Three
WuXian walked as quickly as they could back to the room they were sharing with Jiang Cheng and Nie HuaiSang, cheeks feeling like they were afire with blood. That Lan WangJi was- he was shameless! Unsheathing their sword in their second meeting! Only someone with absolutely no shame would do something like that. Especially someone from a clan that held an item with similar meaning.
The manner of unsheathing someone’s sword in Yiling-Hua was the same as touching the headband of a Gusu-Lan Sect member, even if by accident. Mainly because the scimitars of WuXian’s home were tied to a cultivator’s soul and not their core so only they themselves and their zhīyīn could unsheathe it, but also because of what it was a euphemism for. There were special arrays etched into the leather of Yiling-Hua’s scimitar sheaths to ensure it was so and make sure that a match between two who seemed unlikely was truly because they were zhīyīn and not because one was forcing the other into it. And since a scimitar was tied to the soul, it grew with the cultivator and named itself. WuXian hadn’t seen their scimitar Suibian since they and a-Ru had gotten separated, before they’d been brought to Yunmeng-Jiang and kept from getting to Qinghe-Nie like they’d been trying to from the beginning. They’d named the sword that Sect Leader FengMian had forged the same as the scimitar that was theirs, as both a reminder and an attempt to comfort themself a little. Suibian the sword wasn’t anywhere near as fine as Suibian the scimitar, it didn’t respond so smoothly or fit so easily against WuXian’s hands, but it was a cultivator’s weapon and they wouldn’t disgrace their scimitar by trying to get a new one forged. Not while they still longed for it and a different scimitar would feel like they were betraying the weapon.
That Lan WangJi had gotten them engaged by the rules of WuXian’s home, and he probably had no idea of what he had done because of how long ago that bastard Xiu Chonglai had driven WuXian’s people away from their birthplace. The Nie clan had provided sanctuary and refuge in their territory for those that could flee in time, but the rest that had survived had been imprisoned inside wards just outside of where the known clans were willing to do business in. When WuXian had been cursed, their shixiong had been able to tie it to the wards so that when their curse broke, their people would be freed and they would be able to take back all that had been wrongfully stolen nearly 200 years ago. They’d be able to restore Qiānxiàgōng to what it had been before the theft and massacre.
Hopefully their Shài and Lan WangJi were one and the same, or things were going to get very awkward very fast. And if WuXian knew anything at all, it was that once Nie HuaiSang knew about the engagement, all of Yiling-Hua’s refugees housed in Qinghe-Nie’s territory would. And there was absolutely nothing WuXian could think of that would make not telling HuaiSang more important than telling him. The people of Yiling-Hua sequestered and protected within Qinghe-Nie’s forests deserved some good news after nearly 200 years of being separated from their homeland and unable to return to it while it remained cursed and desolate. Those that had fled to the territory under protection of the Gusu-Lan clan instead had found their zhīyīn among the disciples and settled, eventually watering down through the generations so there were only hints and slivers of Yiling-Hua’s rather unique people in the blood of the current Gusu-Lan Sect members. Such as the famed Twin Jades who were rumoured to look as they had descended from the heavens themselves though WuXian didn’t know either of their names or what they looked like.
Regardless of whether Lan WangJi knew what he did or not, WuXian did and so would honour the accidental engagement so as to avoid shaming their ancestors or causing any amount of conflict between Gusu-Lan and those of Yiling-Hua that were safe within Qinghe-Nie’s borders. It was time to start trying at a relationship his new fiancé, and he would need all the help he would get. Especially with how Lan WangJi’s voice was so nice to listen from the few times WuXian had heard it that he wanted to do what he could to hear the smooth tone as often as possible.
“You look like something very unexpected happened.” Nie HuaiSang said, stepping into line next to WuXian from seemingly nowhere with incredible ease.
“I have become accidentally engaged by the rules of my home, and now I have to think of courting gifts for my new fiancé who probably doesn’t even know what he did.” WuXian admitted.
“… Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m going to guess that by the way you wear your hair in flowers that he accidentally engaged the two of you by unsheathing your sword? It’s what mine and my brother’s father did with our mothers’ scimitars while they were hunting the same yao on night-hunts. They wear their hair in flowers similar to you.” Nie HuaiSang said, and WuXian gave a soft huff.
“You’re correct.”
“Great, can you tell what the name of your clan is? Mine and da-ge’s mothers both refuse and the members of the clan they married out of won’t tell us either.” Nie HuaiSang said brightly.
WuXian smiled in response, “I can.”
Nie HuaiSang looked at him expectantly.
“You only asked if I can, not if I will.”
The answering pout was enough to make WuXian laugh.
It turned out to both be a good and terrible idea to tell Nie HuaiSang about the accidental engagement, as now WuXian had someone to bounce gift ideas off of that Lan WangJi might like. On the other hand, most of the gift ideas that Nie HuaiSang came up with were incredibly inappropriate. WuXian was trying to form a relationship with his fiancé, not make it impossible for there to ever be one!
He finally settled on a drawing first, one of Lan WangJi himself with perhaps a flower from WuXian’s home nestled in his hair next to the headband he wore. A silent way to tell him that though the engagement between them was accidental and only one of them was aware of it, WuXian was going to honour it and try to be a good partner. Even if Lan WangJi probably wouldn’t understand what it meant, WuXian did and that would have to be enough.
But first, he had to know what Lan WangJi’s face looked like and to do that they would have to look at their fiancé directly. It was already bad enough that Lan WangJi had made it to where WuXian wasn’t engaged to Shài like they’d been dreaming of ever since they’d understood what having a zhīyīn meant for them, but now WuXian had to look at the face of the one keeping them and Shài from being together. At least Lan WangJi had a pretty voice, so it wouldn’t be all bad.
WuXian needed a drink, they needed alcohol to numb their senses some and make the bruises from their curse hurt less. They were thankfully all hidden under their robes, easy to prevent people from seeing, but these ones were taking far longer to heal than the injuries their curse gave them usually did. They healed within a shichen or two after waking, but it had now been seven and a half shichen and they were only mostly healed and gone. They could still nearly smell bitter iron and just almost taste blood, and wondered how long this curse would continue to plague them before they found Shài and their zhīyīn saved them. How many more days and weeks and months and years would they suffer for someone else’s wrongdoing?
WuXian’s decision to go get alcohol to at least try to dull her senses some and attempt to forget about her curse was set when Zìmǔ glowed faintly within her sleeve. The qiankun pouch that was linked to one her shixiong had, with dragons embroidered on the grey fabric in the colour that accented her people's robes. She knew the embroidery wasn’t grey because she’d been told by her shixiong when he’d made them.
WuXian read through the letter she pulled out excitedly, heart lifting some only to come crashing back down violently at what was written there. It wasn’t good news her shixiong was telling her, it wasn’t a fun little thing about his day or something he thought she might like to hear. No, this wasn’t something nice at all to find out and only cemented further that she needed alcohol to try and forget for just a little bit.
Sneaking out of Cloud Recesses was easy, and WuXian kept her sword close at hand within her sleeve while Mǎnyì curled a little closer against her skin protectively, humming almost imperceptibly with traces of her shixiong’s energy. She bought two pots of Emperor’s Smile, the famous Gusu wine that would hopefully be strong enough to actually get her drunk enough to forget about the letter she’d been sent from home or the bruises or the terrible dreams her curse was torturing her with. She wouldn’t drink it until she was back within the confines of the Cloud Recesses, in case this was the alcohol that would finally get her drunk so she wouldn’t be vulnerable out in the open.
“Have you heard? Yèwǎn Guāngshí is said to be in Gusu!” “Oh, come off it! Everyone knows that Yèwǎn Guāngshí is nothing but a myth, no one even knows whether they’re a man or a woman, or even what they look like!”
The words of someone who’d had just a little bit too much to drink to control their volume filtered out of the teahouse that WuXian walked by, and the teen adjusted how the two pots of Emperor’s Smile were hanging from her sword’s scabbard. Let them talk about her all they wanted, they would never know it was her they spoke of even if they were to walk right past her.
