Doubts

The Owl House (Cartoon)
F/F
G
Doubts
Summary
Amity gets stuck in her head.
Note
Sorry if this is a little rushed, it's been a while since I wrote anything.

Amity presses her thumbs together, leaning forward with her elbows on her desk. A textbook sits beside her, untouched for the past three discussion topics, and a pencil rests idly between her fingers. The abomination professor drones on at the front of the room. Were it any other day, her attention would be on him as she diligently took her notes, but not now. 

To her right, Luz carefully draws more glyphs in her notepad for future use. Her tongue sticks out the corner of her mouth, and her eyebrows draw together as she finishes another. Amity thinks it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. She watches Luz from the corner of her eye and tries her best to make her staring look like anything else. She counts her lucky stars that the human girl is so fixated on her drawings.

“Miss Blight!” the professor barks. Amity snaps upright and drops her pencil off the side of her desk. The entire class turns to look at her, Luz included, and her face becomes hotter than the surface of the sun. “Is my lecture not interesting enough to warrant your attention?”

Amity swallows hard. “No, sir. I’m sorry.”

The teacher narrows his eyes. “See me after class.” 

A chorus of oohs goes up from the class. Luz stares at her quizzically. Amity sets fire to the paper of the boy closest to her and effectively silences all of them. 

She forces her eyes to stay forward for the rest of the period. While everyone else leaves, she clutches her books like a shield in front of her and goes to face the professor. 

He raises an eyebrow at her. She clenches her jaw. “You haven’t been paying attention in class lately,” he says. “What is going on with you? You’re always a model student.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she says. “I’ve just been distracted.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed. You’re not very subtle, Miss Blight.”

Her face goes red. “Y-You have?”

“Yes, I have.” He pauses, and Amity’s stomach turns over. “You’re nervous about the exam on Friday!”

Amity feels a weight lift off her shoulders. “Right! The exam! Yes, I am very nervous about that.”

The professor laughs. “With your grades, you don’t have to be. Study like you normally do and you’ll do excellent. As long as you pay attention for the next few days, that is.”

“I will. Thank you.” 

Amity spins on her heel and all but runs out of the classroom. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she lets go of a heavy breath. She can’t imagine the embarrassment if her teacher of all people had outed her crush. 

She looks up and is greeted with wide brown eyes. “Amity!”

Amity squeaks and falls on her backside. “Can you stop doing that?!” she snaps. 

Luz flashes a beautiful bashful smile, grabbing Amity’s scattered books and offering a hand. “Sorry about that,” she laughs. The sound lifts Amity’s heart. “I just wanted to wait for you. Getting held after class is usually my deal.” 

Amity sighs. “It’s been a long day.” She reaches for her books.

Luz pulls back. “I’ll carry them for you! Sorry again for scaring you.”

Turning aside, Amity hides her red face. “It’s… fine. Thanks, Luz.” 

“Of course!” 

Amity starts down the hall with Luz bouncing along beside her. She keeps her head down, hiding her blush and avoiding Luz’s little glances in her direction. 

“Hey, so,” Luz begins, “I was looking around some of the old parts of the library and I found a book that I think could help me with finding more glyphs. I don’t really understand some of it, so I was wondering if maybe you could help me look over it?” 

“Oh, um, sure! I just need to make up an excuse for my parents.”

“Oh yeah. Owl house is forbidden. Right.” Luz stops in front of Amity, their faces inches apart. Amity’s heart jumps into her throat. “You will come over though?”

“Sure.” 

You know it’s not like you hope. Why would it be?

“Awesome! I have to go meet Gus and Willow, but I’ll see you tonight!” 

“Y-Yeah…” 

Amity takes her books numbly and watches Luz take off down the hall. Her lips curl into a smile as her heart flutters, but the feeling only lasts for a moment. She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and heads off to her next class. 

----

Sitting in her window, Amity pulls her legs to her chest and rests her head on her knees. The day had continued to crept by, and she has yet to find an excuse to sneak away to the owl house. It’s not like she can tell them she’s going to visit the wanted criminal and the human witch. 

Amity takes a breath and steels her resolve. A simple illusion spell shouldn’t be too hard, just enough for her to sneak out and sneak back in unnoticed. She runs headfirst into Edric and Emira standing outside her door. 

“Going somewhere, Mittens?” Edric chirps. 

