Sickness
With all due respect, I must decline your invitation. Not only am I already promised to someone, but my condi-
The sudden caw of a crow derived my attention from the letter I was writing. Knowing what this meant, I quickly placed my brush down, a smile on my face, while a servant hurriedly opened the window. My dear fiancé's crow flew into the room, settling down next to the small bowl filled to the rim with dried fruits, nuts and seeds.
As it pecked into its meal, it allowed me to take in hand the letter attached to its leg. My servant hurriedly closed the window, preventing any more wind from sneaking into the room and risking my health.
Unfolding the letter, I saw the characters slanted and sometimes smudged, which brought a small smile to my lips. Tanjiro's was out on a mission when he received the letter, but still took the time to write back.
I aplogize for the hurried letter; I must arrive to my next destination before nightfall in order to prevent the demon from eating anyone else.
It saddens me to hear you've gotten sick again. I promise to visit next time I have a break, whether I'm injured or not! You must feel so lonely, with your mother out of town so often...
I thank you for the artwork you've gifted me! You keep getting better everyday, Nezuko would be proud of you. I have also given my crow a gift for you, I hope you enjoy it!
On my side, things are going well. I have yet to substain any new injuries, and Zenitsu and Inosuke are both in great form, too. We're all very motivated now that we've managed to learn Total Concentration Breathing: Constant.
I love you more than I can bear being away from you,
Kamado Tanjiro
Looking at the crow, I saw a small bag attached to its other leg. Examining it, I noticed a small message indicating it contained jasmine tea, one of my favourites. Folding the letter back into its original state, I carefully placed it into the drawer reserved for my loved one's letters.
I couldn't ever blame him for being absent from my life. With a healthy body, I would've joined him without hesitation. And if our situations were reversed, I would be the one in his position, fighting demons and searching for a cure for his sister.
Taking some paper out and putting the unfinished letter addressed to an unrequited suitor aside, I started writing back to my lover.
I forgave him for everything he apologized for, told him I was getting better and wished him and his friends luck and strength in battle. I also thanked him for the tea, telling him I would surely enjoy it. Folding the letter, I inserted another small artwork I had done before into the folds of the letter. This time, I depicted the mountain Tanjiro lived on, with Saburo's small house sitting next to the mountain pass.
Beckoning the crow closer, I attached the letter, patted his head and asked him to give the message to Tanjiro. Telling the servants to open the window, I watched the crow as it flew back to my dear fiancé. I looked away once it was out of view, and the window was once again closed.
With my bad health and the early spring cold, I could barely spend any time outside anymore. When I did, I was buried under layers of clothing and blankets, with tea in my hands. I instead busied myself with art and literature, reading, writing and painting.
Tanjiro and I have been exchanging letters since he left for Sagiri Mountain, where he trained with Urokodaki-san. Due to the travel time of the crow, we can only receive the other's letter one or two days after it was sent, but knowing the other is alive and well is enough for us.
We have promised each other to get married when Tanjiro completes his mission. To me, it's what motivates me to fight my sickness and stay alive. To him, it's what motivates him to survive and get stronger in order to complete his goal and come back to take care of me.
Weeks pass, and Tanjiro manages to visit me on one of my good days. We spend the day walking around the village, the temperature now warm enough for me to be outside. He leaves quicker than either of us would've wanted, but duty calls once more.
A few letters later, Tanjiro announces he will be heading on a mission with a pillar, Kyojuro Rengoku. As Tanjiro tells me he won't be able reply to my next letter since he will be busy with the mission, I sigh, knowing it would probably take over a week before I would get a new letter from him. That was usually what this kind of phrasing meant.
My condition had recently worsened, causing me to be bedridden. Sometimes, I would get caughing fits and cough blood, although the doctors said it wouldn't last. My mother, worried, took some time off from her work as a nurse for me.
Having been refused from university due to her gender, my mother decided to work as a nurse in St. Luke's International Hospital in Tokyo, where she was able to be trained in the medical field. She worked despite my deceased father's fortune being well-enough to pay for our estate and my treatment, insisting she would go mad if she didn't do anything all day.
I understand what she meant more than anyone else.
I decided to wait before writing a new letter to my fiancé. Perhaps I would get better soon, so worrying Tanjiro over something he can do nothing about would do no good. I would take care of his crow in the meantime.
