The Corner

“Why do you keep staring at your phone?” Winn threw a chip at my desk, catching the top of my phone before bouncing away. “You keep staring at it like it’s going to talk back to you.”

I frowned, setting it down. “Why are you always in my office? Don’t you have your own department to run?” I reached for my notebook, struggling to focus on the story I’d outlined last night.

“It’s me and Teddy, and we both submitted our articles on Monday. I have nothing to do but bug you and wait for a IT help call.” Winn dug into the chip bag. “I also came to see if you wanted to get lunch today, found you zoned out with the phone in your hand.”

I sighed. I had been staring at my phone for the last twenty minutes, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to text Lena. She’d sent me a good morning, landed safely, text while I was sleeping. Now, I was dumbfounded on how to respond to her. I had so much to say, and yet, nothing to say at the same time. I felt stupid for my breakdown at our coffee date and had pretty much avoided her. She had sent texts, not many, a few, and I would stare at them. My fingers hovering over the keys, confused as how to open dialogue. Whatever courage I had at coffee, fizzled away when the rest of my hangover fizzled away. Now, I felt stupid embarrassed and strangely weak. Something on my list to discuss with my therapist this week.

I wanted nothing more than to open the stupid message and write Lena novels. Tell her about every dumb thing I did over the last ten years, then follow up with all the good things I did. But I froze, the stupid blinking cursor on my phone blinking at me like I was a silly fool.

“Kara?” Winn snapped his fingers, pulling me out of my haze.

“What?” I frowned deeper, feeling on edge, wishing I could work from home again today.

“What’s up? You’re grumpy today, and you only get that way when you’re hungry. I did just offer to take you to the Chinese buffet on ninth, but you clearly didn’t hear me.” Winn sighed. “Dare I guess what, or who, has you distracted?”

“Winn.” I huffed, looking up at him, pausing before I spoke. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I clenched my jaw, flashes of my mini breakdown at the coffee shop rang through my mind like church bells. I set the phone down, glancing at him. “You ever feel amazing and stupid at the same time?”

“Everyday. Perks of being an IT whiz. I get excited about cracking code and everyone stares at me like I’m wearing my Star Wars pj’s at the office.” He stood up, brushing off chip dust. “I’ll leave you to it. Text her, call her, stare at the phone, magically casting a spell to make her call you. You were happy at the editor’s meeting. Ride whatever that was, Kara, and use it. If she makes you happy, and you want her again, I’ll throw out the dartboard with her face on it.” He winked at me. “It was part of the welcome gift.”

“But you gave me a bottle of whiskey and the remastered copy of Beauty and the Beast.” I gave him a look, fixing my glasses.

“Yeah, and I figured we could get drunk, watch Disney movies and throw darts at her face. But.” He paused, leaning over my desk. “You two.” He paused, smiling softly before standing back up.

“Us two, what?” I huffed, hating when Winn grew weirdly cryptic, like he was encrypting every word coming out of his mouth.

He motioned to my phone. “You’ll see it. You’ll see it once you embrace the little pockets of joy, chasing away the darkness that hides in the edges of your eyes.” His smile fell. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Kara.”

I smiled back. “Don’t worry about it, Winn. It’s not like I gave anyone the chance to be there for me.” I shrugged. “As Alex likes to say, I ran off like my ass was on fire.” I motioned towards the door. “Teddy is hovering outside my office.”

Winn glanced over his shoulder. “Not again.” He sighed, looking back at me. “He only hovers when someone has gunked up the network with spam.” He rushed out of my office towards Teddy, the two talking a mile a minute in hushed tones.

I chewed on my bottom lip before opening my desk drawer. I grabbed the old worn journal, feeling it’s familiar weight as I set it on the desk. If the journal could talk, it would probably need as much therapy as I did. I sighed, flipping open the front cover to reveal an old laminated photograph. I stared at the image, shaking my head at how I ever thought I could forget Lena. She was always with me, even when I ran the furthest away from her. I stared at my phone, at the photograph and saw exactly what Winn meant. “Us two.” I ran my finger along the edges of the photograph as I reached for my phone, typing out a quick message. Everyone could see it then and now. Kismet was knocking on every door I tried to keep closed. What else did I have to lose?

XXX

Lena

“And over here, Ms. Luthor, you’ll see we’ve converted this half of the factory to accommodate your technology.”

I nodded, smiling at the foreman as he walked me through the plant floor, his team and a few members of the London branch of Craidhe Tech. I motioned to my team. “Take pictures and collect the blueprints. I want to be sure our technology will fit without too much retrofitting.”

