Chapter 5
By the time I finished shower and dried my hair, game already started. I wondered if Lexi was there, waiting. But I wouldn't know, because my phone was fucking dead.
"Jesus, fucking Christ! Jules what are you doing here?" I walked into my room, holding onto my towel for dear life.
"Did I scare you?" she grinned like a child, grabbing me around my neck. "I texted you I will be here, so we could get ready for the party."
"What? No, I told you I have work thing tomorrow."
"Oh come on, don't be boring, Rue. It's been so long since we've been to a party," she pressed just a bit closer so our lips touched. The taste was intoxication as ever.
"Are you drunk already?" I pulled back as soon as I recognized flavor of her lips.
"What! It's cold outside," she shrugged her shoulders and caught my lips again.
"Maybe it wouldn't be so cold if you'd put reasonable amount of clothes on." But I best kept it for myself. Although, Jules managed to hold me in a kiss for another few seconds, I pushed pass her to find fresh clothes.
"Please don't tell me that is what you're wearing?"
"Jules, please don't do this," I sighed, sitting on a bed.
"Since when are you avoiding parties? Come with me, just for a little while."
I didn't answer, cause the only thing I couldn't do was to say no to Jules. So I let her open up her bag with make-up and all the dresses she brought, while I picked up my phone, ready to text Lexi I wasn't coming. As soon as I unlocked the screen, I was greeted with four messages. One was from Jules, explaining me she was coming over and blah-blah-blah and the rest from Lexi.
Lexi: "We're just leaving so text me if you need a ride. It's getting cold outside :D "
Lexi: "I just arrived and found free seats. Call me when you get here."
Lexi: "You still coming?"
I stared at my phone, anger brewing in pit of my stomach. My hand started to curl in to fist, waiting for the phone to break.
"Ali was right. When left with two choices, I pick wrong one."
I unplugged the phone, pressing in into my pocket. "I have to go." I said in a hurry, grabbing my clothes.
"What? Where?"
"I am sorry, but I can't come to the party with you," I kissed Jules on a cheek. "I promised I will see Lexi at the game. So I have to go, cause I am fucking late."
"Are you serious right now? You're going to the football game? With Lexi?"
"Yeah." I nodded, unable to slower my heartbeat. "Have fun at the party and I will see you later, okay."
Jules only started back at me until I disappeared back into the bathroom.
By the time I got to the stadium, my lunges were burning with all the cold air I swallowed. I had to take a bus and then run for good ten minutes, struggling with icy roads. Cheers were coming form all sides and I knew the game must have been at least halfway done. I snatched two cups of hot coco along the way, just to bribe Lexi in case apology wouldn't work.
Looking around the podium it wasn't hard to spot her. She was seated at the top, miles from everyone else, covered by large blanket. I knew, she would be fine sitting with everyone else, but she picked those seats so I wouldn't have to. She didn't notice me, paying close attention to the game while squeezing phone in her hand.
"Hi," I announced myself in whisper. I didn't left the stairs, afraid to intrude into her space.
"I thought you weren't coming."
"I am sorry, but," I had so many excuses. Work, my phone, Jules, but I didn't feel like ruining the apology with any of them. "Just sorry, I am idiot."
"What is it you got here?" she nodded towards two cups, her hands crossed defensively.
"Hot chocolate."
"And marshmallows?"
"I asked for extra."
"Hmm, okay," her frown turned to a wide smile in seconds. "You're forgiven. Come here," she patted the free seat, while unfolding her blanket. I scooched next to her, so we were both warm enough and focused my eyes on the field.
"So, did I miss anything?" I leaned on her shoulder, so she would hear me thru the yelling.
"We're winning, just in case you are wondering and you missed the entrance performance."
"Well, let's not tell Cassie." Players of two different colors were running around and passing ball I could barely see. Most of the field was covered by light layer of snow, but no one seemed to mind. "Okay, you will have to explain to me what's going on there."
"Wait, you've never watched football game before?"
"Not sober, no."
Lexi giggled, which felt like huge rock falling from my chest. She begun with the basics and although I wasn't all that unfamiliar with the game, I let her talk me thru it. Not ten minutes into watching a break begun and cheerleaders rushed to the field with another performance. I didn't envy the poor souls who had to dance in this weather, smiling like it was middle of the summer. While Lexi on the other hand was still shivering even under long tweed coat and blanket.
"Cassie's going to the party afterwards. Mind if I walk home with you?"
"Of course," I murmured, fully merged with the blanket. The sky was getting pretty dark by the end of the game and snow storm was only beginning.
The blanket was slowly soaking with melting snow and more then once I saw Lexi blowing hot air into her hands.
"Want to ditch this play and go get some hot... fries?"
"Rue? Can you even name one healthy meal?"
"Salad?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's got get some food."
So we didn't get fries on a way as I originally planned, but Lexi actually proposed to stop by for actual meal. It wasn't my usual pick, but I think Lexi had all right to pick whatever she wanted.
"You here often often?" I looked around the menu board, completely lost in options.
"Not as much as I would like to. So did you decided on what you want to get?"
"I am leaving it up to you. You pick, I pay."
"What? No," she cross her arms over her chest.
"It was my idea to get food, so it's my treat, no arguing," I turned Lexi back to the board, keeping my hands on her shoulders so she couldn't turn away.
"I hate you."
"That's just your hunger talking," I whispered back to her while she talked to the waitress. I couldn't help but notice the red glow on her ears as my breath landed on her earlobe. It was best not to comment on it, but I couldn't help but grin all the way to the booth.
"This is not so bad," I said after tasting the food, surprised it wasn't just regular soup.