My mother arrived in the night, minutes after we lighted the wisteria incent in the courtyard, as we did every night. I greeted her in the glory of my bed, and we chatted through the night. I had forgotten how nice talking to a loved one was with all of the time I spend alone, or with a few servants.
Since my mother would stay for a while, she insisted on letting our servants go home to see their families. They thanked her, promising to be back in a week.
Our week was spent mostly by chatting, since my condition hadn't gotten any better. I could feel my mother's worry, and she took care of me to the best of her ability. The doctor visited, but didn't have anything that could help me. On the last night of her visit, I had to go to bed early because of great fatigue.
I woke up to the sound of a door breaking. Attempting to stand up, I was stopped by a great pain in my side that forced me into a folded position. Panicking, my breath got quicker, which only induced a new coughing fit. I placed my hand in front of my mouth, trying to prevent the blood from staining my sheets.
I heard my door open, and was releived to hear the footsteps of my mother getting closer to check up on me.
"Well, what do we have here?"
This isn't my mother. Forcing my coughs to calm down, I turned my head enough to see who was in the room with me.
Plum red eyes, jet black hair and a sickly white skin, just like mine. He wore clean western-style clothes, the exact description Tanjiro had made of him.
Kibutsuji Muzan. The idea itself made my back straighten.
"You appear to know me. I don't recall ever meeting you before," He spoke, his blood-covered lips moving with every syllable. Upon receiving to answer, he continued, "You know, I pity you. I once was very sick myself."
Is this how I die? By the hands of the very man who murdered my lover's family? I dropped my bloddied hands onto my lap, my own blood staining my covers.
"You aren't very talkative. Are you mute, too?" The original demon crouched next to my bed.
Tanjiro will be devastated. Not only losing his family, but his future wife, too? I don't have much of a choice, what can I do against... Him?
"That's fine. You'll be better once you become a demon. Plus, I left a body for you to devour."
My eyes widened. "Don't," I blurted out before I could think, "I'd rather die than become a demon."
"So you do speak. But, the choice isn't yours."
Before a knew it, there was a wound on my neck and he was gone. My body convulsed with a strange pain as his blood infiltrated my system. My breathing got lighter. Oh god, is this what it felt like to breathe? How do people ever take this for granted? And since when do my body feel so light? I feel like I could run up to Tanjiro's house and back, something I could never have done before.
Hunger suddenly twisted my stomach. Right, there's a price to pay for all of this. I am a demon. My brain got fuzzier and fuzzier, but I fought against it. I must fight it. I can't start eating people. But I can't die, Tanjiro and Nezuko need me.
Tanjiro.
I have to tell Tanjiro.
"Tennoji," I called Tanjiro's crow, which was fidgetting in a corner of the room, "Go tell Tanjiro I've been turned into a demon. I will kill myself three dawns from now. I don't think I can last any longer, so please be quick."
With that said, I opened my window and watched as the crow hurriedly flew out.
Blood, I can smell so much blood. Where does it come from? Do I even want to know? Will I even be able to resist three days?
Doubt clouded my mind as the sky got lighter and ligher.
Should I just do it now? No, I promised Tanjiro. I closed my curtains as the first ray of sunshine broke through the horizon.
Two days to go.
I was crouched onto myself when I heard a scream echo through the house. I don't know for how long I had been there. Hurried footsteps approached my room and I heard the shoji door slide open. I didn't have to raise my head to know it was my old maid Shikoru-san.
"Young lady, are you all right?" She was about to step closer before I stopped her.
"Don't step into the room."
She was taken aback, but respected my decision. "My lady, your mother..."
"I know," I cut her off, "I assumed so." There was a pregnant pause between the two of us until I spoke up again. "The original demon was here. He turned me into a demon. Please ensure no human comes into this room, and place wisteria near the exits."
"But my lady..."
"And light up incent in every surrounding room. It must burn at all times of the day."
"Won't you suffocate?" She whispered, breathless.
"If so happens, then be it. But I don't plan on dying before Tanjiro arrives, unless it takes more than two days. Please also bury my mother without me. And remove any trace of blood, the scent is killing me."
My mind was set. I wouldn't leave this room unless it was to die by the sun's rays. That's the least I could do for Tanjiro.
"Please also knock once a day to ensure I haven't escaped."
