The Gift
“The time discovers truth”.- Seneca
Hope stood in front of Josie's door with nerves churning heavily in her stomach. She let out an unsteady sigh, nodding to herself. Today was the day. She knew that some secrets would always be necessary in life, but others only separated people, damaging them from the inside out. She wouldn't let it do that to her and Josie.
She knocks on the door and wait for the brunette to open it.
"Hi Hope" Josie greeted surprised to see her there so early in the morning. Usually the tribrid was training with her father at this time. She leaned down and kissed her.
Hope returned it, kissing her deeply, her hand reaching up to cup her jaw. She felt her surprise when she rocked against her body. Her hand rise to her collarbone and she knew she could feel the rapid beating of her heart under her palm. She kissed her gently one more time, then rested her forehead against hers.
Josie giggled slightly, a little out of breath.
"So, any particular reason for the warm greeting?"
"I had a dream about you last night" Hope confessed impulsively as her hand slid down her throat, gently stroking the sensitive skin there.
"Oh, that good?"
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head with a smile as she dropped her hand.
"It wasn't like that, Josie."
She frowned.
"So what kind of dream was it?"
she had dreamed about the four of them, Josie, her and the boys, all together as the family they had been. It had been the first time she had had a dream like this in a long time and it had been as real as the others, leaving her feeling like a hole inside when she woke up alone. It had reinforced her decision to tell Josie everything. No matter what her reaction would be, she wanted her to know. She needed her to know.
"Come on, I'll tell you" she said as she entered to the room and sat on Josie's bed.
Hope was acting strange, even for her, Josie thought. Normally she would have teasing her about it, but there was something in her eyes that made her nod. She sat down next to her.
Hope joined her hands making Josie frown she was going to say something, but Hope's strange melancholy mood stopped her. It wasn't the normal brooding silence she was used to. It was something deeper. Then, she waited, with a patience she didn't know she had, for her to say what she wanted to say.
the tribrid looked down at her hands, her thumb brushing her knuckles as she tried to keep her heart from beating out of her chest. It was time to tell the truth. After this, there would be no more lies between them.
"Josie, there is something I need to tell you." She remembered the times she had had this conversation with others and shook her head. "You know, I told your dad, Lizzie and even Landon. But the person I wanted to share it with is you."
Trying to hide the pain, she felt that the tribrid had trusted everyone but her.
"Wow, that must have been a great dream if you went and looked for your ex to tell him."
"No, Josie, this isn’t about the dream" she was already saying all this wrong.
Josie squeezed the hand she was holding to let her know she wasn't going anywhere.
"So what is it, Hope?"
She took a deep breath to steady herself.
"The day of Landon's funeral, the day I hurt you, I ran into a monster just as you left"
Josie frowned, confused.
"His name was Argos. He had the ability to show you what your life could have been like if you had made different choices. He offered to use his powers on me."
"Sounds like a pretty tempting offer," Josie mused.
Hope nodded.
"It was. I blamed myself for Landon's death. I thought if I had done things differently, if things were different, he would still be alive. So I said yes. It was just supposed to be like recovering repressed memories, but it wasn't like that. It was like I was really there, experiencing it moment by moment "
"How long were you there?" She asked, trying to imagine living two separate lives and having the memories of both.
Hope stared at her. A part of her had always known that Josie would believe her, but even so, that she accepted her so easily, believed her so completely, amazed her.
"What?"
She shook her head with a soft smile and answered her question.
"Nothing. I was there for almost a year and half. It started on talent show day. Except this time, you and I never got electrocuted"
She squirmed a bit, remembering the kisses they shared in the kitchen, she could only imagine what the two of them had done together.
"So what exactly happened?"
"We made a baby" she said simply. She saw Josie's mouth open and look away from her as she continued: "Well technically two. After that day, we went from friends to mothers, and somewhere in the middle of it all, I fell in love with you. Then our children were born."
Josie released her hand and stood up, walking away on shaky legs, not sure what to think. She closed her eyes when she heard her speak in a low voice.
"I’d never been happier"
Hope saw her head bowed and stood up, eager to reach her. But she forced herself to stay where she was and finish everything, once and for all.
"You moved into my room, we were together as a family. We got engaged. Then we found out that Landon had died. At the funeral, Argos showed up and told me that now I knew that what I would have done differently wouldn’t have changed what happened to him. And then he took me away from you. "
She took a deep, shaky breath.
She took a step toward her and pleaded, "Josie, please say something."
The brunette crossed her arms and Hope could see her knuckles turn white where she held on tight. When she spoke, her voice was low.
"Sometimes when things are gone, Hope, you can't get them back. No matter how hard you try."
She shook her head, denying what she knew she was really saying.
"Josie ..."
