To hold you so close
It’s been two months since filming wrapped in Hupperdook, and the editing, composing, and SFX for “Hello, Bees,” was finally finished. The premiere was only a few hours away and the friends now known (among themselves) as The Mighty Nein were bubbling with excitement.
Beau, however, was equal parts excited and anxious. She had repressed her feelings for Yasha since that night, and she knows seeing the nightclub scene will make her feel all types of ways all over again. Actually, to be fair, she hadn’t been able to completely repress it because she told Jester about her feelings when they got home after wrapping.
“Ok so maybe I have a little itty bitty tiny crush on Yasha,” Beau rushed out as soon as the girls entered their apartment.
“I KNEW IT! Wait so you haven’t kissed her yet?”
“What? No!”
“Honestly I kinda assumed you guys were secretly dating that was kinda the vibes I was getting lately.”
“Jess, she’s still mourning Zuala.”
“Ok but just because she’s mourning a loss doesn’t mean she can’t love again”
“I don’t know, she really loved her.”
“That is true, but love isn’t mutually exclusive. You can love different people in different ways at different times.”
“Do you think she actually likes me back?”
“Oh my god yes Beau the way she looks at you oh my god.”
Beau is pulled out of her memories as her name was called at the salon. Veth had decided to treat the gang to a spa day to get all pampered up for the premiere.
As Beau makes her way to her hair dresser’s chair, she passes Yasha getting her hair blow dried. Yasha looks completely overwhelmed by the amount of attention she’s receiving, so Beau wiggles her eyebrows at the girl to make her laugh. It works and Beau’s heart flutters.
For better or for worse, the girls had gotten even closer over the past two months. They didn’t only see each other at night to study and practice anymore. Now, they spent almost every waking moment together.
The whole friend group has noticed the strange tension and lingering looks shared between the two, but they never make comments in public. Emphasis on in public. When Beau is alone with one of them, they will make sure to tease her about her obvious crush and beg her to just ask Yasha out already. She just doesn’t know if Yasha is getting the same treatment.
Even Molly, who Beau thought didn’t like her, made a comment one day.
“If you hurt her, I will kill you myself,” he had said. Beau would normally take that with a grain of salt, but there was none of the usual joking undertones in his voice.
So, Beau went about her days with Yasha by her side, not making any moves. She knew she was running out of time, with the movie premiere tonight and graduation only three weeks away.
It takes a few hours, but the whole squad is gussied up and ready for their big night. Veth had even gotten them a limo to escort them to the venue. They’re waiting outside, all ready to pack into the car, but Beau can’t seem to find Yasha. Figuring the girl will make it in eventually, Beau shrugs and jumps into the limo with her friends. She took a second to do a look over of the group. Everyone looked absolutely amazing.
Beau particularly loved her outfit. After passing her certification exam, she decided she could splurge and buy herself an especially nice outfit for the premier. So, she got a well tailored slate gray suit with a cobalt blue ascot. She couldn’t wait to see what Yasha was wearing.
After a few minutes Yasha finally gets in the car. Beau’s breath leaves her body all together. If she had died in that moment, her final gaze being on Yasha, her soul could rest peacefully.
Yasha was wearing a fitted black evening gown with silver embroidery. It the neckline goes along her chest, and the long sleeves are open at the end, showing off her tattoo.
Beau thinks she’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.
Yasha notices her staring though, and says, “Uh Beau, you look very nice.”
“Yeah you look fucking hot,” Beau says, eyes wide and mouth agape, but managing to not get too flustered. Yasha is hot, it’s just a fact.
“You look very beautiful as well,” Yasha replies, now being the flustered one. They stare at each other, not saying anything more until Fjord can’t handle it any longer.
“So anyways...” he begins, desperate to change the conversation. Beau can’t help but notice the smirk on Jester’s face, but what she didn’t expect was to find a similar smug expression on Molly's.
Those two have gotten strangely close in the past two months, but Beau decided not to question it, scared of what the answer might be.
The rest of the night goes by in a blur. It wasn’t a Hollywood release by any means. There was no red carpet or press, but it did have a pretty dope afterparty planned. All that mattered to Beau was that Jester was happy with the outcome. Fuck the critics and the audience, Jester’s happiness is what matters the most.
Beau sat in between Jester and Yasha in the theater, and as the nightclub scene got closer and closer, Beau got more and more nervous.
She remembers the thoughts flooding through her brain that night, they’ve consumed her ever since, but it would most certainly be implied in the film that the extras dancing together were couples. She wants to be with Yasha so badly, and seeing that future on the screen will make her want it even more.
The scene finally starts playing on the screen. There is a sweeping shot of the club before the camera focuses on Fjord and Avantika, but Beau swears that the shot lingers on her and Yasha longer than the others.
What surprises her is the look on Yasha’s face. Beau had never understood why Jester claimed Yasha looked at her with adoration, Beau just thought Yasha looked at her. Right now, seeing it from another perspective, Beau begins to understand what she meant. Beau remembers her rush of emotions in that moment, and frankly, you can see it on her face. But, Beau sees the same look on Yasha’s face. Both girls are staring at each other and only each other, eyes wide and lips slightly parted.
As soon as the scene continues, Yasha and Beau turn to each other in their seats, and stare at each other as they did in the movie before them. No words are needed to convey what they’re both feeling. For the first time, Beau really believes that Yasha actually reciprocates her feelings. Beau wants nothing more than to kiss Yasha, here and now, but they’re in public, in a theater, for Jester’s movie.
It’s not the time, Beau thinks, but it sure as hell will be soon.
