Chapter 29
Dani is nervous.
You can feel her anxiety pooling in the center of her – it seeps through into your world the same as her pain over Eddie had, although it does not color everything in the same way. The clouds overhead do not grow a stormy grey, as they did before, and her feelings do not flood into you the same as they had before. You do not feel anxious. You do not shake with a wariness that makes you jump at every imagined sound (ironic, considering there is no sound here that is not created by you). If anything, it is an awareness that grows as you walk the path on her side of the jungle, where normally there is sound, but now there is little of anything.
A flock of crows, intimidated by your presence, takes flight as you pass by, and the fruit you take from the trees lining the path is far more bitter than that which grows on your side. You keep the seeds in the palm of your hand for safe-keeping, intending to plant them once you return.
You rarely take the path anymore, given that you can summon yourself to that space behind her eyes with a thought, but in part you are concerned for the trepidation you feel growing within her. Sometimes, her emotions cause great changes to this inner world of hers, and if the turmoil is something you can appease in any way, shape, or form, similar to that of the fire, then you believe it is, in part, your duty to do so.
This is, after all, primarily your fault. If it can be said to be the fault of anyone.
Still, while you are not anxious in the same way that your host is, you cannot help but feel something trembling within you. It isn’t that; it is something much more positive in nature, a warmth that shakes and spreads from the center of your chest to the tips of your fingers.
Excitement.
You haven’t felt truly excited in….
Well, you don’t know how long. You are sure, when you were alive, that you felt this way, and it’s possible that the rage enthused monster you once were felt something akin to this when Dani called you (although your scant memories of the event suggest otherwise, suggest that it was something more akin to relief that you could finally relax, that you could finally, truly, rest).
But it is not something you have felt since taking up residence within your host. You’ve really had no reason to feel this way. There hasn’t been anything you could look forward to in this same sense. Perhaps the library, once it was revealed to you, but by then, you already knew what it was like. The library gave you a sense of wonder, not this, whatever this is.
You reach the spot between her eyes, and you sit, and you wait.
Dani winces at the pressure building at that spot in the back of her head, and she lifts her fingers to it, knowing that she won’t calm it before Viola makes it past. The pressure moves through the center of her skull and stops just between her eyes. She resists pinching the bridge of her nose. “It’s too early,” she says instead, taking a sip of her tea. It isn’t the greatest at starting the morning – she still vastly prefers coffee – but today she doesn’t want the caffeine unless it comes with the calming of chamomile or peppermint.
“You’re too early,” Dani mumbles again with another wince. “There’s still a few hours left before—”
Time is meaningless here, Viola murmurs, her voice echoing around the inside of Dani’s mind. Not painfully, it has never been painful. It’s just…uncomfortable. It feels weird to hear it like the telepathy of those mutants Jamie so enjoys, like a second conscience controlled by someone who does not have her best interests at heart (if her real conscience ever did), instead of externally as she hears everyone else. I could leave for a few moments and return and have missed the entire thing. I would much rather stay here.
Dani sighs. “I’ll let you know when it’s time,” she says. “Just go back.”
No.
“Ghostie bothering you again?” Jamie asks around her own cup of tea – an herbal orange and ginger flavor instead of the black tea she normally has early in the morning. Her brows lift as she glances across the rim towards her girlfriend. “Do I need to give her a good pop? Fight her off?”
“Yes,” Dani says with another sigh, finally giving in and pinching the bridge of her nose, “and no. Don’t think she’d take kindly to someone trying to fight her.”
You’re right. I wouldn’t.
“You know you’re just making me more anxious, right?” Dani asks, gaze glancing up, even though she can’t see Viola at all.
Jamie’s brows lift higher. “Anxious?” she asks, setting her cup to one side. “What do you have to be anxious about?”
Dani lets out a groan. “Viola made a friend with a little boy at the library, and—”
“A friend?” Jamie’s eyes shift, as though moving from their focus on Dani to focus on the woman within her. The change makes Dani even more uncomfortable, although she can’t put her finger on exactly why. “I didn’t know your ghostie could make friends. You’ve been letting her out on a leash?”
I do not like being leashed.
“Just at the library. Figured it would be nice to let her pick her own books.” Dani rubs the back of her neck. “She spends most of the time hanging out in the kids’ section and reading picture books.”
“Sounds boring.” Jamie’s glance shifts again in that way that makes Dani uncomfortable. “What, you didn’t get enough picture books growing up?”
There weren’t picture books in my time. Most children didn’t learn to read like they seem to do now, and the only books with pictures were the ornamental ones. Bibles, mostly. The pictures certainly weren’t for children.
“She says they didn’t exist.”
That is not what I said.
Dani gives her head a shake, even though she knows that won’t move Viola in the slightest. “Anyway, she made a friend with a little boy, and I offered to teach him how to read, and his dad is supposed to be meeting us – me – today, and I’m just….” She lets out a deep breath, deeper than the sigh she’d kept letting out, and gives her head another shake. “It’s been a while since I’ve been around any children, other than Flora and Miles, and it’s always the parents who are the hardest to appease. Kids, they like you right off the bat most of the time. They like having someone who will listen to them and take them seriously, you know? But parents.”
Jamie reaches over and places her hand over Dani’s. “If his parents are anything like mine, they won’t give a flying rat’s ass, and if they aren’t, you’ll do fine. You’re strong, remember?” She meets Dani’s eyes and gives her a little smile. “The strongest person I know. And if they need a good bop on the head, let me at them.” She leans back against the counter and crosses her arms, then nods at Dani. “Better yet, let Viola at them. You can be intimidating, but she’s got that posh thing going on. That might be worse.”
Dani’s eyes narrow. “Parents don’t like a teacher who thinks she knows more than them.”
I don’t think that, Viola murmurs, and the pressure behind Dani’s eyes shifts just enough for it to feel wrong. The change doesn’t last, though. I know better than to think I know more than they do. You don’t let me out enough to learn.
Dani’s lips press together, and she can feel her teeth gritting against each other. “I don’t think it would be wise to let Viola out to talk to a normal person.”
“Oi!” Jamie mocks an offended look. “You saying I’m not normal?”
“No.” Dani moves forward, wraps an arm around Jamie’s waist, and pulls her against her. “You’re special. My normal special.” She leans forward to press a kiss to her lips.
I’m right here, you know.
Dani groans. “Viola, I told you I would let you know when it was time. Why don’t you go back to your room?”
There’s a sigh that fills her mind – almost like the way a breeze ruffles the leaves in the trees, blows against her skin, and disappears without a second thought – and then the pressure shifts again. It doesn’t feel wrong the way it had before, but it doesn’t feel quite right either.
Ten minutes, Viola murmurs, voice low. I’ll give you ten minutes – or the best I can estimate it. Then I will be back. The pressure moves across her skull again and then to that spot in the back of her skull and then it is gone.
“She’s not watching us again, is she?” Jamie asks, brows lifting again as Dani remains paused where she is, her lips barely brushing against Dani as she speaks.
“Not anymore,” Dani says, and she almost leans forward enough to finish the kiss until she realizes what Jamie’s said. “Wait,” she continues, pulling back, eyes wide. “What do you mean again?”