But Josie couldn't let her speak now, couldn't allow her to say all the right things like she had been saying before. She had to know the truth.
"So everything that’s happened in the last few weeks has been because of that life you had, not because of me?"
"No" she corrected firmly, hating the vulnerability she could hear in her voice and moved in front of her, reaching for her hands. For a second, they tightened around her arms, then she released them and Hope took them, holding her hands between them as she tried to make her understand "that's why this happened now. Maybe it would have taken me a little longer to open my eyes, but I promise you, Josie, you were always going to be the person I saw when I did "
"Hope, I'm not the person that you were with" She began uneasily. She hated how her heart twisted inside her for admit that, but she couldn't let her think she was. It seemed that once again she was trying to measure up, to see if she was the one worthy of being loved and this time, it was against herself. "I don't know how to be that person. Just hearing all that seems overwhelming. I mean, I don't know if I want to be a mother and I can't…"
"Josie" she interrupted her, squeezing her hands gently to get her attention, "I'm not who I was then, either. And I didn't miss that version of you, I just missed you."
She looked down, shaking her head as she tried to explain the swirl of emotions inside her.
"I just feel like you have a cheat sheet on me, you know?"
"Josie, I'll tell you everything you want to know about me" She tried to interject, but she kept going.
She shook her head. Hope didn't understand. It felt like the tribrid knew everything about her and she knew nothing about her. It made her feel cheated somehow.
"You know all these things about me and I thought maybe we were learning how to be us, together, because that's how a relationship works. This is all new to me, but for you, you're just re-creating old memories. Exactly how many times have you give that drawing, Hope? How many picnics have we gone on? "
"We never gone on a picnic until we went to the beach that day" interrupted the tribrid and this time the brunette was silent. Hope untangled a hand from hers and cupped her jaw, pulling them closer. "I only gave you the drawing once. It was your first Festival with me and it was definitely my first time making out with someone on the Ferris wheel."
Josie could feel the heat creep up her neck at that and Hope's mocking smile didn't help.
"I'm not interested in recreating a past, Josie. I want to build a future, with you. What Argos gave me, it was a gift. It showed me what I really wanted, and that's be with you."
It took everything Hope had to release her hand and step back, giving her the choice she deserved.
"What do you want?"
Josie looked at her silently, tears in her eyes. She was asking her to take such a great risk. It felt like she had been a stand-in for most of her life.
Now here stood Hope, who had always thought she was the most amazing person she had ever met and she was telling her that she loved her. But which her was it that she really wanted? This person she had shared a life and children with? Or her, the screw up one who, most of the time, felt lost in her own life and hiding in her sister's shadow?
Could they really be the same person? she asked herself. Like a diamond, showing different facets of the same stone? Was it really that simple? Could she risk everything, her future, her friendship with Hope, her heart on the belief that it was? Did she have that much faith in Hope?
She looked into her serious eyes that silently begged her to believe her and got her answer.
She pulled away from Hope and her heart sank as she watched her walk to the door. Hope waited for her to open it and order her from her life. Instead, she heard the click of a lock. Confused, she looked at her as she faced her.
She came up to her and shrugged helplessly, wishing she could find more eloquent words to tell her what tribrid meant to her. But all she could say was: "I want you"
Before Hope could do more than look at her, josie approached her and kissed with passion. Hope's heart was pounding as she realized that what she had hoped for was coming true.
"Take off your shoes," Josie ordered.
Hope frowning, bent down and took off her boots while Josie slipped off her shoes. The brunette unbuttoned her school jacket and put it on the back of her chair. Following her lead, Hope pulled her leather jacket off her shoulders and tossed it on Lizzie's bed. Then Josie took her hand and pushing her down on the bed. When the tribrid was laying on her back, looking up at her, the brunette crawled up beside her and rested her head on her chest. They both sighed in relief when her arms wrapped around each other, the closeness soothing them.
They looked up at the ceiling where the sun was coming in through the window, sending long lines of light across it. It was warm and quiet and Josie inhaled deeply, feeling truly content. Then curiosity made her say softly: "Tell me about our children."
Hope's eyes closed at her words. Our children. She held her against her, her voice thick when she said, "They were perfect."
Josie's laugh filled the room.
"I'd say you were exaggerating, but if they were our babies then you're probably right"
Hope chuckled and Josie smiled as the sound rumbled through her chest. She curled her hand on her shirt and asked, "What were their names?"
"Lucas and Andrew" she breathed out, feeling bittersweet pain run through her heart. She hugged her tighter. "or Luke and Andy if you asked Lizzie"
They spent the day together, without leaving the room. Josie called her father to tell him that she would take the day off with Hope, the director agreed, knowing what was happening. They needed time just for the two of them and in the sunny room that day, it felt like they were in the world alone.
