So I bid my goodbye
Beau was twelve years old when she was faced with the most difficult decision of her life. At least it felt like it at the time. Eventually there would be harder decisions, but the stakes at the sixth grade dance felt like life or death.
Yasha was sitting right next to her. Yasha who has been by her side for as long as she could remember. Yasha who is moving nearly 1,400 miles away tomorrow. Beau had to decide: to dance or not to dance with her best friend.
“Do you have to?” Beau blurts out mid thought. Anyone else wouldn’t be able to figure out what on Earth she was talking about, but Yasha knew the smaller girl all too well.
“You know I don’t have a choice Beau,” Yasha replied, “My dad is being transferred to Xhorhas.”
“I know but I wish you could stay here with me forever,” Beau said with a pout, finally looking into Yasha’s eyes. Even though she’s seen them a million times, Beau could never believe how beautiful they were.
One is like a blue-green lake in the middle of a swamp, the other like the rare occasions when the sky would shine purple over the nearby mountains , Beau thinks to herself.
Just as Yasha is about to answer, Beau blurts out again, “You know your eyes are like diverse biodomes.”
Yasha paused for a few moments, staring back into Beau’s striking blue eyes. It’s rare that the girl ever let her nerdier side come out in public. Diverse biodome isn’t exactly a phrase anyone would expect to hear coming from Beau. To the rest of the kids, she was the one who didn't give a fuck about anything. Only Yasha was allowed into her mind, which was much brighter than she let anyone think.
“I mean, they’re certainly colorful,” Yasha responds.
“Wanna go dance?” Beau suddenly asks, trying to change the subject once again.
“I don’t think I know how,” Yasha protests, but Beau is already dragging her towards the cluster of middle schoolers.
“C’mon it’ll be fun,” Beau says as she realizes that the Cupid Shuffle is playing. “This song says the instructions for you, it’s perfect!”
Yasha nods, still looking insecure on the dance floor among her peers. Beau, ever observant, says, “Just look at me, they aren’t even here. Just you and me having fun on our last night together.”
“Yeah just you and me,” Yasha agrees while following along with the song.
They dance along until the song finally comes to an end. Yasha begins to make her way off the dancefloor, but Beau grabs her hand.
“One more?” The girl pleads, and of course Yasha agrees. It’s not until then that they realize that the music has shifted moods. Now the song is more downtempo and many of the kids are now slow dancing together. Beau recognizes the song as So Close , from Enchanted. It’s somewhat cheesy, but Beau secretly loves it.
“I definitely don't know how to dance to this, there’s no instructions,” Yasha says, looking at her feet.
“You got this, just follow my lead,” Beau responds, putting both hands on Yasha’s waist, her heart skipping a beat as her proximity to Yasha gets closer and closer.
Yasha looks around to her classmates, and mimics them, putting her hands on Beau’s shoulders. The girls sway together, managing to avoid eye contact, as both of their pulses rush faster than they ever had before.
After getting into somewhat of a groove, Beau continues, “The good part is that there’s no right way to dance to this.”
“I do like this song, the strings are so pretty,” Yasha says sheepishly.
“But you are too,” Beau replies without thinking, her face immediately turning red. Yasha smiles and Beau breaks her gaze away from her taller friend.
Beau had already come to terms with the fact that she liked other girls. It wasn’t a hard realization, she had never understood the way the other girls talked about boys. Her and Yasha never participated in those “girl talks.” They always had better things to talk about, at least that was what Beau used to think. She wonders if Yasha has come to a similar realization recently. The wonder becomes hope and Beau decides to distract herself from her own thoughts and focus on their dance.
They sway awkwardly, not wanting to overwhelm themselves with the moment when Yasha breaks the silence.
“I’m glad you ditched that dress,” she says. Beau had been forced by her father to wear a yellow dress. She hated it, so naturally the crafty girl snuck a pair of gray slacks and a light blue button down in her bag and changed as soon as she arrived. Yasha was wearing a cute flowy black dress with a blue flower in her hair that Beau had picked for her earlier.
“I’m glad you didn’t wear heels, you would’ve been a whole foot taller than me,” Beau chuckles back.
Yasha laughs and Beau is enchanted by the sound. The smaller girl wants nothing more than to see Yasha’s expression right now, but is too scared she can’t handle the intensity of Yasha’s gaze while so close together. She slowly begins to look up to Yasha. Her breath was taken away by the sight. Yasha was already looking down at her, and their eyes met. As Beau’s head lifted up, their noses brushed ever so gently together. Beau’s skin tingled at the contact and she could feel her cheeks blush. Yasha still hadn’t looked away from Beau. Suddenly it felt like it really was just them alone on the dance floor of the cafeteria.
The eye contact became too much for her to handle so Beau decided to break the intensity and put her head on Yasha’s chest. She quickly realized this was no better. She could hear Yasha’s heartbeat going double time.
Does she feel the same way? Beau wonders. Wait, how do I feel?
A rush of thoughts and emotions come flooding through Beau’s brain. How did she feel about Yasha? She knows she loves her best friend, but has that love become something more than just platonic? As Beau’s thoughts become more and more tangled, the song comes to an end and the girls separate. Yasha hasn’t stopped looking at Beau. They stand at an impasse for several moments, just staring at each other breathless, but not from the dancing. Their standstill is broken when a boy stumbles into Yasha from behind.
“Oops sorry dude,” the kid begins, but Yasha is already walking away, lost in thought. Beau follows her friend out of the cafeteria and into the courtyard outside. Yasha takes a seat on a bench nearby.
“Sorry Beau, uh, it was just getting a bit warm in there.”
“Yeah yeah yeah I was feeling it too,” Beau responds sitting next to Yasha.
“I… I’m really gonna miss you,” Yasha says, tears gathering in her eyes.
“This isn't goodbye forever,” Beau supplies, beginning to cry as well.
“We can’t afford to travel, I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you next.”
“Hopefully I can come to you if my dad ever ungrounds me.”
“You really shouldn't have punched that boy Beau,” Yasha says, smirking at the memory.
“He was being a creep to you Yash I couldn't just let him walk away without a black eye.”
Yasha and Beau laugh for a moment, trying to avoid the sadness of their situation.
“Stay out of trouble for me?” Yasha asks.
“I don't know if I can make that promise. I have been called a shithead on multiple occasions,” Beau jokes back.
“I know. But you're my shithead.”
They sit in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s presence. After a few minutes, Yasha gets a text and sighs.
“My dad is here,” Yasha says, knowing she leaves first thing tomorrow morning.
“But you can't go yet,” Beau says, finally allowing her emotions to run free. “We haven’t done so much, like we’re supposed to grow up together and-”
Yasha cuts Beau off, saying, “We will. I’ll always love you Beau.” Tears are streaming down both girls’ faces as Beau collapses into Yasha’s arms, her heart beating out of her chest. No one has ever made her feel this way before. Beau doesn’t really know what it means.
“I’ll always love you too,” Beau says, holding Yasha tight, not knowing what kind of love Yasha was referring to. There’s a fine line between platonic love and something more, and it’s a fine line that Beau doesn’t understand quite yet. They stay in this position, holding each other until Yasha’s phone buzzes once again. She separates from the small girl shaking in her arms and begins to walk away.
Beau calls out after her, “Until we dance again,” and dramatically bows.
Yasha is unable to form words as she curtsies back and leaves Beau’s view in the distance.
It begins to rain as Beau sits alone on the bench sobbing. She knows she’ll get her best friend back one day. Yasha owes her a dance and Beau will make sure it happens, no matter how long it might take.