Remember Me

“Adora, I think Shadow Weaver really erased your memory. She erased me from them.”

It’s like time froze for a lifetime. Could she have forgotten Catra? Her one true love, lifelong best friend and she hopes, wife?

Silence fell onto them, the room felt a sudden breeze of cold and Catra swears she’s getting frostbite in the tips of her fingers.

“How can you say that Catra? I would never forget you!”

“There’s a reason why Shadow Weaver punished us in private”

“What?”

Adora was very much aware that Shadow Weaver would pull aside cassettes who were being bluntly mischievous, or rude, or insolent. Pretty much anyone who tried to emulate Catra’s behaviour. And her girlfriend, for that matter, always ended up in her chambers.

Looking horrified, soaking wet or with a faint smell of copper in her fur.

“Adora we kissed for the first time when we were fifteen. We had our first time two days before you left the Horde.”

Catra at this point is shaking. The air isn’t cold anymore, but she feels as if it can rock her back and forth at its will. A gaping hole in her stomach just gets bigger and bigger the longer the love of her life denies remembering, dennies her. SHe’s trying to hold herself together but everything just hurts like the first time Adora forgot.

The blonde girl simply sits confused, hands resting on Catra’s. Hair poof out of place, and small desperation strand framing an already confused face. She can’t quite place the familiarity of those statements,and how she feels a subtle stinging at the back of her head. Is all that real? Could she have forgotten Catra? Is she getting played by Catra?

No. They’re not enemies anymore. She wouldn’t manipulate her like that. They trust each other, they promised each other to be better; for fucks sake, they are better.

She mentally scolds herself for thinking that.

“Catra, our first kiss was on the Heart. There you told me you loved me and I told you i loved you”

She abruptly lets go of Adora’s hand, throwing it to her.

“Don’t say it”

“What?”

“Adora I have been many things to you, but this is something I would never mess with. So shut up, and believe me. I’m not lying, you forgot me!”

Hurt fills up Catra’s system. Even in the peaceful world they have created, she still sometimes had to escape somewhere. Normally, she didn’t have to get away from Adora, but sometimes, old habits die hard.

It felt more like her feet were on autopilot.. She didn’t even notice the angry abandoned Adora she had left behind, screaming at her.

All muffled whispers more than screaming pleads, telling her to stay.

“It’s happening all over again,” Catra thinks.

_____

She ends up at the top of the Brightmoon Waterfall. Glistering drops up in the air, decorating the sky with small, shinier stars. One would think that Catra wouldn’t like this place, since it’s so close to water, but in reality she loves it. The only problem she has with water is if it’s in her lungs or in pressure against her skin. This place had the perfect height to take her as close as possible to the purple afternoon sky that their kingdom was so famously known for.

All her problems used to just fall down with the current. She’d follow Perfuma’s advice and imagine them crushing at the bottom of the lake. Everything became peaceful, quiet and falling.

She could also see the stars from there; almost touch them.

She loved them so much. They were, maybe, the only good thing that came out of opening the Portal. Cadetes started in awe the first night, as the sky had freckles like her own. The moons could barely cover their shine. Catra saw millions more, where others saw only empty space.

Her brain recalls something about them, how she learned they existed before anyone else and the first time Adora forgot. An ancient piece of scroll she managed to find in Shadow Weaver’s personal arsenal of books. Adora and her were looking to make a prank, and she snuck in there. Besides having a penetrating magic, or copper, smell in her nose, she noticed how much there was on her chambers, than just torture devices. There she found maps, scrolls and books. All related to Etheria and it’s history. It was all new and unknown and she wanted to know everything

The dark room was no longer being illuminated by the crimson shine of the Black Garnet. Catra’s eyes shimmered with hope and curiosity.

Faintly, Catra could hear moans and grumbles of a very tired and angry Shadow Weaver. Adora quickly calls for her friend in a whispering scream. Of course she hears her, but right now, all she wanted was a piece of whatever was written in the many pages. But dammit, she was eight, curious and determined.

They were all tightly organized and Catra found difficult to take one without making a mess in there. Instead of books she decided to go for the scrolls, who were a little more loose and in her climbing abilities.

“Catra! She’s getting closer!”,

“Just a minute Adora.”

The kitten quickly maneuvered in between the shelves, the walls and the parts which she could place her claws in, to sustain herself. There was a bit of a distance between where she was stuck. It was a simple arms reach, between her and the scroll she had set her eyes to. It looked older than the others, more crusty, more dusty and with what she could barely distinguish as a more yellow-worn out tone.

