Unfinished Goodbyes

Two weeks passed quickly. Jhoanna and Stacey were often together. She took her to places only the privileged were allowed. And that was when she proved her gentleness even more.

Although nothing had changed in their professional relationship, her mind was opened to the possibility that a relationship could work without love. That was before she returned home after a week of vacation with her.

After parking her car, Stacey was stunned to see the Mercedes parked in front of her townhouse. She got out and peeked inside. There was no one there. Frowning, she called the maid and asked if she had noticed who owned it. But she couldn't answer. Again, she was peeping and peering inside the Mercedes when she heard a voice.

"I'm here."

She flinched and stood straight. She leaned against the car. Aiah's arms immediately blocked her on either side.

"Ganito ka pala ka-late umuwi." Her tone of speech was casual.

Her heart beat faster. Her eyes widened and she could barely take her eyes off her beautiful face. Her desire to touch her face intensified.

"Aiah! What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." She looked directly at her. Aiah twisted her body slightly towards her, making Stacey’s chest tighten even more.

She felt her thighs bump into hers. Her knees were shaking and she blamed herself for the weakness she felt at that reunion. "Kanina ka pa?"

"Medyo."

"Where did you go?”

"I took a walk." Her voice was still calm.

"Would you like to invite me inside?"

She was about to object when she spoke again.

"That's the least you can do." She must have sensed her hesitation.

She could smell her familiar scent. The smell of her body was something she would never forget, even in her dreams. "Mas mabuti siguro if we go inside."

Only then did she remove her hand from the grip of the car. Only then did she free herself from her seemingly imprisoned state. In a few moments, they were in the living room.

"Please, sit down," Stacey said to Aiah. The latter complied.

"What would you like to drink? Coffee? Tea? Juice?"

"No," she refused, looking at her watch. "It's already past eleven. I should have left a while ago. I was just worried baka kung ano na ang nangyari sayo."

She smiled at what Aiah said.

"I'm not staying long. I just arrived from Cebu."

"Bakit pumunta ka pa rito?" She noticed the line of fatigue on her forehead. "You could've just gone straight to your unit."

"I wanted to see you." Aiah answered simply, but it pierced her heart.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Aiah." Her face hardened and she looked at her directly. "You just can't walk away and come back into my life."

"Correction, Stacey, hindi ako ang biglang umalis," she stood up and approached her.

"I don't need you now, Aiah. I'm starting a new life. Matagal ko nang natanggap na hindi na tayo magkakabalikan pa."

"You're so lucky that you're able to do that. Unfortunately, it's not the same with me. You left me five years ago without any explanation. You took everything away and you risked my child's life. You must have been happy when our child was gone."

Her eyes widened at what she said. "Be careful with your words, Aiah. Ikaw ang nanloko."

“You were the one who guessed everything you thought before, Stacey." As Aiah spoke, she was clearly tired. "You didn’t even have the guts to tell me about it face to face. Worst, inilihim mo pa sa akin na gumana yung IVF. Kung hindi pa tayo nagkita ngayon, I wouldn't have known that we almost had a child before."

She hid the pain in her voice. She couldn't understand why she felt guilty when this was the reason for her suffering before. "Tapos na ‘yon, Aiah. I've moved on with my life. I've burned bridges and one of them was ours."

"Very convenient for you to tell that." Her voice was angry. "Well, I got news for you, Stacey. I'm blaming you for the death of my child. You and your baseless accusations against me before."

"How dare you!"

"How dare you?" She didn’t take her eyes off her. "You let me suffer. I tortured myself trying to think why and what I did wrong to you."

"What do you think is the reason why I built an art gallery here in Manila? It was because of you. I keep hoping that one day, I’ll see you again. You made my life a living hell while you, after getting rid of my baby, conveniently went on with your life."

Every word Aiah said felt like a knife cutting into Stacey.

"And now, the nerve of you to ask me how dare me?"

"Please, leave." Her voice was weak.

"You won’t get away that easy, Stacey." She grabbed her by both arms. "You’ll pay for every little thing that you did to me." 

