It was raining, hard. It always seemed to rain on TV when people died, but Vanessa didn't expect it to happen now too. School had ended early today, after an assembly about Mrs Sakura's "disappearance" a lot of students were sent home for the day with the encouragement to talk to their parents or another adult if anything's troubling them, last time this had happened Etsuko had died. It was funny, Vanessa had probably exchanged one word with the small girl, but her death seemed to be the lynchpin for a lot of changes in her life. Marching through the grandiose halls of the school Vanessa had one person in mind to find.
Mariana had to sit down hard when she heard who the announcement had been about. Mrs. Sakura had been nice, and Ana had helped Von and Nessa save her once or twice before. They... they failed, this time, and now she was gone. And it wasn’t... it wasn't someone who could have defended themselves, like Etsuko, it was a hostage, a civilian. No matter how much Mrs. Sakura knew about magi and witches... she couldn't really fight them. And they'd all... failed her. Ana should have done better. Not counting Belladonna, she'd been the senior magi. She shouldn't have just... caved to Bella's orders.
It took her a while, and for a moment Vanessa worried that Ana had already headed home before spotting the girl alone in a classroom, she called out but if Ana herd her she didn't respond, she placed a gentle hand on Ana's shoulder and tried again;
"Hey, Ana. How're you holding up"?
Mariana jumped, and glanced up at Vanessa with a strained smile.
"H-hey, Nessa... I'm. Good?" She tried, glancing away and laughing a little.
"How... how do you feel? I'm sorry I didn't make sure you got home safe, I..."
"S'okay" It wasn't. But Now wasn't the time to say anything.
"I just wanted to check up on you after, well, everything" it wasn't just that last battle she was worried about, after Salem had told the two the truth Vanessa needed to be alone for a while and had thought Ana needed the same, about a year later and she was beginning to see that maybe she was wrong.
"It's been a rough year, yeah"?
Mariana laughed, running a hand through her hair and wondering, idly, if she should chop it ALL off this time.
"Yeah, it... it has been. It's... been a really... really, long year." Ana stood up, finally, and linked her arm through Vanessa's, tugging her smile on properly and shaking off the weird cloud of failure she'd been stewing in. She can get back to it later, or something. "Did you want to talk about stuff? I... I think you mentioned wanting to, once, but I didn't get the chance to... take you up on it."
Vanessa smiled, squeezing Ana's arm in reassurance--for the pair of them.
“Yeah, where do you want to go? It's my treat"
"Why don't we wander? My treat." Ana winked, pulling a bag of... "...sixlets? I thought I'd stop pulling things I don't recognize by now...?"
Vanessa held out her free hand for Ana to pour a bunch of Sixlets into it as they started off, she had to approach this carefully, fearing Ana might shut her out.
"I'm, I'm sorry." She began, pouring the fistful of sweets into her mouth.
"I can't believe I failed you all like that. If I was better at protecting you all none of this would've happened Ana" she ran her thumb over her fingertips, there were never any scars, that was the point, but it all felt useless with how much she had fumbled on keeping everyone alive, it was her one job, her one wish and she ended up hurting herself instead. She held out her hand for more sixlets.
Ana poured another handful into Vanessa's hand.
"Shh, Adelita. Just... just because you're the one who started with healing magic doesn't mean it's your job alone to keep us safe. We... we all make mistakes, Vanessa." Ana poured 5 or so into her mouth, offering the last of the bag to her friend and thinking over her own words.
"I'm sorry if I... haven't been doing so good, either, I know... everyone expects me to help keep spirits up."
"Nobody does" Vanessa said empathetically.
"Ana, sweetie, we care about you. I, when you're feeling down, you're allowed to be down, all I ask is that you rely on me--or Von, or Percy or even a blog on the internet"! Vanessa continued, she wasn't looking at Ana, seeming to be more interested in her shoes than where they were walking, her voice sounded thick and her throat suddenly began to hurt. She squeezed Ana's arm tighter.
Mariana blinked, eyebrows knitting together. She squeezed back, trying to think of a response that didn't sound like a child arguing 'but--!'
"...We can't afford to bog each other down with our problems, Adelita. That'd... that'd just make more people upset."
"Losing you would make me upset!" Vanessa said that louder than expected and what students were left in the school looked at them, if only briefly.
"Ana, please. You know what grief can do to us, I need you to rely on us, even if it's a little. Even if it's something as stupid as complaining about homework or sharing your fears about how stupid this entire mess with Belladonna is, so long as it makes you feel better then it's fine!" Vanessa was begging, her eyes watering at this point. She hadn't expected how much this talk would affect her, the fears she was stifling since Salem's talk were bubbling through and she wasn't sure she was going to keep a hold of it.
Mariana flinched, and pulled away to pull her hair out of her ponytail and fiddle with her scrunchie, shoulders hunched.
"I. I don't. I don't want you or anyone else to deal with my feelings! I'm doing it on my own! I always have! They're mine, I. I can feel them in whatever way I need to, however I need... to. I. Grief is one thing, I'll give you! But you don't need to hear about how I feel about hospitals, or these fights, or the new girls, or! Or anything else!" Ana turned away, using her hair as a curtain to hide behind.