Getting back into Cloud Recesses with the alcohol turned out to be a touch more difficult than sneaking out had been, but WuXian had done and now she could drink the alcohol she had bought and try to forget about-
“Alcohol is forbidden. Venturing out at night is forbidden. Breaking curfew is forbidden.”
“Lan Zhan, could you please forgive this one for these transgressions?” WuXian believed she did an admirable manner of keeping her voice from shaking, even with her incredible hearing she could hardly tell anything was wrong.
“Breaking the rules is forbidden. Lying is forbidden.”
Ah, WuXian’s fiancé was being such a fuddy-duddy about the rules. Following them to the letter. She hadn’t even gotten to try the Gusu wine yet to see if it would be the one to finally get her drunk and already he was getting in the way of her trying to numb herself a little from the physical pain her curse inflicted on her and the emotional pain of that letter her shixiong had sent her.
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
WangJi was on lookout since they were told before lectures started that there were some who would try to test the rules that those of Gusu-Lan followed. It was the third week following the start of lectures, and Wei WuXian had broken three rules and tried to convince him to break an additional two. Their spiritual energy had a decidedly feminine tone to it, but until WangJi found out from Wei WuXian themself what the shifting was about and what it meant, he would continue to internally refer to the other as neither man nor woman to avoid getting it wrong. They weren’t looking at him, and if it weren’t for how WangJi had painstakingly taken to memorising how to read other people’s body language to avoid misunderstandings he would have believed their easy-going tone and how they were trying to project an air of nonchalance.
Something was upsetting Wei WuXian, something other than the fact they had broken the rules and that as Head of Discipline it was WangJi’s job to ensure they received punishment for their actions. He wanted to ask what it was that had them tugging at that black cloth around their forearm like they were trying to draw it closer against their skin, why they held themself as if they would cry if they didn’t keep themself rigid and ready to fight at a moment’s notice, but it wouldn’t be proper.
“Wei WuXian, you have broken three rules. As it is late and the ones to whom this must be reported to are sleeping, your punishment will commence in the morning. Hand over the contraband.”
WangJi kept a hand on the hilt of Bichen, prepared to have to take the forbidden items by force if necessary though he didn’t find himself particularly wanting to. And with how Wei WuXian was referring to him so familiarly, they must have already consumed some of the alcohol they had brought to Cloud Recesses along the way, which could have proved dangerous for them since they had been traveling by sword.
“Lan Zhan, I am referring to you familiarly. Won’t you return the favour, and call me by personal name as well?”
Wei WuXian had still not turned to face WangJi properly, and there was the barest shake to their voice as if they were forcing back tears. Was it solely WangJi’s use of their courtesy name that was causing this reaction, or was this simply a tipping point for whatever had upset them earlier that they were so keen on hiding?
“Very well… Wei Ying. You must hand over the contraband, and report to the Discipline Hall in the morning to receive what your punishment will be for breaking the rules.”
Those words seem to be the final straw. Something that WangJi had said, or perhaps his tone of voice lead to a hitch in Wei WuXi- Wei Ying’s breathing and a shaking of their shoulders.
“Please, let me have at least a drink of it. I came directly here after purchasing the wine in case it’s what will finally get me drunk, and I need something to distract myself.”
Distract themself? Oh, oh this was far beyond what WangJi was capable of. He’d learned how to read people to avoid misunderstandings, he didn’t have the faintest idea how to comfort someone who was upset. Short of allowing Wei Ying to drink the alcohol and further break the rules, thus leading to a bigger punishment, WangJi didn’t know what to do. It was good that they hadn’t decided to drink any of the alcohol they’d bought before returning somewhere they hopefully felt safe enough to be vulnerable in, but he still couldn’t choose to both follow Gusu-Lan’s rules and allow them to drink the wine. There had to be something he could do that would both follow the rules and work as a distraction from whatever was upsetting Wei Ying to the point they’d snuck out to purchase contraband.
