Fireproof

“Listen, Dave- I get it! We have a connection and I don’t want this either but I’ve got this tiny human I’ve got to think about – And I’ve kept her only mildly traumatized so far – no – no- I don’t think you’d hurt her but I just – I’m not on the market – you see? But, hey, hey – we can bone if you want – yeah? Like friends with benefits – Please don’t hate me...”

Klaus mumbled through his one-sided conversation with Dave as he moved quickly up the stairs to the fourth floor. The conversation was quickly devolving so his spirits were crumbling as he made it to the top of the stairs. Nonetheless, shook himself out with a grimace and quickly, before he lost his nerve, rapped against the apartment door.

“Listen, Dave, I don’t know why you’re so angry, we haven’t even started dating – So just chill out, man—” Klaus was still murmuring as the door opened and he snapped his arms to his side.

Dave stood casually in the doorway in jeans and a T shirt, when he saw the Séance a soft smile flickered across his face, “Klaus, hey- Is everything okay?”. He leaned over and scanned over the hallway, “Where’s Kenzie?”

Klaus’ shoulders fell as all the ire that he had so dutifully prepared for this talk melted away. His carefully planned outburst crumbled, and he was left feeling a little stupid standing at Dave’s doorstep. He swallowed and tried to focus but he made the mistake of looking at Dave’s face and his mind went blank, “Uh- Hey…”

Dave frowned and his arm dropped from its resting place on the side of the door, “Is she okay?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“Oh, yeah – she’s fine. She’s with Diego, so, you know – they’re probably training for their future stab ‘em ‘n Burn ‘em technique Dee’s always dreamed about.”

The other man immediately relaxed but his eyes still skimmed over Klaus’ features closely, “And you?”

“Listen, Dave- I uh…” Klaus faltered. “Can I come inside?”

Dave stepped to the side, “Of course.”

*******************************************************************

Meanwhile…

Kenzie sat happily in her car seat in the back of Diego’s car, she had been in the middle of a long, hard to follow monologue about trees; the trees she liked, the one’s she didn’t like, and the ones that she didn’t really care about. She seemed to be pretty sure that she had seen most of the trees but was pretty imaginative on what the trees she hadn’t seen would be able to do.

Diego listened and nodded along, offering a quick “Oh yeah?” and “really, that’s crazy..” between topics. She truly was Klaus’ daughter just based on the fact that she was barely 4 and Diego already couldn’t get a word in edgewise. He didn’t mind, he was already fuzzy on being an uncle and the last thing he wanted was long awkward silences. This was the first time had ever spent time with her alone (mostly, apparently Ben was still there in the passenger seat) and he was excited to start building some kind of a relationship with the little one.

They pulled into a convenience store to get some gas and Kenzie stopped her discussion on “Frozen” to look around, Diego looked back, “I’m going to get some gas, then we’ll get some lunch – how does that sound?”

“I can’t wait!” She clapped and reached over to pick up the creepiest fucking doll that Diego had ever seen. He had tried to stop it from coming but Klaus had insisted that it stay with Kenzie, saying something about ‘The damn thing gets into the cabinets when it’s alone’ or something like that- Diego wasn’t really paying attention to his brother’s ramblings.

“Almost time for lunch, Rot-rot!” She assured the doll, the mechanism in its head clacked and Diego glanced back – she must have shaken it, right?

After a few minutes he got back in the car, waiting for the gas to pump – his eyes scanned the area and he immediately picked up on the nervous man pacing a few feet from the store. He leaned forward and watched him, he had a poorly hidden gun in his belt and kept glaring inside the store. Diego’s jaw tightened.

“Uncle Ben says he knows what you’re thinking, and he’ll kill you if you do something dumb.” She said innocently from the back.

Diego looked to the empty passenger side. After he got the gas, instead of driving away, he rolled forward into a parking spot off to the side. He snapped off his seat belt and tilted the rearview mirror so that he could see his niece, “Would you like a slushy?”

She nodded, “Yeah! Can I have the red one?”

“Yeah, I’ll get you the red one—” Then he added to the empty air next to him, “Two minutes, tops.”

