Fireproof

“This is exhausting!” Klaus bemoaned dramatically.

His brother and the fire Chief, who were currently in the middle of lugging a loveseat couch up the stairs, glared at him. The chief had the higher side hefted up on her shoulder as she carefully walked backwards to the next floor; Ben was holding it from the bottom and pushing up against the gravity.

“Don’t hurt yourself or anything…” Ben said with a grunt as they traversed another few steps.

“I’m balancing it!” Klaus had his hands tentatively against the middle of the sofa and he was flinching everytime they shifted upwards.

“You’re not doing shit from the looks of it -”

“You’re here, aren’t you?” Klaus spat back.

“Enough! Let’s just get this over with.” The chief grunted as they started the last turn. Everyone did what they were told.

Sophie helped them get it into the apartment and then slid it over to the back wall. She sighed as the task was finished and glanced at her phone, “Well, I gotta go - thanks for the work out.” Despite the fact that she seemed less tired than anyone else in the room.

Klaus skipped jovially behind Sophie as she left and locked it. He turned around and raised his arms, “It’s actually starting to look like a home!” He inspected the area, “A very fire safe home…”

They’re list was actually starting to get bigger and now included a grown up twin sized mattress along with a metal table and chairs that sat crowded in the kitchen. The musty old couch that they had bought for 20$ was a fitting addition to their mismatched aesthetic and made it look less like a drug den. The sprinkling of brightly colored baby toys and the metallic fireproof blankets that were scattered across the floor just added to the chaotic, messy feel of the place.

Klaus slid towards the new couch and looked at it like it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. He stumbled on a toy plane that started singing as his foot met it and he moved it out of the way with a grimace of pain. He plopped down and the old springy cushions squawked under his weight. He brushed his fingers over the fabric.

“We’ll need to cover that thing in blankets – If she lights up even close to it that thing will go up like a Christmas tree.”

“That’s why we got the small one – If this one survives; we can try a bigger one.”

“We got the small one because we couldn’t afford the 35$ for the other one.” Ben said dryly.

Klaus waved his hand, “Whatever, I—” He sounded for a moment like he was going to say something sincere but instead he curled over and leaned against the arm of the couch.

Ben made a face, “Don’t put your face on that- you don’t know where it’s been.”

Klaus laughed, “Ben, I have woken up in an alley with somebody else’s used band aid stuck in my hair – I think I’ll survive this.”

“We still need to clean it within an inch of its life before Kenzie starts climbing on it.”

“She does like to put everything in her mouth—” Klaus conceded but instead of jumping up and immediately starting on that task he closed his eyes and hummed into the musty fabric.

Ben rolled his eyes, “I’m bleaching it and if you’re still on it I’m bleaching you too.” He said and moved into the kitchen.

“Hmkay…” He said, unbothered.

Ben was still in the kitchen getting ready to sanitize their new addition and Klaus was about to doze off when the phone rang, and Klaus mumbled in protest. He begrudgingly reached over and looked at the caller Id, it was Sophie, so he flicked his thumb and answered it.

“Did you miss us?”

“Klaus! Klaus, I need you to—” Her voice cut out. She sounded more frantic than he had ever
heard her.

“Chief?”

“—I’m on the way to the hospital with—” There was another voice in the background, but he couldn’t recognize the voice through the static of the rain. Sophie seemed to be talking to them just a few inches from the phone.

Klaus sat up, suddenly alert “You’re going to the hospital? Chief, I can’t understand—” Just as he finished the word something large and hairy brushed past his ankles from underneath the couch and ran out into the room. A rat twisted around and stared directly at him, it’s eyes wild with terror and confusion.

He screeched and bounced up on the cushions as the phone went flying from his hand. The startled rat skittered away down the small hall into Kenzie’s room.

Ben’s head popped up from over the edge of the counter, “What the hell! You’re going to wake up Kenzie!”

Klaus was pointing frantically to where the rodent had been just a moment before, “Rat – There’s a rat! Oh my god It’s going to eat the baby!” he dragged his fingers down his face in panic.

“Rat?”

Klaus jumped down off the couch and grabbed a broom off the wall, “Yes! Rat – It ran into the baby’s room…” He whined and started stalking towards the bedroom.

Ben followed closely behind his brother, “Where did a rat come from!?”

“From the fucking couch!” Klaus hissed and poked the door wider open with the end of the broom.

They cautiously peaked inside – despite all the frantic chaos that was happening, the room was peaceful – Kenzie had sat up in her crib and was looking around; curious as to all the sudden commotion. There was a gentle melody playing in the background and nothing but the 14-month-old was moving.

“Moobah – kah!” She said as they entered her room, she was holding onto her teddy bear; drooling absently on its ear.

They inspected the room and Klaus, as if the floor was made of hot coals skipped to the edge of her bed and looked inside. She reached up for him, but he only patted her on the head and turned holding the broom aloft.

“It’s not a predator – It probably won’t actively attack her.” Ben reminded him but he skulked around just the same, turning over toys.

“Probably!? That doesn’t make me feel any better! It probably has rabies!” Klaus hissed through clenched teeth.

