The Corner

The morning light creeped in through the thin space between my curtains, shining a thin line of yellow across my pillow. I sighed, rolling over onto my back, I really didn’t want to go to work today. I felt off. I was having an off day where everything made me grumpy. It usually happened when I was idle for too long, not running or hiding from gunfire or angry rebel soldiers, just sitting in civilization and living a very quiet life.

The silence always unnerved me, leaving me thinking too hard, making me grumpy. I glanced at the clock, I had two hours before I was required to be at a staff meeting. The next issue of Draiocht was set to release with the first installment of my life story.

I sat up, reaching for my phone to check emails and to check if I really needed to come to work. I had a desperate urge to sit in bed all day, reading the piles of books I dreamt of starting.

As I scrolled through an email about appropriate use of the company internet, Alex’s name lit up the screen.

I closed my eyes, answering the phone. “You beat my alarm clock by forty five minutes.”

“You’re grumpy. You have your grumpy tone.” Alex chuckled. “Did you get rejected to be a dog mom?”

“No, thank god. I should be picking Pepper up by the end of the week.” I picked at the edge of my comforter. “I’m having a weird morning. I don’t handle silence very well in large doses. I get edgy and grumpy.”

“Did you eat? That usually helps.”

“Not yet. I usually grab coffee and something on the way into the office.” I paused. “If I go to the office today.” I huffed, running a hand through my hair, pulling at the tangles. “I’m five minutes away from calling in sick. But I shouldn’t, I’ve probably used all of my sick days for the rest of the year.”

“Don’t you have a work from home clause in your contract? Winn mentioned something about everyone at Lena’s fancy magazine can work from home up to three days a week. Take a work from home day. Sit in your ducks and doughnuts pajama pants and write while you eat pizza.”

My heart skipped hearing Lena’s name. I paused, my jaw clenching. “She was going to ask me to marry her a week before I bought the ring.” I blew out a small laugh. “We could’ve been planning our ten year anniversary party, not a super awkward first date.” I closed my eyes. “Why do I feel like an idiot, trapped in a weird glass box of silence? It’s like I see everything, I hear everything, but I feel stuck. Like the last ten years didn’t happen, regardless of the scars covering my body and the stacks of overfilled notebooks.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? The past is the past, you can’t dwell in it. It’s there to remind you, but you can’t let it control you, Kara. The last ten years is a part of your life. The ups, the downs, the left turns, they’re a reminder of a life lived. Not the life you’re living, or want to live.” Alex sighed. “Do you want to come to the office? I’ll let you pick one cold case file.”

I chuckled. “Can I save that for a later date? I’d love to dig through a cold case, but not right now.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “Right now, I think I want to sit in bed all day and think about nothing.”

“Okay. Call me if you need emergency pizza. I’ll see you this weekend?”

“Saturday brunch has been booked.” I hung up, tossing the phone back on my bedside table. What I didn’t tell Alex was I felt stuck with Lena. Was this love I had for her, old? Or was it the same love we just shoved to the side when we went our separate ways? Was it a fear based love? I’d survived death more than any living person should, was I just in love with surviving and having that second, third, chance at life? I closed my eyes, running my hands through wild bed head hair. She made my heart skip every time she was in the same room. My palms literally itched to hold hers if she was in reach. She scared me. More than a million war lords chasing me. She scared me because I didn’t know if I was still in love with her, falling back in love with her, or never stopped loving her. “Being a normal human is harder than I thought.” I grumbled into the empty loft.

I swung my legs out of bed, shuffling towards my laptop. It was going to be a work from home day for sure. I could feel the grumpiness weighing on my shoulders. My thoughts were taking over, casting clouds over everything. I tapped my laptop on, sending a quick message to the team I would be remotely attending the meeting. I felt guilty for a second, until I saw that at least five others had the same idea I did. That made me smile as I moved to the kitchen for coffee and to pull on my very old, ratty USMC sweatshirt.

I tied my hair in a messy ponytail before sitting down with a giant mug of coffee, reading over boring office emails before the meeting started. I groaned at the subject titles shouting deadlines and noted about my latest article. Maybe I would need an emergency pizza. And an emergency glass of whiskey. I knew it was at least noon in the better parts of Russia.

XXXX

Lena

“The buzz around the eight part series for Kara’s pieces has been exponential. Tie that in with the rumors of a possible book deal with Catco’s major publishing house, Draoicht is set to hit the stands at number one next month, and possibly stay there for the rest of the year.” Sarah highlighted the graphs and charts taking up most of the wall.