He left the car running and went inside the store. Kenzie kicked her legs absentmindedly. She looked over the items her momma had sent her with; a few books, a music player, Rot-rot, an Elsa doll and a fire extinguisher. She picked up a book and began to flip through the pages. Several minutes went by until finally the front door was ripped open and someone fell inside.

The man wasn’t her uncle Diego, but he slammed the door shut, put the car in reverse and peeled out of the parking lot. She inspected him then looked over at her Uncle Ben who was currently freaking out in the passenger side seat.

“Hi!” She said loudly, leaning forward.

The strange man jumped, and his head snapped to the backseat in shock, “Fucking shit!” He yelled, just realizing that there was someone else I the vehicle – to be fair, Diego’s car didn’t look like the type to have a car seat in the back. He punched the steering wheel, his head swiveling around in paranoia, looking for an exit.

“I’m Kenzie!” She tried again.

Her Uncle Ben leaned back, “Sweetie, put your headphones on – we’re just going for a quick ride.”

“Okay!” She did as she was told, slipping the device over her head and pressing play. She jammed along contently to a Stevie Nicks album while the man swerved in and out of traffic, cursing and throwing panicked glances to the child in the backseat.

*******************************************************

On the other side of town….

Klaus sighed as the last of the fight dissolved and he nodded, slipping past the other man and into the pristine apartment. Despite everything Klaus chuckled as he looked around, “Nice – which room are the buzz saws, industrial freezer, and tarps stored?”

“Serial killer jokes – Man, you and Nora would get a long beautifully”. He laughed, “Okay, so maybe my place could use some personality.”

“Honestly, if you added anything that wasn’t beige it would transform-“Klaus walked around and picked up the only framed photo in the room, a picture of a younger Dave sitting next to a woman whose resemblance to him was uncanny. She was holding two fingers over his head like bunny ears and they were mid laugh as the picture was taken.

“Is this Nora?”

Dave had moved to the kitchen and he turned around to see when Klaus was holding, “Yeah – That’s my sister. She’s a couple years older than me.”

The sweet photo left a vague, empty feeling of nostalgia in Klaus’ chest, his mind briefly picturing himself and Allison in the same position. “You two seem close.”

“Yeah, after our parents died, we’ve always been pretty much inseparable. Coffee?” He held up a pot.

Klaus nodded, “Love some – I’m sorry about your parents.”

Dave shrugged, “Thank you. We were actually pretty lucky, my uncle Brian adopted us, so we didn’t end up in foster care or being separated.”

“That’s lucky- as long he was a good person, I mean.”

“Yeah, my uncle Brian is a good man, he has his prejudices, but he did his best.”

Klaus watched him pensively from where he had curled himself up on the white couch. After a moment Dave let out a dry laugh, glancing up shyly, “One time, when I was a teenager, I-uh- put some of Nora’s nail polish on. Let’s just say it did not go over well.” He chuckled, “But, hey, at least I can say for certain that you can’t yell, beat, or work the gay away.”

Despite Dave’s forced nonchalance Klaus felt his chest constrict protectively and his eyes fell to the floor, he wished he could come up with some bold words about injustice and tolerance, but he faltered as always. Dave was standing in front of him a moment later with a kind smile, he handed him a clear mug of coffee and sat down on the other side of the couch.

After a moment of silence of Klaus just holding on to the coffee and breathing it in, he finally just breached the subject. – “Listen, Dave. I’ve got to talk-“The word made him cringe, “To you about something…”

“Is this about maybe just staying friends?”

Klaus’ mouth fell open – he fought the urge to just toss the drink over his shoulder and sat back “Well, fuck me, right!”

Dave shrugged, “My bad. Look, I get it, more than ever, that you’re in a very delicate situation. Also –“ He hesitated as if debating with himself to mention this, “Kenzie, may have said a few things that gave me that impression.”

Klaus’ face fell, “I thought she wouldn’t remember the last time…”

He searched Klaus’ face before finally adding, “She didn’t say anything specific - it was more implied. You know she’s very protective of you.”

“Hmm.” Klaus had his cheek pressed against the palm of his hand, staring into the distance. Wow, so this conversation was not going at all how he had imagined it.