"Well, you can't complain ether way, cause you didn't want to pick on your own," she shrugged. Unlike me, Lexi was professional with chopsticks, but at least I didn't fail to amuse her.
"I am sorry about today." I said again, when short silence overtook our table.
"You don't have to be. I mean, there is nothing to be sorry about."
"No, there is," I leaned back into the seat. "It was my fault I was late and I had no good fucking reason for it."
"Well, you came, so it's all good. I had a good time with you today."
"Me too."
"Sorry if this is non of my business, but are you and Jules okay?" she paused, rethinking the question.
I didn't know what to answer ether. I was bit struck with the question, struggling to even exhale properly.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"I honestly don't know what's going on with us anymore," I murmured, feeling my heart-beat quicken and this shit was only about to get worse.
"You're not planning to break.." a phone rang, cutting her off. "Sorry. It Cassie." I quickly excused myself while she was on a phone, running to a bathroom. I broke thru the door, scaring anyone inside. Thankfully I was alone. It got only worse once I saw myself in a mirror. My eyes were already flooded with tears and my breath was stuck so deep in my throat I could pass as a corpse.
Although Lexi didn't finish her sentence, I guessed the rest. And as you may have already figured out, I was freaking out. The thought crossed my mind more then once, but I've never said it outload, or considered it as possibility. Just to think it was an option scared the shit out of me. I collapsed at one of the stool, locking door behind me.
Last time I cried like this was on my way from the station after the school dance. Once again, the roller-coaster hit the bottom.
"Rue?" I heard bathroom door open.
"Fuck! Not now, Lexi," I cried out, my voice breaking up with each word.
"Rue? Are you okay?" I heard her steps come closer. "Rue, can you open the door please?" she knocked, trying the handle second after. "Please, Rue! Talk to me?" her voice dimmed into the whisper. "Please, I don't want to loose you again."
After the last sentence, my cry died down as if I forgot why I was crying in a first place. "What?" I quickly opened the door, scared Lexi would be gone. "What are you talking about?"
"I shouldn't have said.." now she was the one watering eyes.
"No, no, no. You've done nothing wrong, Lexi. Jesus you've never done anything wrong." I gently grabbed her wrist, worried she might run away. "I am the one who's fucked up, okay."
"Don't say that," she wrapped her hands around me, pulling me into a hug. I was a always a big hugger, especially as a child. I remember hugging Lexi every time we saw each other in pre-school, then when she came to visit and there were times I would hug her just because, while we watched TV or played outside. However, now it felt like I was hugging her only when I hit the bottom. Lexi on the other hand, wasn't all that affectionate. I mean, she's never refused a hug. After all, my hug were pretty fucking good. However, when it came to her, she would just stand by me all the time. She didn't hug me or sit way too close to me, but I still knew she was there. Seems like I was abusing that part of her for long fucking while.
"Are you okay?"
"I will be fine. Thanks Lexi." After a while, someone else entered the bathroom, unintentionally ruining the moment. Lexi let go of me as soon as she heard the door crack and pretended to fix her make up. "Well, since we have that embarrassing thing out of the way, what did Cassie want?"
"She said she changed her mind about the party. She sounded bit down, so I told her to come here. I hope you don't mind."
"No, it's fine," I dismissed her worry, sitting back into our booth. Cassie arrived five minutes after, heading straight to order.
"Hi, Rue."
"Hey. How are you doing Cassie?" I didn't really need to ask. From her watered down make-up and tried tears and I could have guessed easily.
"Not great," she sat down next to Lexi.
"Did something happen?" Lexi hugged her around her shoulders.
"Just the usual bullshit. I don't want to talk about it." Lexi and I shared a glance, although I was the only one clueless about the situation.
I had no idea what I signed up for that evening. Lexi went to grab her some wet tissues into her car to help with her ruined make-up, while we stayed alone. Leaving me alone with another unstable person was probably not the best idea. Cassie and I barely looked at each other, each bit uncomfortable with the situation.
"Rue? You can keep a secret right?"
"Sure," I nodded. "I don't have much friends to gossip with, plus it's not like anybody would believe me."
"I was pregnant with McKay."
I didn't comment on it. Maybe because there was nothing to say. I only lifted my eyes to meet hers and for the first time since Lexi left, we were able to look at each other for longer then two seconds.
And so I joined the family trio on their little secret. I had no idea why Cassie decided to tell me of all people, but in the end I was glad she trusted me enough to tell me. For some reason, every time I got to hang out with Howard's sisters, I got the feeling I wasn't too far gone yet. After all, if Lexi, who is basically like an angel among our generation, likes me, that must mean I can't be such a fuck-up I thought I was.
"So, why did you skip the party, Rue?" Cassie asked after she explained me her situation.
"Well, since we are telling secrets all of a sudden," I drew a long breath. "I have a job now."
Nether of them said anything at first. They shared a look, nether of them brave enough to believe me.
"What?" Cassie yelled out as first.
"Yeah, it's just a weekend thing, so.."
"I don't fucking believe you," Cassie turned to her sister, asking for support in this. "Like, what do you do? Do you work for Fez or something?"
"No," I said immediately. Although Fez was one of my closest friends, I doubt he would offer me a job, after trying so fucking hard to keep me clean. "I work at Green Rose." I tired to hide the details, but by their growing smiles, I realized both girls were well aware of this place.
"No, way. We use to go there all the time with dad," Lexi said at first, bumping into Cassie's shoulder to see if she remembered.
"That place is amazing. We use to spend hours just walking around the warehouse and imagining how we would decorate our house will of the flowers," Cassie explained. "It was like Disney land for us."
I could picture it clearly. With Cassie posing for pictures which would get millions likes and Lexi just mindlessly walking around, her flower dress matching to those she's admiring. It was all I wanted to see.