With a little faith, Catra took a leap. Getting a miscalculated boost from where she was hanging. She crashed into the shelf, but got a messy grip on the scroll.

A loud crashing noise struck the witch's chambers, making her hurry faster down the hall. Adora ran to help her friend, and quickly hid with her uniform the scroll Catra had taken, while she recovered.

“What in the hell is going on here!”, shouted Shadow Weaver. Her tone was ever so strong, in contrast with ehr figure who looked like it could barely get a grip on the wall she was leaning into.

“We wanted to talk to you. But we didn’t find you. I’m sorry for breaking in, it won’t happen again”. Adora used a special tone with Shadow Weaver. It was soft, and innocent. She made her voice dangle a little lower in her lungs as she spoke. It wasn’t the confident cadete she was friends with. She sounded small. Whilst the tone was gently to Adora, Catra only received disapproving looks.

Her skin shivers at the memory.

“Oh Adora,” she coons, “you both know better than to come here when I am not present. Run along, and don’t repeat this incident”

No giggles accompany their escape. Just silence, and a feeling of relief that is almost euphoria. As they turned around one of the hallways, Adora simply pulled out the scroll and handed it to Catra.

“What does it say?”, Catra says. They were both the smartest kids in their class, but Catra could only see little lines and triangles instead of words.

Adora however had no problem reading them. She swiftly went through the words as if they had been written specially. Little fingers and little paws sounding out the words, a little slow but all the confidence in the world.

“It's something about lights in the sky. They call them stars”

“What?”

“Yea look, here ‘Across the Eternian sky, we move with the help of the stars. Balls of gas that shimmer across galaxies. It not only helps us navigate here, but also the sea of darkness that space is. Up in the sky, the stars illuminate the night for us. Quite like tiny fish in the ocean. They whisper us the secrets of the universe, and we shout our stories back.”

Catra had never heard words that sounded like Adora; pretty.

They weren’t orders being screamed at them, nor like the insults that older cadets. Nor little tears sung after a difficult training session when they had gotten hurt. They sounded like when Adora passed her fingers through her mane, or when she pressed a goodnight kiss on her cheek, or like when she laughed and her cheeks turned bright red.

“Catra you’re like my stars. You're the only one I wanna share stories with”, she remembers how they both smiled.

Since that moment, they both drawed what they thought the stars would look like.

Now that Catra can see them, she realizes that their yellow scribbles in dark paper were nothing compared to the beauty of Brightmoons starry night. The only thing similar was…

Adora and Catra started calling each other that. Catra was her Star and Adora was her Ocean.

It didn’t last long, and that’s thanks to Shadow Weaver.

It was nighttime, and the witch had swung by the barracks to talk to Adora. Something about underperforming on her drills last week, but Catra couldn't exactly recall. Shadow Weaver was not one to come to the younger dormitories, and it estranged her that she had that night. So Catra decided to follow them.

Claws retracted not making a noise, tiptoeing around the dark corners of the Horde. She could vividly hear what Shadow Weaver had told Adora that night.

“Adora, child, I heard from commander Romano that he heard you call Catra a nickname this afternoon, what was it?”

“Oh, I called her Star. Why?”

It wasn’t the way Adora said it, but the innocence in her voice made Catra’s tail puff in worry. Something was up.

“Do you know what those are?”, she could see the intentions behind her, but not quite clearly. She feared for Adora, but felt almost frozen to go help her. A part of her wished that Adora was gonna get a reward for learning to read drawings, as well as words.

That didn’t happen.

“Well a piece of paper said that they were like lights in the sky, and told us that they were use to travel something called Eternia and space”

“Us? Adora, did you and Catra take something from my chambers?”

Adora didn't even let a sound escape her lips, when Shadow Weaver dragged her to her chambers. Catra could no longer hear them, or move without getting seen.

All she remembers hearing was, First One’s, ancient, language, and memories. Adora didn’t return to their bed until later that night, smelling of copper and with enough static to power up the entire Horde. She hugged Catra and immediately started snoring.

Memories.

“Ocean?”, asks Catra with a faint tone of fear in her voice.

“What did you call me?”

“I called you ocean. Don't you remember?

“No Catra. Go to sleep, we’re gonna get in trouble.”

She’d be lying if she said that, that wasn’t the first time she ever felt heartbroken. Adora’s eyes, truly confused, her not remembering her new favorite word. It all dug a whole in her chest, and she blamed Shadow Weaver.

