Nightmares
Sneaking into their room long after Nate had fallen asleep was Jackson’s least favorite part of being a doctor. He’d come in at odd hours, wiggle the bunk as he climbed into the top bed, and inevitably wake Nate. On the plus side, it meant he would end up spending the night spooning with his favorite person, but it also meant Nate would be awoken when he was inevitably whisked away for some stupid emergency. The night a Podakru, (no, Wonkru) man ended up with a lightbulb up his (redacted), Jackson nearly lost his mind right there in medical with the sobbing man lying face down and begging for him to remove it. (He did, but not without a fair amount of grumbling and none of his characteristic gentleness.)
So after a long day of patching the ever-troubled population, he just wanted sleep.
The night time routine for him started normal. He started to clamber up to the top bunk, but stopped when he heard a noise.
“Nate?”
There was a muffled grunt from the bottom bunk.
“You awake?” Jackson asked softly.
“No!”
“Nate...seriously?”
“Please, stop!”
This time, something in his response made Jackson worry. He climbed down the ladder again, landing gently next to his boyfriend. “Nate what's going on? Did I do something?”
“He did nothing! Please, Octavia, we both know…”
Something clicked in Jackson’s mind. “Nate, it's not real. It’s just a nightmare.”
“I’ll take his place. Octavia, please just let me take his place,” Nate’s voice had risen to a shout, waking some of their bunkmates. Jackson moved onto Plan B, shaking Nate in an attempt to wake him.
“Nate, please wake up,” Jackson’s hands trembled violently. “You’re scaring people, baby.”
A particularly violent jolt nearly woke Nate, who nearly woke. In his unconscious state he flailed out toward Jackson. Jackson dodged and intensified his shaking.
This turned out to be a mistake. The moment Nate stumbled back into consciousness, he lashed out even more violently.
Nate tumbled off the bed tacking Jackson to the floor. The first punch missed Jackson's head, making hard contact with the polished concrete floor of the bunk room. The second punch made contact, though it hit his forehead on liu of the intended target of Jackson’s nose. It stunned Jackson, black spots swimming in his vision. Still unaware of his actions, Nate’s hands wrapped around his neck and a stunned Jackson was powerless to stop them. He writhed below his boyfriend, calling out for help hoarsely. His vision was fading rapidly as he sucked for oxygen that never made it to his lungs. He made one last play for help, shouting with everything he had and stopping against the ground, before slipping out of consciousness.
Jackson wasn’t sure how long he was out, but he was sure of two things: he hadn’t been unconscious for long and a lot had happened in that short amount of time. He was on his side, in the recovery position, with both bright lights and someone’s face in his line of sight.
“Dr. Jackson, are you alright?”
Evah, one of his youngest bunkmates who had an affinity for medicine, sat hunched in front of him. Evah’s hands were gentle and soothing, grounding a disoriented Jackson as he started to regain his grasp on the world.
“I’m a little dizzy,” Jackson said as he sat up slowly. “Where’s Nate?”
Evah paused, struggling to find the right words to say next. “He’s...still here, just...”
Knowing Nate was nearby and eager to check on his boyfriend, Jackson struggled to his feet, searching for his boyfriend.
Nate was in a corner, curled up in a tight ball hidden behind a far bunk. Though mostly hidden from view, Nate appeared to be distressed in some way. He was shaking and sobbing with his head stuck between his knees. On unsteady legs Jackson wobbled slowly towards Nate, but was stopped by their tall, large, and frightening bunkmate Dallas.
“Hey, Eric.” For a frightening guardsman, his voice was surprisingly soft and caring.
“How is he?”
“I don’t know,” Dallas replied, holding out a steady hand as Jackson swayed. “Are you good to be standing? You did just pass out and I know you’re the doctor here, but maybe you should sit.”
“After.” Jackson waved off.
“Doc, he’s in pretty rough shape. Maybe you should give him a minute.” Dallas suggested.
“No. I have to help him.”
Dallas wrapped his hands around Jackson’s arm. “Slow down, man. You’ll be no good to us if you pass out again.” One of Dallas’s hands reached out to rub Jackson’s back. “Take a few deep breaths, Jackson. Pull yourself together, make sure you're okay, then take care of your boyfriend.”
