It was a well-known fact among the Avengers that you and Carol Danvers absolutely hated each other. Ever since you’d joined the Avengers, the two of you had been constantly clashing over everything you could possibly fight about and talking shit about the other whenever an opportunity arose. Today was no exception.
“You’re going to put me with her?!”
“Carol, there’s no reason to raise your voice.” Steve tried to calm her.
“No, this isn’t happening. She’s unproven in the field, she’s irresponsible, and we can’t go two seconds without fighting!”
“You are going on this mission with her, Carol.”
“She’s impossible! I can’t work with someone as stubborn as her!”
“Oh, you want to talk about stubborn?” You chose this moment to chime in. “You are the definition of stubborn! I’ve never met anyone less willing to admit that they’re wrong than you!”
“That’s because you’re always wrong!”
You turned your attention to Steve, “We can’t do this mission together. It’ll be a disaster! It already is, and we haven’t even left yet!”
“The two of you are going, and that’s final. Your combined power is necessary to complete the task. If you have personal issues, you can work on them on your own time, but I expect my team members to be able to work together.”
“Fine.” You sighed. “We’ll go. But it won’t be happily.”
“You can say that again,” Carol scoffed.
You flipped her off before exiting the room to prepare for the mission.
“You head out in an hour.” Steve called as you walked away.
Carol was fuming as she prepared for the mission. Why did Steve have to pair the two of you together for this mission? He knew how terrible your relationship was, he knew that it would be a disaster, it didn’t make sense. And God, you pissed her off. Just your presence in a room was enough to drive her insane. How was she supposed to keep her head in the game with you there? She continued to fume all the way until the two of you were boarding the Quinjet, with Steve there to see you off.
“Now remember, you’re there to hurt your targets, not each other. Stay focused on the mission.” He said as you readied to take off.
As soon as you were in the air, you plugged in your headphones and turned up the volume as loud as you could without killing your eardrums. Carol was flying the plane, she didn’t trust you to do so, or she was trying to find another way to claim you were unqualified for the team, you weren’t sure, but either way, you got out flying the plane and that was okay with you. The flight was spent in complete silence. Neither of you dared to look at each other, let alone speak to each other. When you landed, there was no excuse left for you to ignore each other. You finished the final preparations before getting ready to infiltrate the base.
“You go left, I’ll go right.” You said as the two of you hid behind a group of bushes.
“Why do you get to decide?” Carol scoffed.
“Why did you get to fly here?” You returned.
“Because I was a pilot in the Air Force.”
“Fine, I’ll go left, you go right.”
“No, I’ll go left.” She said.
“Whatever.” You sighed, exasperated. “Let’s just get this over with.”
“We go on my signal.” She said. “Unless you need to feel like you’ve accomplished something.”
“I’ve already accomplished more than you ever will, you can take this one.” You smirked. She sighed and waited a moment before signalling your attack.
The first parts of the mission were a huge success, but as you went deeper and deeper into the HYDRA base, you could feel something was off. Carol took out a group of agents with her energy, you took the others out with fire, but more kept coming. You were getting tired, and you could tell that she was too. It didn’t take much more for the two of you to be on the brink of collapse, injured and fatigued. Somebody pulled out a taser, and the next thing you felt was an electric pain. Everything faded to black.
When you awoke, you were strapped to a table. From what you could tell, Carol was in much of the same position, her head next to yours.
“Shit.” You mumbled.
“Ahh, the sleeping beauty has awoken.” Carol spoke sarcastically.
“Where the hell are we?”
“That’s the million dollar question.”
Before you could come up with a rebuttal, an HYDRA agent appeared.
“Welcome, ladies. I’m glad you could finally join us. We’ve got work to do.”
“Don’t call me a lady.” You spoke angrily.
“You see, we’ve recently come into possession of a wonderful piece of technology.” He completely ignored your statement. “And you two are just the perfect people to test it out on.”
