The Corner

Ten days later -

“Kara?”

I snapped my head up, blinking away the fog I’d been swimming in since the editorial meeting started. “Yeah, sorry.” I smiled, squeezing my phone as I sat up. “Late night working on my latest article, and I can never shake jet lag for a few weeks.” I waved an absent hand around my head, pushing my glasses up. “You were asking about the article on the steel mill explosion?”

Sarah, the Editor in Chief for Catco and interim for Draoicht until one was hired, nodded. “Yes. We love it. We were just wondering if you were going to add in the interview with Ms. Luthor? We think it would be a great addition to next month’s issue.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “No. I never interviewed Ms. Luthor, by her request. I only did the basics as a courtesy to Cat allowing me to take a few days off.” I rolled my shoulders, starting to sweat from all the eyes on me. “Ms. Luthor had specifically asked me not to interview her and focus on the heroic efforts of the rescue team, as well as propping up the fact the steel mill will be rebuild by Craidhe Tech and Paulson Brothers. A unified effort to rebuild the community.” I paused, watching the irritating idiot from accounting lean over to whisper in the ear of the person next to him, a shitty smirk on his face. “It’s all in the draft I submitted to you.”

Winn had told me the whispers in the office about Lena and I. The past had been drudged up from the pits of hell and was being passed around like a communion plate. The past merged with the new rumors Lena and I were closer that employee and employer, and when I walked into the office for the first time in two weeks, everyone was staring. And it made me nervous and pissed off. “Am I in trouble?” I glared at the idiot as he chuckled. Winn had pinpointed him as the main gossip hound around the office.

Sarah shook her head, following my eyeline to the idiot. “Not at all. We just needed to clarify so we can get the marketing correct.” She paused. “Steve? Is there a problem?”

He grinned at Sarah, smoothing down his tie. “Not at all, Sarah.” He looked my way. “I’m just trying to clarify the expense report Kara submitted.” He flipped a few pages.

I clenched my jaw. “It shouldn’t be hard. I spent ten dollars on coffee at the airport, the receipt is stapled to the top sheet.” I reached into my back pocket, digging out the change I shoved in there from this morning’s coffee run. I threw a twenty across the desk. “Here, keep the change.” I stood up, collecting my things. “Please don’t ask my friend about my personal life, Steve. It has nothing to do with expense reports or accounting.”

“Well, when you’re sleeping with the boss, expenses are no matter.” He mumbled under his breath, a little too loudly. I heard him, and the rest of the team heard him. Causing the silence in the conference room to thicken.

My jaw creaked from the tension of not punching Steve in the face. I pushed my glasses up. “Sarah, if you need me, I’ll be in my office. I have a interview scheduled in ten minutes.”

“Of course, Kara.”

I walked out of the room just a Sarah professionally began ripping Steve a new one.

Back in my office, I sat behind my desk, groaning as I desperately wanted to leave for the day. I knew I couldn’t, it was my first day back and I had to keep up the appearance I wanted to be here. Working on writing my next story. I glanced at my phone, i had six more hours before I could leave and not raise anymore suspicion.

I wanted to call Lena, but she had a doctor’s appointment for her arm. That’s what we were calling it, but I knew she was in a lab in one of her secret buildings, having the pins in her arm adjusted and a follow up on her lung.

I would be lying if I said things were completely fine between us. We kissed and had made up, and everything was roses and sunshine. But it wasn’t. The air shifted the second we landed in National City and we went our separate ways. Not on purpose, but because our lives were very different. She was pulled into emergency meetings for the steel mill rebuild and a few minor issues at Craidhe Tech. I dropped her off at her office and awkwardly stared at her until Alex’s ringtone bumped me out of the weirdness I knew I was creating. She gave me a small hug, probably sensing my stress, and promised to call me later. I missed her calls, buried in my journals and old files. I’d decided it was time to let go more and began tearing apart the notes from Afghanistan and St. Petersburg. I wrote throughout the night, struggling as I opened more doors to the past. Turning my phone off out of habit and turning to a bottle of whiskey to keep my mind a sliver on the right side of numb.

The weekend was lost to writing, and by the time I pulled my head above water, Lena had called four times, sent a handful of texts. Eventually they stopped, picking up whatever hidden hint I was trying to throw her way.

I sighed, rubbing at my temple, flipping my phone out of mild irritation. I was on edge. The writing had exposed raw nerves. Steve stomped on them, and now I wondered why I ever gave up traveling the world to sit at a desk, surrounded by idiots. I swiped open Lena’s message, typing before I changed my mind.

