It was late in the morning; Mildred could tell by the way the sun shown in through the windows. She must have slept in. She remembered then that she had been up briefly that morning with Gwendolyn, who had been headed off to an early morning doctor’s visit. She surely should have been back by this time, though. Mildred rolled over to a cold other half of the bed and worriedly decided to get up and search the house for her lover.
It didn’t take long. Gwendolyn was sat outside on their terrace, shoes off, wind blowing through her hair. Mildred smiled at her from the doorway. She always loved watching Gwendolyn relaxed. But there was something about the older woman’s posture that indicated that she wasn’t completely at ease. Mildred decided to approach her then, hand gently dragging across the redhead’s back as she passed.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Gwendolyn greeted with a smile. Mildred leaned down for a quick kiss and noticed Gwendolyn had an odd-looking contraption in her hands. “What’s that thing?” Mildred asked as she moved to sit next to the redhead.
“Well, the doctor gave it to me today. You know how he is about trying alternative medicines. He says it’s supposed to help me with the chemo pain.”
Mildred smiled. “Well that’s good news! Why do you seem so unsure?”
Gwendolyn continued to grasp the object in her hands, her thumbs rubbing against the side repetitively as she spoke. “It’s technically illegal to possess this stuff, Mildred. It’s marijuana.”
Mildred’s jaw dropped. She had heard about the marijuana plant during her time overseas in the war. A lot of the soldiers would bring it into the infirmary to give to the dying patients to help them ease their pain. She also knew that they would use it themselves to have a good time as she had caught some men smoking it once off duty. She couldn’t say she was surprised her doctor had given it to her to take, she knew of the possible benefits. But she knew, just as Gwendolyn did, that it was against the law both in the US and Mexico.
Mildred caught back up to the present, blinking her eyes wildly as if coming out of a dream. “Well, have you tried it yet?”
Gwendolyn shook her head. “No, I’ve been afraid to. I’ve heard bad things about this stuff, Mildred. I’ve heard it can make you crazy.”
“Nonsense!” Mildred replied. “Your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless he felt it would help you, right?” Gwendolyn nodded. “Well then that settles it. You’re going to use it.”
Gwendolyn stared at Mildred for a second, disbelief in her eyes. Mildred wanted her to take something illegal? Her rationale was sound, but Gwendolyn still wasn’t sure.
“Would you feel better if I tried it too?” Mildred asked, her hand coming to rest on top of Gwendolyn’s, still holding the pipe.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that Mildred. I don’t know if this stuff is okay for you to use.”
Mildred grinned. “Of course it is. Soldiers used it all the time during the war. I promise it’s not going to hurt either one of us. I’d like to help ease your mind, sweetheart.”
Gwendolyn smiled. Of course Mildred knew about marijuana, she had been a nurse in the war. “Only if you’re sure. It really would help me to relax knowing that you’d tried it, too.”
Mildred smiled with a nod. “Of course darling. Now, I don’t know how to use it, so you’re going to have to show me what the doctor showed you, ok?”
Gwendolyn lifted the pipe in her hand up to her lips. “Alright, so what the doctor said is I’m supposed to light the flower part while I hold my finger over this hole. He said to start to inhale and let go of the hole once I was sure I’d gotten a good dose. He also warned there may be a lot of coughing, so you may want to go get us something to drink.”
Mildred listened aptly, quickly getting up to go into the kitchen to grab them each a glass of water. As she returned, she saw Gwendolyn fiddling with the pipe yet again. “Would you like me to go first?” Mildred asked.
“If you wouldn’t mind?” Gwendolyn responded with a plea in her eyes. Mildred took the pipe from her hands, rolling it around in her own fingers before lifting it to her mouth.
“Okay, so hold the hole, inhale, release the hole, right?”
Gwendolyn nodded in response. “That’s what I was told, yes. Please be careful, darling.”
Mildred grabbed the match from the table next to them, striking it against the side of the box. She held the flame to the pipe, inhaling while holding the small hole on the side. After she inhaled she released the hole, breathing in the rest of the smoke. She immediately launched into a coughing fit, waving off Gwendolyn’s concern as she reached for her water.
“Mildred, try to breathe. Jesus… are you okay?” Gwendolyn worried, reaching out her hand for the younger woman.
