Chapter 4
Quỳnh rages. She pushes at her coffin, because damn that man who refuses to show her Andromache. He refuses to go to her. He stays with his family.
Because she knows Andromache is here. She feels her, and then she catches, in his periphery, Andromache, sometimes Nicolo or Yusuf, those old friends, still there, and it's relief in Quỳnh's heart as she sees them. But Sébastien, he doesn't notice them.
Just like he didn't acknowledge her, he doesn't acknowledge them.
But they are there.
They are there and he doesn't talk to them. He doesn't talk to her.
He doesn't follow her.
Andromache.
Damn that man, Quỳnh screams. Damn his family.
There is only Andromache in her dreams, when she screams. It's bitter, filled with tears.
- - -
It's a new prayer for her lips now. She curses him and his family. A litany of plaintive tones, of teared up thoughts.
Andromache is alive. Andromache isn't far.
It's worse than having her locked in the back of her mind, a presence known but not seen.
Andromache is alive but she can't see her really. She can't hear her. She can't appreciate her.
Because Sébastien, bloody Sébastien, wants to enjoy his fucked-up nice life with his wife.
Quỳnh screams, cursing and cursing and cursing.
Every time she sees him smile, every time his wife laughs, she thinks of Andromache and how she could be witnessing her like this. If he weren't so selfish.
She curses him, every new flash coming in, she curses him and his family.
At some point, even Andromache leaves. Nicolo sometimes shows up, Yusuf too. But it's rare. It's never for long and they're always welcomed with a dark glare.
Quỳnh bares her teeth. And she goes on cursing him.
Through the seasons, through the years, as short as they are, as great as they feel to her, she curses him.
She sees his wife's hair turn whiter, she sees his children grow up.
She sees him never changing, looking doomed but happy.
And she curses him.
- - -
She is almost viciously cheerful when his wife goes away.
Then his children, although it does awake something bitter in her right away.
When he is left with no one but her, she laughs. She laughs and she rages, because now there's isn't a lot he can do.
He is alone. He has no one but her, and her Andromache, and Yusuf, and Nicolo, and it feels to Quỳnh like a tainted victory. But she will take it.
He is alone. She is too. But he has her family around him now, as reluctantly as it is for him.
She will take it.
- - -
"Who is she?" He asks again, and this time, Quỳnh can see, the pain that slashes through her Andromache's eyes, and the way her hand tightens on her horse's reins and the way her spine straightens.
Andromache doesn't answer.
Quỳnh decides she won't stop cursing him. She fights her iron coffin and she doesn't stop cursing him.
- - -
"Quỳnh"
It's soft words, leaving the man's lips as he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks into his own eyes, as if he were looking for something else, somewhere deep inside his mind.
Quỳnh.
It brings Quỳnh back to herself. She doesn't dare open her mouth when she hears the word.
It's her name.
Her name.
Herself.
He knows her. She is there.
She isn't just a witness. She's there, with them.
Behind him, Quỳnh feels more than she hears Andromache's intake of breath.
Does she knows she is alive then?
There is hope in her heart, swelling the used-up organ. Could she find her? Could Quyh find her now?
It doesn't really matter.
Quỳnh laughs, and drowns, but she laughs.
Andromache knows she is still there in this world somewhere.
Quỳnh never needed anything else.
- - - -
Quỳnh dares to hope, her thoughts drifting as the days go by and her family, her friends stay with this boring old man.
Maybe they will meet again, she thinks. Sébastien, he can tell them about her. They can exchange words. They can talk to her, through him.
Quỳnh's mind stumbles along every thought, going quicker than they can come, almost. She smiles, a stretch to her lips that had taken her aback because it's been so long since she had properly smiled.
He can tell them about her. Quỳnh hopes.
But as always, Sébastien disappoints.
She should be used to it.
He asks them about her, again, but they look torn, and in pain. Sébastien is a coward, Quỳnh knows that. He is pathetic, he stops before he can go far.
And Andromache has hope in her eyes, but it's distorted. Like she's tried too many times and will loose herself if she goes once step further.
Quỳnh wants to throttle Sébastien. Keep talking, she thinks. Keep talking. Tell them everything.
But Sébastien only asks about her once more.
The silence that greets his words is worse than anything she could have heard.
You're pathetic, she thinks.
You're useless.
- - - -
Quỳnh has to give it to him. He tries to help Andromache.
Her Andromache has new habits, new ways of moving around. She's still there somewhere but something seems lost, or faded. It's worst when she hears Quỳnh's name being uttered.
Sébastien and her, at least, now that he is with them all, stay together.
Quỳnh has to give it to him.
It settles her a bit, to see Andromache. She stops cursing.
Sébastien seems to breathe more easily. It's strange, but it makes her smile too for a while.
He can't ignore her as much as he would like then. It's fine by her if she has a lever to use against him, when the need arises.
She only hopes they would try to reach out to her.
But he is after all, a selfish bastard.
- - -
Slowly, ever so slowly, it crumbles to ruins. Quỳnh watches and there is nothing she can do, as Booker loses hope and drowns too.
She watches. She knows.
And her waters are cold.
Speak to her, Quỳnh thinks.
Protect her, she screams.
Every time they go, every time he sighs, every time they fight.
Every time Andromache enters first and he is last. She screams herself to death.
Every single time.
Protect her, protect her, protect her.
It's what keeps her going, when she receives those glimpses from him.
Protect her, protect her, protect her.
That's the only thing you can do, she thinks, you selfish bastard.
Her waters are cold.
- - - -
It's nothing now, not even sand, what is left from his life and her future. Quỳnh can only watch. But she knows something's not right.
When Booker meets Copley and hangs his head, Quỳnh knows.
When Booker goes back to the team, and observes them all, Quỳnh knows.
When Booker doesn't drink that night. When Booker calls Copley instead.
Quỳnh knows.
She doesn't need to hear that man's words.
She doesn't need to see it happening.
She knows. Her hands scratch at metal. Her teeth are set, her eyes blaze. She knows.
And she thinks.
How dare you.
She screams.
How dare you.
- - - - -
She startles, when there is a flash that comes, bright and burning her pupils down. It's so much harsher than anything else right now, it reminds her of seeing Booker for the first time.
But no, it's not that asshole. It's a girl. It's nothing more than a girl, gurgling out at her, eyes wide open.
Oh.
A new one then. Oh charming. Just what they needed.
Quỳnh screams.