-Hi. I didn’t disappear. I wrote and turned my phone off. I wrote about St. Petersburg and everything in between. There’s so much. Can I buy you lunch tomorrow?-

My thumb wavered before I hit send.

“Kara?” Winn tapped on the doorframe, leaning his head in.

I looked up, trying to smile. “Hey.” I waved him in as I turned my phone over and shoved it to the side.

“Welcome back?” He flopped in the chair across from my desk.

“Is that a question?” I picked up a pen, writing on my calendar to keep my hand busy.

“You don’t look excited to be home. Or it could be the jet lag.”

“I’m tired. It was a long flight, and my body has never gotten adjusted to the different time zones it’s lived in. Right when I get a handle on time, it shifts.” I gave him a tight smile. “I’m assuming you’re in my office because someone, somewhere, heard the shit show that was the editorial meeting.”

“Steve was fired five minutes ago. He asked me for boxes to pack up his crap.” Winn chuckled. “He was due to be fired two years ago, but for some reason Cat Grant liked him.”

I shrugged. “Cat Grant likes me, it doesn’t mean anything.” I tossed the pen back into the cup.

“Cat Grant fired him.” He grinned at the look on my face. “Sarah called her the second you left the room, and bingo bango. Steve was fired while on speaker phone with the entire room and the entire Metropolis office.” He saluted me, laughing. “Cat Grant does like you, Kara. She prefers to fire employees behind closed doors with NDA’s as an appetizer.” He paused. “How’s Lena? No one is saying a word about her, other than Steve.”

“She’s good. Fine.” My phone vibrated, my heart skipping a beat. “I haven’t seen her since we came home.” I cleared my throat. It’d been almost two weeks since we left England. It was my fault, I disappeared into my thoughts and feelings and short circuited. Choosing silence and brooding over talking to her about anything. Anything being the kiss and my feelings for her.

Winn nodded, staring at me. “Did something happen in England?” He asked softly, giving me room to breathe and not feel smothered by the question.

I swallowed hard, looking out the window. “Yep.”

“Good or bad?” Winn kept his tone even.

“I don’t know, Winn.” I looked away from the window. “I don’t know what I’m doing with her. When I’m alone with her, it’s like I’ve been sent back ten years to the first day I ever met her. Then the last ten years come crashing down on me when we talk.” I looked down at my palm, staring at the rough patch of skin where the satellite phone froze to it. “Burying me in the weight and the scars of the stupid shit I did. The stupid shit we did.” I sighed, replaying Lena telling me about Lillian. “We never had a chance.” I chuckled. “We still don’t have a chance. I walk in the office and everyone is whispering about Lena and I. The interoffice affair. Dropping hints that the only reason I have freedom and loose deadlines, is because I’m sleeping with the CEO.” I swallowed the words down before I told Winn about the kiss. And how it made my heart skip every time I thought about it. One silly kiss had consumed me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it for more than a minute.

“And it feels like all of your credibility is being torn apart?” Winn leaned forward.

“It feels like my world is being torn apart.” I ran a finger along the scar on my palm. “It feels like I’m on a sinking ship of my own making, and I forgot a life jacket.” I shrugged. “I’m drowning, Winn. It’s the easiest way to explain it.”

Winn cleared his throat, blinking back tears. “Kara, are you…”

“In therapy? Yes. Just upgraded to three times a week when we landed back in National City.” My phone vibrated again, making me reach for it. “You don’t have to do anything, Winn. Sitting here and listening is more than I can ask from anyone.” I flipped my phone over, there was a text from Alex and Lena. I opened Alex’s first.

-Pizza later? I want to hear about England and the massive article you’ve clearly been writing this weekend. –

I replied with a short. -Pineapple and yes.-

I moved to Lena’s text as Winn cleared his throat when Teddy popped around the corner, asking about a server upgrade.

-Lunch sounds perfect tomorrow. I have the day free, so pick the time. No worries, I remember when you’d drift into writing mode. I’ll call you tonight, apparently, I have to meet with HR to vet new accounting candidates for the magazine. I see Steve finally put his foot fully in his mouth.-

I laughed, replying to Lena with a simple, tomorrow? My place?

I looked up at Winn with Teddy. Winn paused, leaning his head back into my office. “You good? I can make Teddy handle this on his own with a few interns.”

I shook my head, laughing at the panic on Teddy’s face. “Go. Save the servers of Catco. I have to some research to get done.” I waved Winn away, turning my computer on and moving to open the Afghanistan file I started the other night. A two piece article on my time I spent in country with the Army unit. I stared at the paragraph I stopped at. I’d stopped right at the part where I was blown up for the first time, my first concussion. I cleared my throat, smoothed out my shirt and started typing where I left off.