“… Is there something that may work as distraction for you that doesn’t involve further breaking of the rules, Wei Ying?”
WangJi didn’t want to end up having to fight Wei Ying, and he needed to find a way to resolve this as peacefully as possible and still confiscate the alcohol that was currently in Wei Ying’s possession. His words didn’t seem to be helping the Situation that this was turning into, as Wei Ying’s shoulders shook just a bit more obviously though they were clearly doing their best to muffle whatever sounds were coming from them.
“I- I want you to call me by my personal name, Lan Zhan, but how can you? Everyone uses Wei Ying like I’m related to Wei ChangZe, like I’m part of his family when I’m not, and I- I-”
Wei Yi- Ying WuXian’s voice shook as they spoke, and it sounded a little thicker than the other times that WangJi had heard them speak.
“Then what is WuXian’s personal name, so that Lan Zhan may avoid making this mistake again?”
“H- Hua Yingtai, my name is Hua Yingtai, it’s not Wei Ying, it never was and it isn’t and it never will be and it hurts because I got that letter today and I- my mothers, they were- I was going to have a sibling, I wasn’t going to be an only child anymore but- but they lost the baby, they were going to announce the pregnancy in two weeks but they lost the baby and-”
WangJi was severely out of his depth. This wasn’t the situation he had started to prepare himself for in the slightest. Ying Wu- Hua Yingtai was grieving the loss of someone they would never get to meet. They were grieving their sibling who would never get to draw breath or be held by their parents (mothers, plural, no mention of a father, WangJi tucked that information away as it felt important), there had to be something that could be done to help. This was a new loss, surely the punishment could be lightened with knowledge of how Hua Yingtai had only learned of it just hours ago?
“How- how far along was the pregnancy? Did your family have a personal or courtesy name picked for the child?” WangJi found himself asking.
Maybe talking about it would help Hua Yingtai not hurt so deeply over the loss that they were crying in front of him, even if he hadn’t seen their face turned toward him yet?
“T- the pregnancy was just over h- halfway through, just a few d- days short of six months. We- Mi’yi and Ai’ri had- they had me pick the personal name. M- my sibling was going to be named Hua Míng, and- and then their c- courtesy name was going to be Yuèmèng, b- but now Hua Míng will ne- they’ll never-”
WangJi was so far out of his depth he might as well be drowning, but he knew grief. He knew it intimately, as familiarly as he knew his headband and his sword. He’d been grieving his mother for the past nine years with how he always wore white or extremely pale blue. He knew grief with how he kept himself separate from others. This was just grief from the outside, a loss that was being felt by someone that wasn’t him. Drinking to distract themself from their pain and grief wouldn’t help Hua Yingtai, it would only make the pain worse when they finally let themself feel the loss of the sibling they would’ve had. There were less self-destructive ways to grieve, and WangJi would need to inform his uncle of the loss within Hua Yingtai’s family in case their work during the lectures decreased in quality as a result of their grief.
“Please hand over the alcohol, Hua Yingtai. There are better and less destructive ways to grieve over your loss.”
They froze a little at hearing him say their name, and then it seemed as though the tension was cut from them like a knife might cut through thread. The two jars of wine fell from their sword’s scabbard toward him, and WangJi took care not to let the pots break as he caught them. Excessive or unnecessary noise was against the rules, and WangJi only hid the wine inside his sleeves to ensure that it would be disposed of properly. That was what he told himself, anyway, that it wasn’t because Hua Yingtai had specifically broken the rules to get the alcohol in response to news of their loss to try and drink their pain away. Despite no letters having been delivered to Cloud Recesses, he didn’t doubt the validity of the loss because one could not fake emotion like that so easily, nor was there any mistaking the way Hua Yingtai seemed especially vulnerable at that moment after the little that they had said about the sibling that never would be now. There had been just a touch too much detail for it to be faked, regional dialect for parents alongside how far along the pregnancy was, and the way their voice shook and they failed to fight back their tears. Since he was Head of Discipline, he would have them copy rules as punishment in light of how these transgressions against the rules were done because of their loss.