They all nodded, tapping on their tablets. I shook my head with a small smile. I knew the weight my name and presence held in the world, but after the last few days with Kara, I felt like the foolish college student again. The one who hid in bulky sweaters, and groaned whenever I had to slip into a dress and fancy heels. A far cry from the powerful CEO I found myself to be now.

Kara. I missed her more than ever and kept checking my phone over and over, looking for any message from her, while fighting the urge to message her first. But I had to give her the space, I had to wait for her. I still had so much to tell her about the dumbest mistake I ever made, and give her the answers of why I followed her in the shadows. And maybe if there was some courage left, I’d tell her I still cared for her, still loved her. I sighed, shaking my head. Slow it down, Luthor. No need to jump the gun, she was home and from what Alex said, Kara was done running and wanted nothing more than to stop and find her place in the world. Whether I fit into that space, it was still to be determined.

“Ms. Luthor? We can move to the steel mills now. I know you expressed interest in the smelting process.” The foreman smiled, his eyes filled with the excitement I was investing in his company, breathing new life into a dying family business and the small town it supported.

“Yes, please.” I nodded as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I dug it out of my heavy pea coat, clicking it open without looking. A million emails had been flooding my inbox since I landed, everyone eager to meet with me and woo me over. The new biomedical nanotechnology Craidhe Tech was about to release by the end of the year was on everyone’s christmas list.

I glanced down, biting my bottom lip as I saw her name in the text.

Hi.

I continued following the foreman, typing out a reply when another message came in.

It took me almost three hours to decide on sending Hi. Then one more to decide to send it. And it’s probably super late in England.

I could almost see Kara scrunch her face up as she stopped herself from a full on Kara Danvers rant. I shook my head, fighting the silly smile as I replied. It’s almost eleven in the morning here. Which means it’s very late back in National City. Late night story?

As soon as I hit send, the phone lit up with Kara’s name. She was calling me and I felt my stomach twist in a thousand fluttery knots. “Good morning.”

“It could be, but I never went to bed.” She sighed a little.

“Oh? Does your new boss have you burning the midnight oil? Churning out articles?” I held up a finger to the foreman as I stepped out of the steel mill, taking a deep breath of the damp English morning air.

“I finished the article after lunch. The editorial staff is reviewing it tomorrow.” She paused. “I had a weird dream. And you’re the only one I know who would be up.”

“Okay.” I kept my tone light. This was new territory for Kara and I, talking.

“I don’t remember what it was about, and I shouldn’t have read my old journals. I think it triggered a few buried memories. I can’t sleep and I’m staring out the window. Did you ever notice how quiet National City gets in the middle of the night?”

“I do. It’s one of the many reasons why I chose to move there. Lowest crime rate in the country, nicest weather and affordable real estate.” I leaned against a brick wall, staring up at the hovering grey clouds.

“And here I thought it was because you heard I was coming home.” Kara softly chuckled. “That’s a joke, Lena.”

“I know.” Even though there was truth in her joke, I’d never let on. “Was it a journal from your travels?” I wanted to change the subject before I was tempted to flirt with her.

A heavy pause filled the air. “Um, no. It was one from New York.” Kara cleared her throat. “When will you be back in the city? And will you promise to keep your accent? I don’t really like the CEO accent.” Her tone was harder, heavier at the mention of the journal.

I swallowed hard. I had a feeling which journal Kara was reading. “I’ll be home by the end of the week. The meetings have gone well, and I should be tying up a few deals tomorrow.” I paused. “You’re the only person who never wanted me to change my accent.” I frowned at memories of Lillian forcing me to vocal lessons and dialect coaches. She didn’t want a trace of my past to linger, a past that poured a imaginary shame on the Luthor name.

“You were the most exotic person an innocent girl from Midvale had ever experienced.” Kara rasped the words out, a slight edge to her tone.

I felt the tension fill between us, even thousands of miles away, I could almost cut it with a knife. “We can talk when I’m home, Kara. Whatever comes of it, I’m ready. I’m ready for the fallout, or whatever.” I swallowed hard, turning to look over my shoulder at the foreman waiting patiently for me. “I owe you that much, my undivided attention and answers.”

“But I don’t owe you anything, Lena.” Kara snapped back. “You may have saved my life, but I don’t owe you a damn thing.”