XXXX

Lena

“One more week and we can remove the pins. The nanotechnology will finish up the knitting work on your bones.” Claire sat next to me, swiping on the tablet in her hands. “After that, it’ll be another week before you can go back to playing tennis on the weekends.” She winked at me, moving to stand up.

“I never played tennis. No matter how much Lillian felt it was a more lady like sport.” I leaned back in the leather chair I sat in, spinning to look at the large monitor filled with data from the nubis pins. We were on the other side of the city in one of my secret Craidhe Tech labs. “Fencing was for men and idiots.” I rolled my eyes. “Her words, not mine.”

“Is that why you excelled at fencing? Your stocky mannish stature?” Claire chuckled, walking to the large monitor to tap on data graphs. “And how is the dear Lillian these days?”

“Cold. She always complains her cell is cold. Which is fitting for a woman with ice in her veins. I suggested she take up an activity to keep her blood moving.” I lifted my right arm, twisting my wrist slightly to see how the pins would react. They buzzed, but allowed me to fully rotate it with little resistance and pain.

“I can almost picture her teaching other inmates how to read.” Claire raised an eyebrow. “She’s so very nurturing and engaging.”

“She is the epitome of both those words.” I shook my head, setting my arm down on the table scattered with pages from my medical file. “I sent her an extra blanket, and a brochure for the community service programs the prison offers. She mailed it back to me, torn into pieces. So, needless to say, Lillian is still Lillian.”

Claire smirked. “It must chap her ass that you’re the Luthor in charge.” She turned towards me, her eyes turning serious. “It must also burn her to know you’ve reconnected with Kara.”

I closed my eyes, rubbing at the bridge of my nose. “Kara.”

“Oh, I know that tone. The tone of subtle self-defeat. Did things go awry?” Claire walked to the small table filled with a tea and a coffee maker. A necessity in any of my labs.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” I opened my eyes. “I thought I had gotten past one of her walls, and we were moving forward.” I sighed. “I haven’t heard from her since we parted ways at my door. That was almost two weeks ago.”

“You always know what you’re doing. You always know what direction to take, what move to make, Lena. You plot and plan, and make informed decisions. Even if it’s spontaneous, it’s well thought out. Albeit it’s well thought out using your heart and not the cold steel of your inherited last name.” Claire set a cup of tea next to my hand. “What happened? Exactly? I’m one of your very few friends who knows about Kara, you can trust me.”

“You’re the only friend who knows about Kara.” I smiled. “You might be my only friend. My family trying to blow up most of the nation made friendships difficult.” I took a sip of tea. “I told her I still loved her. I gave her the letters, she kissed me and I felt like a silly college student again. Then, we come home, and an iceberg floats between us.” I clutched the warm cup in my hands. “I can’t push her. She’s fragile, as silly as that sounds, Kara is teetering on the edge.” I met Claire’s eyes. “I found her sleeping on the floor one night. She sleeps on the floor when she’s scared. Which is far more often than one would suspect looking at her. Sunshine filled grins and strong shoulders.” I blinked back tears. “Maybe I rushed things in England. Maybe I’m rushing everything.”

“You said she kissed you?” Claire sat on the edge of the lab table.

“She did. Or we kissed each other. It was after she let me read her journals.” I paused. “There are pages in there that hurt more to read, than walking away from her ever did.” I took another sip, wishing it was scotch and not earl grey. “How do I tell her everything?”

“She has the letters, right? Even the ones you asked me to burn after Paris, but I didn’t?”

I nodded. “Including those letters.” My heart skipped when my phone rattled across the metal tabletop. I grabbed it, blushing when I saw Kara’s name. I held up the phone to show Claire.

Claire rolled her eyes, moving back to the monitor and the endless graphs. “You’re thirty five, Lena. Stop acting like the unsure underclassman you used to be, be the strong loving woman you are now. Read her message, and keep fighting. Then get your ass over here and help me with this formula.” Claire waved me off.

I read Kara’s text, feeling the tense apprehension in her words. She was scared, nervous, but trying. I smiled when at her explaining she’d been writing for the last few days. Writing about the last ten years and all the incredible things she accomplished, the things she’d been through. It gave me hope.