Some others appeared and began setting up a piece of machinery above your heads.
“Now, you have information that I want, and I’m going to get it.”
“I won’t tell you anything.” Carol spoke.
“Not you, her.” He pointed at you.
“What could she possibly know that you want?”
“She knows a lot more than you think,” he paused, “I’ve learned not to underestimate (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”
“When I break free, I will kill you.” You looked at him as you spoke. “And I will show no mercy.”
“I wouldn’t expect any less from you, darling.”
“I’m not your darling.”
“As long as I have you cuffed to that table, you are whatever I want you to be, darling.”
You spit in his face when he got close to you.
“Start it up!” He shouted angrily. “This woman needs to be taught a lesson.”
Somebody flipped a switch and the machinery above you lit up. For a few moments, nothing happened, and then, you were falling. Falling, falling, falling into a pit of darkness. The landscape began to take form, and it only took you seconds to recognize where you were. You were in your memories. Except, Carol was there too. This was not good.
**ITALICS MEMORY**
“Where the hell are we?” Carol spoke. She didn’t recognize the wild surroundings, or the canyon you stood next to.
“We’re in my head.” You responded, working through every possible escape you could think of. You came up with nothing. You watched as a much younger you appeared, and so did someone else: a man you knew you’d never see again, Kinquest. You tried to move from where you were, but you were stuck. Carol was too.
“What’s happening?”
“I’m about to confront my family’s killer. It’s not going to go very well.” You said, uncomfortably. The last person that you wanted to witness this moment was Carol. She didn’t need more to use against you.
She began to speak, but stopped herself when she heard the younger you begin.
“This isn’t going to end well for you, Kinquest.”
“Perhaps not. I overestimated your capabilities. You’re much too unprepared for the roles that you must take.”
“You killed my family, but chose to spare me, do you really think I’m going to let you leave here?”
“Aren’t you the least bit curious as to why?”
“Why you spared me? No. The only thing I’m interested in is taking you down.”
“You’re angry. I knew you would be when I made the decision, but you must understand. Your family only hindered your potential, as long as they lived, you would be tied down. I freed you from that burden.”
“I didn’t want to be freed from my family!” There were angry tears rolling down your cheek. “I wanted my family! I wanted to grow up with my mother and father and brother, I wanted to live my life with the people who knew me better than anyone! But you took that away from me! And now, I have nothing left.”
“You know, it’s never good to fight angry.” He spoke.
“I don’t care.” You took a step towards him. There was a moment of pause before you attacked him.
You and Carol watched from your spot on the sidelines as a teenage you struggled to fight the man with much more advanced skills.
“How old were you?” She asked.
“Sixteen.” You whispered.
“You can’t get into my head.” Young you spoke as you continued to fight Kinquest. He was trying to get past your mental blocks and take control of your thoughts.
“Maybe I can’t get to your thoughts, but your emotions are much too vulnerable.” An awful smile formed on his head. You could feel his control taking over and amplifying something. It took moments for you to realize what it was, but as soon as you did, you tried to fight. But the more he amplified your emotions, the less you wanted to fight him.
“That’s it,” he said. “You know what you want to do.”
“But, but I don’t.” You mumbled as you fought the urge to walk closer to the edge of the canyon.
“Ahh, but you do. Remember what you told me, you have nothing left. No reason to stay here.” As his control reached further, amplifying your emotions more and more, you stepped closer to the edge of canyon.
“I realize now that my actions were a mistake.You are not right for this fate. But I will clean up my mess. You are not strong enough for this, and I found your weakness. Just the smallest part of you wishes that you died with the rest of your family. You can make that happen, right now. Just keep walking forward.” He spoke calmly and you did.
“No, you aren’t really going to--” Carol watched, a mixture of fear and shock on her face.
“Yes, I am.” You said as you watched. You wanted to turn away, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t move.
It only took younger you two more steps before you were looking directly over the edge.