“No, you don’t, Kara. But I owe you everything.” I kept my tone even. Kara was biting back, it was a part of her healing process. She was digesting the bits and pieces of the past she’d tucked away. Now that they were resurfacing, courtesy of me, she was dealing with the buried emotions that came with them. “I should go. I have to finish this steel mill tour.” I paused, hearing Kara breathe out a shaky breath. “You can call, text me whenever you would like. I’m here to listen. I’ll be home Friday afternoon. You’re more than welcome to come over after work and we’ll talk. But only if you want to.” I bit the inside of my cheek. I so desperately wanted to pour my heart out to her, beg for forgiveness and tell her that no matter what, I would always love her. My life was never the same after I left her and a part of why I always saved her, was because a world without Kara Danvers smile, wasn’t worth a damn.

“Yeah, I should try to get some sleep.” Kara paused. “Um.”

“It’s fine, Kara. I understand. Go rest.” I smiled, my heart twisting in my chest. For every second I had a glimmer of hope, the reality of the last ten years crept back in. I might be able to fix a rocket engine in a matter of hours, but the broken heart of the love of my life, would take far longer to repair.

I hung up after hearing Kara mumble out an okay and a soft goodbye, then blew out a hard breath, collected myself and turned the foreman. “Apologies. Shall we continue?” I gave him my best fake boardroom smile, at least I had work to distract me from sending my own journal to Kara. The one where I wrote to her every day as if she was sitting right next to me.

XXXX

 Kara

“You’re a damn good writer, kiddo.” Alex glanced at me as she read the first draft of my first article for Draiotch. “I had a vague idea about gerrymandering in politics, but reading this, I want to know more.  I’m also tempted to run for office to beat the shit out of the assholes who do this.”

I squinted at her from over my laptop screen. “It’s not too biased? It’s been a minute since I wrote an opinion piece and not calling out the dredges of the world.” I pushed my glasses up, catching my phone lighting up with a text from Lena.

“It’s not at all biased. You ramble when you’re biased, and this isn’t the usual Kara rant.” She handed it back. “It’s intelligent, well informed and I think even the random housewife standing in line at the grocery store, will read it, understand and want to know more.”

I sighed, leaning back in my chair, eyes glued to my phone. “I pitched a softball for my first article in this new magazine. I wanted to do human trafficking or the opioid crisis from my days in Afghanistan, but I should save that for the later issues.”

Alex nodded, looking around my spacious office. “I remember your first article for the NCU campus paper. It was about the cafeteria raising prices on student meals by sixty cents. You spent days writing that thing like you were Woodward and Bernstein, cracking open the greatest scandal this country would ever see.” She winked at me, grinning. “You’ve come a long way.”

I shrugged. “I’ve gone a long way.” I motioned to the stack of worn journals I dug out the other night. “I have piles of unwritten stories I never gave to the Times. But who knows the path this new magazine will take.”

“Doubting your boss already? Your biased outlook on your ex seeping into work?”

“No.” I frowned, leaning forward to grab my phone, hesitating opening the texts from Lena. “She’s amazing. The proof is there, everywhere I look. Lena has become a powerhouse for good, pushing her name out of the mud and into the light of progress.” I tipped my head down. “Alex, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

“I’ve been telling you that since you were fourteen.” She chuckled, moving to sit on the edge of the desk. “Lena?”

I nodded. “One minute I wake up and all I want is to talk to her. So, I text her and we fall into a quiet rhythm, similar to the old days, and then the broken boxes in the back of my head start pointing out my stupidity for wanting to reconnect with the one person who destroyed me. Then my heart swoops in, filling me with hope that I might actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s so back and forth.”

“With her? I can have my MI5 buddies mess with her.”

“Alex.” I gave my sister a dirty look.

She held up a hand. “I’m kidding. I know you poured a lot out to me last weekend. I’m still digesting that, and I know it’s going to suck when you see mom in a few weeks and pour more out to her. And I know your therapist gave you homework to start talking, and I can see the texts on your phone. You’ve started talking to her more?”

I nodded. “I called her the other night. I had a nightmare. I was back in Syria. The explosion, but this time I woke up right after and saw Lena next to me, covered in blood.” I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I was scared out of my mind.” I began bouncing my knee, making my new dress shoes squeak.

“I’m sure your therapist asked you the same question I’m about to. What scared you about the dream?”

I sucked in a slow breath. “She died in the nightmare.” I looked at my sister, blinking back tears. “I might hate her, love her, feel indifferent about her, but the idea of her not being alive…” I shook my head. “For six years, as I ran around dodging bullets, I didn’t give a crap if I died. I was doing my job and had no reason to live cautiously, or live at all. But I kept at it every time I woke up, alive, having survived.” I rolled my eyes, leaning back in the chair. “I know, it’s the hopeless romantic idea, death to heal a broken heart.”

