Four Jews In a Room Bitching
When Alya got home after school yesterday, she was still so full of energy after singing for the first time in front of her class. She decided to listen to a few musical soundtracks so she’d know which songs they were singing. Right now, her favorites are Be More Chill, SIX, Sister Act, Superhero, and Eugenius. (She listened to the last one five times) Since the musical was about comics, she texted Nathaniel to see if he’s heard of it, and the two got into an long discussion about it until it was time for bed.
Alya walked into school the next day, looking around for the redhead. Oh, and there he was, standing with three other students on the back second-floor platform. The tall redhead with green eyes wearing a denim shirt is named Simon, then there’s Jean Duparc, and a Creole boy wearing a blue shirt with a floral patter named Lamar Benowitz. The four appear to be arguing as music plays from someone’s phone. This goes on for a while until they sing,
“Four Jews in a room bitching!
Four Jews in a room plot a crime!” They sinisterly rub their hands together
“I'm bitching,” they point to themselves, “He's bitching,” to the person next to them,
“They're bitching,” to another person, “We're bitching!” themself and the person next to them.
“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Funny, funny, funny, funny!
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
All the time!”
Nathaniel, Jean, Simon vocalize, “Oooo,” while Lamar sings, “Whadda they do for love?”
Nathaniel, Jean, and Simon lean away from him, “Oooo,”
“Whadda they do for love?”
“Four Jews in a room!”
“Bitching!”
“Bitching!”
“Bitching!”
“Bitching!”
“Four Jews in a room stoop!”
“They stoop?” Asks Lamar
They put their hands in a prayer position, “To pray!”
Jean raises his hand, “I'm Jewish!”
Then Nathaniel, “I'm Jewish!”
Lamar, “I'm Jewish!”
Simon shyly raises his hand, “Half Jewish.”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Funny, funny, funny, funny
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Night and day!”
“Slavery!” Mireille sang as she ran through the courtyard, “Slavery!”
“We crossed the desert!” They run down the stairs and stop in the middle. “Running for our lives! Fleeing from the Pharaoh! Who was up to no good!”
“Now we’re at the Red Sea!
Pharaoh is behind us!
Wanting us extincted!”
“What we need’s a miracle!” Jean cried out.
“And then the Red Sea split before us!” They walked their way down the rest of the stairs. “No more tsouris!”
“We got our miracle!”
“We got our miracle!”
“We got our miracle!”
“Four Jews itching for answers!” They gasp,
“Four Jews bitching their whole life long!”
Simon raised his hand, “I'm Whizzer!”
Then Jean, “I'm Jason!”
Lamar, “I'm Mendel.”
And Nathaniel, “I'm Marvin!”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Funny, funny, funny, funny!
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Right or wrong!”
Jean sang his part quickly, “In case of smoke, please call our mothers on the phone, and say their sons are all on fire!”
Nathaniel and Simon point to a group of students, “We are manipulating people and we need to know our worst sides aren't ignored!”
“The guilt invested will in time pay wisely,” Lamar sang.
“We do not tippy toe,” sang Simon and Jean.
“We charge ahead to show!”
“We're good in bed!”
“Excel in bed!”
“We smell in bed!”
“Where is the bed?”
“I love the bed!”
“Who has the bed?”
“I want the bed!”
“Who stole the bed?” Jean asked.
Nathaniel repeated, “Who stole the bed?”
Simon admitted shyly, “I lost it twice.”
“The bed is mine!” Lamar exclaimed
“The bed is nice!”
“The bed is-
Four Jews in a room bitching, whee!
Four Jews talking like Jew-ish men!” They hold up their fists, like they’re about to fight.
“I'm neurotic, he's neurotic!
They're neurotic, we're neurotic!
Bitch bitch bitch bitch!
Funny funny funny funny!”
Nathaniel raised his hand, “I'm nauseous!”
Then Simon, “I'm nauseous!”
Jean, “I'm simple.”
Lamar just smiled, “I'm Jewish.”
Mireille ran past them singing, “Slavery, slavery!”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Funny, funny, funny, funny!”
“I'm Jewish -I'm neurotic -Bitch, bitch
He's Jewish -He's neurotic -Bitch, bitch
They're Jewish -They're neurotic -Funny, funny
We're Jewish -We're neurotic -Funny, funny
Bitch, bitch -Four Jews -I'm Jewish
Bitch, bitch -In a room bitching -He's Jewish
Funny, funny -Bitch, bitch -They're Jewish
Funny, funny -Bitch, bitch -We're Jewish!”
“Four Jews in a room bitching!”
“Bitch, bitch
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Now and then!
Can't lose!
Loose screws!
Four,”
Simon, “One!”
Jean, “Two!”
Nathaniel, “Three!”
Lamar, “Four!”
Mireille joined them and yelled, “Five!”
“Five Jews!”
Marinette whispered to Alya while everyone clapped, “That had to practice this song like twenty times.”