“Come on, you know this is right.” Kinquest spoke. You looked up at the sky and then, you took one more step.
“No!” Carol cried from her paralyzed position next to you.
And then, it was over.
**ITALICS MEMORY ENDS**
Your eyes opened and you heard Carol gasp as she came to.
“Bad trip, huh?” The HYDRA agent asked. “Now, tell me what I want to know, and you won’t have to go back there.”
“Never.” You gritted your teeth.
“Fine. Run it again!”
The second time you came back to reality, he asked again. You refused. In fact, you hardly seemed fazed by the reliving of one of your worst memories.
The third time, he was too angry to send you back again. He threatened to beat you, among a number of other things, but you didn’t budge. You could sense Carol behind you, you just had to keep him distracted long enough for her to burn through the metal holding her down. You took quite a few hits before she broke free. She blasted the agent and everyone else in the room before freeing you.
“Come on, we gotta go.” She pulled you up.
“Ow.” You clutched your side. “I think he broke a rib. Or three.”
“Can you move fast?”
“I think so.”
“Okay, let’s go. We’ve just got to get to the jet.” She tried to encourage you.
She took care of most of the resistance you met on your escape, and when you arrived back on the Quinjet, she forced you to lay down before she started the jet.
The return to the compound was just as quiet as the ride there had been. You were doing your best not to move, and Carol was trying to understand what she had seen. She’d watched you go over the edge of the canyon, and yet, here you were. And why was a teenager fighting off someone who was clearly trained very well, with superpowers? It didn’t add up.
When you arrived back at the compound, Bruce rushed you off to the med bay to check out your injuries, and Carol didn’t get a chance to ask any of the questions she had. She gave her mission report to Steve before heading off to her room, her head still filled with thoughts of you. She couldn’t sleep that night, either, and she decided to head up to the roof for some fresh air.
When the elevator opened to the hallway that ended with a door labeled “Roof Access”, she stepped out. The cool night air was refreshing and she took a deep breath. It took her a moment more than she was willing to admit to notice the other figure on the roof. When she finally did, she approached whoever it was that had had similar ideas to hers. It only took a few more steps for her to realize that it was you.
“Couldn’t sleep?” You asked as she sat down next to you.
“Nope. But I see I’m not the only one.”
You sighed. “Sleep and I generally don’t agree.”
“What exactly was that today?” It took Carol a moment to work up the courage to ask.
“A memory.” You looked out into the surrounding trees. “One I don’t like to remember.”
“I just don’t understand why-”
“Look,” You turned to face her. “If there’s anyone I’m going to talk to about this, it’s not going to be you. I don’t need to give you anything else to use against me.”
“I’d never use something like this against you.”
“So that’s it? You just want answers?” Your voice had a slight air of anger.
“No, I want to be there for my teammate after she delt with something quite traumatic, even if it was only a memory.”
You turned back to the trees and contemplated for a moment. You couldn’t quite understand why, but you really did want to tell her. This woman had been anything but nice to you, and you weren’t exactly the picture of kindness either, and yet, all you wanted was to connect with her. You wanted to trade your bickering for friendship, or perhaps something more...but you didn’t dare imagine what it would be like if Carol Danvers loved you, because she hated you. You could take out your frustrations over unrequited love in your fights and insults.
But now? Now, she was sitting next to you, telling you that she wanted to be there for you. And, God, you didn’t know what to do.
“That man, Kinquest,” you spoke in a gigantic leap of confidence, “he killed my entire family when I was sixteen. He believed I had a greater purpose, and that they were only keeping me down. So, I went after him. I was incredibly overpowered, with no real control or skill, but I just had to do something. It didn’t go very well.” You referenced what she’d seen. “He couldn’t gain complete control of my mind, but he got ahold of a feeling, a stray thought.”
“Which was…?”