She felt crazy, because Shadow Weaver only curses those cadets who misbehave. Adora never misbehaves and she’s her favorite. There was no way that she would do that to her friends. She tried convincing herself that night that Adora was probably just very tired and didn’t hear her correctly.

Memories.

The next morning, at breakfast, Catra decided to take a more subtle approach to the whole ordeal.

“Hey ocean, can you pass me the fork?”

Silence. Adora didn’t respond.
“Ocean?”

“You're talking to me Catra?”

“Yes dummy, pass me the fork.”

“Why didn't you just call my name?”

The whole thing grew bigger this time. Deeper, filled with nothing but the echo of a tingle she felt whenever Adora would respond to her nickname. It only lasted a few hours, but still. It hurt that she forgot.

Over the course of a few days, Catra tried to get Adora to respond to the nickname, and all attempts were a complete failure. And then everything cracked, for the first time.

After training, Lonnie and Adora were giggling in the locker room, waiting for their turn on the showers. It was an innocent laughter, accompanied with the little snorts that adora used to do whenever she was laughing too hard. Catra found it heartwarming.

That was, until Lonnie, had her hands on Adora’s shoulder. This made Catra see red.

“Hey Ocean!”it was a weak attempt of Catra into trying to prove that she was closer to Adora, than Lonnie was. She skipped a little and approached them. The three of them were sweating, but the two girls were looking funny at Catra.

Or that’s how she remembered.

“Why do you not call me my nickname anymore?”, she asks.

“What nickname?”Adora answers. “C’mon Adora, you know. We're friends, of course you know it.”

“Really Catra, I don’t.” Tears started to form into Catra’s eyes. She felt as betrayed as ever.

Breaking their moment, Lonnie simply says something along the lines of “Catra not being so close with Adora because of course, a friend would remember a nickname”

After that, all she remembers is a flash of lights, greens, red, and drips of blood.

Whilst trying to get a hold of Lonnie, Catra had scratched Adora. Upon her realization she all she did was run away. Filled with guilt, shame but mostly sadness and anger. Adora forgot their thing, the only thing in this entire life that made her stomach smile from the inside.

Adora found catra behind some debris in a dark corner, and she did everything she could to tell catra that she wasn’t crazy. That they were friends. The best of friends.

She promised she would always keep catra in her memories.

Memories.

From that moment on, Catra knew that Shadow Weaver had done something. It wasn’t possible that Adora couldn't remember.

Remember her.

Catra never told anyone about the stars ever again. It would be a memory that was gonna die with her.
____

A rumbling of rocks and eventual splashes bring her back to reality. To brightmoon, and to her own space.

“Catra? Babe? Are you here?”

She didn’t answer.

“Please, let me understand, what happened? What do you mean this has happened before— For fucks sake help me up!”

Catra scoffed, adn lifted her girlfriend to the top of the waterfall. Even if she was the mighty She-ra, she would be a little useless when it comes to climbing.

“Babe really, I know I forgot our dinner but that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna forget you. How could I? You're the love of my life.”

Thick silence still swifted through them both. The breeze up top started to feel more cold than fresh, and the stars they talked about so much, started to peek through the clouds.

“Adora, you've said that before.”

Her tone, ever so soft, almost like whispers. Heavy with the weight of many memories of two young girls in love; a love lived but with missing puzzle pieces.

“Okay, then help me remember. Shadow Weaver isn’t here anymore, so tell me. What did I forget?”

Catra stood still. Similarly to when Shadow Weaver would shock her with her powers, the reaction continued to be in her muscles’ memory. Only this time, it was Adora’s request, not magic. But they both had always felt the same.

Word couldn't come out even if she tried, Adora looked more anxious with every second.But does she start? Telling the love of her live about all of the times that she felt her heart die,a dn then live again because oft he stupid smile.

“Babe, start from the start”

“Okay.”

Catra told her about their first kiss. How they were training late in sessions and being fifteen was already tiresome enough. About the butterflies that had always been roaming Catra’s gut, ever since she was young enough to feel them.

How she needed help with hand on hand combat, and Adora was just the right person to help her. Besides, maybe she could teach her a thing or two about using her brain instead of only muscles in her fights. It was about half past midnight and everyone was sound asleep.

About them sneaking out of the barracks and heading to the training area. The two girls decided that they weren’t gonna hold back. From afar, it felt like a dance. A push and a pull. Going at it, Catra felt this inexplicable attraction, the one she only felt in the locker room sometime.

