Family
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“I love you, Ma,” Tobin slurs from her nest on the couch, giving her Mom a one-handed hug, “we’ll see you in Orlando in a few weeks, okay?”
“Yes, honey,” her Mom says, placing a hand on Tobin’s cheek, “take care of yourself, you hear? If you need to talk to someone-”
Tobin nods solemnly, “I will,” she says, nodding her head loosely, “I plan to,”
Cindy Heath places a kiss on her daughter’s forehead, “I love you,” she says and then moves to Christen, giving her a crushing hug, “If you need anything,” she says emotionally, “you just call and I’ll be here,”
“Okay,” Christen nods against the older women’s shoulder, “thank you,” she says with a trembling voice. Since her own Mother’s passing she knows Mrs. Heath has been acutely aware of the void Christen feels and has been amazing to the younger woman. Christen has felt how their relationship has shifted since her Mom’s death, how Cindy would be certain to call to talk just to her for bit. She would never push to take her Mom’s place, rather she was working on the two of them having their own unique relationship that’s much deeper than Christen being Tobin’s fiancée. Christen is so grateful for the wonderful woman and how they’ve grown closer and formed their own special relationship.
Cindy is the last visitor to leave. It’s Sunday, the morning of gameday and Christen intends to play tonight. Her own sisters and Father left this morning and Tobin’s Dad, brother and two sisters left only an hour ago. It’s been an emotional forty-eight hours and Christen feels drained.
On Saturday, Tobin was in and out of consciousness, loopy and sore, the powerful pain killers she was given making her sleepy. They celebrated Tobin surviving her terrifying ordeal upon her arrival home from the hospital just before noon yesterday.
Tobin had surgery on her wrist at the crack of dawn yesterday, the orthopedic doctor for the Thorns had been notified while Tobin was in the ER Friday night and upon viewing her X-rays, booked a surgical suite for her first thing the following morning. She’s now sporting a thick padded bandage from her elbow to fingers, her thumb immobilized and padded. She hasn’t moved much at all today except to eat some breakfast and lunch at the kitchen table and use the bathroom a couple of times.
A.D. had called Christen this afternoon offering to hang with Tobin during the match since she’s on the injured list. Christen thought it was a wonderful idea and A.D. would be arriving right before she leaves for Providence Park. Tobin had encouraged her to play if she felt like it, sensing Christen needed the physical outlet to relive some of her stress. As usual, Tobin was correct and it’s exactly what Christen needs.
Now the two are alone after Christen repeatedly assured Becky, Kling, Sinc and a host of others that they would be okay for the few hours before the match. Christen turns the lock on the door and then pads down the hallway, looking over to the couch where Tobin gives her a sleepy half smile and pats the cushion next to her with her left hand.
“Hard chill?” she asks sleepily, looking hopeful.
“For a little bit,” Christen replies. She’s feeling anxious, wanting to get moving, work off this jumpy vibe she’s feeling but she’s also torn and needs to feel Tobin next to her. They both passed out last night, going to bed early and sleeping hard until morning. Christen actually slept in for bit until she heard Tyler moving around the kitchen and greeting Cindy in the hallway. A nap sounds nice if she can relax for a bit. She moves to the couch, settling in next to Tobin on the chaise, being careful to move slowly and not jostle her. Tobin immediately places her left arm around Christen’s shoulder and pulls her close. Christen adjusts the blanket and doublechecks her alarm is set on her phone before snuggling in.
“How are you feeling?” Tobin asks quietly, her voice a little clearer.
“I’m okay,” Christen responds, “I could use a nap,” She feels Tobin nod against the side of her head and then press a kiss into her hair. She’s unsure if she’ll sleep, yet it would be nice to just lay here with Tobin.
“Seriously,” Tobin speaks again, “if you want to play, do it. It’s not going to hurt my feelings or anything,”
“I know,” Christen replies as she taps two fingers against Tobin’s stomach, “I’m pretty sure I want to,” she goes on, “I’ll make a decision when I wake up,”
“Okay,” Tobin agrees and then yawns, “I’m so tired,”
“Sleep baby,” Christen murmurs as she snuggles close.
Christen wakes an hour and a half later, suddenly wide awake and feeling the need to get ready. She’s going to play. She has to. Playing will allow her to get out her emotions through a positive channel and help her get her head straight. She needs her pregame ritual right now.
Tobin is next to her, propped up due to her broken nose, her mouth hanging open slightly with soft snores emanating from within. She looks absolutely drained, still a bit pale and yet she’s resting comfortably, there’s no wrinkles across her forehead from worry. Christen is glad Tobin appears pain free at the moment, it hurts her to see Tobin suffer.
Christen does feel a little selfish in playing tonight and not staying here to take care of Tobin, yet she knows Tobin understands. Tobin usually always understands her. It’s wonderful and frustrating and frightening at times just how much Tobin understands her.
Christen carefully untangles herself from Tobin’s arm, making sure to cover her fiancé with the blanket. She heads for the bedroom, needing to pee and organize her gear for tonight. Her phone is in her hand and she texts her coach, stating she’ll be at the hotel to take the team bus over to the stadium.
Tobin feels Christen leave her side, blearily becoming aware of her departure. She truly doesn’t have an issue with her playing tonight, she understands the need. How soccer grounds them both. She keeps her eyes closed, feeling comfortable and warm and lazy right now. Besides, she thinks Chris needs some time to herself and do her own thing. Even with the pain meds, Tobin is aware how on edge Chris has been and it’s not just because of the carjacking. She’s been like this for a couple of months now.