“Klaus, I care about you and that’s not going to change whether or not we’re ‘dating’. And, listen, taking care of Kenzie has been a joy but if you’re not comfortable with that, I can talk to the Chief.”

He shook his head adamantly, “No – I don’t want you to go anywhere” He took a sip of the coffee and closed his eyes. There was so much that he wanted to say and in any normal circumstance he would be able to just word vomit his way through this but something about this man quieted all that.

“The last time I - Was with someone there was a moment where” Klaus’ face twisted as he recalled “Where I thought that a person I brought into my home was going to kick my little girl.” He shuddered and grabbed one of the rough, uncomfortable pillows that came with the couch, “I don’t think you would do that but I’m too fucking scared to trust myself again.”

Dave was watching Klaus intently and his features darkened as he spoke, when he was finished, Dave looked towards the floor, letting the words settle in the room. “I’m sorry that happened. There’s no rush and there’s no guarantee - I’m thankful to be a part of your crazy little haunted mansion and it doesn’t matter what part I am.”

Klaus looked up and smiled, “So what do we do now?”

“You can stay if you want.”

Klaus smirked, “I’d like that.”

*********************************************************

Meanwhile…

“Shit- Shit ss—shit!” Diego had swerved in and out of traffic violently, pushing the little Volkswagen bug that he had stolen to the brink of its capabilities. There had been two more robbers that he hadn’t been expecting to have to deal with and he certainly hadn’t anticipated that punk would abandon the other two and just bolt into the first car he found.

He needed to stay on him but the last thing he wanted to do was make them crash – since this guy was obviously not making the best decisions. Diego’s heart pounded in his chest- the stakes were much higher and more personal than he had dealt with in a long time.

His phone rang from his pocket and he was about to throw it to the side when he caught his brother’s face on the caller I.D – he groaned and answered it, “Hi.” He said a little harsher than he meant to.

“Diego! How’s it going!? I know you’re fine I’m just checking in because you know how soft and worried I’ve become since I became a mommy—” Diego could hear the stupid face he was making from over the phone.

“Good. It’s f-f-fine – she’s fine.”

“Fantastic! Can I talk to her?”

“No! I mean- She’s in the ball pit. We-uh- I took her to one of those, you know- fucking kid’s places with the games and shit.” He clenched his fists around the steering wheel hoping that his brother would fall for it.

“Are you trying to get me killed, Dee?” Klaus laughed, “She’s never been sick but you know she’s going to bring a flesh eating virus back home and it’s going to just nibble away at my toes.”

Diego forced some kind of laugh or chuckle or cry for help.

“Well, you seem like you’ve got everything under control – Just don’t let her get too freaked out, I don’t want some punk kid to start bothering her and she lights ‘em up” He chuckled, “Make sure to keep that extinguisher close.”

Oh fuck- somehow Diego forgot that his niece could literally catch on fire, he felt his blood pressure raise and he had to physically stop himself from making a weird sound.

“Got it. Anything else?”

He could hear his brother talking with someone else on the other end, “Nope- I’ll leave you to it! Give her a big hug for me!”

“Will do. We’ll see you soon.”

Diego hung up the phone and cursed loudly, he kept stayed on their tail even as he took huge risks to try to lose him. He felt awful and his mind kept flashing to poor Kenzie afraid and alone in the backseat – being driven around by this mad man that she didn’t know. He tried not to think about if she panicked and combusted surely making them crash. He hoped that Ben was there and that he could keep her calm.

Inside the fleeing vehicle, the would-be robber was looking behind him as the angry light blue Bug zigzagged through traffic, getting closer every second. He mumbled curses under his breath and made plans to find somewhere to dump the child the second he was free from this vigilante lunatic.

In the backseat, Kenzie hummed along to her track and kicked her legs around while she stared at the action outside. She pointed to a sign with golden arches as they passed, “Are we going to Mcdonalds?” She wondered aloud to herself.

“That’s a big truck.”

“There’s flowers on that car.”

She gasped, “There’s a dog! Hi big dog!”

****************************************************

A little while later…..

“Do you want me to paint your nails?”

They had been talking for a while and the initial awkwardness of the original topic had worn away until they were just lounging and telling each other stories.