As I went to reply, I received an email from Cat, telling me the asshole from accounting was fired for inappropriate gossip in the workplace. I knew the gossip she spoke of. Jess had shared it with me when I walked into my office this morning. It was frustrating, but I knew it couldn’t be avoided. The second Kara played her hand to Cat, and left her job for two weeks to be with me, the gossip would be ripe. A world famous mysterious journalist, flying off to be by the side of the world famous heir to the Luthor empire, would incite plenty of gossip, no matter the circles.

I chuckled, emailing Jess to start pulling candidate files and if she could get me the scoop on what happened in this mornings editorial meeting. I tucked the phone away, moving to stand with Claire at the monitor, desperate to fill my head with scientific data, hoping it would chase out the flutter in the pit of my stomach. I chuckled, reaching to tap on the latest algorithm, who knew the idea of lunch would cause me to be so giddy.

XXXX

Kara

I chewed on my thumb, watching Alex from the kitchen. She’d been hunched over my laptop for the last half hour, reading my article. I had to turn away a few times when she gasped and wiped away tears. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe the last ten years of my life wasn’t suitable for all audiences. Maybe it was better if I stuck with the puff pieces and writing about people I didn’t care about. I dropped my hand from my mouth, reaching for the last slice of pizza. “It’s a rough draft. I need to cut a few things, and maybe tone down the really specific details.” I picked off a chunk of pineapple, glancing at Alex. “I may not even publish it. I’ll probably dump it in a USB and bury it in the bottom of my sock drawer.” I tossed the chunk in my mouth.

“Kara.” Alex softly spoke, closing the laptop as she looked at me. Her eyes watery. “Why didn’t you tell me? Any of this when it happened?”

I shrugged, shoving half of the slice in my mouth. “Because.” I mumbled around a mouthful before swallowing. “You’d make me come home. You’d make me stop.” I sighed. “That tour in Afghanistan, it was my way of proving to myself I could be strong. It was after I was stabbed, and I couldn’t endure the thought of coming home. Quitting and proving Len…proving people right. Kara Danvers was the goofy kid who was afraid of thunder and smiled no matter what.” I left out having to prove Lillian and all the other Lillian’s in the world I was worth something.

“Kara. You were shot in the leg. You were in a convoy where half of the team barely survived IED’s and an ambush.” She laid a hand on the laptop. “You have a medal of valor for running into a burning mangled mess of steel and saving two soldiers.” She shook her head. “How did you hide that? And why are you keeping it a secret? Any of this?”

I shrugged again, tossing the pizza to the side. My stomach turned at the memories of my first trip to out into a warzone. It was the first of three and probably the most civilized. The other two, well, heroin smugglers aren’t as friendly as insurgents. “Because.” I absently ran my hand down my left thigh, feeling the tiny bump right above my knee on the underside. I frowned, I couldn’t remember where I shoved that stupid medal.

“How many scars do you have?” Alex asked with a shaky tone.

“You know. You have all of my files and Lena’s. That’s pretty much the whole kit and caboodle.” I pushed my glasses up, moving towards the cabinet I kept my good whiskey in.

“Why are you afraid to tell me the truth?” Alex raised her voice. It was her cop voice, the one she used to scare me back in Midvale. “You know I know now.” She tapped the laptop. “This isn’t in any file I can access. I only find little blips, or your articles from the Times.”

I sighed, hand on the cabinet door, staring at the bottle of whiskey. I debated for a moment. Debated if I wanted to tell Alex the truth, if I could tell her the truth, and if I could do it without chugging whiskey like it was water. “I wasn’t at the ceremony. I was in South Vietnam, completely off the grid. When I made it to New York seven months later, it was at the bottom of my mail, underneath an expired Bath and Body works coupon.” I waved a hand around. “Who knows where it could be. I probably threw it out somewhere between Central Park and 5^th avenue.” I turned to my sister, clenching my jaw. “The truth hurts. It burns, and when I start to think too much, the waves crash over me. Drowning me in the depths.” I smiled. “I don’t like the truth right now.” I pointed at the laptop. “The only way I can face it, is by writing. Putting words to paper, because paper won’t judge me. Paper won’t ask me a million questions, and force me to look at the last ten years.”

Alex looked at me with watery eyes, and I felt all of the regret from the last ten years. Leaving her, hiding from her, hiding from my family and friends. Hiding the truth because I was so set on a path of destruction with a shattered heart. I walked away from the cabinet, moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of my sister. “I have about twelve scars. Most of them I can hide.” I held out my hand, pointing at the pink patch of skin. “This one hurt more than any of them. They had to basically rip the skin off my hand.” I paused, looking up at my sister. “I’m still me, Alex.”

