“Okay, Squigly, did you get the tapes?”
“I certainly did! Though, they are more film reels than...what do you call them, CHS tapes you have?”
“VHS, Squigly! You said these are the scariest movies you have, right?”
“Indeed! These films are simply bone-chilling! They could scare the life right back into me if they could!”
“Madam, are you sure we should watch these films? I recall that when you watched The Curse of Black Hall with your mother and father, you couldn’t sleep right for a fortnight!”
“Leviathan, I was only 5 years old! I’m 28...er, technically, and what 28 year old is afraid of a make-believe story?”
“We can’t wait to see it, Squigs! This will be the best Halloween Movie Night we’ve ever had!”
“But...we’ve only done it once. How could it be the best if we...?”
“Hey guys! Snacks are ready!”
“Oh, finally, Carol! You’ve been in there all afternoon! Whatever you made smells awesome!”
“Thanks, Fil! It’s nothing though, just some recipes Miss Ileum was nice enough to give me. I made pumpkin cookies, pumpkin-spiced popcorn, pumpkin caramel dip with apples, pumpkin bars, pumpkin and brown-sugar mixed nuts, pumpkin-spiced cocoa with pumpkin candy dust, and chips.”
“Chips?”
“I ran out of pumpkin. Sorry.”
“Carol, it all looks delightful! I haven’t had pumpkin in ages! They were quite the treat way back when!”
“Oh, thanks Squigly! Feel free to help yourselves! I have plenty more in the kitchen!”
“Mhm...This. Is. Amazing! I had no idea you were such a good baker, Carol!”
“Yeah, these kick ass, kid! How did ya learn to make stuff this good?”
“Oh...hehe...well, I always like making stuff for Filia, so I guess I just...what is it, honed my craft? Is that what they say?”
“Come on, Carol! Sit down with me and Squigly! We’re gonna get started soon!”
“What are we watching anyway, Carol? Filia told me that you two were bringing some more modern horror films?”
“Yeah, we brought a few of some of our favorite movies! They’re not too bloody, they’re more...silly?”
“Silly? Why would a horror movie be silly? Isn’t the point of a horror movie supposed to be terrifying?”
“Uh...you’ll see what we mean, Squigly.”
“Come on! I was told we’re gonna watch scare-the-shit-outta-ya-movies, not hear a bunch of girls talk like a bunch of....”
“Samson!”
“Miss Filia, would you please quiet down that....opinionated hair of yours? At least for the time being?”
“Wow, Leviathan! Normally, you’d go into a rage and say a bunch of really old-time swear words if Samson said that!”
“Leviathan is just trying to watch his language. We agreed it’s unbecoming of him to say such things around us.”
“WA-PISH*
“Samson, please stop making whipping sounds.”
“WA-PISH*
“It’s a manner of gentlemanly pedigree that you would know nothi....”
“WA-PISH”
“My lady, if this...ragged mess of horrid hair dares to continue, I will have to exchange a few words his beastly kind will understand”.
*WA-PISH*
“That’s it! Samson, you are but a thief and a murder, for you have murdered a baboon....!”
“Alright, alright! Please, you two, can we just have one night that doesn’t end in you two having to write apology cards to each other?”
“Aw, fine, kid. But only because if we didn’t shut old Firecrotch here up, we’d never get tonight going!”
“F...firecrotc...now see here!”
“Samson!”
“Leviathan!”
“There, now that’s settled, what movie should we watch?”
“Hmm, how about we allow Carol to choose first?”
“Me? Okay? Well....huh, what’s this one? “The Baron of Lugosi Manor?” I’m gonna say this is yours, Squigly!”
“Oooh! The Baron of Lugosi Manor! This was the most popular horror when I was little! My mother and father never permitted me to watch this! I only saw other non-horror movies the director made, but this was supposed to be his very best!”
“It is quite the spine-tingler. I recall there was even a protest to ban it for it’s material!”
“Hot damn! See, Lev, that big-hipped corpse bride’s got some fun taste! Let’s put it in and see what all the fuss is!”
“Filia, do you remember how I showed you to work the projector?”
“Well, seeing as I don’t remember nothing else very much, I’m pretty sure I remember you teaching me!”
“This movie...isn’t gonna be too scary, right?”
“Nonsense, Carol! I promise you, by the end of tonight, you will love the works of Monsignor Tod Lenzi!”
….....................................
“Squigly....it’s been 45 minutes, when is anything going to happen?”
“W...when is anything going to happen?! Filia, haven’t you paid any attention? The Count Lombardo's daughter has been attacked by the vicious Mostro della notte, and now Count Lombardo is searching the scene of the crime!”
“Truly, Monsignor Lenzi’s directing skills are as superb as I remember. Listen to the rising strings! The reverberance of hollowed drums! He and Conductor Montobelle were truly a team for the ages!”
“But...but nothing happened! All of it’s been just people standing around and the camera keeps moving!”
“Wait, is the guy in the top hat the Count? Or is it the guy in the right in the big wool coat?”
