i'm at the beach you left me at.
it's still cold, and the sand is as uncomfortable as always. but i don't want to leave. i remember how reckless you were, and how your adventures were more important than my wishes. i put my head in between my knees as i sit, and ponder the crushing waves. did they hurt as much as you hurt me?
i think back to when we could walk here in the sunlight, basking in the light and playing in the water. we'd go into it, but i told you i couldn't swim so we didn't go too far. you were always silly, and always tried to push further into the ocean wanting to explore more of her beauty and depth. was i as beautiful as her? would you have listened to me then?
it's dark, but the stars glow so bright. they're making fun of me. they're making fun of me because you promised me we'd gaze upon them together. were you going to actually keep that promise or was it an empty dream? my dreams have been empty lately. with no meaning or rhythm. the moon constantly moving the water, the same way your mind moved you. you two are so alike, and no matter what i did there is no way to stop it.
i wanted to protect you back then, and i still wish i could. i warned you about the beyond, and i told you how dangerous it was. you grew frustrated with me, and we argued on the beach. you overpowered me. your will was stronger than mine. you told me you wanted to go into the ocean and i was tired. i didn't want you to leave. but i was so tired. i chased you out into the water, and you went further than ever. i didn't want you to leave. i kept pushing forward, barely feeling the ocean floor. i did all i could to keep breathing, and all i could think of is how much this was hurting me.
but then i saw you smile, and you looked so happy being out there. surrounded by unexplored waters, you were ecstatic and traveled freely. i can't be mad at you. i smile sadly as i lose my footing and contact with the little surface i had. you were smiling. and i sunk to the bottom.
the ocean is dark. but she's still so blue. i wonder why it's so sad. you became the ocean, didn't you? i can see it in the way it pushes and pulls back and forth in a playful manner. and i can see you within it when it shows it's gentle side, soothing the soul and cooling with the breeze. do you wish you could take back your actions? maybe that's why you became the ocean. one act can completely sweep the tides, just as one action can change your life. i don't forgive the ocean, but i can forgive you.
i remember the movements in the water, and you yelling after i fell in. i went in too deep, and i wasn't able to save you. i kept falling, and i was slowly losing. you looked so desperate to save me as you dove in after me, frantically swimming towards me while screaming. everything is so muffled underwater, but i could hear you. you held me tight as you tried to get back up, to try to fix the situation. you were never good in drastic situations. your panic was your downfall, and you had too much water in your lungs. you looked at me with such guilt in your eyes, but i never knew if your guilt was because of your rebellion or because something happened because of it.
i can hear you apologizing. i can feel you crying. you're pleading to take back time, to take back your mistake, to go back and see me again. don't be sad. it's far too late for that. you will stay the ocean and i will become the moon. maybe then you can listen to me. the tide rises and begins to surround my feet. but i won't play with you now. i can feel you in the ocean. you're so sad. but you bring joy.
i can never be mad at you. but i can be mad at your actions. i forgive you, but i will never forget how deceiving the ocean can be. a gentle breeze can easily become a harsh wind and the soft shores can be ruined by the sharp, crashing waves. but now it's too late. the waves will continue rolling and the tide will always keep rising. but now i'm here. and i'll take care of you the way i always hoped you'd take care of me.
i'm watching over the beach you left me at, and i'm watching over you. i always told you i would go back to the stars one day, but i prefer being able to watch and guide you instead.