It wasn't easy for either of them to talk about Hope's life, but they didn't hold back. She told her everything she could remember about it, about them. Every kiss, every touch, every fight. She told her about their children. About how she had had the same fears and worries that she had now, how she had always known they were baseless, because she was a wonderful mother. At one point, she had confessed with tears in her eyes.
"God, Josie, I miss them so much. Sometimes I think this pain will never go away. That every time I walk into my room, I'm still waiting to hear the babies laugh."
With tears filling her own eyes, the brunette rushed into her arms.
"I'm so sorry, Hope"
She had held her and despite the pain, for the first time, she had felt the healing in her. She was finally sharing her pain with Josie and as always, she was stronger with her by her side.
That night, long after the sun had set and the room was dark, Josie spoke.
"Hope, I don't want a baby right now. In fact, I'm not sure I'm ready for one."
She felt the tension in her body and captured her hand against her heart.
"Josie, look at me"
She looked up, concern written clearly in her eyes.
Hope rubbed her back and told her sincerely.
"What I feel for you isn’t conditional. I don't expect us to have a baby right now. We aren’t ready for it. I would like us to have a one-month anniversary at least before we contemplate motherhood" she joked and felt relieved when Josie laughed. Then she said seriously "the boys were an accident, the happiest accident of my life, but an accident. It wasn’t something we planned and I don't want to do that this time. I want to do things right. Let's take this slow, just us"
She smiled, feeling the fear leave her.
"Just us"
Exhausted by the emotional day they’d had; they fell asleep tangled in each other's arms. Later that night, Josie woke up, the soothing of Hope's breath in her ear telling her where she was, making her feel safe. She looked at the tribrid, her eyes tracing over her features.
She was the most amazing person she would ever meet in her life. She had already done more for this world than most people would in their entire lives, and somehow, she knew this was just the beginning. Everything she'd said to her today had surprised her. Hope could do anything, be anything, be with anyone. And where she wanted to be was here, with her.
The door slid open, carefully untangled from Hope, who murmured a protest, then buried her head in the pillow. Josie sat up.
Lizzie closed the door behind her, then reached for the lights without looking, her mind on the date she'd had with MG today.
Josie crossed her arms and said quietly, "Hope is sleeping, so don't turn on the lights."
Lizzie turned to look at her sister and for a moment they stared at each other. She gestured over her shoulder, offering awkwardly.
"If you want the room, I can go with MG"
Josie interrupted her.
"No, we're just sleeping" She considered her for a moment and said "Hope told me everything"
The way Lizzie's eyes refused to meet hers and the guilty look on her face confirmed what she had thought.
"You knew about it, didn't you? About everything?"
"Yes," she admitted reluctantly.
"Why didn't you tell me, Lizzie?" She shook her head, wondering how her closest family relationship had come to this. She knew she should be angry, but after everything that had happened today, there was no room for that. She asked wearily, "Do you hate me that much?"
"No," she denied, surprised by Josie's question and the resigned tone in her voice. Had she really made her think that? She looked down and finally told her the shameful truth: "I didn't want to worry you and it wasn't my duty to say something, I had to respect Fido and hope she would tell you"
Josie nodded. She knew her sister was right.
"We are fine?" Lizzie asked.
“Of course we are, Lizzie. You are my family "said Josie approaching to hug her.
Lizzie quickly hugged her, grateful for the arms that held her tight. She had hoped that Josie would forgive her for not telling her, but she was still afraid.
They parted ways and Lizzie looked at her sister, finally able to ask the question she had been so curious about. She had been incredulous, her father understanding, and Landon had been upset, but she wanted to know how Josie had reacted. "So what did you think when the mutt told you about her other life? Do you think it happened?"
"Yes, of course" Josie said surprised and Lizzie knew then that she had never doubted of the tribrid. She smiled to herself, Hope deserved to have that kind of faith and loyalty in her life.
Josie bit her lip, confessing.
"However, I feel overwhelmed. I mean, I don't know if I am all that she thinks I am."
Lizzie thought it was amazing how other people's insecurities were easy to see when yours didn't get in the way.
"No, I think this is the only time wolfie got it completely right."
Josie smiled, surprised and pleased by her comment.
"Thanks, Lizzie."
"Well, you better go to sleep, before the pup wake up."
"Good night, Lizzie" She saw her sister change into her pyjamas and go to bed. She returned to the bed where Hope lay on her side. Smiling, she lay down next to her, pulling her arm around her.
Hope shifted closer to her and murmured against her neck, "Everything okay?"
"Yes, Hope" she entwined her hand with hers, smiling as she closed her eyes with a sigh, "everything will be fine now"
EL FIN