“It’s a stupid fucking idea.” Alex gave me a hard look. “The only reason I’m not kicking your ass, is because you’re home, you’re alive and you’re processing the last ten years.” She pointed at me. “But remember, every damn day you wake up, there’s a lot of us who give a ton of shits that you’re alive.” She tipped her head down, wiping away a stray tear. “God, Kara. I would’ve been there for you.”

I stood up, wrapping my sister in my arms, squeezing her hard. “I’m sorry, Alex.” I wanted to say more, but I was a loss for words. My mouth and mind were disconnected, failing to filter out everything I needed to say for the last few years. I finally felt safe, so the dams opened, and I was letting it all out. “You and everyone else is why I stopped, came home. After St. Petersburg, well, I realized I didn’t want to die at thirty five, alone, a stupid chip on my shoulder.”

Alex slide her arms around me, squeezing me back, pinching my ribs. “Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Talk to Lena. Lock yourselves in her fancy penthouse and hash it out. Tell her everything like I know you want to. Break down these fucking walls you built around yourself, and let her see the raw pain you carry.” Alex leaned out of my arms. “I think it’s the only way you’ll heal. You still love her, and I’m pretty sure she still loves you. Whether you two will get back together, it doesn’t matter. I think you’re nightmare was your subconscious poking it’s head out now that you’re safe.” She stood up, wiping her cheeks with the edge of her sleeve. “Let her have it. Don’t hold back, Kara.”

I clenched my jaw, tugging on my fingers. “I might hurt her.” I whispered, hating myself for saying it. My sister was right, I had to bare all of my wounds to Lena, no matter how much they hurt or burned. She was the hidden silent rage I carried with me.

“You might. And at the end, I think she’ll still love you.” Alex pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Get it out before you see mom. You’ll need to tone down your stories, she’s always worried about you and if Jeremiah and her did right by you.”

“Oh my God, Eliza and Jeremiah were amazing. I could never ever blame them for anything, I love them so much. They’re my family.” I pushed my glasses up, my eyes wide and teary.

“I know.” Alex squeezed my arm. “I have to head across town, meeting with a CIA task force.” She picked up my phone, handing it over. “Call her, text her, send her a video of you ranting, just start the process, Kara.”

“Thanks.” I took the phone, swiping it open to read a handful of messages Lena sent.

Heading to the steel mill once more. I’ll call when I’m on the flight back.

Cat sent me a preview of your first article. It’s an incredible story, Kara.

I smiled as flipped through the rest, mainly emojis responding to the little stupid messages I sent about Winn being annoying and the puppies I saw in the window of a shelter. I moved to the last one, sent right before Alex walked in, sent by an unknown number.

Ms. Danvers, my name is Jess and I’m Ms. Luthor’s personal assistant. There’s been an accident, and per her directives, you’re her first contact. Please call me as soon as you can.

I frowned, thinking it was a prank when Winn came running into my office. “Kara! Why aren’t you answering your desk phone?” He rushed to the large TV in the corner of my office.

“I put it on do not disturb. The interns kept misdialing and calling me.” I swallowed hard, looking at the message from Jess, my gut twisting in an all too familiar way. “Why are you freaking out?”

“Because.” He clicked the TV on. “There was an explosion at a steel mill outside of London, in Cardiff.” He pointed at the images on BBC One of a burning factory, thick plumes of black smoke filling the screen. “The Paulson Brothers Steel Mill is in negotiations to be purchased by Craidhe Tech next week.” He glanced at me. “No one can get ahold of Lena.”

“No. She just messaged me.” I held up the phone, showing Winn. “It’s fine. I’ll call her now.” I went to dial her when my phone lit up, Jess’s number blazing bold white. I answered. “Who are you?

“Ms. Danvers, I don’t have time. Ms. Luthor has been injured in a steel mill accident and since you’re her point of contact, I need to patch you into the medical team. They need approval before they can send her into surgery.” Jess spoke in a quick, clipped tone.

I swallowed hard as my vision blurred at the edges. I closed my eyes, rubbing my temple. “Uh, whatever they need to do.” I reached for the edge of my desk, feeling lightheaded. “Is she…okay?” I cleared my throat as things grew hazier, darker.

“They’re taking extreme precautions at this moment. I’m flying there now from Metropolis, I can arrange a flight for you, if you’d like.”

“I uh, I.” I looked at Winn. “Winn?” I glanced at my phone, a delayed text from Lena slid in.

I love you, Kara. Always have. I’m sorry.

“No. She can’t do this.” I reached for Winn, letting my phone fall to the floor. Before he could grab me, everything went black and I passed out, falling to the floor like a bag of stones.

My nightmare had become a reality