“I’m okay,” she croaked out between sips, gently grabbing the hand Gwendolyn was giving her to hold. When she finally stopped coughing, she grabbed at her chest with her free hand. “He said a little coughing? My goodness that hit me right in the lungs. My trachea feels a little like it’s on fire, to be quite honest. But otherwise I don’t feel any different yet. Would you like to try, dear?” She asked, handing the pipe to the older woman, who took it skeptically.
“I’m not so sure about this, Mildred. Seeing what it did to you scared me more, I think,” Gwendolyn admitted shyly.
Mildred reached over, placing her hand on Gwendolyn’s thigh. “You need this, Gwendolyn. Your chemo pain has been relentless. What if this is the only thing that can help you with it? Go on and try it. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to take it again.”
Gwendolyn sighed, taking the pipe into her mouth and mimicking Mildred’s process from a few minutes prior. But Gwendolyn didn’t have a coughing fit, which surprised her. She took a sip of water anyway; the smoke having burned her throat as it did Mildred’s.
“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Mildred pointed out, Gwendolyn shaking her head in response. “Now how much of this did your doctor advise you to take?”
“He said that I might have to use it a couple of times in succession, but to take it slow at first. So, I think I should do it maybe one more time and then see what happens?”
Mildred nodded her agreement. “I think that’s a great idea, dear. Go ahead. I’ll take it a second time when you’re done just so we’re even.”
Gwendolyn smiled and nodded, taking another inhale from the pipe and handing it to Mildred when she was finished. Mildred took it happily, inhaling the substance herself for a second time, once again launching into a fit of coughs. “Why is it that I cough and you don’t? That doesn’t seem fair” she said between coughs.
Gwendolyn shrugged with a smile. “Maybe it’s because I’m a heavier smoker than you are?”
Mildred nodded, grabbing at her drink. Gwendolyn handed it to her gently, careful not to spill the contents.
“I feel a little lightheaded, sweetheart. Is that normal?” Mildred asked.
Gwendolyn shrugged. “The doctor didn’t say anything about that. He did say I might feel dizzy, though. Is that more of what you feel?”
Mildred shook her head. “No. It feels more like there’s a buzzing right here,” she said, pointing at the top of her nose directly between her eyebrows. “It’s not worrisome, just odd.”
Gwendolyn squinted at her then, beginning to feel the buzzing herself. “I think I know what you’re talking about. How about we just lay our chairs back for a minute and see what happens?”
Mildred didn’t respond, she simply reached to the back of her chair to let down the back. She reached out to hold Gwendolyn’s hand, which was happily accepted by the older woman.
Moments passed quietly, both women soaking in the sun from under their umbrellas. Mildred was the first to break the silence.
“Sweetheart?”
“Yes, darling,” Gwendolyn replied.
“What makes clouds look like things?” Mildred asked, curious as she stared at the sky.
“That’s a great question, darling. I think it has a lot to do with freak accidents and a lot of imagination. Why?”
“I was just curious. Do you feel a little like you’re swimming?”
Gwendolyn nodded slowly. “It’s almost as if the world has slowed down, isn’t it?”
Mildred agreed with a nod, “Yea, that’s exactly it! It’s not bad though! Just a little strange, yea?”
Gwendolyn squeezed her hand in response. “No, it’s not bad. It’s actually helping a lot with the pain. He was so right, Millie.”
Mildred whipped her head to the side to look at the other woman. “Millie?”
Gwendolyn looked away shyly. “I’ve been thinking of a nickname for you other than all the pet names and it’s the only one I could come up with. Is that alright?”
“I kind of like it, coming from you,” Mildred smiled. “But that means I get to call you Gwenny.”
Gwendolyn smirked. She had heard that one from Trevor when they had met briefly before moving to Mexico. “That’s fine, darling. Whatever you want.”
Mildred sat in silence for a moment, trying hard to collect her thoughts. Gwendolyn watched her in amusement. The younger woman’s mouth was opening and closing every so often like she continually was trying to start speaking and nothing was coming out. Eventually she just laid back in her chair and appeared to have given up.
More time passed, each woman simply enjoying each other’s company. Gwendolyn’s eyes suddenly started to feel very heavy. “Darling?”
“Hmm?” Mildred replied.
“Can we take a nap? I’m suddenly so very tired.”
“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll lay with you until you fall asleep, how is that?”
Gwendolyn smiled. She was so lucky to have Mildred in her life.