Jackson took a second, following the instructions he was given. “I thought I was supposed to be the wise old man here,” he quipped, causing Dallas to laugh.
“Yeah, well I’ve learned a bit from your protege.” Jackson just raised an eyebrow. Dallas just glared at him. “You’re not the only one who’s allowed to have a cute boyfriend.”
“Right,” Jackson replied, chuckling. “Speaking of which, I need to take care of my own boyfriend…”
“Yeah, of course.” Dallas stepped away from Jackson, pointing over his shoulder. “I’m just gonna,” he pointed over his shoulder, “go check on my boyfriend.” Dallas walked away, leaving Jackson to confront his boyfriend.
He started by crouching in front of Nate, leaving an arm’s length between them. “Hey,” he started softly, “how are you?”
Shaky breathing came from Nate in response.
“Nate, baby, I can’t help you unless you try to talk to me.” When Nate didn’t respond, Jackson inched closer to him and set a hand on a knee. “Look, Nate, What you saw was scary, I get it. But it wasn’t real. It was just a nightmare and everything happened in your head.”
Nate let out a few hesitant breaths before responding. “I hurt you.”
“In the dream?”
“No. Here and now, I hurt you.”
Jackson scoffed. “Nate, that was nothing. What's a few hits between friends- boyfriends?”
“Eric…”
Jackson scooted even closer. “Nate, it’s okay. That wasn’t you.”
“But it was me!”
“No!” Jackson shouted. Nate flinched and Jackson cringed a little at the force behind his words. “Nate, none of this was your fault. You were sleeping, having a bad dream and I woke you up quite suddenly. It’s a natural ration, especially with all the trauma.”
The word ‘trauma’ set something off in Nate’s mind and he stilled. “I’m not traumatized.”
“What?”
“I can't be traumatized,” Nate muttered. “I have to be strong. I’m a guard.”
Jackson chuckled softly. “I think we’re all traumatized. Nate, with everything that's happened I would be worried if you weren’t. And that’s okay.”
“I still hurt you. And I can’t hurt you. That could get me thrown in the pits.”
“Nate, it was just a punch and you were half asleep.” Jackson smiled. “It's forgivable. And I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you.”
“I could never ask that of you.”
“You don’t have to,” Jackson replied.
“Jackson, there's something you should know.” Nate muttered, gaining confidence. “If anything ever happens to me down here and I can’t take care of you, I asked Dallas to look after you. It’s just in case of extreme emergency, like a lot of things go really wrong, but I want to know I am taking care of you even if I’m not there.”
“What?”
“If I die or get thrown in the pits, I want to know there's someone here for you to care for you and keep you safe.”
“Nate, that's not going to happen.”
“But if it does?” Nate said, panicking. “This place sucks and nobody should be alone here and I want to know if something happens to me you won’t be alone here and that you’ll have someone to talk to and keep you safe and look out for you and ask you how your day was and check on you when you have a hard day…”
“Enough of that.” Jackson cut in. “Let's get cheery.”
It was enough to jolt Nate from his panic. “What good news happens around here?”
“Well, I’m pretty sure Dallas and Evah are together now.”
“What?”
Jackson stood, reaching out a hand to help Nate up. “Yeah, I mean it's a good pairing. Dallas is so sweet under that tough exterior and Evah deserves something good in his life.”
Jackson paused before continuing.
“You deserve something good in your life too, Nate. And if that’s me, I’m glad to be the good thing. And if it’s not me, then you are well within your right to go out and find it, damn the consequences for everyone else. Even me.”
Nate gaped. “Even you? Jackson, I could never…”
“I wasn’t saying you have to. I was just saying, if you found happiness elsewhere, I would be happy for you.” Jackson took a shaky breath. “It’s because I love you and you being happy makes me happy and I never want that to go away.”
Nate pulled him in quickly, kissing hard. Jackson reciprocated, giggling into the kiss. Behind them, their bunkmates whistled and snickered but they paid it no mind. Nate pulled back. “Doctor Eric Jackson, I love you.”
“Nathan Miller, I love you too.”