I was barely paying attention. My focus was elsewhere, mainly on the tiny square with Kara’s face in the group video chat. She looked as bored as I did, constantly looking away every three seconds, pushing her glasses up. I smiled the first time I saw it. Knowing she was probably reading, or watching tv. She’d always done that in college when she should be studying or reading lecture notes. She’d grow bored, fidgety and watch tv over the top of her laptop.

Sarah went on to drone about figures, and numbers. I smiled at her and nodded. Yes, deep down I was excited the magazine was a success, brining Catco back to true journalism. On the surface, I wanted to see Kara. She was the only reason I physically came into the office today. Pushing my other meetings back to the end of the week. It had been a few days since we kissed, promises of a first date and a new start. Yet, that first date hadn’t been set. Kara and I both fell into work. I had to return to the labs for my nano technology. My arm had a minor setback and Claire wanted to inject a second round of tweaking the nano bots. Hence the strange new carbon fiber wrapped around my arm like a awkward sling brace. Another new piece of technology I’d spent sleepless nights creating. My way of eliminating the stagnant old ways of plaster casts. Carbon fiber was cleaner, cheaper, and moved with the patient as they healed. Decreasing the muscle atrophy issues that always came with a stinky plaster cast.

I tapped my pen on the notebook in front of me. Trying to focus on the meeting and not staring at Kara. And how much I loved her. I was so love in with her and it hit me the moment I left her doorstep after cosigning on her adoption papers. I was far more in love with her than I ever was. I was falling in love with her all over again, and it burned in all of the best ways this time. This time I didn’t have to hide, tip toe around a unaccepting family. I loved who she was now, this strong, fierce woman who still occasionally said gosh, darn, mixed in with a hearty fuck off.

I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back my grin. Turning back to the boring explanation of sales expansion into older markets Catco pulled out of years ago. My eyes once again drawn to Kara, leaning back in her chair, the large USMC logo on her sweatshirt taking up the screen. My heart dropped, remembering the last time I saw her in that sweatshirt.

Walking out of the hospital in Berlin. Carrying her fourteenth scar. Broken and alone. I fought the feeling old memories always drug up, the feeling of always afraid of losing her in the blink of an eye.

My eyes quickly drifted to her stomach, where her sweatpants sat low, revealing the hint of skin and the muscle she gained over the years. A slim shiver of desire floated down my arms, giving me goosebumps. I shook it off, remembering the last time I felt that shiver. It was our third date and I itched to slip my hands under her shirt. It was also the last time I ever felt that way around another person. Kara was the only one I let my guard down with. Down in the way desire felt when you wanted someone so bad, it was hard to breathe.

I let out a slow sigh, reaching for my phone to text her.

-Careful. You’re making the interns drool. That sweatshirt is still too short for polite company.-

I hit send, watching the Kara filled square on the screen. She yawned, reaching for her phone, the sweatshirt refusing to cover her side. I watched her cheeks turn a slight pink as she fidgeted with her glasses, reading my message.

I smiled when she absently tugged the sweatshirt down, tapping away on her phone. She glanced at the screen, her eyes scanning the room for me. I leaned back in the chair, hiding behind an intern.

-It is a size too small, but comfy. If anything, you make the interns tremble. I didn’t know you’d be at the office today. –

Kara leaned closer to her laptop, her eyes on a dedicated search.

-I had a meeting with finance, popped down to sit in on this one.- I hit send, then fired off another text.

-I hoped you’d be here today. I wanted to buy you coffee.-

I chewed on my bottom lip. I wanted to say I missed her, and wanted to just stand in the same room with her for a minute. I sighed, tipping my head down. I had it bad for Kara. I shook my head, thumb hovering over the messages. I was about to apologize for bothering her and just move on with the day. Stop thinking about a tight sweatshirt and the blonde who wore it.

-I’m having a bad day. Chose to work from home. Can you please scoot forward so I can see you? All I can see is the back of your hair flowing out of Brian’s head. It’s confusing me, I’m suddenly attracted to Brian’s head.-

I chuckled scooting forward, turning to look right at Kara in the bottom right corner. I felt my heart skip when she smiled ever so slightly. I nodded at my phone. -Attracted to his head? Should I be worried? And bad day? Are you okay?-

Kara smirked, holding up her phone as she hit my contact button.

My phone lit up with a picture of her and Pepper I took that day at the animal shelter. I politely excused myself from the conference room, answering as I slipped into a side office. “Hi.”