"Wala akong kasalanan sa 'yo. Ikaw ang may kasalanan sa akin!"

"Really?" Her eyebrows rose. "My child died dahil sa kalokohan mo at sasabihin mo sa akin na wala kang kasalanan sa akin?"

"Niloko mo ako... kayo ni Janna."

"Do you really believe that? Do you think that if I liked Janna, I would have chosen you before I had the chance to choose her?"

"Nakita ko kayo. You were so sweet."

"Janna and I met by accident, Stacey. She was there dahil pinagtataguan niya ang lalaking gumugulo sa kanya. She asked me for help at ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?"

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"How can I tell you something that I've only known for a few days?" Again, her casual voice. "I told you, I was just letting you cool off before I called you again. That's when Janna called me and she asked me for help."

"Pero kayo pa rin hanggang ngayon."

"You don't know Janna, Stacey. You didn't even make an attempt to know her better. You always viewed her as an enemy, not as a friend. She stayed away from me before because she didn't want us to fight because of her. I felt guilty, but what can I do? I love you and I can't let you go."

Her last words hit her.

"Please, leave."

"After you told me what happened, I knew I had to go." She didn't seem to hear anything. "Baka hindi ko mapigil ang sarili ko at kung ano ang magawa ko sa ‘yo."

Silence reigned between them.

She couldn't look at her. It was like there was iron in her chest at that moment. For five years, only her parents had known what had happened to her.

Anger and hatred towards Aiah and Janna filled her chest. She was blind to any angle that could explain what had happened before.

"I will leave now, but I'll come back tomorrow to pick you up." There was certainty in Aiah’s voice.

"What?" She looked at her.

"You and I will pick up where we left off five years ago, Stacey," she said arrogantly. "I told you, magbabayad ka sa lahat ng kasalanan mo."

"You have no right to do this to me! My life is different now. May bago na akong—"

"Nagugustuhan? Well, you will just explain it to her, won’t you? Na dahil sa kalokohan mo, my child died."

"Hindi kalokohan ang lahat! Aren’t you and Janna still together?"

"When we get together again, you’ll realize how wrong you were in knowing her." She looked at her wristwatch. "It’s late. You still need to get your things ready. I’ll pick you up at nine tomorrow evening. We’ll have dinner and I want you to spend the night at my place."

"I won’t go with you!" Her heart panicked. "I won’t go through all that again!"

"Oh yes, you will. Dahil kapag hindi mo ginawa iyon, I will make your life miserable until you come to me begging me to accept you again."

"Never!" she replied firmly.

"Really?" Aiah grinned. "I wonder what Jhoanna Robles will say when I tell her you aborted my child so you can still be free and not be trapped by your responsibility to the child. Will she still accept you, especially na nagkakamabutihan na kayong dalawa? That at your young age, you can be ruthless as a mother. How will she feel when I tell her you're using her to get even with me?"

"Hindi totoo ‘yan!" Her head shot up at what she heard. "It's all your fault! You! You!"

"Hindi kita titigilan, Stacey. If I have to bother you, I will. You have to pay. Now, feel my anger." She quietly walked to the door and opened it. "Tomorrow at nine," she reminded her before finally leaving. She was left with a confused mind and a miserable heart.

If Jhoanna hadn't spoken to Stacey all day, she wouldn't have noticed. When it was evening and she hadn't received an invitation from Aiah to go out, she didn’t feel disappointed; instead, she was grateful.

She almost flew all the way back home. She hurriedly packed her overnight bag while her whole body trembled with nervousness. She counted the moments as the hands of the clock moved like a turtle to the appointed time when Aiah would come to her.

“Ma’am, kailan po ba kayo babalik?” her maid asked.

“I’ll be here tomorrow night.” She didn’t explain why.

She hadn’t slept last night. She thought carefully about everything Aiah had said. She felt guilty. For the first time, she thought about how much it hurt her that she probably kept it a secret that they almost had a child.

And two years was too short for her to just forget about Aiah. Above all, she knew that she would make good on her threat to talk to Jhoanna.