Ben tapped her little gray and pink dresser with his foot and the rat scurried out of it between his legs and through the room- It scrambled to open the folding door to the closet and then disappeared inside. The grown men screamed and jumped out of it’s way, Klaus levitated about 3 feet off the floor and started smacking the ground in its wake. ‘

“Shit!”

“What are you scared of? You’re already dead!” Klaus snapped, holding the broom like a bayonet.

“It surprised me is all!” Ben snapped back.

Kenzie giggled hysterically from her bed and pulled herself up- she was watching the show from her little perch behind the rungs of the crib with delight.

Klaus jerked the handle of the broom towards the closet, he was still curled up, hovering in the air – “Well, go get it, Casper! I’ll be the lookout.”

Ben groaned but he hesitantly approached the closet and opened the creaky plastic door, the rodent was scratching at the back wall trying desperately to escape. His brother was creeping up just over his shoulder looking at it with a look of half pity, half horror. The ghost reached out towards it, “It’s okay- little guy, we’ll get you out of here…”

His soothing had little effect on the creature and as he got closer to it pressed against the wall and shot at Ben at lightning speeds. Klaus screamed and as he lost his concentration he plummeted to the floor. The rat ran straight through the ghost’s fingers as he lost his corporeal nature. Klaus fell through his body.

Klaus shuddered but was surprisingly quick when the rodent bolted towards the crib- he dove forward and grabbed the rodent. It squealed and started biting into the side of his hand, he held on to it stubbornly and scrambled to his feet as it gnawed on his skin.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck!” He bolted through the apartment with Ben hot on his heels. They struggled with the locks as Ben kept phasing in and out but eventually Klaus was able to run the creature down the stairs and release it just outside the door. It disappeared down the sidewalk.

As they came back into their apartment and slammed the door Klaus held up his hand and stared at it in horror. There were about 5 or 6 deep bite wounds over his hand and thumb and blood was pouring out of them and down his arm.

Ben put his hands up placatingly before his brother could start freaking out, “It’s fine.”

Too late.

“I have rabies, Ben!”

He moved inside and held the bleeding appendage over the sink, “Oh my god… Kenzie’s going to have to take me out back and shoot me like Old Yeller!”

“It’s fine – You’ll go rabid long before she’s old enough to hold a gun.”

Klaus tilted his head, “You know, it’s so sweet how you take care of me, brother!” He snapped, his voice dripping in sarcasm. “Oh my god…” He continued to whine as the blood trickled down the sink.

“Listen, worse things than that rat have tried and failed to kill you- just stay calm—”

“I AM CALM!!”

Ben cringed at the volume, “Stay calm- wash it off, and wrap it in a hand towel – Kenzie’s already awake, we get her ready and we’ll go to the emergency room.”

Klaus was taking deep breaths, as If this was even close to the worst thing his body had endured, “Okay- okay –“ He looked up at his brother, “Can I hold Kenzie? What if I’m contagious?”

“You’re not contagious- dumbass, just go and get her- we’ll put up the money for a taxi.”

Klaus did as he was told, he washed the bites out with water and then with much protest allowed Ben to pull a hand towel tight around his hand. When they went back into Kenzie’s room she was still standing, her knees bending and unbending to the music – she was staring at the door and her face lit up when her father and uncle came in like a whirlwind.

With the help of Ben, Klaus was able to shove a few things into the diaper bag, including a portable fire extinguisher. They kept glancing over at the toddler nervously, but watching them struggle seemed to have put her in a jolly mood.

Klaus finally stood up and swung the bag over his shoulder, “Okay- here we go – ladybug…”

She threw her hands up and exclaimed “Shit!”

There was a long pause as they registered the first notable word the child had ever said.

Ben closed his eyes, “Oh my god…” He said defeatedly.

Klaus doubled over laughing despite everything that was happening. “What did you say, snuggle pumpkins?” He wheezed

“Klaus, don’t—”

“Shit!” She repeated happily.

“That’s what I thought you said!” He busted up laughing again.

“Let’s just go—”

Ben helped Klaus as best he could even though he continued to phase in out of physicality. They hailed a Taxi and after sitting in the emergency room for an hour they were brought back to see a doctor. They were concerned with Klaus’ condition but after a few tests he was quickly cleared, and his hand was bandaged up properly.

Finally, it was the end of the day and they were standing at the checkout desk while the curly haired woman behind the glass clicked through his paperwork. Klaus sat tiredly in the chair with the toddler in his lap.

The woman glanced up as she pulled up his information, she made an amused ‘humph’ sound and started to print it out, “You’re the second Hargreeves I’ve seen in here today.” She said absently.

Klaus and Ben exchanged looks.

The woman slid over a packet for Klaus to take home. She smiled sweetly at the baby and waved at her, “Bye- bye cutie!”

Kenzie tossed her arms up and yelled at the top of her lungs. “Shit!”

The receptionist sat back and frowned. Ben just walked away and Klaus pressed a proud kiss to the top of his daughter’s head and shrugged at the woman behind the glass, “Shit happens, right?”