“Your hair has always been one of my favorite things. Especially when you leave it down, wavy and a little tangled from the wind.” Kara sounded tired, her voice had a slight rasp. “I’m okay. I sometimes have days where my thoughts collapse on me. I basically woke up, thinking too much and questioning everything.”

I walked to the large window, staring out into city. My heart racing at Kara’s words. The woman knew how to flirt and hit her mark. “You didn’t have to do the meeting. It’s all boring numbers and projections. I’m sure Sarah would’ve sent you anything you needed to know.”

“Probably. But this is my job, and I need to maintain some sort of routine. More on the bad days.” Kara huffed. “It could be nerves. My life story is about to be released to the world. The spotlight will follow and I don’t know, Lena. I don’t know.”

“It’s been a hectic few weeks, month. You’re allowed not to know anything.” I swallowed hard. “I often wake up, clueless of what to do. My life is unusual at best, and most days, I want to run away and hide in bed with my books. Not perfect my plan for world domination.” I grinned, hearing Kara laugh.

“What are you doing later?”

I shrugged, glancing at my watch. “Nothing. My assistant cleared my schedule for the day. She felt I was working too hard. Something about taking time off from running three companies and not taking care of my broken arm, and eating dinner before the sun sets.” I turned away from the window, sitting on the ledge, pressing a hand against my stomach as the nerves rose. “Would you like to have dinner with me? Tonight?”

There was a soft pause, before Kara spoke. “Why, Lena, are you asking me out?”

 “I am. As long as you wear that too small sweatshirt and are okay with take out at my place. I want to spend time with you, Kara. I want to start this again, with you.”

“I’ll also wear the matching sweatpants, just for you. And take out with sounds perfect. But if you’re free now, do you want to help me pick stuff out for Pepper? I pick her up this weekend and I have nothing.” Kara huffed.

I laughed. “I’ll meet you at my penthouse in an hour. I need to change.” Kara mumbled out an okay and hung up after I told her to at least pay attention to the last half of the meeting. I walked out of the office, grinning as I told Eve I’d be unavailable for the rest of the day and to forward any inquiries to Jess.

I’d never been more excited to take a half day in my life.

XXXX

Kara

“I’m still in a mood, Alex.” I stepped out of the elevator at Lena’s floor. “I’m taking your advice and getting out of the loft. I’m going shopping for Pepper and having dinner with Lena.”

“Oh, you are?” Alex spoke the words slowly. “I thought.”

“You thought right. I’m still in a mood where I’m questioning everything, but I won’t figure it out, sitting in sweats and watching reruns.” I tugged on the edge of my sweatshirt, trying to pull it to fit better. At least I changed into an old pair of jeans, a last minute decision when I found a huge pizza stain on the back of my sweats. “That was the only good thing about the last ten years, I don’t sit on my hands anymore. I go, one way or another, I go.”

“Good. She makes you smile, and relax. You turn into the old silly Kara when you’re around her. IF you love her or not, she’s good for you right now. She’s literally the only person you’ll let your guard down around, and you need that. You need to release the pressure you’ve built up.” Alex sighed. “I love you, kid. Call me if you need me, and call me with the details.”

I laughed, blushing. “There will be no details. It’s dinner and a trip to the pet store. The night will end with me carting leftovers for you to demolish in the morning.” I glanced at Lena’s door. “I’ll call you later, be safe.” I hung up, jamming the phone in my back pocket before mashing the doorbell.

I blew out a slow breath, staring at my feet, fixing my glasses. My bad mood was lessening, but it was colliding with the weird nerves I always felt lately when it came to Lena. The door swung open, I took a deep breath and looked up. “Hey.”

Lena grinned, leaning against the door. “Hey you.” She looked incredible in an old t-shirt with a faded Chicago Bears logo. Her jeans were old, and looked like a pair she wore constantly in college. I bit back a grin until I spotted the sleek black sling wrapped around her arm.

I waved at it. “Are you okay? We can skip…”

Lena stepped back, opening the door wider. “I’m fine. It’s a tiny set back. Science is never perfect. I just need to keep it light before the next run of tests.” She walked towards her couch, picking up a light jacket.

I took one small step inside her penthouse, swallowing down the memories of when I was there last. Dizzy and bouncing off her walls. “Are you sure?”

“Perfectly sure.” She slipped the jacket on, moving to stand in front of me. She reached out, gently tugging on the edge of my USMC sweatshirt, the back of her fingers brushing against my stomach. Making me suck in a quick breath. “Are you sure this is only one size too small? And no sweatpants?”