"I want to get a handle on my feelings before I bother anyone else about them, is that so much to ask for?"
Vanessa's shoulders sagged. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She wasn't expecting to suddenly bring Ana back out of the shell she buried herself into but yelling at her wasn't the plan. She took a step closer, she wanted to hold her, she wanted to wrap everyone in her arms and keep them safe. From this crazy new girl, from witches, from incubators, everything.
"Ana.." Vanessa's voice cracked.
"Ana, sweetie, look. I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean--I didn't want to push you, that's why it's taken me so long after learning the truth to even say anything. But I'm worried for you, we've noticed how withdrawn you've become and I just, I'm scared I'm going to lose you". She took another step closer to Ana, most students had cleared the school by now and one or two gave the girls passing looks as they left but most were trying to get home before the storm grew worse.
Mariana pulled her scrunchie onto one wrist, fingers twisting together and wringing with nervous energy.
"I. I'm sorry for letting you down, I. I'm not going anywhere, if I can help it, Vanessa, I promise." Ana peaked out from behind her bangs, chewing on her lip.
"I just... I just want everything to make sense, again, to stop feeling like I'm on the edge of a cliff staring into this endless void. I wasted my wish, I wasted your time, I failed Salem and Von and everyone else... I couldn't even keep from ruining everyone's trust, with those stupid letters from that Enfermera demoníaca or those... those predatory rats who can't even give a warning-! For what they're signing us up for--!" Ana put her face in her hands, ring twisted around, so her gem was hidden in her palm.
"I thought... I thought we'd be like sailor moon, not... whatever this hell is."
"Why..." Vanessa stared in confusion.
"Why is any of that your fault?" She asked, in disbelief.
"Maybe some of it isn't. That doesn't stop me feeling like I could have done something to prevent it!" Ana ran her hands down her face, scrubbing at her tears as if that would stop them.
"I promised Salem at the Christmas party that I'd help keep Vondila safe. I promised both you and Von I'd be there for you; help you keep up with these new kids. I promised Percy I'd be here, I promised Luis I'd be careful and that secrets were behind us. Every other word out of my mouth has been a lie, because I can't know I'll be able to keep any of these! Ophelia is cracking without even knowing... anything! Percy found out without anyone telling him, and he's been hiding it from us! Von... Von lost her arm, in that battle! Mrs. Sakura died, and you were out. It was my responsibility as the last adult to keep it together, and I failed that, too! I panicked and shot at. At..." Ana put her face in her hands again.
Nessa wrapped her arms around Ana, rubbing small circles on her back, she rocked slightly, trying to soothe the both of them. Resting her cheek on the top of Ana's head she sighed.
"It's okay, I'm sorry. I should've been there for you, and I don't just mean that last fight. It's my fault, I knew you were struggling I just...I didn't know what to do" She buried her face in the top of Ana's head before asking; "What did you shoot at"?
"Belladonna. She was coming at Von with this giant scalpel and I. I didn't even know I hated nurses that much. She... she was dressed like one of those sexy nurse Halloween costumes and I saw red." Ana leaned into Vanessa a little harder.
"She and Percy yelled at me after, and... I was so freaked out I just did what they said. I should have made sure we were focusing more on the familiars, if just Percy and her were focusing on Prometheus, maybe... maybe..."
Vanessa exhaled deeply from her nose, Jesus what did she miss?
"Honestly, from the sound of it I would've done the same thing. We know we can't trust Belladonna, so if I saw her approaching Von when defenceless then--sexy outfits or not, I probably would've thrown a punch or something too" The rain was coming down harder now, a loud clashing roar of water and wind rattling the windows.
"And, we didn't know there were people in the Labyrinth, not for certain. We killed how many of those things and nobody showed up, even I was beginning to doubt that there was anyone to save. It's okay, all we can do is just try harder next time, you know"? She kept a hold on Ana, as if hoping this would be enough to hold the pair of them together, to stop the world from falling apart.
"There... there were these lockers in the back. They opened after Belladonna killed the witch. I... I couldn't look, I hadn't seen Luis in a week and if it'd been him, I'd..." Ana's voice cracked, and she wrapped her arms around Vanessa's back, clinging a little tighter.
"I think... I think Ophelia recognized one. After the witch fell, I lost track of her, and by the time Sierra walked me out I didn't see anyone but Percy, Eva, Von and You." Ana hiccupped. "I mean, everything was fuzzy until Von starting screaming, but... I don't remember seeing Ophelia before I fell down."
Ana was right before, Ophelia had been acting strange since the Christmas Party and wondered if she'd be able to talk to her outside of battle at some point, she went to the community High School right? She replied to Ana's hold by squeezing her back, continuing to rub small circles to help calm her down, she wasn't sure who.
