You and me… always forever…
We can stay alone together...
That’s what she always said, anyways.
And yet, she left.
No explanation. No warning. Just up and left, before I could even realize it.
I don’t blame her. Of course I don’t. It was probably my fault, anyways.
I was always too pushy, wasn’t I? Always too prying, always making her uncomfortable.
I made it too fucking obvious.
Akamatsu, I’m sorry. You’ll never hear those words from me, because I’m too much of a coward, but I’m completely, genuinely sorry.
If this were the past, if you had no idea about the truth, you’d probably tell me that I was overreacting, that I did nothing wrong.
But this isn’t the past, no matter how much I pray for things to go back to the way they were.
It’s my fault things are like this. You found out, right? That’s why you stopped talking to me. Why you won’t even look at me.
‘Best friends,’ right? We were supposed to be forever. Just like you said.
But I had to go and fuck it up. I was selfish. I wanted more.
I wanted you to love me the way I love you, Akamatsu.
I know you love him, though. The detective, with his perfect yellow eyes, and the sweet way you two idiots smile at each other, probably whispering little nothings to each other when no one else is around to hear it.
I couldn’t stand the way you looked at him. But still, I held back.
I promised myself that I would make sure you never found out.
But of course, I fucked that up, too.
It’s my fault for falling for a girl, anyways. I could never expect you to return my feelings.
…
….
How did you figure it out?
I doubt someone told you, other than Ouma, but he would’ve said something beforehand, so I doubt it.
So what was it? Did you find one of the inventions I engraved our initials into? Did you find the journal I hid away last time you were over?
Or was I just that obvious?
I have no idea. And I’ll probably have no way of knowing, seeing as even that damned detective is avoiding me.
You know, Akamatsu, is my pain worth it? I hope so. As long as you’re happy with him, I’ll be happy. I’ll do my best to.
Even if you never look at me again. Even if you burn every memory we ever shared.
Even if I end up fucking up one of my machines because of my tears, or whatever, I’ll be happy.
I’ll be happy.
…
…
But we both know that’s bullshit, don’t we?
Akamatsu- no, Kaede.
I’m sorry for falling in love with you.
I’m so fucking sorry.
Hard to say things could be better…
Darling… don’t get away right now...