I shook my head, fighting the blush threatening to cover my entire face, body. “Pizza stain. I didn’t want to completely embarrass you.” I looked down at her hand on the edge of my hoody. “Sam promised me it would fit when she gave it to me, maybe I shrunk it in a laundromat in London.” I watched her hand drop away when I attached the name same to a woman.

“Oh, it’s possible. Laundry wasn’t your strong suit.” She gave me a tight smile, grabbing her phone and wallet. “I think I still have a white NYU shirt with most of the logo bleached out.”

She took a few steps ahead of me, after locking her door. I felt the jealousy wash off of her in waves, sinking into my heart. Lena was jealous. Lena never ever got jealous, even when we were together. She thought jealousy was a wasted emotion, especially since Lex thrived off of it.

I had to jog a few steps to catch up to her at the elevator. She smiled, nervously running her fingers along the edge of her phone. “There’s a pet store over by the best little Mexican restaurant in the city. I thought we could grab dinner from there, they have the best enchiladas. I downloaded their menu, I can send it to you.” She frowned, tipping her head down at her phone, her jaw clenching.

I smiled again. Lena was jealous, and frustrated. Two things I hadn’t seen since college and we started dating. “Okay.”

She nodded. “Um, I also looked into diets for dogs of Pepper’s breed. I have a list of appropriate dog foods for puppies, and the best bed.” She swiped on her phone, fighting her emotions and struggling to keep them in check.

We walked out of the elevator and onto the street. It was a beautiful day, sunny and cool. I felt my bad mood ease up, aided by the small signs Lena was giving off. It was stupid, but seeing things I hadn’t seen in ten years, knowing she never ever showed her emotions to anyone but me, was helping. It was picking away the edges of doubt I woke up with.

Lena squinted in the sun, pointing down the street. “It’s a few blocks. We can walk or I can get a car.”

“Walk. I always walk when I can.” I smiled at her. “I’m still getting used to a world where I can walk down a clean street in the middle of the day, instead of running to hide in alleys.”

She studied my face for a moment, her eyes filling with another emotion. “Of course.” She turned to start walking, reaching in her pocket for sunglasses. Quickly slipping them on.

I let the silence linger for five steps before I spoke. “Sam. Sam is Colonel Sam Arias. And she gave me this sweatshirt after I saved her life. She also gave me a big baggy sweater. The one I sometimes wear to the office on Fridays. It has holes everywhere and I should throw it out. Same with the sweatshirt. It’s two sizes too small, and has holes in the armpits. I probably shrunk the damn thing in the laundry, the hot water and warm water buttons are right next to each other on European washing machines. But they’re my weird safety blankets.” I glanced at Lena. Her jaw was clenched so tightly, I could almost hear her teeth creak under the pressure. Lena was jealous. “Sam is one of my best friends from that life. Nothing more. She had a thing for my sister, but that would never work out. Two shadow agents living in a world of shadows. Sam is a friend, I love her, I always will, but she’s a friend. A friend I’d like you to meet one day.” I paused, waiting for Lena to look at me. “She’s heard everything about you.”

“Kara, I.” She fought the blush, looking away, her jaw still clenched.

“Lena. There was only two others after we broke up.” I frowned, hating I was bringing this up, but it was the only way through. Jealousy would always be one of the great destroyers of humanity. I’d seen it firsthand far too many times, people pissed because someone else had what they wanted. “They. They weren’t you.”

Lena gave me a tight smile, her jaw clenched tight. “It’s fine. Life continued on when we parted ways. I didn’t expect.” She sighed, shaking her head. “It’s fine.”

“Lena.” I reached for her, gently grabbing her wrist. “Look at me, please?” Her jaw twitched for a breath, before she turned to me. “Life did continue on after we parted ways.” I reached up and removed her sunglasses. Lena’s big green eyes were glassy. I wanted to smile. Lena always kept her emotions buried, hidden. But it seemed after ten years, Lena had softened a few edges and found swallowing her emotions, did more harm than good. “Don’t be jealous of a woman a handful of states away from us. One, I’m not the Danvers she’s interested in. Two, my life started the day I met you, and I’m beginning to think Kismet was right.” I held her face, running my thumb across her cheek. “They weren’t you.” I repeated the words, watching them sink in and ease the tension in Lena’s jaw. “Don’t be jealous. I’m here now. We’re here, together. The rest of our lives ahead of us.”