The last two days have been a blur. She remembers talking to Chris via video Friday night before the ambulance arrived. Bailey and Pierre were so kind to her, reassuring her she would be okay and calming her down. Sinc assured her she would get Chris to the hospital. Everyone was so kind.
She remembers talking to the Police before the ambulance left. Sinc held her hand while she recounted what happened to the two detectives. Once they were on the road, the EMT gave her some pain meds and she felt much better, if not a little out of it.
She remembers them cutting off her clothes, it was super bright in the room and there were so many voices talking over one another, it sounded so confusing and a little frightening. She feared she was injured more seriously than she realized and then they gave her some drugs and she felt even more relaxed and was wheeled away. She fell asleep for a bit and woke up to seeing Chris looking very worried. She wanted to stay up and talk to her, but she was so tired she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She was content that Chris was by her side and knew she would handle whatever came up.
Then next morning she woke up feeling sore and she had surgery on her wrist. She wasn’t really with it and feeling clear headed until they got home and both of their families were there. She was scared for a moment that something was really wrong. Chris had to explain they were here for her, to make sure she was okay after what happened last night.
She was out of it and sleepy for a decent part of the day, remembering bits and pieces of talking to her sisters and Channing and Tyler and Cody and her Dad looking upset. Her brother teased her about kicking her ass at Mario Kart finally and then she remembers eating her Mom’s lasagna at the kitchen table. Things just sort of blurred in and then faded, but she remembers Chris being by right by her all the time.
She remembers being on the couch with Chris being at her side most of the time, looking tired and sad and nervous. She tried to assure her she was fine, she would be okay, but she knows she wasn’t talking much sense. She vaguely remembers just being on the couch most of the day.
Today was better, she felt like she actually had conversations with everyone before they left. It was good to see them, but she felt bad that what happened had scared them all so badly. She’s going to make sure she sends them gift cards for air travel as a thank you.
But Chris is on her mind now and she’s worried. She scared that Chris is regressing back to her unbalanced nervous self like she was before the 2015 World Cup. Chris has been doing so good, she’s made so much progress in learning to let go and be free since then. Her Mom dying certainly was a huge blow to her and sent her spinning for sure. But lately, even before what happened with the carjacking slash attempted kidnapping, Chris has gotten so particular about everything and everything has to be done now. Then she would realize how unreasonable she’s being and becomes apologetic and then quiet. Her being quiet is the worst, Tobin has such a hard time reading her then.
She’s still uncertain about how to broach the subject of Chris maybe seeing her therapist again. She’s been praying for the right time and the right words and she feels tonight after the match is it. It makes sense because Chris will be in town for another two days before she returns to Utah and it would give them a chance to have a healthy conversation about it. But she feels compelled to begin that conversation tonight. Hopefully, she won’t bring home a bunch of teammates. She would understand if she did, she knows everyone is concerned about what happened. Everyone has been amazing since it happened. She knows she needs to really thank everyone for what they did.
She opens her eyes and flips the blanket to the side, sighing comfortably on the chaise, pleased that she bought such a useful piece of furniture. She slowly shifts to rise, wincing a little when her bruised hip takes some pressure as she moves to the side of the sofa. She stands up and adjusts the sling and quietly pads to the kitchen to get some water.
She’s taking a drink from her cup when Christen walks down the hall, her gear bag in hand.
“Hey,” Tobin smiles at her, “you ready to kick some ass tonight?”
Christen smiles at her, “I think so,” she nods, “you look like you’re feeling better,” she says, coming close to look her over carefully.
Tobin nods, “I am,” she agrees, “still really sore but good. Did you eat already?”
Chris nods, “I ate big earlier,” she says, “I’ll have a snack when I get to the stadium,”
Tobin nods, knowing her pregame ritual. She leans against the counter, scratching lightly at the side of her nose, “You doing okay?” she asks carefully.
“Right now, yes,” Christen replies honestly, “I just want to play,” she bites her lower lip, sensing Tobin wants to discuss this further and she really hopes she doesn’t want to do this right now. The thought crosses her mind that this is probably how Tobin felt on Friday night, trying to get out the door and she brought up something important and wouldn’t let it go.
Instead, Tobin gives her a bright smile, “Go kill it out there,” she says, stepping in to hug her with her left arm, “I love you,” she says tenderly.
“I love you, too,” Christen replies, rubbing Tobin’s back slowly, “I left a note with the times of your meds over on the back counter,” she murmurs, not moving from their embrace, her hands continually moving along Tobin’s body, needing to feel her, “and there’s plenty of food in the fridge.”
Tobin is just as content to hold Christen, even if it is with one arm around her and she carefully rests her head on Christen’s shoulder, “Thanks, babe,” she says, her lips brushing against Christen’s neck, “I’m getting kinda hungry,” she admits, knowing it would make her partner feel relieved that her appetite is returning. She wants more than anything for Chris to be content. But she’s acutely aware that her fiancé has some serious issues that she needs to work on.
This isn’t anything new, after the 2016 Olympics Tobin helplessly watched Christen spiral into a deep depression. She supported her as best she could, reading multiple articles and books on the subject, doing her damnedest to be a good partner to her. She brought it up with her own therapist she checks in with occasionally, earnestly asking her for the tools to help Chris as best she could.
Tobin hates when she feels out of her element, not knowing the right words to say. Tonight though, tonight she will try to find those words when she asks Christen to seriously consider to seek some help.
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