Shikoru-san left the room after agreeing to my demands, giving out orders to the other servant present. Soon enough, I could feel a pressure in my lungs from the scent of wisteria, and smelled my mother's blood disappear into nothingness.
I was recovering from the injury I obtained from the train driver in Shinobu's estate. We had been here for a few days, and were all depressed from Rengoku's death. If someone so strong had died from a higher moon, how did we stand a chance against Muzan? Shaking those thoughts away, I promised myself to instead get stronger so I could defeat him, and return to my beloved fiancé's side.
I was shaken out of my thoughts when my crow flew into the room, cawing loudly.
"Can't you tell your crow to shut up? It's too early for this..." Zenitsu complained, folding his pillow over his ears, not that it would do much with his great hearning.
Inosuke didn't react, still fast asleep and snoring loudly. I chuckled at the sight of my friends before turning my attention to my crow.
Noticing there was no letters attached to his leg, I looked at it questioningly as he tried to catch his breath.
"Message for Kamado Tanjiro!" I squeaked loudly, "from (L/n) (Y/n)!"
Confused as to why she didn't write a letter like she usually does, I listened intently while hearing Zenitsu complain about my love life in the background.
"I have been turned into a demon. I will kill myself three dawns from now! I repeat..."
My ears buzzed, tuning out the repeated message.
What? Did I hear it right? (Y/n), a demon?
I blinked, but my eyesight wouldn't focus on anything. I was stuck in a daze.
"-JIRO! TANJIROOOOO!!" Zenitsu's voice brought me back to earth, and I suddenly started breathing again. When did I stop in the first place?
I turned my head to the loud boy and blinked rapidly, focusing on his figure.
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, TANJIRO!! YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO DIE!" He yelled, shaking my shoulders.
My wife? Die? I will kill myself three dawns from now.
I stood up before I could even think, rushing to the door. It opened to Aoi who was about to speak, probably angry at Zenitsu's loudness, but was surprised by my presence.
"I'm sorry!" I quickly said as I passed by her, running out of the estate. In the distance, I could hear her yelling at me to come back due to my injuries.
I could feel the sting of the stab through my stomach with each step, but couldn't stop running. How long ago did she send the crow? My mind jumped from one thought to another. What if she ate someone? Would I be able to kill her? I tripped, but quickly caught myself. No, she said she would die three dawns from when she was turned into a demon. She was conscious enough to tell the message to my crow, so she must know she'll be able to resist until I arrive. I convinced myself. Or until three days pass.
Shaking the thought away, I started running faster. I had to make it in time. I couldn't lose someone else. Not to Kibutsuji, either.
I was in the same position as last morning, crouched onto myself. There was no light in my room, not even behind the curtains due to the late hour. I heard a knock at the door, and Shikoru's voice hesitantly spoke up.
"My lady... Today is the end of the second day." I could hear her uneasy breathing with my damned demon hearing. "Dawn is in four hours."
"I will be heading to the courtyard in thirty minutes. Please place wisteria near the fence and clear the estate."
I stood up, not even sore from staying in an unchanged position for over a day. Damn demon body.
Every small thing only served as a reminder of my situation. I was a demon, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Thanks to the wisteria, I could barely smell Shikoru as she paced through the estate. She had dismissed the other servent per my request and busied herself with small tasks to hide her nervousness. But I could still smell her through the flower, the appealing smell of blood.
The mere thought of eating blood made me sick in the heart but hungry in the stomach. How did Nezuko do this?
Every minute or so, the fuzziness tried to take over my brain and make me start thinking like the demon I have become. The only thing I had done so far was focus on my emotions towards Tanjiro to keep me grounded to humanity.
The letters. I can use the letters to ground me until sunrise.
Approaching the drawer, I opened it and stared at the folded papers, wondering which ones to take. Deciding to take them all, I removed the drawer from my desk altogether and opened the first one with shaking hands.
My dear love,
I read it over and over again until I heard Shikoru leave the estate for good. Repeating Tanjiro's words in my head, I grabbed the drawer and headed out into the courtyard. After reading all of them twice, I started seeing the paler shade of blue reach the horizon.
Fifteen minutes until sunrise.
So Tanjiro didn't make it. I wonder if he got injured during his mission. He probably did, the idiot. The thought made me smile sadly.
Even if I did die, I had hoped to see him one last time. Before I knew it, tears started falling down my cheeks, falling onto my lap.