Lena closed her eyes, leaning into my palm. “There was one other, for me. But.” She opened her eyes, whispering. “They weren’t you.”

I grinned before softly kissing her. She sighed against my lips, making my heart skip.

I stepped back as my hand fell from her cheek to land in her hand. “You know, I woke up this morning, completely over the day. Over the world as my memories crept up on me. I pulled the work from home card, planning on half assing it and spending the day in my apartment with the curtains drawn. Sulk, and eat pizza until I passed out.”

Lena squeezed my hand. “Did I ruin your plans? And should you be telling your boss you’re skipping out on work?”

I shrugged, tugging her to walk with me. “You kind of did ruin my plans. In a good way.” I glanced at her. She had her head tipped down, looking at our hands together. “And you could always fire me. Actually, you should fire me. I can knock it off my bucket list.”

“Getting fired is on your bucket list?” Lena chuckled.

“It is. Granted its my boring bucket list. I already mastered the exciting one. Jump out of an airplane, ride in a helicopter, get shot, stabbed, get in a fight and win, win silly journalistic awards, see the stars all across the world, and get arrested.” I hummed. “The normal boring bucket list is boring. Get fired from a job, read all the silly fantasy novels on my bookshelf, learn how to make iced coffee, spend a day in bed doing nothing. Normal, boring things.”

I saw Lena tense at the mention of what I’d done. It made me feel bad, but it was the only way I could get through the heavy feeling I woke up with this morning. I needed to start sharing with her more.

“I can teach you how to make iced coffee. I learned last year after I discovered coffee shops don’t stay open twenty four hours and I need the caffeine in the middle of the night. It’s fairly simple.” Lena nudged my shoulder with hers. “I’d never fire you. I rather enjoy when you come to the office in those outfits of yours. The button up and perfectly tailored pants. Very dreamy.”

I blushed, picking at my sweatshirt, pausing as the morning crept back around the edges. “Lena, I’m not okay. It may take a while. Somedays are better than others. Some mornings, nights, are hard. So hard, I don’t sleep knowing what’s waiting in my dreams.” I looked at her. “If you…”

“I compliment your outfits, and you give me an out to being with you.” She shook her head. “I hate to tell you, Kara Danvers. I walked away once. Once was enough. Your stuck with me, until you decide you don’t want me.” She swallowed hard. “I’ll be there, if you let me. In the morning, in the night. I’ll be there to hold you, sit with you until the sun rises. Only if you want me to be there.”

I nodded, whispering a small thank you. I couldn’t verbalize the emotions her words invoked. Especially when my thoughts drifted to the what if’s. What would we be if the world had lets us be together, where would the last ten years take us? I cleared my throat. “So, the shelter gave me a list of suggested foods for Pepper.” I dug in my back pocket, pulling out the crumpled piece of paper. I crinkled the edges as I handed it to her.

Lena took it, looking it over. “I already picked up some puppy food. One of L-Corp’s subsidiaries is an organic pet food company. I had their labs come up with a perfect recipe for Pepper’s breed and age.” She paused. “Oh my, I’m sorry, Kara. I should’ve asked you.” She handed the list back to me. “I was just very excited for you, I may have gone a bit overboard.”

I grinned, opening the door to the pet store, letting go of Lena’s hand as an eager employee greeted us. I didn’t say it aloud, but I liked when Lena went overboard. It meant she was just as excited as I was.

XXXXX

Lena

“I think I went a little crazy.” Kara stood in her apartment, dog supplies covering her kitchen table. “Pepper is barely ten weeks old. Does she need all of this?”

I laughed, setting the last bag down. “Whatever she doesn’t like, you can donate it.” Kara had gone crazy. A fancy memory foam dog bed, a million plush dog toys, the best dog treats the store had to offer, top of the line dog dishes, and a big fluffy blanket with puppies on it. A blanket I was sure Kara bought for herself, but continued to claim it was for Pepper.

Kara huffed, rubbing her forehead, looking at me. “This is too much.” She began to nervously pluck at her sweatshirt. “I’m going to have to release that book, recoup the money I just spent.”

I walked over, kissing her temple. “I did offer to split the cost with you.” I glanced at my phone. There was a few emails from work, and a message from Claire. She had a preliminary report from my sling and the nodes we installed in it to monitor my arm throughout the day. It was late afternoon, the in between time of lunch and dinner. “What would you like for lunch, or do you want to wait a few more hours?”

Kara was neatly arranging the dog toys. “I’m hungry now. We should wait for dinner. We do have that date tonight.” She smiled at me. “Surprise me?”

