Mummy
"What are you boys doing with all of this toilet paper?" The cashier asks, "Going to mummify a house?" he laughs.
"Nah, just some really fat kid." Craig replies, sticking his middle finger up.
Craig and his band of misfit characters (they couldn't agree on a theme) head over to Cartman's house.
"Why are w-we helping h-h-him again?" Jimmy struggles to ask, shivering in his "Sexy Maid" costume. (The cold makes his stutter worse, and of course he had to go with a "sexy" costume, bc Jimmy.)
"Well, technically it's not helping.. if he doesn't know what he's going as." Token responds, scratching at his elbow- the scabs from Cartman's last stunt still healing, getting hung on the sweater of his Space Warrior costume.
"Gah! I still think this is a bad idea.. hnng.." Tweek clings to Craig, the Imp and the Youth Pastor - so typical.
"Calm down honey." Craig deadpans, wrapping his arm around his waist.
"We're just gonna wrap some toilet paper around him, make him look like a giant piece of shit (because that's what he is), and tell him he's a mummy. What could go wrong? Besides, it was Clyde's idea."
"Is that why you brought me along?" Raisins Girl Bebe giggles, clinging to her boyfriend's arm. "Makeup? Great idea babe!"
Mosquito Clyde smirks, "Of course it is Bebe! My ideas are always great."
Craig begins with, "You mean like the time we all went sledding and-"
"WE DON'T SPEAK OF THAT TIME" Clyde interrupts.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Token chuckles.
"Hnnng, Tell me why we still listen to him?" Tweek twitches, tugging at his shirt.
Craig fixes his shirt, "Because despite some of the lamer of his ideas, this one is actually funny." He smirks.
"Ey!" Cartman yells out his window. "None of that queer-mo shit on my property!"
"Do you want our help or not, Fatass?!" Tweek growls.
Craig blushes, drinking in the beautifully annoyed face of his love.
Token and Bebe slip between them, each grabbing one of the boys' hands. "Come on lovebirds. Jeez!"
Once inside Clyde, Token, and Bebe calculate the amount of TP they'll need while Craig and Tweek measure Cartman's height and width.
"I still don't understand why it took all FIVE of you.." Cartman huffs, the weight issue becoming more obvious. "Also, where's Kyle?"
"He didn't need our help, so he said he'd be running a little late. Sorry we forgot to tell you.." Clyde responds.
"He could have helped ME deal with YOU assholes though." Cartman grumbles.
"We're the assholes?!" Craig responds sarcastically, dropping his measuring tape, acting offended. "I mean come on!"
"EY!!" Cartman bumps his funny bone on the desk beside him as he drops his arms to his sides; "That fuckin' tickled!" he grabs his elbow, whining at the nerves shooting pain up his arm.
"Aww someone's ticklish?" Butters giggles, sipping his boba tea as he leans against the doorframe.
"Where's your fuckin' boyfriend?" Cartman growls.
"Eric.." Kyle sighs. "I'm literally right here." He pushes a curl out of his face.
"Okay, so.. What exactly are we doing?" he rolls his eyes at the display before him, the Imp kneeling trying to get leg measurements, the Youth Pastor trying to get arm measurements. "This isn't Home Economics guys.. it's literally unrolling toilet paper onto a body.. You don't need measurements."
"But.. Mr. Garrison said.." Butters interrupts, "We have to log all measurements or it doesn't count towards our extra credit!"
"I don't think this costume counts.." Kyle frowns, knowing that his poor butterfingered boyfriend is not doing very well in this class.
"I just.. need three more costumes.." Butters whimpers.
"You can count mine!" Tweek pipes up, "I mean.. you did help with the tail after all.."
"Me too!" Bebe reminds him, "I couldn't have gotten Portia's wing sauce stains out of this Raisin's shirt without your help!"
"And you did make my cape.." Kyle blushes.
"I didn't know Vampires could blush." Cartman laughs.
"Oh shut it, Fatso!" Kyle hides his face.
"Can we get started on my costume before all of the candy is gone??" Cartman rolls his eyes.
"Sure babe." Butters pecks his cheek.
"Babe?" Craig and Tweek steal glances.
"Oops.." Butters blushes, gripping at his skinny jeans.
"God damn it Butters.." Cartman blushes.
"Wait.. What??" Token looks over at the trio, "You three are..?"
"Yes, okay?!" Cartman rolls his eyes. "I'm just.. not out yet.. okay??? Can we like.. Ignore this?"
"Of course.." Token looks over to Clyde and Bebe, who nod knowingly.
"Would it be easier if Cartman spun around or if we rolled it around him?" Craig asks Tweek, who seems to be taking the new information relatively unaffectedly.