Dave tilted his head, “What?”

“I could do your nails – Now that no one’s going to get their panties in a pucker, do you want to try it again?” He fished into his pockets and pulled out two of the tiny vials of polish.

“Do you just keep those on you at all times.”

“Uh Yeah – I’m not an animal, Dave.”

He snorted. After a moment he finally shrugged, “Yeah, I mean, why not?”

Klaus clapped and held out the two vials, “Which do you want? I’ve got black (Like my soul) and I’ve got clear with purple heart glitter (Also, like my soul).”

Dave gestured to the apartment, “What makes you think I’m qualified to be making style choices – You choose.”

Klaus shoved the black polish back into his pocket, “Purple glitter it is! Kenzie picked this one out, so you know it’s the highest of fashion.”

He scooted over between Dave’s legs and the other man held out his hands obediently. Klaus steadied the left one and softly began to pull the brush over the firefighter’s nails. As he worked, his thumb rubbed soft circles into the back of Dave’s hand, and he hummed.

Dave watched him work pensively, and despite Klaus’ recovered heroin addict shaky hands – he was able to do a lovely job. He moved over each nail until they shined with a glossy coating sprinkled with purple hearts and stars.

Klaus set Dave’s hand down and then picked up the next – beginning the process over again. When he looked up, the other man was staring at him, “You know, I wish I could be as brave as you.” He said absently.

Klaus openly laughed, pulling the brush away momentarily so he wouldn’t smear the other man’s skin, “Do you, now? Mr. silver star.”

“Yeah, I do – take it from the guy who went into an active war just to try to fit in. Being so unapologetically yourself is a brave thing.”

A soft whine escaped Klaus’ throat, but he swallowed it quickly, refocusing himself on Dave’s nails, “You’re sweet, Dave. I mean, you’re wildly wrong and yet again I find myself concerned about your questionable choice in people… But thank you.”

“There, all dolled up.” Klaus lifted Dave’s newly painted hands up and began to blow gently on the wet polish.

“Looks beautiful.” Dave said, but he wasn’t really looking at his nails. Klaus caught his eyes and they paused for a moment, “Of course, no homo, though.” He added after a beat.

Klaus burst out laughing, he leaned forward as if to kiss him but then caught himself and instead let his forehead fall against Dave’s collarbone. Dave sighed and curled over into Klaus’ shoulder while keeping his wet nails up in the air safely. They rode out a comfortable wave of laughter until he finally pulled himself away.

“Shit!” Klaus jumped up as he realized that the bottle of nail polish had tipped over and spilled over the pristine white couch.

Dave stood up and got out of the way, “It’s fine – don’t worry about it.”

Klaus pointed a finger, “Don’t touch anything until my beautiful work is dry-“ He got some paper towels and attempted to wipe it away- effectively driving the purple glitter farther into the fabric. He cringed as he stood back and realized that although he was able to wipe away some of the bigger pieces of glitter – a purple smear still remained in the upholstery.

A fight or flight instinct kicked in and he shot a cautious glance at Dave to gage his reaction; Dave was grinning, still waving his hands gently as instructed. When he saw Klaus staring at him, he winked.

Klaus smiled “I feel like this is a metaphor for something.”

****************************************************************

Some time later….

“Kenzie, don’t take your headphones out just yet-“

The child pulled the headphones back up over her head – she was leaning forward trying to see what was going on. The car was stopped now after a really bumpy ending; they were a ridiculously long way out of the city and she was getting pretty hungry, not to mention she kind of had to pee now. The music in her ears drowned out the sounds of fighting just outside the vehicle.

“You son of a bitch!” Diego snapped and with one last punch the man slumped over and stopped struggling.

He took a moment to stand up and roll his shoulders. He dropped the keys to the Volkswagen that he had stolen onto the man’s chest and stepped away from him. He immediately opened the backseat and looked his niece over, “Are you okay?” He sighed.

She nodded, “I’m okay! Did you get the slushies?”

He chuckled, “We’ll get one on the way back, promise.” He glanced at the empty front seat, “Does Uncle Ben have anything to say?”

She tilted her head as if she was hearing someone, “Uncle Ben says you’re a dumbass and that you’re lucky he’s dead already.”