Ten minutes until sunrise.
What was the lulluby Tanjiro used to sing to me? He had such terrible singing skills, despite having such a soothing voice, but knowing he would be willing to sing me to sleep was enough for me. I don't even know the lyrics his singing was so bad.
I chuckled to myself, but it eventually came to a stop. I don't want to die. But I have to. Closing my eyes, I search my mind for memories of Tanjiro embracing me.
What if it's already too late?
Looking at the sky, I could see orange painting the morning clouds. The sun would rise in barely five minutes. Not enought time...
It is enough time. I didn't become strong only to watch my future wife die. We promised to get married, and that means neither of us is allowed to die.
Jumping onto a roof to reach her house faster, I winced as I felt my wound reopen. A strong scent of wisteria instinctively made me jump over the backyard fence, and there, I saw her.
How long has it been since we've seen each other?
Before I knew it, she was in my arms. She opened her eyes, startled, and started sobbing as she saw my face. I hurried into the house, closing the door behing me, before hugging her properly.
"I thought the crow didn't make it!" She cried onto my chest, her hands gripping onto my clothes, and I noticed I ran all the way here in hospital clothes.
"It's okay, I'm here now," I whispered, not trusting my voice much. Placing my chin on her head, I started crying too.
I suddenly gasped.
"You're injured!" I let out, pushing Tanjiro gently to examine his wound.
Seeing blood staining his clothes, I jumped up to get the first aid kit. Tanjiro protested for a moment before realizing I was not sick anymore and could in fact move on my own.
As I worked on his wound, I could see him looking at me with loving eyes. I looked up to him once in a while to smile back at him, which only made him happier.
"Aaaand... Done!" I pulled back from him, a satisfied smile on my face as I admired my work.
Tanjiro quickly took the opportunity to grab onto me, making us both lay on the ground. We looked at each other with dumb smiles on our face before getting closer and cuddling.
As the day went by, I explained to him what had happened and he told me about Kyojuro-san's death. He also promised me to turn me back into a human, just like he would for Nezuko.
"We should head back to Shinobu-san's estate soon, she'll get worried." I patted my fiancé's head gently, and he hummed in agreement. "Since you're injured, I can carry you there at night. You'll just have to guide me."
"Are you sure?" He looked at me with his wine-coloured eyes I've always loved so much and I nodded, smiling.
"I'm not letting you move in that condition, anyway. Plus, you're going to need stitches, and I don't have the material for that here."
He suddenly gasped, his eyes wide. "Did you feel anything when you were treating me?" Upon seeing me looking at him questioningly, he continued, "My blood."
I blinked a few times, realizing it too. "I didn't!" I smiled widely, "I really didn't!"
We both started laughing happily at the news, before I realized he hadn't eaten anything all day.
"You must be hungry!"
And so we moved to the kitchen, me carrying him over to his seat before making him a meal. We laughed as I burned my first attempt to a meal as it had been so long since I had cooked, and the love of my life sweetly walked me though the process, making my second attempt successful.
As night approached, Tanjiro started worrying on how people would react to him bring a demon - a second one at that - into corps ground. This time, he didn't have the protection from Urokodaki-san, nor Tomioka's support. I calmed him down, telling him we'd worry about it when we'd arrive. We didn't have any way of communicating with the corps leader, anyway, so it wasn't our fault.
Despite the circumstances, I was glad to see Tanjiro again. We left the house the moment the sun went down, and passed by my mother's grave to say our goodbyes. With everything that had happened, I didn't get to process her death properly. Now that I was fine, the emotions hit me like a train, and Tanjiro did his best to cheer me up.
We eventually left for the Butterfly Estate, hearts heavy. Having both our families broken by the very same demon was a sad reality, but it only made us more determined to bring Kibutsuji Muzan down. After all, with this form, I was strong enough to joing Tanjiro and fight by his side.
As I carried him on my back and we chatted through the night, I knew all the time I spent away from him was worth it, because in the end, I'd get to marry him. What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing, honest, sweet, determined, guy?
After a while, the conversation died down into a comfortable silence sometimes interrupted by Tanjiro giving me directions. Having him on my back, having him so close to me, was everything I had ever wanted.
What would happen next didn't matter to me at the moment, because I had everything I had ever wanted by my side.