“Study group,” Amity says, “if you two would get out of my way.”

“Study with who?” Emira asks. 

“Friends.” 

“Friends?”

“Yes, friends.”

Edric grins. “It’s the human, isn’t it?”

Amity bristles, going bright red as she looks down. The twins share a look. She rubs the back of her neck and swallows her pride. “Will you two please, y’know, cover for me? I just can’t-”

“Mittens, we get it.” Emira’s smug grin softens. “If you wanted to go hang out with your girlfriend, you could’ve just said so. I mean, study group? You couldn’t come up with something better?”

“S-She’s not my girlfriend!” Amity splutters. 

“With the way you two were at Grom? Could have fooled me.” 

“That wasn’t, I mean, we were just… ugh, shut up! And we are studying. I’m helping her understand a textbook.” She sighs and bites the inside of her cheek. “She doesn’t know, okay? And if either of you tell her, I’m going to drown you both!” 

Edric puts his hands up. “Hey, we’re not that cruel!”

Emira smirks. “And it’s not like we need to. If she hasn’t caught on by now, I don’t think she would believe us if we spelled it in twenty foot tall letters.” 

“Yeah, you’re not exactly subtle.”

Amity sighs. “That’s the second time I’ve been told that today.” 

If she hasn’t noticed by now, she doesn’t want to.

“We’re not surprised.” Edric ruffles her hair and nudges her down the hall. “We’ll cover.”

“Be home before nine,” Emira adds.

“Thanks, guys.” 

Amity gives them a grateful smile before hurrying out of the mansion. She does her best to keep out of sight until the owl house comes into view. Thoughts of Luz pop into her head, from her cheerful grin to her sparkling eyes to her excessive affection. She thinks of Luz’s hands on her waist as she catches her and spins her around. She thinks of pressing her face to Luz’s neck as she carries her to the healer’s. Her mind conjures the thought of Luz holding onto her, hands cupping her face as her chest tightens and their lips meet and-

Amity stumbles.

You’re making a fool of yourself.

Shaking her head, she squashes her racing heart and approaches the house. She somehow manages to forget about the bird tube until it flies out of the door at her.

“Hiiii Amity! Luz is inside!”

Amity squawks and falls back. Growling, she lifts a leg to kick the stupid guardian in the face. 

“Hooty! Stop it!” Luz waves him away, and he retreats back into the door. Flashing that sparkling smile, she takes Amity’s hand and pulls her to her feet. “Sorry about him.”

“I told you, I’m going to destroy it the next time it talks to me,” Amity snarls. 

Luz laughs nervously and takes Amity’s hands in hers, stopping her from casting any spells. Amity’s face grows hot as she avoids those wide puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, how about we save the destruction for another day?” 

“Next time you’re not stopping me.” 

“Heard. Come on!” 

Luz pulls her inside and leads her to her bedroom. She plops down on a mat in the middle of the floor. Amity sits beside her. 

“I still don’t understand how you sleep here,” she remarks.

“It’s really not that bad,” Luz says. She opens a dusty book with a cracked cover in her lap. “I’m guessing it doesn’t compare to Blight Mansion, though.” 

Amity shrugs. “You’d be surprised.” 

Luz hums, drumming her fingers on the book. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Is your family the reason you work so hard to be top student?”

Amity sighs and pulls her knees up to her chest. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Yeah.” Luz bumps their shoulders together and offers a gentle smile. “I’ve got you.” 

Amity smiles. “So, this is the book you wanted to show me?”

“Oh, yeah!” She brushes off the cover and opens it to a brittle yellow page marked with a folded up drawing of King. “So, I was looking it over and found all these weird drawings in it, but I can’t really understand the captions. This one sort of looks like the glyph for fire magic but it doesn’t quite fit, and this one I tried to draw but it didn’t do anything and the picture is faded so maybe I just didn’t…”

Amity can’t quite focus as Luz goes on. She finds herself staring as Luz’s eyes shine, alight with curiosity and excitement that lifts Amity’s heart. Resting her head on her knees, she watches Luz ramble, not listening in the slightest until Luz stops. 

“Hey, Amity, you listening?” 

“Hm? Oh! Sorry, I got distracted.”

“Man, you’re spacey today.”

“A little.”

