It had been a whirlwind past few days, and the last thing Rasha and Zoe had time to do was think. Let alone talk. First there was the wedding. Zoe brought Rasha as her date in an attempt to spite her homophobic mother, and hopefully end the stupid drama once and for all. How could Consuela Rivas stay angry on her wedding day when she saw her daughter finally happy and in love? Apparently, the answer was very easily.
That action had lead Zoe to be be kicked out of the only home she'd ever known and left to fend for herself. Zoe lost her family and Rasha all in one fell swoop. Quite a blow to the self esteem and ego. The only person she had left in the world was Grace Cardinal. And then there was the play. And then everything seemed okay. And then... Maya happened. Or her overdose, to be more specific.
Maya Matlin, the girl Zoe had thought of as her enemy for so long, had done what Zoe thought she'd do after the whole Luke fiasco. Overdosed. Almost died.
There had been so many curveballs thrown Zoe's way, but she finally felt like she had a chance to breathe. And finally, she was across from the girl she loved, drinking milkshakes and sharing a plate of fries at The Dot. It all seemed normal and uncomplicated until Rasha asked one question that again, threw Zoe for a loop. Adolescent life could never be simple.
"So, who was this mystery girl who made you realize you were gay?" Rasha spoke up, and Zoe nearly spit her milkshake all over the table. "Everyone has one, you know. Mine was my best friend in middle school, Aischa. She kissed me during truth or dare and I just lost it. Acted like a giggling fool for weeks around her. Totally embarrassing."
Zoe hadn't had a chance to mention that the girl that was by their side all the time - her confidante, best friend, biggest supporter, and oh, yeah, the girl she happened to be sharing a bedroom with now...was her sexual awakening. Her first girl. Grace Cardinal.
"Why do you ask? You gonna beat her up?" Zoe replied playfully, trying to deflect until she could figure out how to break the news. She knew she had to tell the truth. These things tended to make their way into the public one way or another, so there was no use in lying. Rasha surely didn't seem like the jealous type, but the chance of finding out that Rasha was the jealous type wouldn't be ideal when Zoe was basically homeless. She needed Grace right now, and having to distance herself from the girl who slept five feet away from her might be a task Zoe wasn't capable of completing.
Rasha reached over the table and tapped Zoe's nose. "No, I'm just curious about your journey. It's a big part of who you are."
That was one of the things Zoe liked about Rasha. She cared about what made Zoe who she was. She already knew more about Zoe than most romantic interests would, since she was sort of thrust into her homophobic mama drama. Which somehow made things easier between the two. They were pretty open and honest with one another, which wasn't something most couples who were only together for a few weeks could say.
"It's really not that big of a piece of who I am." Zoe said, feeling her voice shake slightly. This wasn't that big of a deal. She knew it couldn't be that big of a deal. Blurting out one name was nothing in comparison to the horrors she'd experienced in her seventeen years of life.
Rasha wasn't buying it, though. It was clear through the raised brows and creeping smile that played across her features that she wasn't going to give up. Zoe was always trying to close herself off in order to stop getting hurt, but at the end of the day, she couldn't resist Rasha. There was no way on earth.
Zoe thought over her options. She could throw out Grace's name and just be honest, or she could stall a little longer and keep the mystery alive until she maybe discussed things with Grace to see what they'd do in case of Rasha's possible jealousy. Before she knew what she was doing, she responded. "It's..."
She was cut off by none other than Grace Cardinal crashing their conversation. "Hey dorks." Grace said, in the most Grace tone Zoe had ever heard. The blue haired girl swiped a fry and pulled Zoe's milkshake straw into her mouth. "Mm. Strawberry. My favorite. Thanks Zo."
Zoe watched Rasha's expressions carefully, wondering if she could get some sort of cosmic answer on how to handle this based on how Rasha watched Grace, but nothing. Rasha just looked cute and excited by the appearance of yet another friend. There was no way to tell. It almost seemed like Rasha didn't have a mean bone in her body. Which starkly contrasted Zoe, who had proven time and time again that she had many mean bones.
"Could you maybe..." Zoe started.
And Grace got the hint. "Stop crashing your date, right." She swiped one more fry before giving Zoe a wink. "I'm so happy you finally found the girl for you."
Was Rasha catching on? Zoe snuck a glance, but Rasha looked innocent as ever. She couldn't take it. She couldn't take Rasha finding out in any other way than straight from the horse's mouth. Zoe couldn't stand to let another important person down. There'd been enough drama in the past few years...hell, even the past few weeks, for a lifetime. Zoe wasn't interested in adding to her long list of crap.
"You were saying?" Rasha said, resuming the conversation that was plaguing Zoe's mind already. She didn't feel ready. But she didn't really have much of a choice, did she?
"It's someone you know. Someone we know. Is that going to...hurt you? If it's someone that's in our life?"
Rasha's expressions were completely unreadable. It was strange how one moment Rasha could be the easiest to read, and the next Zoe was suddenly dyslexic or something. Dyslexic with face expressions. That was officially the stupidest thought Zoe Rivas had ever had.
"Grace?" Rasha asked. Of course she knew. The two girls, Zoe and Grace, were probably completely obvious the whole time. "I'm gonna take that silence as a yes."
Zoe hadn't even realized that she was being quiet - or silent. Panic took over her person, and part of her felt like she wanted to hurt herself again. It was completely obvious that Rasha wasn't going to be comfortable with Zoe sleeping only a few mere feet away from the first girl she'd ever fallen for - the first person she'd truly fallen for. Now, Grace was no longer just a friend. She was competition. She was a piece of Zoe's history. And even though Zoe knew that her feelings for Grace were a thing of the past, nobody cared about crap like that.
"Yes?" Zoe finally said back, after what felt like an eternity of silence.
"I knew it!" Rasha responded, with a surprisingly chipper tone. Again, Zoe had been completely rendered useless when it came to reading other peoples emotions. Because if she wasn't wrong on this, Rasha actually seemed fine. "I thought I knew, anyway. I figured. It was obvious from the way you looked at her when we first met. You were so into her. I actually backed off when I first met you because I thought you guys were dating."
"And you're not...?" Zoe trailed off, not even knowing what the hell to say or how the hell she could get through this conversation. She'd prepared herself for the worst. She'd practically bought the breakup ice cream in her mind. And now everything was fine. Whirlwind. "Jealous?" She finally spat out.
Rasha reached over and took a sip of Zoe's strawberry milkshake. "You're with me, Zoe. None of the rest matters. I trust you." She paused. "And I know Grace isn't gay." She giggled. "I'm surprised you didn't, after spending a few days with her I knew automatically. Your gaydar is horrific."
Zoe reached over and slid Rasha's milkshake, which was cookies n' creme, and took a sip, mirroring Rasha's move. "Shush." She said, simply. There was nothing else to say.
"You know you're great, right?" Zoe said.
"I know you are, but what am I?" Rasha teased back. Finally, Zoe knew what it felt like to be happy. And she wasn't going to mess it up this time, whatever it took.