prologue
Shauna Shipman likes to pride herself on her intelligence- after all she’s been accepted into Brown, an ivy league school- on early admission.
It’s no surprise to anyone really- she’s the first to turn in essays, the first to complete readings, and she journals like there’s no tomorrow. A spiral of endless words spilling onto cream coloured pages. Her thoughts flood out in sentences that would even make an English major cry. It’s like she’s torn her brain and heart out- smeared them on the pages, and closed the book back up again. Better than talking with her fists.
As futile as it sounds- she writes about her day, about soccer- nationals are coming up after all- and Jackie can’t stop reminding her.
Jackie.
Also, a hot topic in Shauna’s journals.
Jacqueline Taylor floats around the school like she owns it- and well, technically she does. She’s captain of the girls soccer team- probably the only successful thing to come out of Wiskayok since- well ever actually, and she’s dating Jeff Sadecki. She’s all make-up, pretty skirts and dresses, and she has this air around her that people seem to gravitate to. Sometimes Shauna can’t stand it.
Shauna Shipman couldn’t be more different- ‘gruff’ is what Mrs. Taylor called her once, She’s all flannels and jeans, much more content to sit quietly and read, or journal- than entertain some conversation with someone she can barely remember the name of.
They shouldn’t work- but they do.
Cause when it comes to Jackie, Shauna seems to lose all train of thought- words sounding less eloquent, and teetering on the edge of the work of a sixth grader. How pathetic.
Jackie is all consuming- and as much as Shauna hates to call her one, Jackie Taylor really is a black hole of her energy, thoughts, and feelings.
Shauna can still remember when they first met. She can remember the very first crush Jackie told her about. She can even remember the first fight she got into to protect Jackie- and the first kiss on the cheek she got out of it after. But, she can’t remember when her feelings started to turn into a bitter jealousy whenever she saw Jackie with Jeff. It’s suffocates her- wrapping around her heart and lungs till she’s left breathless, creeping into her stomach and making the bile rise up in her throat, it wraps around her hands until they’re shaking with a white-hot rage, her brain scrambling to form one coherent thought that isn’t; Jackie is mine. Let go.
Shauna’s tried everything to stop thinking about it- about her.
But Jackie, to Shauna- is the most important person in her life, she hangs the stars- she keeps her grounded when her emotions spill over in a turbulent rage. Their souls are so intwined, it’s like each and every nerve in their bodies are linked together, small pieces of each other seep into the cracks of each other’s lives- filling in, even when they’re apart.
Like the way Jackie always seems to know where Shauna is at any given time- almost appearing out of thin air to be right by her side, even the way Jackie seems more in tune with Shauna’s emotions- funny yes- but still true, than her own; sadness, happiness- hell, Jackie could probably tell you Shauna was sick even before Shauna knew it herself. She just can’t seem to get the hint that Shauna likes her.
Or- for instance, Shauna’s room is littered with little reminders of her favourite person- photos stick to the walls, Jackie’s slippers- which she insists on keeping inside Shauna’s room, despite only walking from the door to her bed, lay neatly by the door, Jackie’s favourite flannel to steal sits on the backrest of her chair- a spritz of Shauna’s perfume added each morning- just the way Jackie likes.
It’s just too bad Shauna will only ever be Jackie’s best friend.
Shauna’s fingers trace along one photo hung up in particular- Jackie is clinging to her back, arms tightly circled around her shoulders, she’s grinning- but instead of the camera she looks at Shauna- who grins right back at her, neck contorting in a way that can’t be comfortable. It’s supposed to be a group photo really, taken after a soccer practice. Kind of hard to pay attention to the rest of the photo when Shauna can still feel the ghost of Jackie’s arms around her shoulders- and the heart necklace always adorned around the girls neck, scratching the back of Shauna’s neck ever so slightly.
Jackie is smart- Shauna knows she is. She just can’t fathom how Jackie can’t see how much they bleed into each other’s lives to be normal- not even Tai and Van are like this, or Lottie and Nat for that matter.
God- maybe she should just kiss Randy fucking Walsh to get over this.