She didn’t want Jhoanna to lose respect for her just because of a mistake she had made before. She had gone through too much hardship to get to where she was at Robles Inc..

Even if she didn’t accept her offer, Jhoanna trusted her enough to give her a sensitive position in the company. Which could be lost the moment Aiah talked to her.

She had to play the game Aiah was playing. She could feel her hatred for her. She wasn't pretending to love her based on her actions and words.

The doorbell rang at nine o'clock. Aiah was still not there. Fifteen minutes passed before she heard the car stop in front of her house. Her nervousness increased. She stood up immediately when she heard someone knock on the gate. Stacey was no longer surprised when she opened the door and saw who had arrived.

It was Aiah.

“Stacey.”

She approached the gate and opened it.

“Good evening. Ready?”

She smiled. Aiah looked so beautiful in her slacks and polo shirt. Add to that her venomous smile. And if she wasn't mistaken, there was no trace of anger in her voice.

"Well?"

"Yes, I'm ready." Her voice was formal. "But before anything else, I want to clear things up."

She looked at her.

"I want to know why you had to do this?"

"Here you go again. Kailangan pa bang ulitin ko sa 'yo ang lahat ng sinabi ko kagabi?"

"I don't know what you'll get for the revenge you want to take." She turned away from her. "It's all over for us. You can't bring back what's lost." She looked at her. "There's nothing here anymore, Aiah," she said while pointing to her chest. "I already forgot about what happened to us a long time ago."

"Then we'll just have to open it and look inside if that's what your heart really wants." There was no hint of anger or sarcasm in her words. "Are you going to spoil this date again, Stacey?"

She felt scared. She was afraid that her feelings for this woman might be rekindled. "No. Let's go."

"I’m sure you’re hungry. Let’s have dinner," said Aiah as they walked along Ortigas Avenue. "Do you have any restaurants in mind?"

She shook her head. "It's up to you."

"Would Italian food snap you out of your black mood?" She smiled. "It worked perfectly well before."

Since they broke up, no one else knew her favorite food.

"I know a good place to eat."

She just shrugged.

"You’re acting so negative about everything."

"What do you expect? You came barging into my life, taking control of everything." There was bitterness in her voice. "I don't know why we have to relive a past that's long gone."

Aiah didn't say anything. She turned onto a side street. She stopped the car and looked at her.

"You're so insistent on knowing the answer. Okay, I will give you one. I want you out of my system after this, Stacey."

Her eyes widened at what she said.

"Surprised? Did you really believe na gusto ko pang dugtungan ang nangyari sa atin noon?"

"But why all these?"

"I suffered for a long time because you suddenly disappeared from my life. But like you, I moved on. I'm happy, but I know something is missing in my life: a finality from our relationship. I want to be with you for a while to make sure you're no longer in my heart."

"You're going to use me?" She didn't expect her answer. She was thinking about something else.

"If my child hadn't been miscarried, things might have come out differently for us. But now," she shook her head, "we can't go back to the past. And you owe me one, Stacey. If you and Ms. Robles have waited this long, a few weeks or some months won't make a difference to you. After this, I will leave you in peace. We'll never see each other again."

Her heart seemed to clench at what she heard. She couldn't understand why she wanted to object to her last words.

"So, for the sake of us, can you, at least, make this a pleasant separation for both of us?"

It took her a long time to answer.

"Well?"

"Of course," she replied, forced. "So you can stop all this and para matahimik na rin ako."

"So, it's a deal?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to ruin this like you did the first time, pwede?"

"Pwede."

Her smile widened.

She didn’t say anything again. Her mind was filled with what Aiah had said. She glanced at her in the rearview mirror. She tried to assure herself that what she was asking for in exchange for her silence wouldn't be difficult.

She couldn't take her eyes off her. She even saw her forehead furrow. She felt something tremble in her chest. And at that moment, she knew that what she was asking for wouldn't be easy for her. 

That's when their eyes met in the mirror. She quickly looked away and her face heated up as she looked out the window.