"It was a shit show, none of us should've had to deal with it. You did the best you could, nobody can ask for more, sweetie. I can't promise you nothing will happen to Luis, but I can promise that we'll all do everything in our power to make sure nothing will, that's the best I can offer. I'm sorry" she added the last bit in a mumble, returning to burying her face in Ana's hair, she sniffled, still emotional.
Ana nodded, heart in her throat. She knew, logically, that there wasn't a lot they could do to keep Luis safe, outside of what they were already doing... though... Percy at least was keeping tabs on him. It made her worry, because it could attract a familiar or a witch, but... it meant he knew how her brother was doing more often than she did.
"I know. I. I'm just scared. Papá has been grilling me about gang activity like I could even answer that, the only gang in Seaford is us as far as I know! And I can't tell him about this... he'd freak out!" Ana pressed her face into Nessa's shoulder, sighing.
"I... what happens to your parents, when you fall? Does someone tell them? Do you just... go down as missing forever?"
Vanessa shrugged; she'd be lying if she said she's never considered it. The last time she had spoken to her parents was at Christmas over the phone--her father in Paris doing some collab work, and her mother in brazil doing some sort of shoot. Seeing them in person was when they took her to India back in 2018 for a wedding. If she died it could be months before her parents noticed, let alone knew.
"I don't even know if the school has their number. I never updated it after my Nanii died. I guess if I'm gone long enough the police would contact them about where I've gone, or if there's a body left. It's why I'm so scared, when I'm gone you guys will be the only people to care" Vanessa's nails dug into Ana's body, not a lot but the tension growing behind Vanessa's eyes was gearing up to overflow and she didn't know how else to release it. She let out a shaky breath, thinking of how nearly every streetlight, electrical pole and store window in Seaford was overflowing with missing person posters. She sometimes wondered why anyone would live here.
Ana clung tighter.
"Adelitititititita... we love you. If... if they can't see how important you are, they don't deserve you." She took a shuddering breath, unsure what to think.
"My... Papá has so much on his plate, trying to keep food on the table without Mamá's breadwinner job for a cushion. I... I don't know if I really care what his feelings are doing, but he's been stewing in crafts projects since the divorce, and he's tried to redo the plumbing and the lights in the house twice, and taken out power both times. According to Luis, Mamá's doing fine. She got married in June, to some cabron Luis doesn't know. It's barely been two years, now, and she had a wedding planned... already? It... it feels like too much."
Vanessa let out a hoarse laugh.
"That...that really does sound like crap". They stood there in a sniffily, slightly sobbing silence for a moment before Nessa asked;
"If things at home are too hectic, would you like to move in with me instead"?
"...I would like that. Do you think we convince them to let me?" Ana asked, small and hopeful, looking up at Ness like she hung the stars.
"I really... I'd like that a lot, have somewhere I could just... be me, without having to hide magic or anything?"
"I mean, I doubt they'd notice. Even if they did I could just tell them I'm lonely without Nanii there" It was true, it had been for about three years now, but this was about Ana. Helping her hold this weight on her shoulders, not coming home to a suffocatingly silent apartment every night.
"If you want to, I can help sort out Nanii's room into your new one".
Ana nodded. "Do you think you could spin an argument that Papá would listen to? I... I don't think he trusts me, right now." Her voice got quieter again, pulling her left hand close to twist her ring around her finger.
"We can try, say I live in a nicer part of town "away from gangs" or that his hobbies are interfering with your studies and just need to stay somewhere else or that you're an adult and can move out whenever you want anyway but you still love him. We can figure it out, there's no rush". Just something to hold on to, something to look forward to and live another day for. Vanessa began absentmindedly playing with strands of Ana's hair, she missed her long styles but needed to prove she could still change after everything.
Ana relaxed as Ness played with her hair, nodding almost sluggishly. That was a good argument for not cutting it, huh?
"Right..." she thought for a minute, twisting her ring into her scar lightly.
"Maybe... you're an older friend, who's tutoring me? And... it'd be easier on us both if I stayed with you, plus it'd be easier on him, financially?"
"That could work, you know him better than I do" Vanessa hummed, having calmed down by now, the storm was still hammering and the school was essentially empty and freezing in the halls but it was comfortable, just being this close to someone again.
"You know... I feel like I don't know Papá at all... I always thought he loved Mamá more than anyone, even more than she liked him... but..." Ana shook her head.
"And I didn't know he liked music, he's a database moderator, why is he just now getting into guitar and stuff?" She huffed.
"But I know he's been worried about me, and... about keeping us afloat, and... it would be easier to move out, even if I'm a year and a couple days too early to be a legal adult just yet."
"We'll see how it goes, okay? We're in this together" Vanessa pulled away enough to look at Ana and smile, she felt some of the hollowness she had been carrying become filled, even a little at least.
Ana grinned, bright and happy and real, for the first time in what felt like ages.
"Right! Want something sweet for the road, Adelititititititititita?" She pulls out a yellow candy bar, with big red lettering declaring it a 'sky bar'. "...why is today full of weird candy?"
Vanessa laughed, a real laugh that ended with a snort as she accepted the sweet. "You want weird candy? I'll ask one of my cousins to send some over from Deli".