She grabbed my hand with both of hers. “Publish it.”

“Alex.”

She shook her head, squeezing my hand. “Publish it. Let it out into the world. Let people read your truth. You might find you’re not alone in this, the way you feel. You have me, mom, Kelly, Winn.” She paused. “You have Lena.”

I closed my eyes. Lena. “What if….”

“I don’t deal in what if’s. And fuck anyone who dares to say anything about your story. It’s your story, your stories. I know you, Kara. Writing has always been your way out of the difficult times. I think you need to keep writing. Tell your story and let go.” Alex moved her hands to the side of my face, pressing our foreheads together. “I love you, sis. I hope you know that. Even when it hurts to hear the truth and everything you’ve done. I love you. You’re my family, and I will always stand by your side.”

I blinked back tears. “I know. I love you, too.” I let out a slow breath leaning back. “Stronger together.” I wiped a tear away as it ran freely down my cheek. “We need more pizza.”

Alex laughed, shaking her head, wiping her own tears away. “How about we get ice cream instead. I need to eat a few of my feelings right now.” She stood up. “Then you can tell me more about your vacation in England. You skirted the Lena topic, and haven’t mentioned her in the last few weeks.” Alex walked to the freezer.

“I kissed her. She kissed me? We kissed each other?” I blurted the words out, nervously running my hands over my sweatpants. “Then I went radio silent on her. I shouldn’t be kissing her. I shouldn’t be rushing into my feelings for her.” I motioned to my laptop. “I still have walls, I’m still hiding things.” I turned to look at Alex. She held the giant tub of ice cream, her eyes wide.

“You kissed her?”

I nodded, burying my face in my hands, groaning. “Yes. I was opening up to her, and it felt exactly like it did ten years ago. I felt safe with her. She was listening, hearing me. She didn’t flinch at the bits of pain I threw on the floor between us. My heart took over, and I kissed her.” I rubbed my face, groaning louder. “I like it. I like her. I love her. I want her back.” I dropped my hands away. Alex was standing in front of me, handing me a spoon. I purposely left out telling Alex about the letters Lena wrote. It didn’t feel right sharing Lena’s secret

“But?”

“How did you know there was a but?” I grabbed the spoon, shoving it in the tub of ice cream.

“You only speak in disjointed fragments when you’re hesitating. When you have a but stopping you.” Alex held the tub as I scooped out a fist side lump of cookie dough ice cream.

“I don’t know the but yet. I just keep thinking about standing in that dumb pawn shop in the village, picking out the stupid ring hiding in that stupid dented tin by my bed. I keep thinking about reciting how I was going to ask her to marry me the entire subway ride home. I keep thinking of a future I thought I was going to have.” I stuffed the spoon in my mouth, wincing at the cold. I swallowed a far too large bit, blowing out a slow breath as the brain freeze hit. “Then I keep thinking if the me now, can have that feeling back. The feeling I had laying under the stars in the middle of the desert, wishing. I’m almost forty, I apparently have rough edges.” I pointed at Alex with the spoon. “My outburst in the editorial meeting has given me the reputation of walking sunshine with rays that will burn you.”

“Honestly, I like your rough edges. It gives you character.” Alex chuckled. “I love the goofy kid, who still giggles at cute puppy videos, and wears cartoon underwear under her very fancy tailored slacks. But you are stronger Kara. People won’t dare to take advantage of you. And when you publish your stories, they’ll respect you. They’ll see more than a reputation as the world famous journalist, they’ll see a survivor, a hero, a changemaker. You’ve changed the world with your words and actions. You’ve saved lives. Now it’s time you find what you want.”

“I asked her to lunch, tomorrow. I asked her to come here.” I spooned out another ball of ice cream. “I’m going to let her read the article, and the other ones I wrote.” I paused. “I’ll send you all of them, if you want. I’ve been writing non stop since England. That laptop has thirty one of my stories. The good ones, the bad ones, the really really bad ones, and the ones about my scars.”

Alex looked at me for a moment before speaking. “How about we have a night every week set aside. You come over, I’ll come here. We’ll eat junk food and I’ll read a story. Then, we’ll process together. I know you’re in therapy, but sometimes….”

“Sometimes I just need my sister.” I grinned with teary eyes. “Let’s do Friday night. That way if it gets too late, we can have a sleepover and you can buy me breakfast in the morning.” I winked at Alex, snatching the tub away from her.

“I am not taking you to a buffet.” She slapped my shoulder with her spoon. “But deal. Now, tell me about getting the accounting department fired over gossip you’re banging the boss.”