"I think he would get dizzy if we made him spin, and then he'd be too sick to trick-or-treat." Tweek responds, tugging on Craig's sleeve. "Let's uhh.. Wrap er- Mummify him rather."
"Hold on!" Clyde tugs Craig's other sleeve. "I need to ask you something.."
Craig follows Clyde to the hallway, "What is it, dude?"
"We can't." Clyde looks to the floor.
"What?! It was your idea.." Craig rolls his eyes.
Clyde semi-panics, "But he-"
"-Was just outed, I know.. I think Tweek would probably disapprove at this point too.." Craig tucks his hands in his pockets. "Let's go back in."
"Okay so Tweek-" Craig looks up to see that Tweek and Bebe had already begun with some scary mummy FX makeup.
"Never mind, it looks like you figured it out." He chuckles.
Kyle and Butters help Clyde and Craig with the wrapping to get it finished faster. "I still don't understand why you wouldn't just be a vampire like me and Kyle.." Butters boops his nose, "But I guess you're just too stubborn, and I thought Kyle was the stubborn one."
Stan and Kenny hobble drunkenly into the room, "Ughhh.." Kenny zombie walks his way to the bed. "Braiiins.."
"You can't fool us Kenny.." Tweek laughs as he misses the bed. "How much did you guys drink?!"
"I mean.." Stan pulls the empty butterscotch vodka bottle from his inner coat pocket. "It was about half full?"
"Jesus dude.. You really need to kick that habit.." Kyle grabs the bottle and tosses it into the recycling. "Good thing Ms. Cartman keeps the cans literally right under your window."
"Mrrrph.." Kenny responds, pulling his hood down. "I feel like I'm gonna puke.."
"Gross Dude!" Stan laughs.
"You're one to talk, how many times did you puke on Wendy when we were younger?" Kyle laughs.
Cartman finally finishes his costume's "final touches". "What do you guys think??"
"What a hottie!" Bebe laughs.
"Quit trying to steal my girl!" Clyde joins the laughter.
"What? What's so funny??" Cartman turns to look in the mirror.
"O-OOPS! I MEANT TO R-REMOVE THAT!" Jimmy laughs, "IT WAS JUST A J-J-JOKE DUDE I SWEAR!"
"Ugh.. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.." He rolls his eyes, "Just remove it please."
"Alright alright, I'll c-c-castrate ya." Jimmy chuckles once more.
"Ugh.." Cartman gives a grin, "I have to admit though, it would have been funny if it weren't me.."
Kyle and Butters exchange a look.
"Shall we get to the candy??!" Cartman's eyes sparkle. "Oh and uhh.. Thank you all for helping me.. I guess.." He blushes, looking over to his two boyfriends.. envious of their boldness. How can they be so brave. Both of them came out relatively easily.. Though, Kyle is pan and Butters is bi.. Neither of them are just.. Gay. He thinks to himself for a while, as they all stroll together out of the house.
"Eric!" Butters tugs his arm, "Your mom wanted to ask you something- We'll wait here."
Kyle grabs Butters' hand and smiles. "So, how'd it go?"
"She's gonna ask him I think.. But I hope he doesn't suspect us.."
"Eric, are Kenny and Stan staying the night?" She taps her foot lightly.
"I was going to ask mom, I swear.." Cartman puts his large puppy eyes to good use.
"You're not in trouble, but they will be if their parents think I contributed any of this alcohol!"
"Mom, they know better.. Besides, if they spend the night no one needs to know they got drunk, right?" He taps his foot against hers.
"You're such a little rascal." Liane responds.
"Can I go trick or treats with my friends now?" Cartman asks.
"One more question Eric." Liane states.
"Okay, what is it mom?"
"Eric, are you.. gay?" She begins, still unsure if she should even meddle.
"Yes." He responds rather quickly. "Yes mom, I'm gay." He sobs softly.
"Don't cry baby! No!" Liane hugs her son, petting his back.
"D-Did they tell you to ask me?" he whimpers, hugging her back, tears and makeup staining her witch costume.
"Who poopie-kins?"
"M-my.. uhh.. boyfriends.. Kyle and Butters.."
"You have two? At least they're both sweet boys."
"Mhmm.."
"You realize it's living room nights from now on though.."
"Y-Yes mom.. Can I go trick or treats now?" He sniffles.
"Sure thing hon." She pats his back gently and stands, fixing her hat and wiping the makeup from her dress.
"Kyle! Butters!" Cartman yells to them, running out the door. "I-I'm.. OUT!"
Kyle and Butters both run to their boyfriend and each pepper him with kisses and laughter.
Craig and his gang had already left, Kyle's idea- their head start would leave the trio with plenty of alone time.