I smiled back. “How about I run out for something light. If you don’t eat, you’ll be unbearable come dinner time.” I laughed at the dirty look Kara threw my way. “Think about where you’d like to go for dinner. We can keep it causal.” I eyeballed her sweatshirt riding up and exposing more skin than this morning. I swallowed hard, my heart racing at the memories of what she looked like naked. I turned away, looking at my phone.

“I don’t get hangry anymore.” Kara huffed, pouting. “A sandwich would be nice though. And Winn told me about this new farm to table place by Catco. He said they have a incredible country potato hash I might like.”

I chuckled. “Freya’s table. I can make a reservation now.” I messaged Jess to send me the phone number for the owner of the restaurant. “I’ll run down to the deli and grab a few sandwiches. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I looked up at Kara moving the dog bed to a spot right next to the couch before moving it to a spot right next to her bed. I laughed and snuck out the front door.

Out on the street, I called Claire.

“Lena Luthor took a half day. I literally had to look out the window to see if pigs were flying in the skies.” Claire laughed at my groans. “How is Kara? And before you say it, the nodes we used have GPS.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s what I get for using old technology. Kara is fine.” I paused. “I read the report. We need to line the sling with a cooling liner, my arms feels smothering in this thing and sweating could cause bacterial growth on the skin.”

“Already working on it. Your surface temp spiked a few times, then your heart rate. Which I won’t mention my hypothesis on why.”

I sighed. “I feel like a silly teenager. I see a tiny sliver of Kara’s skin and I lose it a little.”

Claire laughed again. “Kara Danvers is gorgeous, I don’t blame you for the giddy feeling. I once watched an interview she did with BBC and wow. If I hadn’t literally been inside of her body, rearranging her hip and sewing up tendons, I’d be sending her naughty fan mail.”

“Claire.” I growled her name out.

“I don’t know what you’re waiting for. I know she’s a bit fragile, but we both know a good romp will heal all wounds. And after ten years of built up tension, it might be time to turn on the Luthor seduction skills.”

“Excuse me?” I shook my head. “I have no seduction skills.”

“Bullshit. I’ve watch you at galas, charity benefits. You even managed to seduce a lowly soldier in the heat of Syria to get exactly what you wanted. You should’ve at least kissed the poor lad for what he did for you.”

I walked into the deli, moving towards the back as there was small line ordering sandwiches. “I only asked him for a map.”

“A classified map, which you turned over to MI6, which helped them eliminate the rest of the insurgents who had blown up your love. A map that also has MI6 forever in your debt, probably why they’re paying you triple for the nano tech.” Claire tsk’d me. “Use your powers for good, Lena. You keep tip toeing and you’ll explode from pure frustration.”

I stood in front of a case full of salami and prosciutto. “Why are you suddenly so interested in my sex life? And have you been in my whisky cabinet in the lab?”

“Yes, I have. It was a long day of surgery and reviewing the reports your arm spits out, I grew bored and far too sober. I only came to National City to see this project through and got inadvertently invested in the Lena, Kara, love story.” Claire paused. “It’s time Lena. Make a move, and show Kara.”

I shook my head, standing at the end of the line. “It’s odd, Claire. Everything feels muddied. We’ve kissed, but its tentative at times. Kara used to be consuming, passionate, and.” I paused. “I don’t want to push.”

“Do you remember the story you told me about when you finally grew the courage to tell her you loved her?”

I nodded, shuffling forward a step as someone shouted an order for an Italian sub. “I do. I was so scared. I ordered a dozen heart shaped doughnuts from the bakery on campus. I paid extra for them to write I love you on them.”

“And what happened when you gave them to her?” Claire hummed.

I grinned at the memory. “I’d never seen her smile like that, ever. Doughnuts are her favorite thing in the world, but that day she said I replaced them.” I felt my heart skip at the memory of what happened in the minutes following that moment. The doughnuts were left on the kitchen counter to grow stale as Kara showed me her favorite things about me. “Oh.”

“That took you a minute, and you have three more degrees than me, Dr. Luthor.” I could hear Claire shaking her head at me. “Perhaps you should use sensory memory on dear Kara.”

I hung up on Claire mid-sentence and practically ran out of the deli. I paused on the street, quickly getting my bearings before I headed right and towards the bakery Kara constantly talked about in morning meetings.

I would test Claire’s sensory memory theory, hoping it would work and I could memorize what Kara looked like now under that old, too small sweatshirt.