Luz scoots closer. Amity freezes. Planting one hand behind the green haired girl, Luz leans over her shoulder and balances the book on their legs pressed together. “This is the one I couldn’t get. I tried drawing it but it didn’t do anything.” 

“What does it do?” 

“I don’t know.”

“You’re going to blow yourself up. Again.”

“Maybe!”

Amity laughs and looks at the page. “I can’t really tell. Maybe try drawing in more lines?”

“I don’t know if that will work, though. I don’t think they’ll do anything if I don’t draw them exactly right.”

“How do you draw them?”

“Here! I’ll show you.” Discarding the book, she grabs her pad and pencil and places that on Amity’s knee instead. “This is the light glyph that I showed you the first time. You just draw the circle and make a few shapes, add these lines, and once it’s done, you press it.”

She taps the drawing. The paper curls up into a ball of light that rises into the air above them. Amity watches, awestruck despite the simplicity of the spell. Luz sets the pencil on her leg and draws her back in.

“You try.” 

“Okay.” 

Amity draws the circle and makes the shapes, adds the lines and then erases them as Luz’s correction. She presses one finger into the center of the drawing. It glows and rises between them. Luz cups the light in her hand like she’s holding the sun, right beside Amity’s heart, and lifts it up to her. It casts gentle shadows across her face. 

She grins. “Magic.” 

Their eyes lock. Amity’s mouth outpaces her mind and readies her tongue before she can stop it. “Hey, Luz?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever feel like you’re doing the wrong thing?”

Her grin disappears. Amity wishes she had kept her mouth shut. Luz lowers her head, but she doesn’t pull away. “I do. A lot. I… don’t really fit in, in the human world. They think I’m weird. I’m not actually supposed to be here. My mom thinks I’m at a camp that will teach me how to act normal.” 

“Humans have that?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how I’m going to explain all this to her when I go back and I haven’t changed like she wants me to.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“I do have to go back eventually, Amity. I don’t want to, but I can’t disappear on her once the summer is over.”

Amity’s stomach drops.

You aren’t from the same world. You always forget that.

“I meant you don’t have to change.” 

Luz looks up. Their faces are inches apart. Amity cages the butterflies in her stomach and takes a deep breath. 

“I like you the way you are. I wouldn’t ever want you to change.” 

Luz doesn’t respond. She presses her face against Amity’s shoulder and sighs. Amity wraps an arm around her shoulders. She closes her eyes and buries her face in Luz’s hair, trying to keep her composure as the human girl shifts until she’s practically laying on Amity’s chest. 

“I like you, too,” Luz mumbles. “You’re my best friend.”

Ouch.

“You’re mine, too.” Amity holds her tighter. “You fit in here.”

“Amity.” Luz untangles from their embrace and lifts her head. “Do you ever feel like you’re going the wrong way?”

Amity avoids Luz’s eyes. “I go where I’m supposed to. Right or wrong doesn’t matter.”

“But what if you could choose?”

Luz catches Amity’s gaze and holds it. Everything feels too warm between them, and Amity struggles to align her thoughts. She could hardly function with Luz simply smiling at her, and now here they are, inches apart with Luz refusing to let her look away. 

“I would want to come here.”

“I want that, too.”

Without warning, Luz cups Amity’s cheek and presses their lips together. Amity bristles, eyes wide and disbelieving before she finally relaxes into the kiss. Her hands find Luz’s waist as Luz tangles her fingers in her hair. 

They stay close together when they break apart. Amity watches Luz with her eyes half closed as she holds her tight. 

“I like you,” Luz says. “I want to stay here with you. I don’t want to go.”

Amity tilts her head. Her face burns red as she presses another gentle peck to Luz’s lips. “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.” Luz closes her eyes. “This is a bad idea, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

She’ll only have to leave in the end.

“Do you think we can just stay here for now? No more picking where we have to go?”

You know that.

“Okay.” 

You’ll only get hurt.

Amity focuses on the girl in her arms, fears and paths and goodbyes and magic set aside for the moment. Luz wraps her arms around Amity’s neck and pulls them as close together as possible. Amity’s face burns. Her heart hammers away in her chest and drowns out all the doubts in her mind. She kisses the top of Luz’s head, and the human girl giggles against her chest. She grins. She can barely hear the nagging voice in the back of her mind, but still, she closes her eyes and prays.

Please, don’t let this hurt.