“Carol, the man in the coat is Officer Giovanni Delaporte, Captain of the Peace on the island! He’s Montobelle’s dear friend, and is hunting the Mostro della notte for stealing his own beloved wife Lucinda!”
“Wasn’t there already a Lucinda who was, like, alive?”
“No, Filia, dear, that was Lucy, the hostess of the island’s speakeasy! She secretly loves the Count’s son Charles, who if you remember, is currently under investigation by the Head Officer...”
“Squigly, I thought you’ve never seen this movie before. How do you know what’s happening?”
“Oh, Monsignor Lenzi’s films are all about noticing tiny clues in the suspense and the air of mystery. It’s not about the “seeping blood’ and those awful specially done effects modern films use, but rather it’s about the intrigue and the thrill of unraveling the evil in the world! It’s all very simple!”
“Kid, I thought you said this movie was almost banned! What gives. Nothing happened. No boobs, no ass, no guts, the only thing we got was that woman’s legs in the first shot!”
“It WAS a major controversy, Samson! When I watched it with Master Roberto and Mistress Selene back in the day, we were aghast! Such casual discussion of murder was never before seen in films of that day! The sight of a woman’s torn petticoat was enough to make any gentleman faint!”
“Look, I’m sorry that everyone back then was such a namby-pamby baby that you couldn’t handle seeing one boob, but this is modern times, and we like looking at some good old-fashioned tits every now and then!”
“Ugh! The only boob I see here is you, Samson! Please, for the sake of mine and the ladies’ enjoyment, silence yourself at once!”
“Shhhh! We’re getting to the scariest part!”
“Aaah!”
“Good heavens!”
“...I don’t get it.”
“Me neither.:
“How can you not get it? It was the scene where the Mostro stabs his newest victim! In cold blood!”
“But it was a shadow. And I’m pretty sure you could tell it was a mannequin.”
“I thought he killed the cop’s daughter. Or, wait, was it the Count?”
“It was....oh, nevermind. We should shut the film off anyway. Poor madam has been frightened, and I must say, my nerves have been shaken up as well.”
“Y...yes. Er, not that I AM afraid. Merely caught up in the tension is all. But...for the sake of fairness, shall we watch what you and Carol bought?”
“O...kay, I guess....”
“Aaah! Turn it off! Turn it off!”
“Squigly, that was just Filia’s shadow...”
“Oh! Oh! My mistake!”
“What are we watching now?”
“Hmm, how about...ooh! “Beach Blanket Brainwash Bonanza!” This one’s one of our favorites!”
“Ooh! I haven’t seen this since last year! It’s so funny! Squigly, you’ll like it!”
“Beach Blanket...? What does a beach have to do with brainwashing?”
“You’ll see! Could you hand me the popcorn please? It’s about to start!”
…..............................................
*….Gee-wilikers, Tommy! Are you sure we should be going to the beach? Right after that really crazy chemical spill?...*
*….Aw, keep it down Poindexter! Don’t be such a square! We’ve been plannin’ this shin-dig with Stacy and the chicks since April! And I ain’t gonna let some kooky chemical juice wreck my chances to go steady with Linda.*
*But...but what about the news reports of mutant brain-washing jellyfish that live in the lake?*
*Pssh, that’s some democratic plinko bull! Like free elections or the removal of our Beloved King and Queen of Canopy Franz and Nancy Renoir! Now, come on! If there is jellyfish or whatever in the lake, we’ll just make peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches outta ‘em!”
“I...don’t get this? You said this was supposed to be scary?”
“Scary...er, yeah, I guess. But it’s most of a goofball monster movie!”
“You also said it would be funny. I apologize, but I don’t see what’s so funny about breaking laws regarding environmental hazards”
“Environmental...what? It’s funny because...well, look at it! Who talks like that? Who dresses like that? I mean, that guy has a face so square you could write on him!”
“And it’s more...cheesy. Like, you know it’s not scary, but it’s fun to pretend you are! Like what Filia said.”
“See? Here’s an example. Look, the football guy’s gonna go by the water and....”
“Aaah! Mutant jellyfish attack! Soooo scary!”
“But, Carol, darling, that’s obviously a puppet on a string. You could even see the sting! And I think that’s the prop handler’s coffee cup next to the rock!”
“Squigly, she’s only pretending!”
“Yeah, it’s all about thinking you are! How could anyone be scared of this?”
“Well, I certainly am not. And look! That is NOT how a zombie should act!”
“Wait, are you offended because of the zombies?”
“Offended? Offended would be that they are even doing anything close to a zombie...or, as in my case, “reanimated people”. A proper portrayal of the stereotypical zombie is at least a shuffling step, all this fellow is doing is walking around like an imbecile! I’m more surprised they didn’t know how to handle that correctly!”
*….hey, Tommy and Jack, do you guys like my new bikini? It’s polka-dot!*
“Why would she wear such dangerously revealing clothing to where there are dangerous chemicals? In fact, why would they even be there?”
“Because, Squigly, Tommy Hanahan is the jock who plays by his own rules, and no amount of government law will tell him what to do!”