Diego pressed his head against the roof of the car and couldn’t stop himself from laughing, after a moment he dipped back down and started to unbuckle her car seat, “Fair enough. You want to help me change a tire!?”

He really really didn’t want to have to pop the tire of his own car but he was running out of options and in the end, it worked and no one but the bad guy got hurt.

“I don’t know how to change a tire.” Kenzie said matter of factly as she hopped out of the car and stretched.

“It’s an important skill to learn – you’ll get it in no time.” Maybe not the best of circumstances but Diego did feel a swell of pride in his chest as he went through the process of switching out the tire while Kenzie handed him tools and talked. She got so excited as the old slashed tire fell off the axle and Diego picked it up and put it in the trunk. She even ‘helped’ him tighten the lugnuts and despite the disaster of a day Diego was having a bit of fun taking her through the process.

A little while later he was strapping her back into the car seat, “Can we get McDonalds!?” She asked excitedly.

Diego sighed, “Yeah, we can eat that in the car – otherwise we’ll be late.” Fast food wasn’t exactly the good health lesson he wanted to put forth, but he was tired, and they were quickly running out of time.

They got a slushie as promised on top of the happy meal and Kenzie was happily slurping it up as they pulled up next to the apartments. Klaus and Dave arrived just a few moments later and Diego dropped his head against the steering wheel in relief that they had managed to beat them to the house somehow.

He pulled Kenzie out of the car and gave her a quick hug, he pulled a bill out of his pocket and held it up “20 bucks to tell your momma we went to Chuck E. Cheese.”

She snapped it out of his hand, “I can do that!”

“That’s my girl – now go tackle him!” He patted her on the back as she bolted down the sidewalk into Klaus’ arms.

Diego looked over and jumped as he realized a corporeal Ben was standing just a couple feet away from him, “Jesus!”

“What are you going to tell Klaus?” He said calmly with a judgmental brow.

Diego started pulling the toys out of the backseat of his car, “I’m not going to tell him anything – I took her to lunch, we played some games, then I got her a slushie. End of story.”

“She was kidnapped!”

Diego put a finger up to shush his brother, “No- No, my car was stolen, and she happened to be in the backseat for a brief amount of time.”

“He almost made it to the state line!”

“She was briefly involved in a carjacking.”

Bens shook his head and gathered up the fire extinguisher and the car seat, “Unbelievable. You’re getting Rot-rot.” Then he mumbled under his breath, “Dumbass.”

Diego looked at the horrifying doll and stepped back – was it’s head always turned like that?

As Ben passed the group, Dave was holding Kenzie – she was looking at his hands, “Your nails are really pretty!”

“Thank you so much! Your momma said you picked out the color?”

She held one of his fingers up and inspected it, “Uh-huh! I like the hearts and the stars!”

“Me too, I think it was a great choice.”

Klaus was staring at them fondly and finally just opened his arms and wrapped both Dave and Kenzie into a hug – he pressed a kiss into her cheek, “Muah! I missed you today!”

"What did you do today, Kenzie?"

"I went to Chuck E Cheese and I got money!" She waved the 20 dollar bill in the air happily.

Dave laughed, "20 dollars! What are you going to do with all that money!?"

Klaus was still holding them all together, keeping his head against his daughter, "We'll have to go shopping - maybe Dave will take us, huh?"

Kenzie looked at Dave and he nodded, "Yeah, I think I can do that."

Ben stared at the interaction then went up the stairs with Kenzie’s stuff. Diego brought Rot-rot up to the apartment between a wrench and a hammer and he dropped the blood fiend possessed doll onto the floor before he left. After a few minutes Klaus joined him in the apartment and Kenzie bolted past them into her room, only coming back to pick up the doll and bring him along.

Ben stared at his brother who seemed to be in a severely good mood which, honestly, he wasn't expecting after today, “So I’m guessing the ‘talk’ didn’t work?”

“What do you mean? It went fantastically!”

“Then what was that down there? You looked like the poster for a gay nuclear family.”

Klaus turned to him, “That- My dear brother – was just dudes bein’ bros.” He started walking away, repeating softly, “Just dudes bein’ bros.”