Chapter 1
Eighteen years ago Lexa Woods and Clarke Griffin were in the same AP chemistry class. They had known each other in some capacity for the entirety of their high school careers, but never really interacted other than the occasional smile or casual “hello” in the hallway. They knew several of the same people, and had overlapping friends, yet had never shared an honest moment between them. So it was in their senior year, the two girls had found themselves lab partners in their 7th period science class. Despite not really talking prior, the pair had an air about them that was never forced, which usually resulted in a sense of contentment. This was
something that they would come to find was true across the board, and also across time.
Lexa was part of the school’s magnet program, whose classes sometimes overlapped with the general student population. She was quiet, smiled frequently, literally was a genius, and studied martial arts. She had long wavy hair the color of chestnuts, which she either wore down and pulled over one shoulder or up in intricate braids. She had bright green eyes with tiny flecks of gold in them, so that when the light caught them just right, they appeared to sparkle. She switched between glasses and contacts, but both seemed equally fitting. Her creamy complexion had just a hint of caramel, making many speculate about her ethnic origins, yet no one could quite reach a conclusion. There was a bit of quiet mystery all wrapped up in her lithe yet muscular frame, that if one stopped to notice they would have surely fallen down that rabbit hole. However, Lexa was not in the habit of being noticed. She actually took great care to not draw attention to herself. She kept her head down, usually in a book, and she liked it that way.
Clarke was also a smart girl, or at least she’d tell everyone she played one on TV. This is because Clarke was a goofball first, a good student second, and herself last. She got along with almost every group or clique, including teachers. She took AP classes and some college courses in high school, so she got on well with the brainiacs from the magnet program and the nerds from her peer group. She played basketball and was on the swim team; excelling and lettering in both. However, that gave her an “in” with all the jocks. She was in art club, despite never thinking her art was good enough to display, but the teacher had asked her join because they needed warm bodies to stay funded and she knew Clarke had talent. She told herself she was just doing the teacher a favor and would eventually quit once there was enough support. However, she found the club’s activities as entertaining as the people were, so she stayed and found friends amongst those who appreciate the arts. Clarke was Switzerland; well known, decent reputation, sided with no one, or sided with everyone. The problem for this basic, blonde haired, blue-eyed, size medium, everyday average girl was that despite knowing everyone no one knew her.
So on their first day of AP chem, when the other students sat by friends or teammates, both of them had made their way to the back of the classroom. Lexa, to be less conspicuous, and Clarke because she didn’t know where she really fit in. There they found themselves sitting at the cold, black lab table exchanging silent smiles and curious glances. They said nothing to each other that class period. The teacher, Dr. Kane, had offered the class a chance to switch seats as desired, because seat mates were also lab partners and that assignment was for the entire year. Lexa and Clarke had just looked at each other and smiled; a silent acknowledgment that they were to be lab partners and neither cared enough to move. The next day, they were required to complete a lab assignment that was designed to acquaint them with the tools in the classroom as well as their new lab partners. It was scavenger hunt style, and for every item that was chemistry related there was a personal “get to know you” question they had to answer. Both being good students, they approached the work in a serious manner, and decided to knock out the chem stuff first. That part went smoothly, taking mere minutes as it was mostly review for the two, and then they moved on to the personal questions. Lexa scribed as she had witnessed Clarke’s handwriting and found it lacking, so she had volunteered at the start. First question: What’s your favorite animal and why? Lexa started to write her answer down when Clarke interrupted, physically placing her hand on the paper to stop her.
“How am I supposed to learn anything about you, if I don’t get to know what you’re writing?”
Lexa, still a bit shocked at being interrupted, took a few seconds to respond.
“I can read it aloud if you like, or you can just look over my shoulder.”
“Nah, I hate when people read over my shoulder, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it to someone else. Just say what you write.”
So Lexa began to dictate, “Lexa’s favorite animal is the penguin because they’re
always dressed for a party, and the females go hunting while the males raise the chicks.” She looked up to see Clarke smiling the first authentic smile she’d seen her make so far. It was infectious. “What’s your fav?”
Clarke jested as she stalled to think, placing her finger on her chin and looking up as though in deep thought. “Standard house cat. They are lazy, outspoken, well fed, independent, and adored” she said nonchalantly.
Lexa laughed. It wasn’t over the top, but it was audible and honest. Lexa wrote down Clarke’s answer and looked up. Clarke was smiling again.
The questions, answers, and banter went on for the entirety of the class. The girls found themselves enjoying learning more about each other. Most of the questions were about their favorites or preferences regarding inconsequential things, but there were a few that were more personal than others, that required more care and courtesy. Who was the worst president and why? When were you the happiest/saddest? Are your parents married or divorced? If you could change something in the past, what would it be? Do you have a significant other? With these, the pair withheld judgement and shared openly, perhaps evenly intensely. Clarke learned that Lexa didn’t follow politics much. She was happiest when she visited family in Hawaii every summer, and saddest when her father had unexpectedly passed away. That also answered her parent’s marital status and the one thing she would change from the past. Lexa was single and stated she didn’t want to waste her time on high school romance; rather she dedicated herself to her studies. Lexa learned that Clarke was pretty liberal leaning and hated President Bush. She struggled to identify her happiest time, but was saddest in middle school because she was teased for being chubby. Her parents were divorced, she wouldn’t change the past because it was meant to learn from, and that she was single and feared always being so.
