bad piece of advice, shitty way to live, but overall not a horrendous idea.
Looking around at the room of supportive co-workers, Kelly had finally lowered his walls. But then again, had he really? He hid a major injury from those he trusted. Did he trust them that much if he hid an injury from him. Then, also the 51 were still there for him despite the fact he hid an injury. The 118 would’ve given him the disappointed eyes, and knowing Captain Nash he probably would’ve fired him for it.
It was nice to know Kelly had people looking out for him. Not that it was Buck’s job to look out for his older brother, but it was nice.
Anyway, now it’s back to the harsh reality that find them where they currently are, sitting on cold, hard plastic chairs while they wait for Kelly to wake up, find out the damage done to his body. Dread the talk that’s no doubt going to happen between himself, Kelly and Shay, no matter what condition Kelly’s in. Wait for the inevitable problems that are going to happen, because they’re Severide’s, there going to fight, going to not make it up to each other, until someone gets hurt.
It’s bound to happen. There’s a reason why he left Chicago, well besides an injury. He made mistakes in Chicago. He fucked up. So he did what he could. He ran, he ran all the way to LA, leaving Chicago in the dust, changing his last name to make it not impossible but harder for those he once loved-those he still loves-to find him.
It’s why he was so determined to redeem himself to the 118. He never got the chance to do that here, in Chicago. He ran from them-his problems. He wasn’t that same person though. He had changed. He wasn’t the kid who fucked up in LA. I mean, sure he did at first, but he grew.
Buck’s not sure why Boden is willing to give him Kelly’s spot as Lieutenant on Squad 3 (when his shoulder heals) until
Kelly’s healed. Boden just accepted him like it was no big deal-with no hesitation.
How Boden was just willing to accept him in 51 was beyond him, when his own captain wouldn’t let him back.
The only problem with being in Chicago though, it was facing his demons. He was going to run into those he’s tried so hard to avoid. If he’s lucky, he might even get the chance to make amends.
Buck let a small smile slip onto his face, despite the circumstances. The thought of getting a second chance scared him, but knowing he had one....that the universe was giving him one...that’s something to be happy for.
Suddenly the soft steady beating in the room is increasing and Buck’s brought out of his head, eyes focused solely on Kelly, the only person who matters in his world in this given second.
He doesn’t need to look around the room to know everyone is one the edge of their seats, eyes narrowed in on his older brother.
He watches and squeezes Shay’s hand every tighter, if that’s even possible, as his brothers eyes flutter open, unfocused, glassy eyes, showing a slit of blue, as his gaze is directed at the roof.
“Evan?” He whispers in a croaky voice.