Afterword

Joe’s mechanically putting away dishes when he steps into the kitchen. Andy and Nile train outside and Nicky only hopes Andy restrains herself better this time. While Nile cannot bruise, he still doesn’t wish to scare her off.

Of all of them, she’s probably had the worst introduction to immortality apart from Andy. When all this is behind them, they’ll have to show her the silver lining too, like the bonds they form between themselves that are stronger than anything mortals can hope to have, like the good they’re capable of doing with the skills they’ve been blessed with.

“Lost in thought habibi?”

Nicky shakes off his train of thought at Joe’s voice. He joins him in putting away the last of the dishes before leaning heavily against the kitchen counter with Joe beside him.

“Careful tomorrow,” Joe says quietly. The fact that he says as much betrays his frayed nerves. The last mission that they’d been split up during was over fifty years ago, when they’d had to go undercover to penetrate a drug ring. Even then, when the violence had begun, Joe had returned to his side.

Nicky knew that they might not be so lucky this time.

“I always am careful Joe,” Nicky replies.

Joe peels himself off the counter to stand before him, hands on either side of Nicky’s waist. There’s a storm being waged in Joe’s warm brown eyes and Nicky has no doubts of all that’s at the center of it.

“This is all, very new,” Joe confesses tightly.

It’s a broad statement that encompasses everything from Andy’s mortality to Quynh’s reappearance. They’ve both seen centuries pass with little change in their world. There were two-hundred stable years with Booker with little change apart from the missions they took on.

And while Nicky knows Nile’s arrival has done little to upset their equilibrium, it, combined with everything else is more change than they’ve experienced in a long time.

“This is not new,” Nicky finally replies, sliding a hand over to cover Joe’s.

Joe lets a long sigh escapes him. He leans forward, bending a little to allow his forehead to fall on Nicky’s shoulder. Nicky wraps an arm around Joe’s back and he’s content to stay just like that for a very long time.

“Quynh will dredge up old memories,” Joe whispers against his shoulder.

Nicky knows he doesn’t mean the wonderful ones, where it was just the Andy, Quynh, Joe and him exploring the world with all the excitement of the youth. They’d felt invincible then and it had taken one act of cruelty to shatter that illusion.

A particularly painful conversation rears it’s ugly head and Nicky holds Joe tighter on instinct. It was soon after the arrival of Booker, and Joe, ever the romantic, was quick to defend Nicky’s kindness when Booker had said something particularly cynical. Then Andy had mentioned Lykon and Quynh, and a wave of suffocation had blanketed him. It had been the first time she’d mentioned Quynh’s name in over a century.

Joe found him later, curled up in a ball under the stars.

***Flashback***

“I don’t think it’s a warm enough night to sleep under the stars Nicolo,” Joe said.

He crouched before him, gently prying his arms away from where they wrapped around his knees. His brow furrowed with confusion as he palmed Nicky’s cheek only to find it wet with tears.

“Was it something I said habibi? Or Booker? He’s still grieving Nicolo,” Joe started, faintly alarmed.

Nicky shook his head and his voice had come out sounding like gravel.

“Something I did Yusuf,” he said.

Joe only waited for him to continue.

“I’m not as kind as you make me out to be,” Nicky finally said after a long silence.

Joe scoffed, like the very thought of it was ridiculous.

“Your heart is the the only source of unwavering light that I’ve ever seen in all these years. To know it beats for me makes me a better man than I’d ever be otherwise. Now where is this coming from,” Joe asked.

Those heartfelt words, that had always lifted Nicolo out of whatever darkness he found himself in, had pressed on him with the weight of mountains instead. He hadn’t even been able to look at Yusuf’s eyes.

“I suggested we stop searching for Quynh,” he finally admitted.

Joe fell silent and the hands that had clasped Nicky’s wrist had abruptly fallen away.

“There was no kindness there Yusuf, for abandoning our sister to such a cruel fate. You’ve said it yourself,” he said.

Joe made a pained sound then, somewhere between a scream and a cry. But they’d both remembered all too clearly, that terrible fight, when Yusuf had yelled that their hands would be forever stained if they gave up on Quynh, and there’d be nothing they could do to erase that.

“Nicolo surely you haven’t carried those words with you all these years,” Joe whispered.

Nicky’s silence spoke volumes and Joe pulled him onto his lap then, so Nicky’s legs extended on either side of his waist. His hand had come up to cup the back of Nicky’s head, cradling him like a child. There eyes had clashed and whatever Joe had seen on his face tore another pained sound from his lips.

“I said them in the heat of the moment Nicolo. I was so angry with the world,” Joe pleaded.

“But you were right mi amore. There is nothing I can do to right my wrongs with her,” Nicky said.

“Nicolo look at me,” Joe pleaded. And Nicky had, and he’d let Yusuf’s next words wash over him like a tidal wave carrying him back to shore.

“We carry the guilt of Quynh with us for the rest of our lives. It is ours to carry, just as all the good we’ve done is ours as well. There is no balance, no scale we can use to weigh them and see if we are more good than evil, more kind or unkind. The world is not black and white enough for that,” Joe started.

His voice dropped down to a low whisper, the words meant for Nicolo alone.

“I believe you overflow with kindness not because you haven’t made mistakes Nicolò. We’ve both been alive far too long to have led perfect lives. I find you kind for all the love you still have to give, that fuels what you feel for me and the guilt you carry for Quynh. You have always tried to do the right thing Nicolo and you are not not unkind for not always having succeeded,” Joe finished.

“Quynh will still weigh on me,” he said.

“It is a weight we’ll share together,” Joe promised.

***End of Flashback***

“The weight of those memories is ours to share Joe,” Nicky says, mind drifting back to the present.

“Always,” Joe replies, lifting his head off of Nicky’s shoulder to plant a lingering kiss on his forehead.