Lexa’s curiosity got the better of her and she asked “What do you mean? Why do you think you’ll always be single?”
“Well, I mean I HOPE I’m not always single, but it’s a FEAR that I will be.” Her words came out nervous and serious.
“Yeah, but why? Are you just afraid of being alone?”
“No, that’s not it. I...I don’t want to be alone, of course, but I think it’s going to be hard to find someone who’ll love me. For me.”
Lexa felt a stirring in her akin to sympathy, feeling bad that this girl, not even eighteen years old, felt so doomed in love already. She’d spent the last 45 minutes learning that she was pretty awesome. And funny. And smart. And kind. And...
Then she heard Clarke complete her previous thought out loud, although barely more than a whisper.
“It’s also sort-of illegal.”
Lexa wondered if she was even meant to hear that at all. She opened her mouth to say something, but was promptly interrupted by the bell. Class was dismissed and school was out for the day. Clarke shot Lexa a tiny smirk, and left without saying goodbye. Lexa tucked their assignment into her binder, put her things away, and followed the rush of students out of the classroom. She looked for Clarke in the hallway but there were too many students making their way to busses or the parking lot, and she couldn’t see the girl anywhere. She had to settle for seeing her in class tomorrow.
On the walk to her car she repeated what Clarke had said over and over in her mind. What kind of love was illegal? What did she mean? Lexa was definitely more sheltered than some kids her age, but did consider herself open minded. However, she was completely confused by Clarke’s comments. She dwelled on them off and on throughout the rest of her day. She thought about Clarke when she caught a glimpse of a photo of her parent’s wedding day, and felt a pang of sadness that her new friend thought she’d never have that kind of love. She revisited it while she watched music videos of sappy love songs on MTV after school. Later, as she read another chapter of her new favorite science fiction novel, she found herself thinking that if two aliens from warring planets can find love, then so could Clarke. She kept trying to put a pin in it, telling herself she could just talk to her about it tomorrow. Her mom came into the living room at that time, and turned on the television. Her mom started laughing and giggling, so she decided to pay attention to what was on. The show was about a gay man and his female best friend. The characters were over the top, but also hilarious. She soon found herself engrossed and entertained. However, when the main character kissed his boyfriend in public, the on screen commentary got a little heavy. The boyfriend was not out of the closet and was fearful of the repercussions of being outed. The scene had her feeling something familiar, that air of sympathy that she’d been experiencing all day in regards to her new friend. She was afraid of not finding love, and this fictional character was afraid of people finding out how he loved. That’s when it hit her; maybe Clarke was gay? Lexa watched the rest of the episode in silence, taking in the subtle messages beneath the show’s humor.
Clarke tossed and turned all night. Why had she made that comment? There was no need to. Why did she even admit how she felt about love? Why had she been so incredibly honest during that assignment? She was afraid that Lexa might ask more questions or already knew her secret. To clarify, she wasn’t afraid of Lexa having that knowledge, but rather Lexa sharing that knowledge. However, she was feeling nervous that Lexa wouldn’t act normal around her. She tried to brush it off because it wasn’t like they were best friends, but the reality of it was that Lexa could possibly know more about her than anyone else. Ok, Clarke was scared. Before she knew it, her alarm went off and she hadn’t slept a wink. She tiredly dressed in her flared distressed jeans, pastel pink polo, and Adidas All Stars. Once at school, the day seemed to drag along at a snail’s pace. She was simultaneously anticipating and dreading her last class of the day; chemistry. Which meant Lexa. So when the sixth period bell rang, her stomach fell. Seemingly to the floor. She walked for what felt like hours to the science wing of the school, and made her way down the hall to her chemistry classroom. As she crossed the threshold, she saw Lexa digging in her backpack at their shared lab table. Clarke swallowed hard and made her way to her seat.
Lexa had done SO much thinking in the last 24 hours. Ultimately, she had decided not to bring it up with Clarke unless she brought it up first. Little did she know her lab partner had decided to just address things head on. So when Dr. Kane had stepped out of the room to grab supplies for their experiments that day, Clarke turned to Lexa and quietly stated “About yesterday, the stuff about love, I’d appreciate if that info stayed between us.” Lexa could tell that Clarke had been stressing about this, probably even more than she had herself. So she turned toward the blonde and made a point to look her in the eye. She wanted to let her know that she was being serious. “Clarke, it’s ok. You’re you and that’s exactly who you’re supposed to be. I’m here if you wanna talk, but we don’t have to. But, just so you know, it’s ok with me and I won’t say anything.” Clarke’s mouth was agape. She couldn’t even form the words she was feeling. She held Lexa’s gaze for what felt like forever, until she felt a warm tingle glide across her cheek. The tears were falling silently. The overwhelming emotions she felt in that moment had taken over. Lexa smiled and wiped them away with the sleeve of her hoodie. Clarke smiled back. For the rest of the class period they sat in silence, exchanging only thoughtful smiles and supportive glances.