“Leviathan doesn’t approve of the monarchy but he still follows the laws!”
“Er...not all laws. I never pay taxes.”
“That’s different!”
“Squigly, it’s just good goofy fun. It’s all in the spirit of Halloween.”
“You’re right, Filia. It’s just...it appears films have changed quite a lot since my day. I feel a bit behind on some of the topics.”
“Aww, no need to feel bad, Squigs! If you don’t like it, we’ll find a movie we can all enjoy!”
“Really? I’d hate to be a bother.”
“Of course not! In fact, Carol and I have just such a movie for tonight. We never saw it before ourselves, so if we’re don’t understand it, we can all not understand it together!”
“What’s the movie called again, Filia?”
“...”The Canopy Hag Project”. It just came out last week.”
“I remember that! I read about it in “Teen Dream Magazine”. Scarlet Dispatch Channel says it’s a new breakthrough in terror!”
“The movie reviewers who all sit around and drink while talking about the movie? Those guys always know what they’re talking about, so this is bound to be good! What does the box say, Squigly?”
“...*ahem*…"10 years ago, a group of amateur filmmakers disappeared inside Canopy National Preserve, seeking to disprove a terrifying ancient legend. All searches for them have failed. One year ago, a group of Egret Scouts found a bag of VHS tapes deep in the woods. These tapes were immediately confiscated by the Royal Authority. Now, a few tapes have been leaked to the public. What they show can only be described as a descent into a nightmare beyond anything you can imagine.”
“Wow, Squigly, you do a good creepy voice!”
“I’m certain it will be a delightful thrill then! A good scare will certainly make Halloween night all the more exciting!”
…...........................................
“Carol...do you want to sit between me and Squigly?”
“....No! Hehe...why would you think that?”
“Because you’re shaking like a leaf! You haven’t uncovered your eyes since the first time they showed the mummy statues.”
“No, no, I’m fine...just, uh, my eyes are cold! Yup, really cold...”
“Carol, if you’re afraid, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I must admit, this movie is rather eerier than the rest.”
“Yeah, Car, come on. If you’re afraid, you’re at least between me and Squigly.”
“O...okay, I guess.”
“There, comfy?”
“Yeah...it feels nice. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it, Carol. Squigly and I will always be here for you.”
“Just relax, remember it’s just a mov...aah!”
“Good gracious! Why would they show such a thing on film?”
“Jeez, relax, worm! All it was a guy getting dragged into the trees by a...long, skinny, pale hand to be, uh, skinned and made into a doll. What’s so bad about that?”
“I didn’t expect this to be so...realistic. It actually looks like they’re bleeding from their eyes.”
“What if this is one of those haunted tapes? Where it drives you crazy?”
“That’s ridiculous! A tape can’t possibly be haunted and...”
“AAAAAH!”
“AAAAAH!”
“AAAAAH!”
“Shut it off! Shut it off!”
“......”
“O...okay. That was...pretty scary, heh. I didn’t think it would be THAT bloody, but...”
“Squigly, are you okay?”
“Y...yes? Just...Carol’s squeezing me rather tight.”
“Aww, it’s okay, Carol. It’s over. You can get your face out of Squigly’s side.”
“Oof! Okay, well, I guess my side’s good too.”
“I’m...I’m sorry guys. I...I just don’t handle bloody movies very well, I guess.”
“It’s okay, Carol. We understand. It’s just a movie. We’re here...”
“I...I just don’t want to ruin tonight. This was supposed to be a fun Halloween, but...”
“But what? We can still have fun, Carol.”
“Yes. After movie night, we were planning on playing some board games and having some Halloween candy. Just because we got scared of one movie didn’t make the night terrible!”
“R...really?”
“Carol, trust us. We’re more than happy to spend time together no matter what we do. We could have sat here and had Samson and Leviathan yell at each other and we still would have been happy to be here.”
“Filia and I couldn’t be happier to spend time with you, Carol. We’re friends, all three of us, and we care about you and the time we spend together.”
“*sniffle*...Oh, you two are the best friends I could ever ask for!”
“We love you, Carol.”
“We couldn’t ask for anyone else, dear”
“....say, Filia? Squigly?”
“Can...can we see what's on TV?”
“Sure, Car. I wonder what’s on tonight anyway?”
“Hey, it’s The Distinguished Gourd, Charles Brunette! This is always a great special!”
“Oh, I know this! I saw this when it first came on! I love this! It’s so cute!”
“Carol, would you mind passing the rest of those pumpkin bars? And some of those chips?”
“And the blanket too? I keep a big black one under the lounge chaise.”
“Sure. But...can I stay in the middle of you two? Please?”
“Don’t worry, Carol. You can stay here all night.”
“Also, later on, how about we read some spooky stories? I think that’ll be much better than movies! Stories are the purest form of film after all.”
“I’d...actually like that. But for right, now...can we stay like this?”
“I wouldn’t think of it any other way, Carol.”
“Happy Halloween, Carol. Happy Halloween, Squigs. You two are the best girlfriends I could ask for.”