“There was a very small part of me that wished I’d died with my family too. That much loss was just more than I could handle, alone, at sixteen.” You paused. “So he got ahold of that thought and he amplified it until it was all I could think about. And, well, you know the rest.”
“But how did you survive.”
“This,” you held up your totem, the thing that gave you your powers, “didn’t want me to die.”
“What happened to the guy, Kinquest?”
“I tracked him down about a month later, with the help of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Fury brought him into custody.”
“So he’s in a S.H.I.E.L.D. prison?”
“No.” You stared into the distance. “He died in a fire shortly after being caught.”
It didn’t take much for Carol to connect the dots, after all, your favorite thing to use in fights was fire.
“Why weren’t you phased when we saw that memory?” She asked, still slightly confused.
“Would you be scared of something you’ve seen over and over again? Or would you have become numb?”
There was a pause again.
“Wow.” Carol finally broke. “That’s a lot.”
“Yep.” You sighed.
“Are you okay?”
“M’fine.” You looked away, hoping she would believe you.
“You aren’t very good at lying.” She said and scooted closer to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulders. “I’m here for you, if you need me.”
“Thanks.” You smiled a little and yawned.
When you finally parted, later that night, you couldn’t help the excitement over the interaction you’d just had with Carol. Maybe she didn’t hate you.
Over the next few weeks, your arguments began to fade, replaced with nice, almost friendly conversations. Now, you could be in the same room with each other without issue, and when you were assigned on missions together, it was hardly that big of deal. You were happy that your relationship with her was getting better, but Carol on the other hand, she was worried. Actually spending time with you had opened up her eyes; she had a big fat crush on you. She realized that what she had thought to be hatred towards you was really frustrations over the fact that it was very unlikely that you liked her back. She wasn’t even sure if you liked girls.
Your friendship continued to blossom, and both of you stayed quiet about your feelings for the other. The Avengers were happy to see you getting along and often teased the both of you about it.
But everything changed when Steve put you both on an undercover mission.
“This is a formal event, so you’ll need to dress accordingly.” He handed you each a file with the mission’s details. “Your target is in the file, your goal is to convince him to let you invest in his company. From there, we’ll be able to infiltrate his organization and take him down.”
“What’s our cover?” You opened your copy.
“You’re going to be a rich couple, just married and looking for a place to put your money.”
“Aww, we’re gonna be all lovey-dovey newlyweds, aren’t we?” You smiled.
“No.” Carol spoke. “We’re not going to be a couple.”
“Why? It makes the most sense.” You questioned, confused.
“We can just be friends! Or sisters, or cousins, or something.”
“We aren’t in the 90’s anymore, Carol, homosexuality isn’t a big deal anymore.” You were on defense now.
“I know, we just-” She was at a loss for words, “Can we just come up with a different cover, please.” Her cheeks and she rushed out of the room at the first chance she got.
“What was that about?” Steve turned to you. You shrugged.
“I don’t know. I’ll go talk to her.”
You found her in the hallway, not far from the conference room.
“What’s going on?” You asked as you put your back against the wall next to her.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me, Carol. Why aren’t you okay with this?”
“Because I’m not going to be able to stay away from you if we do!” She spoke before thinking through what she was saying.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to ” She whispered.
“Carol, what are you saying?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I love you, (Y/N). And I can’t do this mission with you, knowing that it’s all fake. I just-” You cut her off with a kiss.
“What was that?” She asked when you pulled away.
“Isn’t it obvious?” You quoted her own words. “I love you too, dummy.”
She kissed you again.
“Called it.” You both turned to see Tony standing at the end of the hallway, eating a bag of Cheetos.
“Go away.” You gave him a look.
“I guess this means you’ll be fine for the mission?” You turned the other way to see Steve standing just outside of the conference room.
“Can we not have just a moment here?” You groaned.
“C’mon.” Carol grabbed your hand and pulled you down the hallway. “We can go have our moment elsewhere.”