Seeing Adora panting, glistening with a thin layer of sweat and a cocky smile in her face made something to her.

Relationships in the Horde were strictly forbidden. Some stupid reason about only being loyal to Lord Hordak or something like that. Catra never told Adora about the tingle in her stomach because she felt that Adora had never felt the same. She kept quiet, blushing whenever she laughed, happily sleeping in her legs.

They did not kiss goodnight anymore.

In an instance, a bad maneuver, led Adora to fall on her back to the floor. Catra rapidly tripped with Adora’s feet and landed on top of her. She was just in time to stop her complete drop towards her friend's body. Sadly for her, she stopped only inched before their noses touched.

Catra felt trapped in between Adora’s breathing, and how all she wanted to do was kiss her. It wasn’t the first time she had thought about pressing her lips against her friends.

It was a regular occurance.

Adora's eyes flickered between Catra’s lips, and her eyes. Her only wishing that her friend would pull her closer and just fucking kiss her already.

It was at this moment, Catra tells her girlfriend, that she figured out what bravery meant.How with all the fear in the world she took Adora by the cheek and moved toward her lips. Stopping only a blink away. Adora met her halfway, and kissed her like no tomorrow.

That training session was less spent on tactical moves and on moving their hands all over their bodies. In between pants and breathes and small moans they enjoyed each other.

That was until she came.

She tells Adora how they got interrupted by Shadow Weaver, and got separated. How she sat beside the other side of a door, getting pressure prayed constantly,whilst being chained to a wall. She also tells her about how she hadn’t heard her scream the whole time. She tells about how she got away with nothing but a scratch, but never said anything about the kiss, and neither did she. How she always feared that made their friendship dangle, how it all felt like a dream.

She also tells her about the reeking copper smell. How everytime they got too touchy with each other, Shadow Weaver would pay little visits to Adora only, and she’d come back smelling like static and metal.

It didn't take Carta long to guess what was happening in the room. ABout how, maybe, Shadow Weaver would suppress Adora’s memories.

She also told her about the little voice in her head that would whisper that she was being ridiculous, and how it was only Adora willingly forgetting their moments, their kisses. How they learned how to drive by running into things; how they scraped their knees, that time Adora wanted to climb as high as her for a make out.

How they loved each other through a war.

___

For hours they both talked, well mainly, Catra talked, about all the things she noticed that Adora forgot. All the kisses, the handholding, the picnic dates and the sexually tense training sessions.

She also talked about the night they lost their virginity to each other only days before the invasion in Thaymor, and Adora finding the sword.

About how they got caught one morning after they tried to sleep in. How Adora grabbed her waist, and pulled her up from her knees. How the kisses let to moans and the masons to gasps and all that noise.

She told her how a Force Captain walked in on them, and how he screamed. How they were forced to train the entire day with no rations, and how they ended the day with a special visit to Shadow Weaver’s chambers.

Their bodies being limb, weak and raggy. Their faces pale and sweaty. But even after all, Catra had maintained a smile on her face. In between the kissing, and the going down and the sex, Adora had said I love you to her. It was more in between gasps of air, but she could never forget how hearing her voice, her lungs trying to reach for oxygen exclaimed her name in the midst of that.

She also tells her about how Adora went to sleep that night without a goodnight, a trance-like look on her face, and a stench that could contaminate the entire Whispering Woods. She tells her how she accepted that maybe it wasn’t Shadow Weaver, that maybe the rumours were just that, rumours, and Adora really never felt the same as she hoped.

The next few days happened in a bliss, with Adora leaving, Thaymor, more shocks and water punishments, the Rebellion, Adora leaving.

___

“Catra I’m sorry, but I don’t remember that. I can’t find any memories in me with everything you told me”

“It’s okay, Adora, you don't have too. I have better life with you now”

“I’m gonna remember. because I never want you to feel again that way.”

“How are you gonna do that?”

“Let’s go to Mystacor for answers. If this was done with magic then it can be erased by magic too”

“Adora? Are you sure?”

“I never wanna forget you”

Catra smiled.

“Let’s go to Mystacor dummy”

The brightmoon sky was adorned by a million specks of happiness, but none of them compared to the light Catra could feel deep in her chest. Yes, she knew Adora loved her, but this felt different.

She stared at them, and still agreed, with her thoughts so many years ago, that no matter how bright the sky twinkled, Brightmoon had nothing on the look Adora had on her face.

When she kissed her, when she smiled, when they laughed, and when they loved.

There wasn’t anything that shined more than her Adora, her star.