The movie ends to a roaring applause from the theater. Jester is overloaded with happiness, pride, and joy, and Beau forces her to stand up and take several bows. The entire cast and crew has tears in their eyes, proud of their hard work coming to fruition in front of their eyes.
Jester’s mother brings her a bouquet of flowers as they exit the theater, and the whole gang makes their way to the afterparty.
Once they arrive, Beau doesn’t feel like drinking. She wants to be sober tonight and remember every detail. She notices Yasha chooses not to drink as well. Even though Jester is the life of the party, Beau’s eyes don’t leave Yasha all night. She can feel something bubbling to the surface between them and she doesn’t want to fuck it up. They stay right by each other’s side for the whole night, enjoying each other’s company.
Even though they feel comfortable with each other, Yasha looks uncomfortable being at the party. People keep coming up to her and complementing her scoring. While Beau is beaming, proud of her friend, Yasha is incredibly awkward with the compliments.
After an hour and a half or so passes, Beau makes her way over to Jester, but before she has the chance to start conversation, Jester says, “Just leave with her already,” with a smile.
“What I don’t wanna-”
“Yes you do Beau, you know you can’t lie to me.”
“I- I’m sorry Jess.”
“Oh my gosh don’t apologize Beau literally I would love it if you guys could just kiss already.”
“I’ll see you later,” Beau says, already turning away.
“Or maybe you won’t,” Jester calls after her, wiggling her eyebrows.
When Beau returns to Yasha’s side, she wastes no time in getting to the point.
“Wanna get out of here,” Beau says. Although it could easily be interpreted as presumptuous, Beau says it with genuine concern, knowing Yasha is growing more and more uncomfortable as the night progresses.
“Please,” Yasha responds and Beau offers her hand out towards the taller girl, which she gladly accepts. Beau’s heart starts beating twenty times faster at the contact, and she thinks she could get used to this exhilarating rush of emotions whenever she’s around Yasha.
They make their way out of the hall while Beau calls them an Uber. They wait together, still holding hands, but not talking. The whole ride back to Yasha’s dorm is spent in comfortable silence, with their hands still joined together.
They finally arrive, and Beau makes sure to make a gesture out of opening the door for Yasha, shoving the door open on her own side and running around to open it for Yasha on the other. They walk towards the entry to the hall, hesitating before they walk in.
They stand facing each other, staring into each other’s eyes for far too long. Beau feels her heart skip a beat when their eyes lock together.
Please say something, please say something, is all Beau can think. She wants more with Yasha, but she promised herself she wouldn’t make the first move. Beau is ready to take that leap, she just hopes Yasha is willing to catch her when she falls.
The tension could be cut like butter between the two. A few unassuming students pass by, walking completely around so as to not interrupt their moment. Neither girls notice. They are too wrapped up in the other’s presence and too high on the adrenaline of the night to say goodbye.
“Beau,” Yasha begins. Beau feels her face flush. She loves the way Yasha says her name, it’s like she can feel the care just from being addressed.
Yasha continues, “Can I-” she stops, too nervous to finish the sentence.
“It’s ok Yash,” Beau comforts, “Can you…”
“Can I kiss you,” Yasha says and suddenly it feels like the gravity between them has grown exponentially and nothing could stop them from coming together. Beau manages to nod while their eyes are still open and leans up to kiss Yasha who meets her halfway.
If Beau thought the fireworks in Hupperdook were impressive, they couldn’t even compare to the fireworks going off inside her as they kissed. It’s sweet and tender, Beau melts into Yasha’s embrace as she deepens the kiss, needing more now that she’s gotten a taste. She’s kissed plenty of girls in her day, but none of them, not even Tori, feel as real and special as kissing Yasha. She feels like she’s simultaneously floating and grounded, here and somewhere else entirely. Kissing Yasha makes her feel like she’s entered a new plane of existence that no one can see unless they’re this happy.
They break after several moments, staring at each other like they did before, but now breathing more heavily.
Yasha speaks first, “Woah.”
“Ditto,” Beau manages to get out, thoughts filled only with their kiss.
“Wanna sit for a second?” Yasha asks, gesturing towards a nearby bench.
“Yeah yeah yeah that would be good,” Beau responds, her head spinning.
They walk over to the bench together, not holding hands, but maintaining contact slightly as they sit down.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time,” Yasha says, looking down into her lap.
“Same.”
“I didn’t think you felt the same. Molly swore on it, but I couldn’t let myself hope.”
“What changed?”
“Caduceus talked to me. He’s too insightful for his own good. After Hupperdook we talked about how I need to keep moving forward. Let myself be happy. I know it’s been two months since then, but I needed to make peace for a bit longer. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”
“Yasha, it’s you. I’d wait forever if it meant we could be together eventually.”
“So you do want to be together?”
“Of course I’m kinda totally… ready for that,” Beau responds, choosing to change her wording at the last moment. She knew she was in love with Yasha, but the time and place for that to develop and come to fruition was not now.
“Me too,” Yasha says now looking up to Beau, who has a stupid grin on her face. Yasha immediately matches it with a smile of her own and Beau wants to kiss her again, but she knows the moment is better left chaste. There will be time for more with Yasha, but this is just the beginning, or rather a new beginning, of their relationship together.
“I should probably head back to my apartment,” Beau says, standing up.
“Let me know when you get back safe,” Yasha responds, following the girl’s lead. They don’t quite know how to leave each other like this, so Beau decides to play it safe and pull Yasha into a hug. She holds her close, not wanting to let go, but knowing tonight must come to an end for tomorrow's adventures to begin.
“See you tomorrow,” Beau quickly says as they separate, and she rushes off into the main walkways of campus smiling more than she had in a long time.