Alone Together
Miller was not claustrophobic. So then why were the walls of his room closing in around him? Why was his chest filling with panic? Why was breathing so hard?
Jackson was there, next to him. Through the numbness, Miller could feel Jackson’s hands on his body. One was on his back, rubbing soothing circles. The other was running back and forth across his chest, coaxing him to breathe. The hands kept him grounded in the bunker as much as they could.
“Hey,” Jackson pressed a gentle kiss to his shoulder. “Let's go for a walk. Get some fresh air”
“Fresh air” was relative. Miller knew it meant to get out of the room, but he could not stop his mind from drifting up to the planet’s burnt surface, littered with corpses. His dad was among them. He had most likely spent his last moments trying to comfort others and finding happiness that his son had made the bunker.
“Nate?” Jackson’s voice was soft. “Are you up to walking around?”
Miller stood from the bed. Jackson’s hand was on his back, guiding him forward. Jackson led him through the halls of the bunker. He evidently had an idea of where he wanted to go. Miller just followed along. At last, they reached a store room, empty of supplies but a private space for them.
“Want to talk?” Jackson asked, locking the door. Miller sank down to the floor. Jackson took that as an answer in itself and sank to the floor next to Miller. They sat in silence for a minute, just taking in each other’s company.
“You know, Abby told me she wanted to give up her spot to let someone else live. She wanted to die for what she did at Becca’s lab. I…” Jackson’s voice puttered out for a second, before returning. “When we woke up, my first thought was Abby. Whether or not she had lived. I was so scared that when I saw her again I cried. I could only imagine…”
They left the last part unspoken. Miller just nodded his head stoically. He pressed against Jackson, letting a few tears slip out.
“I’m glad Abby made it” was all he could manage before he broke. “I miss him. I miss my dad. I just got close to him”
Jackson wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his head. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here”
“I wish…” Miller said, stewing over his words. “I wish we’d had the sense to go with the others to Becca’s lab. To go up to the ring. Then, maybe, he’d still be alive”
“Nate, we couldn’t have known. Nobody knew. The plan was for them to come back. They didn’t realize they were going up to the ring before the death wave hit here,” Jackson tried to keep his voice level. He had gone through the same thing with himself, only he hadn’t lost his father.
“You wish it too, don’t you. ‘At least the Ark had windows’. That's what you said to me earlier,” Miller sounded angry. “And Raven needed a doctor and you were the only one available. You should have gone with them”
“No, Nate..” Jackson pleaded.
“I held you back. I’m the reason you’re here instead of up there. It’s my fault”
Nathan Miller was spiraling and there was only one thing Eric Jackson could think to do.
He kissed him.
Jackson kissed his boyfriend long and hard, deepening the kiss as he went. He pulled away for air when his lungs began to protest, studying his boyfriend. Nate looked unfocused, but for all the right reasons. Jackson kisses him again, starting at his lips and kissing down his neck to his collarbone. Jackson pulled Miller’s shirt aside, nuzzling into his collarbone. Miller hummed softly.
Jackson pulled back. “You’ll never hold hold me back”
“Jacks…” Nate stopped as Jackson nuzzled back into his collarbone. He moved back up Nate’s neck to his mouth. He found Nate’s mouth and stopped.
“I want to be with you, Nate. It’s not your fault that I’m here and not on the ring. That was my choice and I own it,” Jackson gave a quick kiss to his impatient boyfriend. “I’m a grown man and I can make my own choices”
Nate pecked at his lips in response. “I bet you miss the windows anyways”
“Yeah, you got me there,” Jackson chuckled. He pressed his lips to Nate’s cheek, just missing his lips. “The door is locked. This room is ours. Do you want to take this further?”
Nate moved to a better position. “Yes please”